Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
Jesse
All I needed was a nine of spades, and I’d beat her.
After dinner, Hollie, the girls, Cade, and I had gathered around my cabin’s dining room table for a round of a card game called Spoons.
The rules were, you passed cards in a circle, drawing and discarding until you had four of a kind in your hand.
When you had four of a kind, you grabbed a spoon from the middle of the table.
If you noticed someone else grabbing a spoon, you also had to grab a spoon.
If you didn’t grab a spoon and were left without one, you were out.
Which sounds innocent until you have five highly competitive individuals diving for only four spoons. The table skewed sideways and cards scattered across the floor multiple times. On one occasion, Nora wrenched a spoon from my hands.
I was out that round.
After working up a sweat and laughing until we had stitches, we’d declared this the finale round.
Hollie versus me with one spoon in the middle of the table.
I could hardly focus with the way she kept arching her brow, stabbing her gaze at me across the top of her cards every so often.
Her lips were twisted in a tight smirk. She was waiting for just one card, too. I could feel it.
I kept passing cards to her, unable to find the nine of spades, even though we were getting close to the bottom of the deck. When we only had a handful left, I passed her a card and picked up another. Simultaneously, we added a card to our hands then discarded.
Hollie yelped, lurching across the table milliseconds after I did.
Right as my fingers touched metal, she swatted my hand.
In her aggression, she knocked the spoon off the table and it clattered to the tile floor, sliding into the kitchen like it’d been shot from a cannon.
The kids started yelling, cheering us on as we jumped up, our chairs toppling to the floor in our wake.
Cade yelled, “Go Miss Hollie! Go! Run!” That traitor.
Hollie’s screeching filled my cabin as she darted through my house, her socked feet sliding on the faux-wood linoleum floors.
Laughing, I grabbed her elbow and yanked her backward into my shoulder.
She stumbled but latched onto me like a barnacle, her hands dragging me away as she bellylaughed.
She stuck one foot between my legs as I surged forward, like a pole through bicycle wheels.
She wheezed, hanging her entire weight on one of my shoulders. “It’s—mine.”
I scanned the floor. “Where’d it go?”
Hollie’s eyes went wide and she suddenly let go, diving to her hands and knees to reach beneath the lip of the counter.
But I grabbed her ankles and dragged her backwards as she shrieked, “No!” I moved my hands to her hips, sliding her back until her butt hit my knee.
She put up a damn good fight, but at that point, it was over.
I reached past her head and grabbed the spoon.
The kids had come into the kitchen, red-faced with excitement, the chatter in the cabin at an all time high. Even as she laughed, Hollie moaned. “You, cheater!”
“Cheater?! You smacked my hand away.”
She spat, “I won that round.”
I cackled. “I won fair and square—you know it!”
“I won’t admit it. You—” Her words were cut off by loud shrieking as my fingers tested the slope of her waist, running quick spider hands from her hips to the bottom of her ribcage.
Facedown on the floor, she screamed a laugh.
Due to my knee between her legs, she couldn’t turn over and fight me, so she twisted and bucked, clawing at the floor in desperation. “Jesse—Alan—Holmes!”
“Yes ma’am?” I asked innocently.
“Don’t you dare—”
I tickled her again, eating up every second of her laughter.
“Get him, Mom!” Nora yelled. Even though our play was innocent, I figured leaning over her in the middle of the floor probably needed to stop.
Breathing heavy and chuckling, I flopped onto my forearm on the cool floor, letting her roll to her back.
Her chest moved with several deep, steadying breaths, her pink cheeks puffing.
When she tipped her head to look at me, I held up the spoon. “I’m framing this.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
I didn’t see her feisty side often, but man, I loved it.
“Mom! Can we play another round?” Izzy asked.
“No!” Hollie and I answered in unison then exploded in laughter again.
Hollied added, a weak hand waving through the air. “You guys can play a little longer, but I’m out.”
“Ditto,” I breathed.
“Come on, guys,” Izzy huffed. The kids returned to the table, conveniently out of sight.
I looked down at Hollie and got lost in awe of her.
Her chest still heaved, drawing my attention to the red tank top that hugged every little curve on her body.
Our tussle had caused her shirt to ride up, exposing a sliver of skin I could hardly drag my eyes away from.
I whispered, “This was fun.”
“It was.” Her smile summoned light to her eyes.
