Chapter 38 Tabitha
“I want things to go back to how they were before.”
This is what Kai said to me in the cafeteria, about him and Jamie.
Before.
Before he and I got close?
Before I became his girlfriend?
Am I the problem?
I smooth back my hair as I stand at my bathroom sink. I’m not really the girl for him. I know I don’t measure up. Yesterday, he wanted to share his love of hiking with me.
And I fell.
Jamie wouldn’t have fallen.
Jamie is running around a soccer field, impressing Kai and making him forget I exist.
Heck, I almost became invisible at lunch. As soon as she sat down at our lunch table, he moved our food tray toward her. It was mortifying.
Yesterday, he ignored Jamie’s text message because he was with me. He said he didn’t regret it, but did he really mean it?
Is he now regretting spending more time with me than with her?
With an ugly grunt, I tear at the bandage around my fingernail to replace it. I rip too hard, and some of the nail pulls at the nail bed.
“Ouch,“ I yelp in pain.
“Tabitha?” Dad asks, standing by the bathroom door.
Geez, why didn’t I shut it behind me? Because Kai and Jamie are taking up space in my head. “Ugh.”
“What’s wrong?” Dad says, stepping into the bathroom and peering at my hand cupped around my messed up finger. “Show me.”
“It’s just a broken nail.”
“You’re wearing the look of distress I see in my ER.”
I pout, trying to deflect. “Mom said she wouldn’t pay for a new manicure.”
He places out his palm. “Tabitha?”
I huff and relent, showing him my messed-up finger.
Dad winces. “This looks nasty. What happened?”
“I fell and used my hands like brake pads.”
Dad’s eyebrow arches. “Fell where?”
I chew inside my lip before responding. “On the ground.”
Dad stares me down, willing me to elaborate.
I rip my finger away from him with a hiss. “Kai and I went hiking.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“And why didn’t you show me this yesterday?”
“You were out with Freddy.”
“And I was home when you got back from school. Why didn’t you consult me then?”
“Consult? You’re not my doctor.”
“No, I’m your father.”
I fold my arms, hiding the icky fingernail from him. “I knew you’d blame this on Kai.”
“Where did he take you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Answer me.”
I look down, turning my body away from him. When he forcibly turns me back toward him, my eyes itch. “We went for a drive, that’s all.”
“Where?”
“Towards Logan’s Point.”
“Where idiot teenagers hang off cliff sides and backflip into streams that are never deep enough? Haven’t I told you enough horror stories about what happens in those places?”
“It’s not a big deal, it’s just…”
Dad grabs my hand, making me yelp, and inspects my finger. “Tabitha, the sides of your finger are purple. You’ll lose this fingernail.”
The itching in my eyes waters. “I know.”
Dad turns my hands over, and steam comes out his nostrils. “And what about all these cuts? Is an infection no big deal too?”
“Dad, please don’t turn this into a big deal.”
“I warned you,” he says, seething. “That boy isn’t good enough for you. He can’t help putting himself in harm’s way. Now he’s doing it to you. Well, I’m putting an end to it.”
I choke on air. “You-you, what?”
“I’m not letting him get to three strikes. Tabitha, you’re forbidden from seeing him again.”
I ball my hands into fists, and it stings the cuts in my palms. “You can’t do that!”
“I already have.”
“I see him every day at school.”
“Of course, but you won’t see him outside of school.”
“You can’t do this. He’s my boyfriend.”
“He’s beneath you.”
I knock my fist against his chest. “Don’t do this to me!”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Drew says, stopping by the bathroom door.
Seeing my older brother breaks the seal, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
Drew’s chin drops. “Tabby? What happened?”
Dad opens a cabinet drawer, retrieving the bandages. “She’s not seeing Kai anymore.”
Drew’s brow narrows skeptically. “You broke up?”
I swallow the need to whine and shake my head.
Dad takes my hand, wipes an alcohol swab over my injuries, and bandages me up. “It’s for your own good, Tabitha. I know what’s best.”
When Dad leaves the bathroom, Drew ignores him like he’s invisible, leaning into the bathroom to ask me, “Tabby, what was that all about?”
I show him my hand. “I got hurt when I was with Kai, and now Dad says I can’t see him.”
Drew moves in closer, looking at my hand. “Kai hurt you?”
“No, I just slipped. It’s not his fault.” I sniff hard, and a sob breaks through. “It’s my fault. I’m not good enough.”
Drew cups the sides of my face. “What are you talking about? You’re a prize.”
I shake my head between his hands. “No, I’m not. His friends can do all these amazing things, and I don’t measure up. Especially compared to…” I retch, reefing my head from his hand. “Ugh. Compared to Jamie.”
Kai kissed my cheek after English class, and then he left with her.
The girl who hates me.
The girl I’m not allowed to hate.
If I admit my jealousy of Kai’s relationship with Jamie, I’m done for. If I say anything negative about her, Kai will dump me.
