CHAPTER 26
JUST LIKE BEFORE
Lidia
I’m lying on my side on the rumpled sheets, my body still warm and pressed against Barbara’s.
Our skin brushes with every breath, naked, without a single barrier between us.
The cool night breeze drifts in through the open windows and slowly caresses my back—a timid caress considering the storm we’ve just unleashed together.
Outside, the sea whispers against the sand, a constant, soft murmur that seems to keep time with my heartbeat.
Inside, only this sweet silence remains, the same one that wrapped around us years ago when it was enough just to lie like this, breathing close to each other.
I feel the light weight of her leg over mine, the warmth of her stomach against my hip.
It all feels so natural that a shiver runs through me from head to toe.
Everything feels just like before, as if time had stood still, as if the years of distance and pain had evaporated the moment we touched again.
My hand rests on her waist, my fingers tracing lazy circles over her soft skin.
She’s here, she’s real, mine again. And I…
I know that no matter how hard I tried to fight it, Barbara is still under my skin.
Yes, Alex was the calmer option, that quiet, peaceful harbor.
But now I realize that what always kept me from fully giving myself to her was exactly that—that calm isn’t what my body and soul truly crave.
It’s this chaotic storm, this passion that only Barbara knows how to awaken in me.
The ceiling fan spins slowly, stirring the air still heavy with our scent.
The light from the wicker lamps is dim and golden, casting soft shadows across her curves.
I study her profile in the half-light, and my heart tightens in a way I can’t explain.
It’s as if the whole world has shrunk down to this bungalow in Ukulhas, to the two of us tangled together in bed while the night wraps around us.
After everything that just happened, my emotions weigh on me more than ever.
My chest rises and falls, full of satisfaction, but also of all those memories I can’t seem to let go of.
It’s been months—years—pretending I could live without this, without her.
And now, with her skin still marked by my nails and my taste lingering on her lips, I realize how empty my life has been without this connection.
I feel an immense, almost painful tenderness when I think of all the nights I cried myself to sleep over what we lost. But there’s relief too, flooding through me.
Because here we are, after so much pain, and she’s still the one who makes me feel whole.
Barbara breaks the silence first. Her fingers slide through my hair so slowly that it sends a shiver down my spine. The silkiness of my hair seems to fascinate her, because she tangles her fingers in it and lets it fall again with a smile I can sense more than see.
“I hope Miriam and your father aren’t looking for us,” she murmurs in that hoarse voice still marked by the moans from earlier. Her tone is light, but I can tell she’s trying to hide the same overwhelming emotion I’m feeling.
I can’t help letting out a soft, almost childish laugh as I lift my eyes to hers.
They shine in the dim light, full of that mischievous spark I’ve missed so much.
I prop myself up slightly on one elbow to look at her better, and the brush of my chest against hers sends a tingle straight to my stomach.
“Let them search all they want,” I reply, my voice sounding far more confident than I actually feel. “I’m not leaving this room all night. Not even if the resort manager himself comes knocking. After this… I don’t want anything interrupting us.”
Barbara smiles in that way that creates little lines at the corners of her eyes.
Her hand leaves my hair and slides to my cheek.
She strokes me slowly with her thumb while biting her lower lip in that way that has always hypnotized me.
It’s such a uniquely hers gesture, so full of meaning, that the heat flares inside me again like a fire that never really went out.
“Not even to eat something?” she asks playfully, her eyes fixed on me with an intensity that makes me swallow hard.
“I have everything I want to devour right in front of me,” I reply, letting my gaze drift slowly over her body, from the curve of her neck to the place where our legs are tangled together.
“Besides, if we really get hungry, we can always order room service. But right now… right now I only want this. You. Like this.”
She leans closer and kisses me. It’s slow and deep, without the urgency from before, but just as intense. Her lips linger against mine as if she wants to memorize every detail, and I surrender to her completely. When she finally pulls back slightly, her warm breath brushes my mouth.
“What do you want, Lidia?” she whispers, each word vibrating against my lips.
The question catches me off guard, even though it shouldn’t.
I fall silent for a second, feeling my heartbeat quicken again.
“What do I want?” I know getting back together with her is crazy.
After so much pain, so many years apart, broken promises, and nights when I thought I’d never lie beside her again…
what’s happening between us is insane. But it’s a sweet, perfect kind of madness, the kind that makes you feel alive again.
I don’t want anything else. I don’t want the calm Alex offers me, no matter how much I appreciate it.
I want this blend of fire and tenderness that only Barbara knows how to give me.
I want her hands on my skin, her laughter in my ear, the way she looks at me like I’m the center of her universe.
“I want to spend the rest of my life by your side,” I finally reply, my voice low but steady, full of all the emotions swelling inside me.