My finger wound through one of her curls before tucking it behind her ear.
Her gaze dropped to my mouth, her eyes hooded and hungry.
Hot blood surged through my veins as I watched the tip of her tongue discreetly wet her lips.
She was dying for a kiss. For all my good intentions not to confuse her, if she kept looking at me like that, I’d give her what she wanted.
Thrilled to hear our kids happily distracted, I reached forward, letting my hand skim around her hip, pulling her closer to me by the small of her back.
Her hand laced around my neck, finding her favorite spot on the back of my head.
Were we really about to kiss, hiding behind the counter on my kitchen floor?
She leaned forward.
Fine by me. I wasn’t picky about location.
When our lips were a breath apart, loud shrieks erupted from the table. “Daddy? Daddy!”
Hollie startled away, jumping up from the floor.
Nora yelled. “Mommy, Daddy is calling!”
I got up too, following Hollie to the table where Izzy stared down at the Facetime call, unmoving. Nora yanked on her arm. “Answer! Answer!”
Hollie, usually so adept at addressing her children, stood as still as Izzy. She looked down at the phone like she wasn’t sure whether they should answer or not. Nora whimpered and reached for it. “Mommy, Izzy’s not answering.”
“Go ahead, Izz.” Hollie said, her voice quiet.
“I don’t want to talk.” Izzy thrust the phone into Nora’s hands instead.
Nora, hungry for the chance, swiped up on the call and dissolved into squeals when she saw her dad’s face.
The sheer joy on her face made every muscle in my body tighten with white-hot rage.
Nora and Izzy would hurt forever because of what he was doing to them.
Man, why couldn’t they have been mine? Being a parent was hands-down, no question, the best part of my life.
I’d take Izzy and Nora in a heartbeat. As I had the thought, I imagined Hollie and the girls in my home.
As my daughters and my wife.
I swallowed down the desire, afraid to entertain a hope that had no footing.
“It’s my Nora! How are you, sweetie?”
My fists clenched, knowing this was nothing more than a charade to him. I’d bet money his newly-pregnant girlfriend was nearby somewhere and he was playing the doting father to win some brownie points.
Hollie, standing at the edge of the table, laid a hand over her lips, her brow furrowing with emotion.
I came behind her, rubbing a hand over her back.
It occurred to me that Cade and I could exit the room to give them some privacy, but I wanted to hover.
I wanted to make sure the giant jackass didn’t load them with more burdens they couldn’t carry.
Nora’s eyes welled up with tears. “I miss you, Daddy.” She sniffed. “Where are you?”
“I’ve been traveling, but I’m home right now—”
“You’re home!” Nora’s face lit up. “Mommy, he’s home!”
Hollie shook her head.
He tried to stop her. “Nora—”
“He’s home!”
“I’m at my home, sweetie. I’m sorry for confusing you. I meant I’m in my own house.”
“Oh.” Nora’s joy fell again. “I forgot you don’t live with us anymore.”
I couldn’t watch this shit. I scrubbed a hand over my face, denying my need to scoop Nora into my arms and rip him a new one. Hollie trembled under my hand and I squeezed her shoulder. I leaned to whisper in her ear. “You want us to go?”
She shook her head and whispered, “Don’t.”
I pulled her closer to me, and she pressed into my side.
“So, what have you been doing? How are things?” Garrett asked.
“I’m at the ranch.” Some of the light in Nora’s eyes had disappeared. She held the phone at an angle that was probably only catching half her face.
“Yeah, I heard that. Are you having fun down there?”
“Yes. I like the horses.”
“Do you? Have you gotten to pet them?”
Nora nodded. “I rode one.”
“Really? Is that safe?”
I snorted out loud. Everything at this ranch was safer than Garrett. Nora giggled. “Yes, they are nice horses. They would never hurt me.”
He hummed, the sound half-interested. “Where’s Izzy and your mom?”
“Right here. You can say hi.” Unsure how to flip the camera around, Nora turned, shakily panning the front-facing cam across our group. I lifted a middle finger behind Hollie’s head, hoping he saw it. Hoping he saw me. Izzy didn’t even lift her head from her deck of cards.
Garrett’s voice rose in pitch. “Where did you say you were again?”
“We are at Mr. Jesse’s house. He lives at the ranch.”
“Who is Mr. Jesse?”
“He works here.”
“What are you doing at his house?”
