Chapter 12 Tabitha
“I was thinking of sending Mrs. Field an email,” Mom says over breakfast.
I drop my spoon into my cereal bowl with a clang. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“To check if you’ve made any improvement.”
“Didn’t you hear Freddy last night? He literally dropped me off to study with my new lab partner.”
Mom smiles. “And I think it’s great you’re taking more of an interest. But your brothers aren’t by your side in class.”
I groan at her. “It’s never enough for you, is it? Why can’t you just be happy I studied?”
A pang of guilt surges through my chest.
Drew did my homework again.
Mom shrugs, reading her tablet. “Seeing as it’s Friday, I’ll leave it until next week to get in touch with her. If there’s an improvement, it should be noticeable by then.”
“If?” I echo, the hurt building inside me as I excuse myself from the table. “If. You have zero faith in me.”
I dump my bowl and spoon into the kitchen sink and storm toward my bedroom. As I enter the hallway, I screech to a halt.
“I didn’t raise a quitter!” Dad yells from Drew’s bedroom.
Crap.
A pit grows in my stomach as I listen for Drew’s response.
The pit grows larger when there isn’t one.
“That’s it, is it?” Dad bellows. “You’ll just sit there and let your potential rot? You’re a joke, Andrew.”
It’s always such a sore spot when Dad calls him Andrew. Dad named Drew after himself, wanting his first born to take on his legacy. Mom once told me Dad would dream of having Dr. Andrew Jones Jr. working beside him at the hospital. Nowadays, Drew does anything to be the opposite of Dad’s image.
In elementary school, Drew used to go by AJ.
Around the time Corbin was born, Drew had a meltdown and said he didn’t want to go by that nickname anymore.
Even at ten-years-old, Drew's animosity with Dad was palpable. I didn’t really see it back then, but it’s clear to me now.
Dad has always favored Freddy. They’re the only two in the family with those piercing blue eyes and an insatiable drive to succeed.
I know Dad gets so frustrated with Drew because he’s smart enough to become a doctor. They both will never admit how truly alike they are. Let’s face it. Drew isn’t applying himself because he’s frustrated with Dad.
In the hallway, Freddy emerges from Corbin’s bedroom.
I clutch my elbows. “What are you doing?”
“I was helping Corby with his shoelaces,” Freddy explains. “Once the yelling started, I covered his ears.”
Corbin wanders out of his room at the same time Dad storms out of Drew’s.
“Dad,” Freddy calls out, but Dad continues down the hallway.
Freddy calls again, chasing after Dad.
“What gives?” Corbin asks, throwing up his palms. “Freddy said he was going to pack my school bag for me.”
“You’re big enough to do it for yourself,” I counter, ignoring the fact Freddy is sucking up to Dad to mend fences.
Drew meanders to his doorway and leans against it. “Has Golden Boy gone to fix my problems?”
I grasp my elbows tighter. “You know he can’t stand when we all fight.”
“He’s got problems,” Drew jokes.
“I’ll say,” Corbin pipes up, chucking a thumb behind him and into his bedroom. “He only did half a job in here.”
Drew smirks and wanders into the hallway. “What do you need, little man? I’ll help you out.”
Corbin leads Drew into his bedroom, and I continue on to mine. My backpack is ready to go. It’s just my phone I need to remember. I left it on charge because I had a playlist running all night.
I don’t know what was up. I kept tossing and turning. When I’d finally fall asleep, I’d gasp myself awake. Totally not fun.
Then I get up, and Mom’s at me straight away.
Then I find Dad berating Drew.
Ah, never thought I’d be longing to go to school.
I read the last few messages from Cammy and Yvie on our group chat. I decide not to respond. My head’s not in the game today, so I’d definitely text something they’d delight in using as ammunition against me.
I swipe out of my text messages and tap on the school portal app.
I can’t believe I was messaging with Kai Nelson last night.
Seriously, what was I thinking?
I reread the message chain. We didn’t attack each other.
Could chemistry actually be productive today?
I wonder if he finished his homework? I’m halfway through typing the question to him when I stop.
I hurriedly hit backspace. What the heck?
Why would I want to keep talking to this guy? No sleep has definitely rocked me.
I get off my bed, pocket my phone, and grab my school bag.
I leave down the hallway and meet up with my brothers in the garage.
Dad is yammering on as he puts his briefcase on the backseat.
Mom is buckling Corbin into her car. Seriously, he’s old enough to be doing things for himself. Why must everyone continue to baby him?
Freddy is answering whatever Dad’s droning on about as I put my bag into his trunk.
When Freddy closes the trunk, I move around to the backseat, sitting behind Drew.
I breathe easily when he’s in the correct uniform today.
My parents already have a laundry list of violations, and I don’t need him setting them off again.
Freddy’s sucking up can only do so much.
“Tabitha,“ Mom over pronounces my name. “Good bye.”
I wave at her through the car window. “Yes, Mom. Bye.”
I then wave at Dad, and Freddy gets the car started. Another calm breath breezes out of me when we are the first ones out of the garage.
Throughout my first few classes, I can’t stop thinking about my message chain with Kai.
My fingers itch, wanting to ask him if he finished the homework.
Some crazy part of me even wants to apologize for not making our study session work.
