Chapter 11
I woke up the next morning curled up against Tanner's chest, with J.D. pressed up against my back. There was no room for me to move, and yet I loved it. What I didn't love was my alarm blaring, reminding me I had to get up so I could make it to the arena on time.
Because for the first time, I didn't want to do this.
As soon as my eyes opened, that feeling was back.
J.D. called it powerless, and while that was close, it was so much more complex.
I felt bad for Casey. I couldn't imagine knowing my ride was going bad, pulling the tail of my rope, and then being trapped as the bull killed me.
I couldn't wrap my mind around the fear, knowing the bullfighters weren't there for him when he needed them most. I also really didn't want to care.
"Hey?" Tanner asked as he shut off my alarm. "You doing this today, Cody?"
"Mhm," I mumbled into his chest.
So he leaned in and hugged me hard. I felt his lips brush across my brow, but J.D.
's arms were twined around my waist. For just a moment, I let myself enjoy this - them - before I had to get moving.
My shower was hot, the coffee was from room service, and our breakfast included pancakes.
Yeah, that was a J.D. thing, but Tanner and I liked it.
And before I was allowed to leave the suite, J.D. made me put that knife back in my boot.
While I probably could've caught a ride with one of the other riders, J.D.
insisted on driving me over while Tanner grabbed a shower.
They had a few hours before the doors would officially open, but I had to check in, get warmed up, and all that good stuff.
Yet as we pulled into the convention center parking lot, J.D. slowed the truck way down.
"Yeah, that's about what I thought would happen," he said, flicking a finger toward the main doors.
I turned in the passenger seat, surprised at the press lined up there.
I caught two local channels, one truck that said CNN, and ESPN was there too, of course.
There were more, but I couldn't read all the numbers and letters being displayed.
Instead, I tried to count how many people were crowded around the entrance.
"There has to be at least twenty!" I gasped, turning back to look at J.D.
He shrugged. "That's what happens when someone dies doing a sport. Hell, even happens when those high school kids have a heart attack and shit. Last time, we couldn't walk without getting grabbed by someone asking us questions."
"You think they'll ask about Tanner?"
"Prolly." He kept going around the building to the entrance on the opposite side the riders were using. "Cody, don't you go trying to protect him from that, neither."
"I'm not going to throw him under the bus!" I shot back.
"Naw, babe," he begged. "Hear me out? I'm saying Tanner did good. He took a big risk because he's damned good at his job, and that he ain't doing his job right now is the problem. So you use that, not the bullshit line the Pbr is going to try to trot out."
"Which will be?"
He shrugged again. "Dunno, but they always try it.
They have lawyers to think that shit through, and there's a real good chance Casey's family's gonna sue 'em.
Now, that means the thing you have to decide is if you wanna give them fodder, ignore all this bullshit and keep using the lines you've been, or start some shit. "
"Start some shit," I said, confirming that our talk last night had stuck.
And that earned me one of those sexy little smirks J.D. was so good at. They made him look a little crazy, but I now knew better. This man didn't care about that stuff. What mattered to him were the right things. The shit that mattered to real people - like Tanner and me.
Then he put the truck in park and turned to face me. "This is your stop." But he tapped the console like he had something else to say. Once, his mouth opened, but then he shut it again.
"What?" I pressed, reaching over to take his hand.
His eyes dropped to where our fingers twined together. "You're my girl, Cody," he finally said. "He's my boy. Thing is, I don't like where this is going. Just..." He swallowed hard. "Be safe today?"
"I will," I promised. "J.D., I'm not looking to win. I'm just looking to get off the dirt and make sure they can't say I quit."
"That's my rookie," he breathed, running his thumb across my knuckles. "Now get the fuck outta my truck before I try to kiss ya where folks can see."
"I am not ashamed of you two," I reminded him.
"Oh, I ain't ashamed of either one of ya, but we wanna make sure Tanner comes back," he reminded me. "That's the only reason I'm still playing this game, because we need him, and for more than putting in the middle."
"Put that on my wishlist," I teased as I pushed open the door. "And don't do anything stupid, J.D. You're almost healed."
"Doc said he'll give me a physical on Sunday, but not sure how that's gonna work with this mess," he said as I climbed out. "Draw a good bull, girl!"
"Go get my boyfriend, boy!" I shot back, as I dragged my gear bags out, then shut the door.
Through the window, his smile softened as he lifted a hand. I mirrored the gesture, then turned for the doors. Today was a new day. Just this ride, right? Just this bull. I only had two more nights of this, then we'd get another weekend off - and this time we had plans.
A real vacation. A nice little retreat. Since our next show was in Nashville, and that was J.D.
's home show, he'd told his mama we'd be crashing with her for a couple weeks.
I wanted to say it was his house, since he'd bought it, but J.D.
was adamant it wasn't. Nope, he'd bought that for his mother and sister. He had a room, but only to visit.
The strange thing was how excited I was to meet his mother.
Not nervous like I should be. Then again, the first time I'd talked to her had been when J.D.
had been injured. He'd been in surgery, and someone had to keep her updated on what we knew.