“I want to wake up tomorrow and still find you here, naked and tangled up with me. I want us to walk along the beach without hiding, to laugh at the same stupid things, and when night falls, to lose ourselves in each other again. I want to feel that this isn’t a mistake, Barbara.
That this is what we were always meant to be.
I never stopped loving you. Not for a single day.
And I’ve realized that breaking up was the stupidest decision we ever made. ”
She looks at me in silence for a moment that feels endless. Her eyes fill with something I can’t quite decipher, and then she nods with a smile that doesn’t fully reach her eyes but still lights up her whole face.
“Then let it be that way,” she says simply, though her voice cracks slightly at the end, as if the same emotions overwhelming me are trapping her too.
“You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of hearing you say that.
These past two years… I tried convincing myself I could move on without you, but every time I closed my eyes, it was you I saw.
And…” She pauses, the silence stretching longer than it should as she gathers her thoughts.
“Now, after feeling you again… damn, my hands are shaking just thinking about it.”
The heat between us rises again. Not like before. Slower this time, deeper, like a tide steadily pulling us under. Her hand glides down my back, tracing my spine, and I shiver. The night breeze slips in again, cool and salty, contrasting with the warmth of her body pressed against mine.
I snuggle closer, resting my head in the crook of her neck.
I breathe in her skin, that scent of sea salt and us, and close my eyes for a moment.
I remember the nights years ago in Valencia, when we’d lie like this after making love and the world seemed to stop turning.
Back then there were silences like this too, sweet and heavy with promises left unspoken.
Now, in Ukulhas beneath the Maldivian stars, I feel the circle closing.
As if all the pain, the doubts, and the running away were only leading us back here.
“You know this isn’t going to be easy, right?
” I murmur against her neck, because I need to say it out loud even though I don’t want to break the spell.
“Everything that happened in our lives is still out there. But for the first time in a long while, I feel like I can finally be myself again, without pretending I’m okay when I’m not.
” It’s as if every wall I spent years building has suddenly collapsed.
And it hurts a little, you know? It hurts remembering how much we suffered, the emptiness I felt when everything disappeared.
“Tonight is ours. We’ll think about the rest tomorrow.
Right now I just want to be here with you, Lidia.
Like before. Better than before. And yes, it hurts.
It hurts me too remembering all those mornings when I woke up wondering why I didn’t fight harder for us.
But now… now that I have you here, all that pain turns into something good.
Proof that what we had never really died. ”
Her words fill my eyes with tears I refuse to let fall. I blink quickly and smile, though emotion tightens my throat.
“You’re impossible,” I whisper, lifting my head to look into her eyes.
“But I love that after everything, you’re still the only person who makes me feel this way.
” Earlier, it felt like the past and present collided.
Like we’d never been apart. I don’t know how I ever convinced myself I could replace you with something calmer.
Alex is good, she’s stable… but you’re my storm, Barbara. And I need you to feel alive.
She kisses my forehead, then my nose, and finally my lips.
The kiss lingers, becoming wetter, more demanding.
Desire stirs in my stomach again, slow but unstoppable.
Her fingers tangle in my hair once more, tugging gently to tilt my head back and deepen the kiss.
My body reacts instinctively, pressing closer to hers, craving the contact I need so badly.
“What if I told you I need your storms too?” she murmurs against my mouth, her voice breaking. “That these years without you felt like living in black and white, and today, touching you again, everything came back in color? Lidia, I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want fear to beat us again.”
Her words crack something open inside me. I brush the back of my hand over her cheek and notice her eyes shining too.
“We’re not going to lose it,” I promise, my voice rough with emotion.
“Not this time. We’re going to fight for us, even if it means rebuilding our lives from scratch.
There’s no turning back anymore. I love you, Barbara.
I love you with everything I am, with all my scars and with the insane desire to do all over again what we did a little while ago. ”
The night is still young. The breeze keeps drifting through the windows, cooling our overheated skin.
The sea murmurs outside, oblivious to everything.
And we… we’re here, in this bungalow, rediscovering each other as if it were the very first time.
I know tomorrow we’ll have to face reality.
But right now, with Barbara in my arms and her heart beating against mine, this is all I want.
I want time to stop for just a little longer.
I pull back just enough to breathe and look at her. Her eyes are dark with desire again, but also full of something softer, more real.
“Stay with me tonight…” I murmur, lost in her gaze. “And tell me everything that’s happened during all the years I missed. I want to feel like we were never apart, like it was all just a nightmare we’ve finally woken up from.”
Barbara presses her forehead against mine and sighs softly.
“I’ll tell you everything. But first… first I want to kiss you and feel you again.”
The heat rises between us once more. Her hands slide down my back, pulling me closer. My breathing quickens. And as I kiss her again, deeper and slower, I know this is only the beginning of something neither of us will be able to stop.