Chapter 40 #2
Instantly, those words changed my molecular structure, becoming one with my DNA. That was all I wanted—love I didn’t have to tiptoe around or constantly try to impress.
He took a heavy breath, the sound laced with threads of emotion. “From here on out, if anyone tries to make you feel like a burden or acts like they’re doing you a favor by putting up with you, I want you to run. Run away from them as fast as you possibly can, alright?”
I nodded. “Alright.”
“I would take all three of you.” His voice, soft and tender, scraped over my ear. “In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even have to think about it.”
I squeezed my eyes closed at his words, completely overcome with feelings flying through my chest faster than I could name them. Within one hour my heart had been devastated then mended. I snuggled into his neck, whispering, “How do you always know the right things to say?”
He gave a soft chuckle. “Therapy goes a long way.”
“You go to therapy?”
“Not as often nowadays. I went every other week for years, now I check in every few months.”
“That’s amazing.” I swallowed against my dry throat. “I probably need therapy.”
He nodded, his eyes roaming every part of my face. “It could help you sort through stuff.”
“Or I can just keep talking to you.”
He chuckled again. “I’ll tell my therapist you said that. He’ll be very proud of me.”
Finally, I could spare the mental energy to enjoy how close we were.
His heartbeat thumped beneath my ear and his scent wrapped around me.
One of his hands rested on my thigh while the other rubbed my back and toyed with my curls.
Tension slowly drained from my chest, and each one of my muscles unraveled as his hand moved across the back of my head.
I held up a hand, surveying the bruises and cuts I’d left there.
“I was doing so well for over a week. Now look at them.”
He took my hand, holding it closer to his face. “Yeah, that looks bad.”
“It hurts.”
“You know, my sister makes beef tallow and I bet it would help heal them up faster. I should’ve thought of it before.” He gave my leg a soft pat. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I shimmied off his lap so he could stand and he grabbed my wrists, lifting me to my feet. Face to face, he smiled at me. “Feel wobbly or good?”
“Good.”
I washed my hands in his bathroom while he rummaged around every single cabinet and finally found a silver puck-shaped tin with a creamy white balm inside. Then he sat on the edge of his mattress, gently patting it. When I sat, he moved my hand to his lap, dragging one finger through the tallow.
Silently, he went to work on my cuticles, gingerly rubbing the tallow into every single nail bed.
The scent of warm butter and honey filled the room, and I blinked against the image of the top of Jesse’s red-brown hair as he leaned down, laser-focused on caring for me.
I could’ve spread the tallow on my own, but the fact he took the task upon himself brought a fresh round of tears to my eyes.
I cried all the time around Jesse, didn’t I?
Not after locking myself in a closet or silently in my bed late at night.
With him. In the open. Free and unhindered.
I blinked and they fell again in quiet defiance of the mandatory strength I’d shouldered far too long. My tears made me feel like a woman—soft and vulnerable. And the way he responded to them—oh, my heart. He loved me.
Regretfully, I informed him. “I’m leaving with my mom on Sunday.
” He nodded, his face growing somber. Today was Wednesday and Jesse had to leave for a rodeo early Friday morning.
He wouldn’t be back before I left. That gave us one more day together.
Just one. “I’m so thankful to you for offering the cabin, but I need to go home. You understand why, right?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“My mom told me I could move into their house.” Quickly, I explained some of the tension between my mom and I, and how we had reconciled on the porch.
“It will be good for me to prioritize fixing things with my parents. Then I can sell the house and meet with my attorney. If I’m able to get full custody and permission to relocate, maybe… ”
His eyes snapped up to mine.
“Maybe I could come back. Because, I want this too.”
“This?” He wanted me to clarify.
I squeezed his hand. “Us.”
He froze, his eyes unmoving from mine. And he didn’t respond.
“Do you ever just…watch the kids and think that maybe the five of us are supposed to be together?” I shrugged, feeling suddenly insecure.
What was I insinuating with the word together?
My imaginations had cast me as Jesse’s wife, but I would never be brave enough to suggest such a thing.
“Maybe all this happened for a reason. I mean, look at us. We’ve been close since the night we met at the airport.
I’m going home, because I have to, but I don’t want to stay there forever.
I want to come back to the ranch one day. Back to you.”
Jesse blinked a few times, his jaw working down some unspoken feeling. “I want that, too.”
I shook my head. “But, I might not be able to come back.” My heart hurt at the mere prospect. “A court summons might wake Garrett up. If he realizes he could lose access to the girls, he might fight me. And if we start fighting, it could take years to get free. I don’t want you to wait for me.”
How would I ever leave him?
I felt sick imagining hundreds of miles between us.
He nodded, letting that sink in. “Let me ask you a question. Do you want me to give you some space? I can if that would make things easier for you.”
I shook my head. “Only if space would be better for you. Selfishly, I want as much of us as I can get.”
The word us made him smile.
“But I’m worried about hurting you if things beyond my control suddenly change.”
He nodded, his voice gentle. “What about something casual then? Occasional phone calls and texts. No promises or strings attached. We’ll go long distance and just walk through life until we can figure out where it’s leading. How’s that sound?”
“Yes,” my voice rasped with emotion. “That sounds perfect.”
His exhale sounded like he’d been holding his breath.
“Thank goodness, because I don’t want to let go of us either.
” He reached up, swiping his hand down my jaw and over the curve of my neck as his eyes bounced from feature to feature, taking me in like I was his prize. “Alright. It’s my turn to be honest.”
“Okay.” I scarcely recognized my own voice.
“Remember what happened in the tack room?”
Red heat bathed my face as I exploded in laughter. I rolled my eyes to every fixture in the room besides him, trying to hide how embarrassed I was. But he bent forward, laughing into the elbow slung across his face.
I pushed his shoulder back. “What? Why are you laughing?”
“You—” He gasped. “You are so red. It was”—he snapped his fingers—“instant.”
A blush had started in his cheeks and ears, too. “So are you! Why did you ask that?”
He coughed a couple times, regaining his composure, but unable to fully quell the smile on his face. “Beacuse I’m hoping this low-pressure arrangement includes kissing you.”
A sharp breath filled my lungs as desire pooled in my belly.
His eyes dropped to my lips, his voice lowering. “What do you think about that?”
I reciprocated, surveying his soft pink lips that perfectly contrasted his nice teeth, tanned face, and auburn stubble.
Like it had happened a few minutes ago, I remembered the way that stubble felt on my lips and neck—rough and tingling, allowing me to feel him long after we’d parted.
“Kissing is included. But just kissing.”
He repeated, agreeing with a single nod. “Just kissing.”
Although, granted, a lot could happen under the umbrella of kissing. It was a rather loose term.
Jesse’s breaths came more shallow, and the jokes fled his face. “As soon as I get you alone, Hollie, I’m going to kiss you.”
I nearly melted into the faded quilt on his bed.
I glanced toward the door, which stood ajar, but the cabin beyond was quiet. “I…think we’re basically alone right now.”
“Not alone enough. Plus…” He narrowed his eyes. “I haven’t taken you on a date yet.”
“A date?” My brows rose.
“Yep. And kissing before the first date is just crossing a personal line for me.”
I giggled at his sarcasm, not forgetting he lifted me onto the work bench twenty-four hours after he shook my hand. “And where do you propose taking me?”
“Somewhere away from the kids, this ranch, and everyone on it.” The tone of his voice, rich and warm, made my nerves tingle. “Let’s make our last night together one to remember.”