That had broken the ice in a way I hadn't expected - mostly because he'd already told her about both me and Tanner.
And she approved.
Even thinking about that put a little bounce in my step as I headed to the line to check in. I was almost there when someone called my name and steps started hurrying over toward me. I turned to see Jackson Cloutier, one of my fellow rookies, making a beeline for me.
"Hey," he said, grabbing my gear bag off my shoulder and tossing it over his as he moved into the line with me. "Are you in?"
"What?" I asked.
He grinned. "Bodacious mode."
I shook my head, still not understanding what he was talking about.
So Jackson reached around my back to grab my opposite shoulder. That made it easy for him to lean in, putting our heads together. "We're using collective bargaining. If the Pbr isn't going to give us our bullfighters, then we're not riding."
That made me stiffen, pulling us apart a bit. "Really? Who?"
"Well, Renato, Jake, and Ty were talking about it at the bar last night. Brazil's all in. Most of Canada too. Can't say America, because we all know Austin and those fuckers will ride, but sounds like most bull riders are in. Just weren't sure if you were ok with this."
"We're not riding?" I asked again. "Like, scratching?"
"Like drawing a bull, putting a rope on it, and sending it out riderless," he clarified. "Like they did with Bodacious, Cody."
"Bodacious mode," I said, finally realizing what the hell he was talking about. "Ok, yeah. I can do that."
"Yes!" he said, pumping his fist at his side. "I had a feeling you'd be in on it. We're trying to get the rest - those who weren't at the bar last night - but we can't really say anything." And he looked up pointedly.
I followed his gaze to where a man in an overly-starched white shirt was sauntering down the corridor, headed our way. The other riders in the line looked at him too. Glared was probably a better word. Unfortunately, I didn't know who he was. I just knew he wasn't Donald Merrill.
"Which one is that?" I asked Jackson softly.
"Sousa. He's in charge of the bullfighters."
I didn't know what came over me, but when the man passed by us, I blew out a wad of spit right in front of his feet. It wasn't girly, but growing up in the country, it was something every kid learned. It also made it very clear what I thought of this man.
"What was that?" he demanded, turning to me like I should fear him.
"Had a little bullshit in the back of my throat," I told him, lifting a brow.
"Not ladylike," he grumbled, turning away to keep going wherever he'd been heading.
I just grunted, then mumbled, "Neither is riding bulls, dumbass."
"That," Jackson said, "is why you're my hero, Cody. No fucking fear." But he hesitated for a moment. "Hey..." And he reached for the strap of my bag. "I was going to carry this for you, but that's Noah. I want to make sure he's in too."
"I got it," I promised, taking my bag. "Go. I'll get all the details I need from Ty."
"We're going to make it work," Jackson assured me before scooting off again.
I chuckled under my breath at his enthusiasm, but what could I say? Fuck, I hoped this would work, but the chances of that? Not fucking likely.
Yet Jackson was barely out of sight before someone else moved in to take the open spot beside me. I looked over, braced for the worst, only to see Wes shuffling along in time with me.
"So, sounds like you heard," he said.
"Yep. You in?"
"Oh yeah," he assured me. "Cody, I just want to know one thing, and not answering is fine too."
"Ok?"
He shoved a hand across his mouth as he checked around us. "So, they're saying Tanner's gay - "
"He's not."
"That's not the question," he assured me. "What I'm wondering is why you, Ty, and everyone else is saying that, but Tanner isn't."
"Because they suspended him for being gay.
" I shuffled forward as the line moved. The whole time, Wes kept watching me, making it clear that wasn't enough.
"If he says he's not, then he's saying being gay is something worth being suspended over.
It'd be like saying he's innocent, when that's not a thing to be guilty of, Wes. "
"Yeah," he agreed. "I had a feeling it was something like that. You think J.D. gets that?"
I couldn't stop the laugh, because J.D. definitely understood that. Hell, if the places had been reversed, J.D. would've become the most flaming queen ever - or something equally shocking - just to prove the point.
"I think," I said, dragging it out, "that J.D. is all in on this. Believe it or not, he's a good guy, and he judges people on how they act, not something stupid like that."
Wes just nodded. "Kinda what I figured, but with the media hovering around the entrance, I have a feeling your guys are going to get caught in the crossfire today."
And my guts clenched hard. Shit, he was right. They had tickets, so they'd come in that way with everyone else. No, wait. I'd make sure they didn't.
"I'll let them know to come around this side," I decided. "Thanks for thinking about it, Wes. I mean, J.D. saw them when he dropped me off, but yeah. If anyone ties Casey's death to Tanner being suspended, that's going to blow up."
"And we don't want that," Wes said, making it sound like he was agreeing with me.
But my head twitched as the idea hit me. "Or do we? I mean, if no one's riding because we want the real bullfighters back, then isn't this exactly the hill we should be dying on?"
"Only if we want empty vests," Wes countered. "And so you know, Cody, most of us don't have the luxuries you and J.D. get with yours."
"No, you don't," I agreed, already making plans.