Chapter 9 #2
Tiny beads of sweat formed along my upper lip.
I wiped them away. “It helps that I’m with a well-known agency that gets dozens of submissions a day.
I should have free rein with the authors the other agents aren’t interested in.
Plus, once my name and picture are added to the agency website, authors should start emailing me directly.
Then I won’t have to wait for the other agents to pass.
I’m hoping for several new clients as soon as Rob says go.
” At least I hoped my transition happened that smoothly, because even though I had some contacts and some success, I knew it would take a couple more years to get a good footing in the industry.
Audrey nodded, approving my plans. “Remember when you talk to him to lead with your head, not with your feelings. Cool and collected. Show him you have the upper hand.”
“But I don’t,” I said. “He has all the hands.”
“The key is to make it seem like you have more options than just him.”
I stared at the water droplets on the outside of my glass. “I really don’t. All my real options outside of the agency I’m at are in New York.”
“So make him think you’d go there. He needs you, not the other way around.
” She pointed to her chest. “You have to believe it in here. That you have a lot to offer.” She’d donned her “on-camera” voice.
The one she reserved for her podcasts and her YouTube channel, where she gave this very advice to thousands of people.
“Because you do have a lot to offer.” I could see why her viewers liked her. She was good at pep talks.
“I do.”
“Head first,” she reiterated. “You tend to lead with emotions, then actions, then get your brain involved.”
If only she knew how true that was when it came to Rob. “What?” I asked in faux shock. “I do?”
She shook her head but had a smile on her face. “It’s backwards.”
“I’ll work on it.” This was my constant mantra when talking to my sister.
“Practice what you’re going to say the day before with Sloane, I’m sure she’ll help you. She’s a fighter.”
Was that her way of saying I wasn’t? I didn’t want to know. “Enough about me. How are you?”
“I’m pregnant.” She said it as if she was showing me an example of how to lead without her emotions.
“What?” My eyes shot to her water glass. “Oh! Wow! Congrats, Audrey.”
“I waited as long as I could, but the gap between the boys and her was getting too big. I want them to be close.”
“Her? You already know it’s a girl?”
“Yes,” she said.
“That’s exciting. I’m so happy for you.”
She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving mine, like she expected me to say more. I wasn’t sure what else there was to say.
I decided on: “I’ll plan a shower. It will be fun. Just get me a list of who you want to invite.”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to. I have a vision. And my friend Janine is going to help me. It has to be a certain vibe for the socials. You know.”
I did know. “Right, of course. I can help, at least. Just give me a job. I’m sure Mom will help too. Wait, do Mom and Dad know yet?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m twenty weeks.”
“Twenty… weeks? That’s like halfway.” My eyes traveled down, but the table was covering her stomach.
I tried to picture her earlier at the T-ball game as we walked with the ice chest, but my mind did not remember a baby bump.
Twenty weeks? I couldn’t believe she’d waited this long to tell me. A wave of hurt washed over me.
“Don’t be mad,” she said. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I know you wanted our kids to grow up together.”
My eyes went wide. “You waited to get pregnant because of me ? Audrey, you… shouldn’t… you… Why would you do that?”
“Because it was part of the five-year plan I helped you put together years ago,” she said. “Career advancement, marriage, then baby. But…”
“Not everything happens on a schedule,” I said, taking a swig of my mimosa. “I know you married young, but I’m only twenty-seven. I have time.”
“It’s not that. It’s just you don’t know exactly what you want.
You’re a bit directionless, unfocused.” She held up her hand, perhaps reacting to my shocked expression.
“And that’s not terrible. You’ve always been that way.
Like you said, you’re young. You have time to progress in your career.
You have time to search for this perfect guy that you’ll meet in the perfect way.
Or time to realize that perfect only exists in books and to stop being so picky. ”
“Wow,” I said.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way.”
“I think there’s only one way to take it, Audrey.”
“I’m not trying to offend you. I love that you have this dream guy that you’re building in your mind, pieced together from all the media you’ve consumed. It’s romantic, and sweet. And maybe you’ll find him. After you get the single fun aunt who travels and parties out of your system.”
“Parties? Audrey, having a social life doesn’t mean I party. Having actual relationships with friends is a good thing.” I almost added, How many of those do you have?
“Of course it is,” she said. “It’s part of my ideal life goal sheet I have people fill out.”
“I’m glad they’re somewhere in the mix of living an optimal life.”
“Balance is the key. You can’t let that one aspect outweigh other things.”
“I know I’m not exactly where I want to be in my career right now, but I do work.”
“You’re a glorified intern,” she said, softening her words with a smile.
I sucked in some air, but all the words seemed to vanish from my head. My eyes stung hot and I blinked until I had the tears in check.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I just get so frustrated with you sometimes. You have so much potential.” She reached across the table and took my hand in hers. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”
I nodded but refused to let my emotions take over, since she’d accused me of doing just that.
This was the moment the waitress arrived with our food.
She set it in front of us with a cheery smile, asking me if I wanted another mimosa.
I think I shook my head no. Then my sister and I ate and we moved on to different, less charged topics.
By the time brunch was over, we were mostly back to normal.