Chapter 16
Fox
Ididn’t know what was worse, the fact that I’d been silly enough to let myself get roped back into his orbit or that just hearing his voice last night had soothed me in so many ways that I couldn’t even make sense of my own face in the mirror.
I’d gone from being me to… Shit. Answering him and now…
I was smiling in public. I was, sir, Mr Riley, thank you very much.
I wasn’t the fool who was high-fiving a bunch of stray full-time boarders in the hallway.
They should probably not be here, roaming around the empty school building; instead, they should be outside in the fresh air doing their assigned tasks.
I was starting to sound like someone’s dad, even in my head.
But here I was, smiling, letting them run off up the stairs, and I did nothing to stop them.
My office was full of activity, Emma and Terrence both on the phone, paperwork everywhere, my laptop already up and running and my phone ringing in my pocket.
My work phone. I’d left my personal one in my bedroom, which, for ease, was just a door opening away from my office.
Two rooms, a massive bay window overlooking the fells, and a bedroom, bathroom and kitchenette.
What had once been the assistant headteacher’s accommodation, whilst the proper headteacher had traditionally lived in the detached house on the grounds, was now mine.
I was one person, and Terrence had a family and kids, and it had been ridiculous to expect anything else.
Hence I lived in my office, Emma had the apartment over the language block, and Terrence and his family had a proper home.
Not that I complained, because our setup suited me perfectly.
It was practical and functional, and honestly?
The open fire in the living room was fabulous in winter, and most of the time I didn’t even bother locking the doors after hours.
I just existed here and ventured out into the school for assembly and meals.
Meetings. Walked the dogs, despite that being the house masters’ task.
There were always things to be done, and that’s what I enjoyed the most. I was always needed here.
My efforts often appreciated. And sometimes not.
“Riley, the representatives for Aberdeen Social Services are by the front gates. Jones is wondering to let them through or wait for escort?”
“I’ll go meet them,” I grumped, looking out the window at the once again drizzling weather.
Not quite the sunny beach around here, that was for sure.
And here it was again. The memories. They made me smile.
Because it had been… Fuck. I missed him.
Missed everything that we’d had, and suddenly asking him to cash in that flight to Glasgow?
Seemed like less of a bad idea. “Hey, they moved fast? Did we even approve that kid yesterday?”
“I sent an email,” Emma said from behind a screen, handing me a folder. “Printed out the kid’s paperwork. Bailey Butcher. We can get Mr Hussain to do his pre-entry assessment this afternoon and get him slotted into a class. We putting him in Spring House then?”
“I’d prefer to have him in Winter, fresh start and all that, and not disrupt the others in Spring. They have all calmed down this year. It could be unsettling, especially for Eamons and Tarrant.” I was trying to drape a raincoat over my robes, ducking out before anyone had the chance to respond.
The yard was deserted apart from a flock of geese moving across towards our back pond.
The grey clouds dull the light even more, despite us being in the middle of summer.
And trying to stay dry in this wind was easier said than done.
The weather here was always unpredictable, but I kind of enjoyed that.
I also enjoyed the fresh air, the heady scent of soil and grass hitting my nostrils.
Rain. I loved all of this. It was my home, and to be honest?
This was probably a life that would have most people running for the hills, but for me?
It was perfect. Mine. Well. Almost perfect.
“Morning, Jones,” I chirped cheerily, waving my hand at the car parked outside. “You can let them through,” I urged.
“She says she’s not staying.” He shook his head. “She’s heading straight back. Kid’s in the back, refusing to get out.”
“Ah,” I said. Not unusual. I’d dealt with many a child like that, and I had all the empathy in the world.
The children who arrived here were often terrified and overwhelmed, being left with strange people in an unfamiliar environment.
Hence, I got into cool-Mr-Riley mode. Cheery mode.
Opening the door and bending down, fully aware that I looked like something out of a terrifying children’s book.
All cloak and dagger under a black raincoat and dress robes.
At least my hair was tied back, and my face displayed a cheerful demeanour.
“Riley?” the woman in the front said sternly. “I’m Sharon Patricks, Aberdeen Social Services. This is Bailey. Say hello, Bailey.”
