Chapter 22 Reason Fourteen
“You don’t have to be here for this.”
We were sitting in Gray’s truck in front of his parent’s house, his hand in mine. Judging by the strength of his grip, I knew his words held no sincerity. Even if they had, I wouldn’t leave him alone. Not for this.
“You’re not in this alone. And if you’re not ready for this, if we get in there and the words won’t come, it’s okay. I can just be here as your friend. We go at your speed."
“I’m not backing out of this. I promise.
” He reached forward, hooking his arm around me and pulling me against him.
“Daddy’s going to be so happy to see you.
He talks about you all the time. When I told him you were coming, he said he couldn’t wait to get to you and give you a big bear hug.
You saw his face on the phone. He lit up like the Fourth of July when he saw you. ”
“Does he know? I mean, I can’t imagine how he wouldn’t, but he knows, right? About me.”
“That you’re gay?”
I nodded, shifting my eyes to the floorboard of his truck.
I felt like a child again. Like the hefty teenager who was still hiding, tucked away in the darkest corner of his closet.
My show of bravado was slipping, and I worried Gray would see it and think I was ashamed of us. I wanted to be strong for him.
Gray leaned in and kissed my cheek. “He knows.” His fingers brushed through my hair, his nails scratching against my scalp.
“After you left, when he found out what your dad did, he was angrier than I’d ever seen him.
Momma was …” He stopped himself, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
“But Daddy didn’t say a word. He was grinding his teeth so hard I could hear it clear across the room.
I thought he was mad at you, at first. Then he stood up and grabbed his keys.
He looked back at me and told me to go get our boy before it was too late—before your bus left—and then he walked out the door.
Came back two hours later and never spoke about that afternoon again.
Your Dad had a shiner at the next service. ”
I looked out the window, unable to make sense of anything he’d just said. “Wait, your dad beat my dad up?”
Gray blushed. “He did it for you if that makes it any better.”
I glanced out the window, making sure no one was watching from the house.
When the coast was clear, I threw my leg over him and straddled his lap.
Leaning forward, I took his bottom lip between my teeth and sucked.
“Your father is officially my favorite member of the Collins crew now. Just so you know.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that.” He turned and stared out his window.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he tapped that patch of hairless skin on the back of his head.
He knew what he was doing—what that spot of stupidly perfect bald skin did to me.
Apparently, I had a fetish for balding men, and the son of a bitch was using it to his advantage.
I reached forward, just wanting to feel the silk-slick strip of flesh against my fingers.
Without looking back, he slapped my hand away before I made contact.
I wanted him. God, I wanted him. “You’re a terrible tease. You know that, right?"
“Have to keep the spark alive somehow, Kent. Gosh.” He turned back toward me and took my hand. “It’s still us, right? If they don’t take it well, we’ll still be us?”
“It’ll always be us. I’m warning you, though, if either of them tries to give you shit about this, I don’t know if I’ll be able to bite my tongue.
I’m not going to let them make you feel bad about us.
” I squeezed harder, wanting to lighten the mood and make things easier for him.
I flashed a devious grin. He shook his head, not sure of what was coming, but knowing that whatever it was, he would hate it.
“I’ll have your back. Until we’re old and gray, babe. ”
The house hadn’t changed one iota since my childhood.
In the foyer, pictures covered the walls from floor to ceiling, leaving little to no empty space on the walls.
Tchotchkes and bobbles lined every visible surface area, and there was a familiar scent of strawberries and cream that sweetened the air.
“Gray,” I whispered. He turned around with a look of concern about him.
I shook my head and beamed at him. Swallowing air, I spun in a circle on my heel, soaking in memories of my youth.
Pictures of Gray at church camp, holiday gatherings, and prayer meetings were spread across the walls like wallpaper.
Almost every square inch was filled with his big, goofy grin. “This is surreal. Nothing’s changed.”
“That’s not exactly true,” Esther Collins said as she made her way down the stairs.
“I have a new candle warmer in the kitchen.” She looked me up and down and gave me a peculiar smile that I couldn’t quite decipher.