But that wasn’t my fault. I mean, I tried.
When he spoke about not using his brother to do his homework, I genuinely found respect for him.
Yuck. There’s that guilt again for letting Drew do my homework.
I just felt so riled up. I didn’t want to do my homework on principle.
I wanted to show Mrs. Field what a huge mistake she made by sitting me next to Kai.
When I ranted to Drew, he told me the inevitable fight with Mom wouldn’t be worth it, and he took my discussion questions and typed up some answers.
Why he doesn’t listen to his own advice for his relationship with Dad is beyond me.
There’s a chime from the school’s PA system, and then an announcement. “Attention all freshman and sophomore students. All freshman and sophomore students. Please file into the gym for a compulsory school assembly. That’s freshman and sophomore students to the gym. Thank you.”
Cammy winks at me. “Nice. We get out of chemistry.”
I grin at her. “Yeah, awesome.”
As we move toward the gym, I can’t help being honest with myself. I was actually curious to be in chemistry class today. Could Kai and I get through a lesson without sniping at each other? I know I said we should make a pact, but I also said we wouldn’t stick to it, and he didn’t disagree.
Cammy and I file into the gym with the other students. Yvie is already taking a seat in the middle of the third bleacher. Cammy pushes ahead of me, zeroing in on the seats Yvie is hopelessly saving for us. Is this health class 2.0 where I’m left out again?
I follow Cammy along the aisle, and surprisingly, she leaves a space for me between her and Yvie.
Unnerved, I take a seat. Vice Principal Franklin is at the microphone, telling all the stragglers to take a seat.
My breath hitches when I witness Kai Nelson and his friends walk into the gym.
I exhale when they all take a seat on the second bleacher, a few rows down from me and the girls.
Our vice principal gets the assembly moving.
Apparently, there’s been a spike in kids using the school portal to bully other students.
It’s definitely not a good look that Ashworth Academy’s in-house student and teacher interface is becoming a breeding ground for cyber crime.
To be honest, I didn’t really know this was a thing.
I barely log-on, unless I need to do an assignment that’s due that week.
Or, like last night, it’s the only way to communicate with my lab partner.
My gaze wanders, searching for Kai. I swallow and suck in a breath as I view him messing around with his friends.
They laugh and punch each other in the arm until a teacher passes by and hushes them.
There’s a carefree ease to his expression, and the ache in my chest softens when I focus on his smile.
“Who are you looking at?” Yvie whispers beside me.
“Huh?” I jolt in place, flicking my gaze back to the basketball court. “No one.”
“Mm-hmm.” She sniggers to herself. “Have anything to do with Hayden McGregor sitting over there?”
There’s a sting between my eyebrows as I frown. I’ll never live down that text.
Although, Yvie thinking I was staring at Hayden is a much better predicament than who I was actually gawking at.
“Mm,” I vaguely murmur back.
I let Yvie giggle to herself about my apparent crush on Hayden McGregor, and I can’t help wondering about the chemistry class I’m missing out on.
There’s a flutter in my heart.
What if Kai and I were civil?
What would that be like?
I focus on his smile and how he chats with his friends instead of listening to Vice Principal Franklin yammering into the microphone.
Kai leans into Jamie, whispering in her ear, and there’s a tug in my stomach.
The feeling clamps down. My gaze drops to my hands when the agony spikes.
I unfurl my fingers, prying my fingernails from the flesh of my palms.
In shock, I look back up at Kai and Jamie.
Was that jealousy?
Over them?
I gulp, soaking in the presence of my friends on either side of me. Again, I watch Kai and Jamie laugh together. Maybe that’s it. I’m jealous of a good friendship. When’s the last time I effortlessly laughed with my friends?
I rub two knuckles over the ache in my chest. Why am I pining over a class with a boy who does nothing but yell at me?
It’s just because Mom was drilling me again, and my guilt over using Drew.
Well, he offered. He practically pried the homework away from me.
But, ugh, he did it, and I shouldn’t have let him.
If Kai and I could get along enough to finish the assignment, I could ease my guilt and show Drew I can do it on my own.
Yvie nudges my side. “Do you think we’ll still have phys-ed after this?”
I grimace. “Eww. I hope not.”
“What are you two talking about?” Cammy whispers.
“Possibility of having phys-ed after this,” I whisper back.
“Isn’t it health class again?”
I cross my fingers. “Either way, I hope this is a long assembly.”
Cammy sniggers. “Maybe if everyone around us keeps chatting, our reddening vice principal will go even more ape and keep us for an extra period.”
I sink in my seat. “I have no problem with that. I can zone him out.”
Cammy giggles, nudging me. “You’re so bad.”
I wink at her. “Are you in a rush to get to health class?”
“Hard pass.”
There’s a kink in my neck, and I let it cut deeper into my muscle. I focus on the pain instead of my shame. Any little inch I get onto Cammy’s good side, I take it. Even in the moments earlier, I was sitting here, contemplating my lack of real friendship.
My gaze wanders back to Kai and Jamie. The jealousy writhes inside me, but I continue to focus on the pain. My third eye imagines me taking out my feelings on Jamie West during phys-ed. I breathe out shallowly, imagining Camila praising me for whatever nasty words come out of my mouth.
It’s sad that this is the only safety I feel.