“Hello,” the boy said.
He looked way younger than the twelve he was supposed to be, and he was skinny and scrawny. Cook would have to get busy, getting this kid healthy again.
“Look,” this Patricks woman said. “I’ve got a long drive back, if you could just get a move on?”
Fuck. Rude woman and the kid looked pretty terrified.
“Bailey, I’m Mr Riley,” I started, feeling unsettled by everything right now. I had expected a handover, not having to physically drag a child through the gates. He could easily just bolt and run away, and then we would have an issue on our hands.
“The guy over there is Jones. He’s the coolest dude I know.”
What? Who was I? But the kid kind of looked. At least glanced over towards where Jones thankfully was playing along and waving.
“Jones guards this place and makes sure no baddies can get in. He’s pretty solid and does a good job.”
“What kind of baddies are there?” the kid said. At least he was talking.
“You know, I’ve never actually seen one because this is a small village, and the worst thing I’ve ever seen is a rat. You sometimes see them run across the road heading for the pond. We have a lot of chickens here, and rats love hanging out with birds. They steal their food. It’s a bit of a war.”
“A war?” Now I’d done it. It had been a long time since I had taught younger kids like this. Bailey. Supposedly twelve. Looked around six. Not uncommon with children in care.
“We have a lot of animals here. Some don’t get along. Others? Best friends. Did you know that we have four dogs here? Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. They are all different sizes and breeds and ages. Winter is just a puppy, and he’s always after someone to play with him.”
“Could you get a move on?” Bloody hell, the woman was annoying.
“Do you have any bags?” I asked Bailey, who just shook his head.
“He’s got no luggage?” I turned to the woman, who just shrugged her shoulders. Okay. We’d had this before too, and we did have clothes. Spare stuff. Hopefully everything the kid would need.
“No worries.” I smiled. “Just means you and I have to go shopping, Bailey. Will be fine.”
I wasn’t sure it would be. But then this kid took my hand and let me help him out of the car, standing there letting the rain drench him.
The human in me wanted to just scoop him up and hug him.
Headmaster Riley? He just gave the boy a slap on the shoulder and a nudge towards Jones, who was giving the boy a little salute and holding the gates open.
Another stray. And for a small second, all the flashbacks hit me right where I didn’t need them. My own life. A frightened boy dropped off at this very gate, being told to man up and stop the childish tears.
I’d just been a child. A small boy, with a fancy suitcase, hoping his mother would just turn around and tell him it was all a bad joke.
Bring him back home and let him just live.
He wasn’t any trouble, was he? And maybe he sometimes got angry and maybe he sometimes misbehaved and maybe his mother’s boyfriend didn’t have to come over all the time and maybe?
And maybe things? Would be fine.
Things were fine here. Absolutely fine.
I did the right thing and handed the now-soaked child to Mrs McAuley in Spring House, not having to give any instructions as such. We knew the drill here, and perhaps Emma had been right, suggesting we keep our wards of state together for now. Winter was still unoccupied, and maybe…
Fuck.
I needed to get sharp, and get my head together.
Because now I was walking past the teachers’ accommodation block, a modern barn conversion with little dainty balconies at the back.
We had planning permission for more housing, should we require it.
I could build myself a little house here, honestly I could!
Nothing fancy, but we could justify it this year, bringing more teaching staff from afar, and with Jones going on paternity leave, we’d be accommodating…
I was deflecting again.
We were fine for accommodation. I lived in my office.
Well, next door. And my juvenile daydreams in my head were just that.
Daydreams. There was no way Noah would give up his life and come live in my little cupboard of a bedroom.
What would he even do up here? Take over our surgery in Lochgilphead?
I doubted Dr McDougall would agree to that, and the one up in Oban?
In winter, you had to cross the fells, and it was not a fun road when the snow hit. Did…
Shit.
Stop it, Fox! There was no future with Noah. Apart from the occasional phone call and…
I sprinted back to my place, bypassing the office where Terrence was calling for me, but I just needed.
Oh my almighty whatever. I pushed the door open, rushed past my little table, almost tripping over the one chair I owned, past my sofa and into the bedroom, where I picked up my phone and texted him.