Chapter 4 #2
“What do I look like?” I had to get it in there.
But then? These were the kinds of discussions I had with the boys in my office.
Weekly. Straight kids having their hearts broken.
Queer kids having their hearts broken. Fellow teachers thinking I could solve their disastrous relationship problems. I had form for…
trying. Making equally bad decisions myself.
Every week, I knew even more about how little I understood of the world. And how easy it was to mess it up.
“You’re…beautiful. Fit. Perfect.”
“Shut up.”
“No. I’ve seen you, all of you, remember?”
He had as well. And now he was calling me perfect?
“I’ve burnt my foot to a crisp.”
“You have. Reminds me I need to put more burn gel on. How does it feel, still painful?”
“Don’t deflect. You were telling me you fancy me.”
“Fuck’s sake, Fox.”
I liked him. Fuck. I did.
“What?” I grinned.
“Of course I fancy you. I’m not blind. You’re, like, all my wet dreams swirled into one. Which is why I am taking you back to your room before I get ideas and make a total arse out of myself.”
“And what if I don’t want to?”
“Then you’re an idiot. And on that note? I’m going to go and grab us some lunch and bring it back here.”
“Noah!”
There he was, once again…running away.
And I remembered his mum’s words from last night. He’d run away yesterday too. Just as he had now, disappearing out the door as soon as the situation got tight.
For no reason at all. Because I hadn’t been lying. I would have happily pulled him into my arms and kissed him and got down and dirty with him. I’d have fucked him. Let him fuck me. Whatever he’d asked for. His big hands all over my body. His crinkly eyes. Those lips on him. Definitely kissable.
He intrigued me.
I wondered why.
He was gone for ages, and I popped the pills he’d laid out for me, adjusted my foot on the pillow, fluffed up and turned over for me like I was staying at a luxury hotel. I had to laugh, remembering that I actually did. I just hadn’t planned on it including my very own medical team.
I must have gone back to sleep because next thing, there was a dip on the edge of the bed and a cool hand on my forehead.
“Fox, darling.”
Oh. Mrs What’s-her-face. His mum.
“Just checking in on you, you were fast asleep. Noah brought you some food. I think you should try to eat something. You must be starving. Would you like… He brought something that I think is supposed to be a cola drink, and the other tin has lemons on it.”
“Is there tea?” I asked, like the spoilt imbecile I apparently was.
“Tea?” She looked offended for a second, before laughing.
“Do you think this is a luxury resort? They haven’t even got proper milk here.
It’s all that long-life powdered stuff. It’s awful.
But lucky for you, I have travelled before.
I’m prepared. I know I am flaunting all kinds of agricultural customs rules here, but I always have fresh milk in my bag.
I wrap it in tin foil and put it straight in the fridge. It’s still good.”
I wasn’t quite following her, but hey. She was offering, and that travel kettle on the side was bubbling away as she popped out onto the patio and left me to my own devices. I wondered where Noah had gone. Left me here with his mum?
I’d no doubt scared him off with my stupid offer of sordid sex and a bit of…fun.
I wondered if I was having fun. My foot was throbbing, my head hurt, and I was seriously dehydrated.
Bewildered from drugs and napping, and the woman who leant down and stroked a hair out of my face, then gave me a look that was clear as mud.
I think it meant, Sit yourself up, you useless piece of shit, you have a cup of tea right here.
“So, Fox,” she said, with a little smile as she placed herself back on the edge of the bed. “You and my Noah have had a little encounter. I am most pleased.”
“Encounter.” I placed all the strength my voice could muster on that word. “I wouldn’t exactly call it that.”
“Perhaps not,” she mused. “Yet, here you are.”
Perhaps I was. Perhaps this was just one big recurring nightmare brought on by sunstroke or whatever.
I was shaking my head, then trying to sip the tea.
Why was I behaving like an old man? Perhaps because I was.
Yet I was still acting like the young twink I’d once been and trying to pick up men and get myself laid when in all honesty?
I should have got myself on the first flight back.
Cancelled this trip in the first place. Grown up and stayed at home and signed up for some matchmaking service where I could have met a decent bloke with a matching income and a nice car and lived happily ever after.
“Are you alright, Fox?” She looked concerned. Had I drifted off in my head again? Probably.
“This is weird. I know that, Mrs Fairweather.” I was good with names. I was decent and polite. Even when I was stark naked… Well, wearing borrowed pants.
“No, it’s not. It’s only weird if we let it be.
” She was still stroking my face. Too close.
Too personal. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her off or lean into it.
In a way, I just wanted reassurance. Peace.
Not all this anxiety that I constantly carried.
I’d never used to, but I’d lost my footing in life and now I was just…
weird. Like this. “It’s a holiday, Fox. We’re all stuck on a blot of sand in the middle of the ocean.
In the end, we all go home, and next week life is back to normal.
We might as well enjoy our time here, and let things go a little off the rails, don’t you think? ”
“I feel like I’ve gone a bit further than off the rails. I’ve derailed. Completely.”
“No, you haven’t. Me and Derek had lunch with a few of your friends. It was most entertaining. I told them you were in safe hands.”
“Oh God.” I must have looked distraught, and still she just laughed.
“You’re a sweet boy. Now let me go get Noah, and he’ll look after you.”
“Where is he?” I asked, hearing the panic in my voice. How embarrassing.
“Having a moment.” She smiled and cocked her head at the same time.
“I think both of you need to just relax and enjoy the small fact that you have found some company. The two of you can just be friends and keep each other entertained. Nobody is expecting wedding bells, darling. I think perhaps the two of you just need company. Sound good?”
I had no idea. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.