It wasn’t exactly warm, but it wasn’t hateful either.
“Kent, honey, goodness.” Mrs. Collins held out her arms and made her way toward me.
When she reached me, she pulled me in for a hug.
It was strange, the embrace. Perhaps the twenty years I was away had muddled my memories, but her hugs used to feel a lot tighter than the one she was giving me.
“I had no idea you were coming.” She turned toward Gray. “Is this the surprise?”
“I never said it was a surprise. Just that we needed to talk.”
Esther opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted as Marty made his way in from the kitchen.
“Think you can tear yourself away from Essie long enough to give me one of those world-famous Kent Fox hugs?”
“Marty.” I wasn’t particularly proud of the needy sound in my voice, but I was too busy sprinting across the room to give a damn.
I lunged into his arms like an overexcited dog, greeting his owner after returning home from work.
He let out a loud, overwhelming laugh that shook me right down to my soul.
“Missed you, kid," he said into my ear. When Marty broke the hug, I wanted to protest, but the excitement in his voice stopped me dead in my tracks.
“Let me get a good look at you, son.” He stared me up and down, grinning as he stared at the heap of curls on my head.
“Turned out to be quite the looker. Was worried you might not grow into that big nose of yours.” He reached forward, thumping the tip. “Looks like I was right.”
I scowled at him before grabbing his love handles and giving them a jiggle. “What’s this about?”
“Gosh, I've missed you,” he said, pulling me for another hug. He leaned in, lowering his voice to a whisper. “We gonna like this talk, kiddo?”
“I hope so.” I loosened my grip, but he just held on even tighter.
“Just a few more seconds. Got twenty years’ worth of hugs to catch up on.”
“He loves you,” I said as quietly as I could manage.
I didn’t want Gray to hear me. He didn’t need to know I was pleading for his father’s acceptance on his behalf.
Having lost a father under the same circumstances, I knew what that could do to a person.
It’s a deep wound of betrayal that never fully heals.
I didn’t want that for him. “He’s your son, and he’s going to need you. ”
He pulled away, staring at me curiously with a question half-formed on his lips.
The front door opened, pulling us out of the moment. I turned around and saw the most unwelcome of sights. Sarah Thistle stood in the doorway, having entered without knocking.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Esther said to Gray. She held open her arms for Sarah, inviting her in. When she broke away, Esther’s eyes locked with mine. “I thought we ought to go ahead and smooth things over now so we can get to planning the wedding.”
“There’s no patching anything up.” He looked past Esther, directly at Sarah. “We broke up. We talked about this, Bunny.”
Sarah looked like a balloon someone had let half the air out of. Her sad, droopy eyes. The way her lips formed into a halfhearted frown. It seemed like she hadn’t slept in a week. She held her bible in her hand, her thumb stroking the cover delicately.
“You promised—” Before Sarah could finish whatever it was she was trying to say, Esther cut her off.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Grayson. You two are always breaking up.
Then you get back together a few weeks later.
I just figured we ought to go ahead and speed the process up a little so we can get all of this wedding business taken care of.
” Esther turned back toward the kitchen but stopped in the archway.
“Kent, honey, would you mind helping me set the table? It’ll give us a chance to catch up and give these two little lovebirds some privacy so they can get this all sorted out before dinner. ”
I turned to Gray, trying to gauge his reaction.
He was still staring at Sarah. She walked over and took his hand.
I waited for him to pull it away. To reiterate that it was over.
He didn’t. He just stood there, letting her wrap her fingers around his.
Her hand reached up, rubbing his biceps, and I let out a low, guttural growl.
Sarah stared at me, a look of confusion plastered across her face.
“You alright over there, Kent?” she asked.
Gray’s breathing became heavier and his eyes didn’t move from their intertwined fingers.
Before I could say a single word, Esther grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the kitchen.
Marty’s eyes flickered back and forth between Gray and myself like he was putting together a puzzle in his mind, but he couldn’t get the pieces to fit.
As Gray and Sarah made their way to the hideous, lime-green sofa, Marty stared at me like he was studying scripture.