23. CHLOE
23
CHLOE
“No Riley this weekend?”
“He’s with Sara.”
“Oh?”
Riley’s mom, Sara, isn’t exactly in the picture. It’s more of when she selects to be in the picture.
Miller and Sara got pregnant during the summer going into their senior year of college. They had been dating for six months, and at the time, Miller had already signed with Boston. Sara was unsure if she wanted to keep the baby; they even debated putting him up for adoption. At the start of the third trimester, she changed her mind and decided they should keep the baby and be a family.
That lasted until Riley was two.
Sara didn’t like that the spotlight was on Miller—personally, I think (know) she was jealous that it was him and not her. Everyone knew his name and wanted his attention, and the cherry on top was being named center of the year.
Sara couldn’t handle accepting that Miller’s time wasn’t his own during the season. She hated the stretches of away games, practice and therapy, press and charity events. Besides her jealousy, being left with the responsibility of Riley drove her wild.
Miller was on the road for a week. Day three, Sara called up our parents and dropped Riley off. When Miller returned, she was gone.
She left him and their two-year-old son .
I hated what she did. Made my dislike of her evolve to despise. Everyone always leaves.
She comes around when she wants. She’ll call or drop in, asking to see Riley. Sometimes, she’ll whisk him away with her husband—thankfully Miller and Sara never married—to wherever she’s at.
I admire my brother. As a professional athlete. As a single dad. Every side of him.
I wish he had a partner, someone he can rely on and love. There’s so much in him to give—even if we don’t see eye to eye.
We’re getting breakfast to work on that.
“Sara picked him up yesterday. She’s in the city for a long weekend.”
“Was he excited to see her?”
Miller’s head drops and he kicks a rock on the sidewalk. “He’s getting older. At some point, new toys and cool places aren’t going to be enough for him. What will he think when he’s in school and in the band, getting the lead role in the school play, or scoring a game-winning goal after getting an A on a science test and his mom isn’t there? I’m not prepared for that day. I’m barely prepared for anything with raising a kid alone.”
I rest my hand on his forearm protectively. I can feel heat radiating off him through his winter coat.
“Sara is convinced that her pop-up appearances are beneficial. They aren’t. They hurt,” he adds. A strand of hair falls across his forehead. His gray eyes, a mirror of mine, are cloudy and pools of the destruction she’s caused in his life.
“Have you tried talking to her about this?”
“Of course I have. Goes in one ear and right out the other.” He blows out an exhale.
“Did Riley mention anything today? You aren’t normally bothered by her.”
My brother sighs, shoulders tensing .
I’m trying to keep it cool. Miller isn’t a fan of when I go all guns blazing and let my ‘claws,’ as he calls them, out.
But Sara sucks, and I hate that he allows her to get away with this.
Aaron and I both did. Sara has been a bloodsucker since she met Miller freshman year. Gold-digging puck bunny. She only ever saw money signs when it came to him. His potential, kindness, and big heart were never more than a means to a paycheck for her.
“No,” Miller sighs. “He’s got too big of a heart.”
“Takes after someone I know.” I nudge his arm.
“I don’t know about that anymore, Chlo. I think—I’m exhausted.”
“We don’t have to hangout. You can go home and sleep.”
“It’s not that.” He laughs, and even as pathetic as it sounds, it makes me happy momentarily. “I’m exhausted from doing this alone. I’m lonely. The only time I feel cared for is. . . well never.”
“Miller. . .” Guilt hits me, ringing joy right out of me like I'm a rag.
“ Don’t .” His tone has my heart slamming on the breaks as if I’m the one that’s about to run the stop sign. “It’s not your fault, Chlo. ”
It is though.
“But I haven’t been around. I—”
“I get it. I know why you left. We all handled it in our own way.”
Does he? Does Miller know why I left all those years ago?
There’s a pit in my stomach.
He can’t know. If he did. . . he wouldn’t be here right now. Miller wouldn’t be anywhere near me. I know his anger with my bolting has settled, but it doesn’t change the animosity that has lingered between us.
I swallow down the discomfort, biting back the grief that’s trying to push forward. The guilt and shame that fueled my leaving.
He can’t know. No one knows .
I take a deep breath.
“I’m here now.” We keep walking, our pace slowing. “You don’t have to do this alone, I promise. Anytime you need a break, let me know, I’ll hang out with him. I’ve already missed out on most of his life, and I don’t want to anymore.”
“I have a nanny.”
“I don’t care,” I say, giving Miller my typical Chloe sass. “She deserves some off time too.”
He rolls his eyes—the typical response to my Chloe-ism.
“Okay, Chlo.”
“Now about the bloodsucker.” Miller chuckles, asking if I’m referring to the mother of his child. I nod. “That boy deserves more than a guest appearance in his life.” Yes, I know the irony of me not being present, but it’s different; I’ve never explicitly chosen to be out of his life or give him up. “She didn’t want to stick around; that was her decision, not yours. Next time she comes knocking, you tell her no. And if she doesn’t listen, I’ll give her something to send her running. She’s always been afraid of my bite anyway.”
“That’s his mom. I can’t say no.”
“You can, Miller. She doesn’t deserve your kindness, so I don’t know why you keep showing it to her. You wouldn’t be as exhausted if you didn’t have to deal with her drama. Tell her to fuck off, or I will.” Miller goes to open his mouth. “And let’s start working on finding Riley a new mom. Someone who loves and wants you both.”
Miller throws his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him and dropping a kiss to the top of my head. “God, you are protective.”
I don’t know how to not be, not after Aaron.