“Just playing some games. When are we going to see you?”
“You know, I actually had time this weekend to come by, but then I figured out you guys were in Texas. Isn’t that a bummer?”
Hollie stiffened under my arm. She vehemently shook her head, one foot moving forward on the floor, even though she didn’t go toward Nora. This was tough. On the one hand, Nora deserved to talk to her dad. On the other, blaming his negligence on travel was not okay.
“We will be home in a few days. Can we see you then?”
He made a regretful hissing sound. “I’m sorry, Nora, but I’m going to be leaving again.”
“No.” Nora whined.
“Well, if you hadn’t left town—”
“Garrett!” Hollie’s voice rang out, stopping him.
Thank goodness she stepped in. If she hadn’t, I would’ve.
As soon as the word “you” came out of his mouth as the reason he couldn’t follow through, I wanted to strangle him.
Because that would likely be the only word Nora remembered.
And I’d be damned before I let Garrett place that burden on a five-year-old.
Nora looked up, her expression one of sheer anguish.
“Baby, let Mommy talk to Daddy for a minute.”
Nora slowly nodded, relinquishing the phone to Hollie. Hollie snatched it, pressing the camera to her belly. She whispered. “Can I step into your bedroom?”
“Of course.”
With that, Hollie padded down the hallway and my bedroom door softly closed.
A boulder on my chest would’ve felt more comfortable than whatever my heart was currently doing.
It spasmed with anger and disbelief and a thousand other things I could never put words to.
Thank God Hollie ended that rollercoaster from hell.
Nora didn’t need that conversation, despite how much she wanted it.
If he wasn’t going to show up for his daughters, then he needed to get lost. Dropping a line at his convenience would hurt more in the long run. Vanishing would be better.
Nora crisscrossed her arms across the table and sank her chin onto their pillow. Tears stormed her big brown eyes, her cheeks turning red as a soft squeak eked from her trembling lips.
Protectiveness raged behind my ribcage, my feet instinctively moving toward her. I slid onto the bench seat beside her and lifted my hand to gently pat her back. She took the touch as an invitation, scooting close and burying her head on my ribs. For a few minutes, she just cried. And I let her.
She sniffed loud and turned her watery eyes up to my face. “Why doesn’t—he like me anymore?”
“Nora, honey.” My shoulders fell. “It’s not that he doesn’t like you.”
“When—why does he never—come see me?”
I took a deep breath. I was way out of my depth here. Hopefully, I wouldn’t screw this up. “I don’t know, Nora. Some people don’t know how to really love others.”
Nora shook her head. “But it’s not hard.”
A soft smile pulled in my cheeks. “I agree. It’s easy to love you. But, sometimes people love themselves more, which is why they do things that hurt other people.”
Izzy dealt us in, the cards skimming across the glossy table top and stopping at my fingers. “I thought loving yourself is a good thing.”
I picked them up, unsure what game we were playing. “Yeah, we should all love the ways we are unique and value what we bring to the world, but if you only focus on yourself, you hurt other people who need your love, too.” Was I butchering this? “There’s a balance and it’s not always an easy one.”
Cade chimed in as he laid a card down. “I miss my mom, Nora.”
Nora sniffed, suddenly sitting up and looking around the room as if she just realized Cade didn’t have a mother. “Where is she?”
“She’s in Heaven.”
Nora’s brow knit in confusion.
Izzy helped her out. “That means she’s dead.”
“Oh.” Nora’s voice fell, her bottom lip poking out. “That makes me want to cry more.”
Cade gave her a soft smile. “When I miss her a lot, I draw a picture of her. Maybe you could draw a picture of your dad to feel better.”
Nora sat up, sniffling. “Do you have some paper?”
Cade dropped his cards and stood up. “I’ll go get some.”
Two minutes later, his old colored pencils scattered across the table top and Nora went to work on a blank sheet, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth.
Izzy and Cade abandoned the cards and drew pictures, too.
He tried to show Izzy how to do some shading and the girls fanned his ego with compliments about how talented he was.
I popped some popcorn in the microwave and set a steaming bowl on the table.
It wasn’t long until they were engrossed and having fun again.
It was getting closer to their bedtime though. Past seven o’clock already.
When I was certain their needs were met, I crept down the hallway again and pressed my ear to the door.
Nothing but silence.
With my heart thumping, I pushed open the door and whispered, “Hollie?”