“Jamie?” Drew questions. “Another girl?”
I suck in a breath, and Drew’s brow arches.
“Crap,“ he hisses. “I’ll kill him.”
I lunge forward, clutching Drew’s arm. “No, everything’s fine. He did nothing wrong.”
Drew frowns, following my grip on him until he meets my fretful gaze. “Something is definitely wrong if you’re worried about some other girl after Dad just threw down the hammer. Spill.”
“Okay.” I swipe the tears from my cheeks. “It is Kai and another girl, but it’s not what you think.”
“If it’s making you miserable, it’s exactly what I think.”
“It’s just that they’re together, and I hate it.”
Drew lets out a deep grunt. “He’s cheating on you?”
I pull at my hair. “Stop jumping to wild conclusions! I just hate that when she spends time with his brother, it makes Kai jealous. I hate when she tells Kai they’re hanging out; it makes him happy.”
“Wait. Is Jamie using Kai’s brother to make him jealous?”
I grimace while shuddering. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s her tutor, so no. But…”
“But you think Jamie is into Kai?”
“I don’t know. I just know they’re close. So close I can’t stand it.”
“Oof. You’re majorly jealous.”
“I was jealous of them before Kai and I became a thing.”
“Have you told Kai?”
I shake my head. “No, he’d dump me.”
Alarm takes over Drew’s face. “So, he is into Jamie?”
I shrug. “She’s just really important to him. I can never tell him I have a problem with them hanging out.”
“Why is he hanging out with her, anyway? Shouldn’t he want to be with you instead?”
“To be fair, he’s at soccer practice.” I sigh mournfully. “But she tagged along. And last Thursday after practice, he spent the whole evening with her.“ I press a hand into my gut as it upturns inside me. “I just know it’ll happen again. He’ll forget about me because he’s wrapped up in her.”
Drew turns toward the bathroom door. “I’ll head to the soccer field and straighten him out.”
I tug him back. “No, I don’t want you to force Kai into doing anything.”
“You want me to do nothing?”
“No, I just want you to be on my side and not mess anything up.” I rub the icy ache from my ribs. “Especially now that Dad is on the warpath.”
Drew slings an arm around me. “I hate seeing you like this. Want me to make Dad mad? It won’t be hard, and it’ll give you and Kai some breathing room to work stuff out.”
“I don’t want you getting into more trouble.”
“But I want to help you.”
I massage my temples. “If you could get rid of this headache, it’d be a great start.”
Drew reaches around me, fishing aspirin out of the cabinet drawer. “Here.”
I smile at him appreciatively. “Thanks.”
“You want a distraction?”
“Desperately.”
“Okay, we’ll do something to take your mind off this. You’re always nagging me to join you guys for family night. Well, I’m announcing family night is happening right now.”
I cringe. “I don’t want that. Dad is being so…”
“Tab, I’m not planning on ruining our night,” he says in a lighter tone. “I’m talking about going out with just the siblings. What do you say?”
I smile at the gesture. “Where are we going?”
Drew lifts my hand. “I know your hand’s a little messed up, but how do you feel about bowling?”
I wiggle my bandaged finger. “Well, I don’t bowl with this hand, so I’m all good. Wow, we haven’t gone bowling in forever.”
“Bowling!” Corbin screeches, rushing toward the doorway.
I groan at him. “Were you eavesdropping, you little rat?”
Corbin pouts and stamps his foot. “I’m no rat.”
Drew laughs and then gestures at our little brother. “Go get your shoes on.”
“Yes!” Corbin cheers, running back into his bedroom.
“Do we really need to bring him?” I mutter, dragging my feet toward the hallway.
“I know you’re jealous of him because he took your spot as the baby of the family.”
I scoff, making my way into my bedroom. “I’m not jealous of him.”
In front of my vanity mirror, I scoop my hair into a makeshift ponytail. In the hall, Drew is calling out to Freddy to join us. Freddy asks three times for Drew to repeat himself. Understandable. Our aloof brother is taking us bowling. It’s not exactly a usual occurrence.
Images of Kai and Jamie filter through my mind until I can’t stand it anymore. I drop my hands and huff as my hair cascades over my shoulders. It’s definitely time to hurl my feelings down a bowling lane and smash some pins.
When I meet Drew in the hall, he double-takes at me. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
“What?”
He gestures at me. “You’re in sweats.”
“So?”
“You never leave the house in sweats.”
“I guess today is the day.”
Drew pulls an arm around me and walks me into the living room. “You really are in a funk.”
“Drew,” Dad calls from his study.
Drew’s eyes roll up, and he doesn’t respond.
I shift, weighing up whether I should say something.
Footsteps answer for me, and Dad appears in his study doorway. “Drew, I’m working from home.”
Drew shrugs. “Okay?”
Dad lifts his oversized tea cup. “I’ll need a fresh cup.”
“That’s nice,” Drew replies, not budging.