Chapter 20 #2
“No!” I said sternly. Fuck. Way to go. New relationship-sabotage-galore happening here.
“He’s only a kid.”
“Yes.”
“Is there breakfast? I feel like we need food.”
“Well.” I smirked. “That would mean doing the walk of shame to the canteen, being stared at by hundreds of kids, and getting evils from Jones, our security guy, who has already clocked us on the cameras.” I grimaced.
“Okay?”
“And taking awkward questions from Mrs Cook.”
“Fine. Is there a takeaway? Corner shop?”
“Angus down at the hotel does a fry-up?”
“Which means…”
“I’ll go grab something from the canteen. Just wait. Here’s tea.”
“Want me to…”
“Shit.”
“Shit, what?”
“I’ve made no plans here. I knew you were coming, but I was so…terrified and nervous and unprepared, and now I have no clue what I’m doing. Worst date ever.”
“Best date ever. You told me I’m not allowed to leave?”
“Did I?”
“Yeah? I’m moving in. Staying here forever. Remember?”
Fuck. Shit. What? He was laughing, though. Right in my face.
“Fox, I don’t fucking care. You have to do what you have to do here, and I’m having the best time. As long as I can be with you, I’m fine. I can even survive for a bit without food.”
“I’m getting food.” I felt like a truant child. What the hell had I done here?
“I’ll get dressed.”
“I really want to fuck you.” Priorities, Fox. I needed to get those straight here.
“You can do that, anytime.”
“Food?”
“Food first. Fuck later.”
“Okay.”
He kissed me, and just that made me finally exhale the breath I’d been holding.
I took the hits, coming thick and fast, turning up at the canteen, better dressed this time. No robes on the weekend, but at least a shirt and tie. Blazer. Hair swept up. Boys everywhere. A dog. Two ducks being chased out the back door. Normal. All normal.
“You have a man?” Cook whispered, as I grabbed a container and started loading up food.
“I do.” I was blushing. Swallowing.
“Good for you. And you didn’t bring him down? Seriously, Riley? You going to make him eat out of a plastic box when we have perfectly good plates here?”
“Cook,” I said sternly.
She tutted. Loudly.
“Riley, you need to file the paperwork.”
“Done,” I snarled at Jones, who was now standing far too close to me.
“I can’t do my job unless you do.”
“It’s done,” I lied. Well. I fled again, half running across the courtyard, up the steps and kicked my door open, my arms loaded with containers, balancing a stack of toast on top.
“Have you got a valid criminal records check? Something like that?” I said, turning around and kicking the door shut.
“Yes. I can email it to you,” he said, looking a little confused. Fully dressed. Cutlery on the little table, the chairs neatly set up. Like we were civilly having breakfast. The kettle steaming on the kitchenette counter, making everything feel so domesticated that I wanted to cry.
“I should have filed paperwork to have you visit. I didn’t, because I’m an idiot, and now I need to do it before the entire school decides I’m incompetent and dangerous.”
“Oh stop it,” he said softly. “You’re overreacting. I’ll get you all the paperwork you want, but you have to stop panicking. It’s just me. And I’m not going to go out and get you into any trouble.”
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t,” he said, and then he took all the boxes from my arms. One by one.
Put them gently on the table, and then he wrapped me up.
Hugged me so tight that it felt like he was glueing me back together again.
Healing all the little cracks. All my insecurities, stupidity and wildly irresponsible decisions? It was fine. I was fine. He was here.
We ate out of the boxes because I didn’t have the brain capacity to tell him I had plates.
It was fine. He made tea. I drank it, sat there all wrung out and in a way? Sad. I was sad that this wasn’t real. That I couldn’t have all of this.
“How would this work?” I asked him. I meant it.
“You mean, us?”
“Yes?” Weak. But I had to know. Had to have that plan he’d spoken about earlier.
“I think,” he started. “You can’t leave. This is your life’s work and your home. I can see how much this place means to you, and the kids here. I wouldn’t ask you to make that choice.”
“This is a weird place. The life I live up here is not for everyone. If you want a pint of milk? You need to get in the car.”
“I know. Doesn’t bother me.”
“It’s harsh and bleak, and the weather is ridiculous. We get snow in April. It’s cold and wet and miserable, and you need to wear wellies.”
“I don’t mind wellies.” He grinned. Yes, I knew how ridiculous I sounded.
“Thomas couldn’t stand it. The kids and the isolation and the cold.”
“I’m not Thomas, Fox. I’m me, and I already love it here. I’d come live here in a heartbeat.”
“I wouldn’t ask that of you either. Uprooting everything for me.”
“I…” He started, then stopped. Looked down at the fork still in his hand. He had a tiny smidge of egg at the side of his mouth.
I reached out and smoothed it away. Held his cheek in my hand. The words were at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t make myself say them. Please. Please stay with me.
“Breakfast was good.”
Thank you. Breaking the tension.
“And just so you know, I would do it. I would resign and come here, and I would live with you. It would take a bit of time to get sorted with another practice, but I would. I have savings; it would be fine. If you wanted me to.”
Fuck.
I swallowed my response. Just staring at him as he lost his nerve and looked down.
“Please,” I whispered.
“I would,” he whispered back.
Which was when Bailey Butcher stormed through the door with Spring the dog on a lead.
“Are you walking the dog or what?” he shouted. “We’ve been, like, sat on the steps for half an hour.”
“Butcher.”
“Not my name. I’m changing it.”
“Kid.” I sighed.
“What’s the dog’s name?” Here he was. Noah Fairweather. Doctor Fairweather. And apparently also good with dogs, down on his knees giving Spring an all-over body scratch and laughing at something Bailey was saying.
And I thought, Fuck it. I also thought…
I could see it, what this could be. All the good things, none of the bad. Because things would be bad, I knew that.