EZRA
‘ T HAT ’ S A VERY COOL PLACE , BABE . A RE YOU SURE YOU ’ LL GET IN ?’
Worryingly enough, Mac doesn’t sound like he’s joking.
‘I – are you serious? I thought it was just some random bar.’
‘Nuh-uh. Like – if you’re a normie and you want to hook up with someone famous, it’s the place. This month, at least.’
‘Is it now?’ I murmur, raising an eyebrow as I wedge a cigarette between my lips. Mac leans over to take one – we’re sitting together on the crates behind the restaurant, wasting our lunch break.
‘Allegedly.’ He grins. ‘The drinks are too expensive but the vibe’s okay. Consider something other than saggy knitwear or oversized flannels, please.’
‘There’s a dress code?’ I ask, leaning over to light his cigarette before mine – manners maketh the man and all that.
‘Not officially, but it’s advisable to look good. You’re meeting Audrey there, right?’
‘Right.’
‘Mm. Maybe borrow something of mine. It’ll be nice for her to see you make an effort. Then after that, maybe a move?’
‘She’s the stylish one,’ I say mildly, choosing to ignore that last comment. ‘I’m adorably homespun.’
‘Adorably single, too. And remember, she’s leaving any day now – if you miss your window then she’ll have no reason to even remember you, let alone keep in touch.’
‘What would you do, then?’ I retort, irritated by the (deeply unwelcome) reminder that time is of the essence.
‘Well, I would have never let it get to this point.’
‘Great. That’s great advice. Thank you so much.’
‘It’s not too late, though! Tonight is your golden opportunity. Being in a bar means lower stakes – if she shoots you down, you can duck out with minimal humiliation.’
‘Glad we’re covering the worst-case scenario.’
‘It’s cute that you think that that’s the worst-case scenario.’
‘You’re an awful hype man.’
‘But an incredible wingman. I’m even willing to lend you clothes, babe. That’s a big deal for me.’
‘Good luck finding anything that fits.’
‘We’ll figure it out. I’ve got a few things in my locker than might not look heinous with those trousers.’
‘You keep clothes in your locker?’
‘I keep everything in my locker. I could live out of this place if I wanted to. And I’ve considered it.’
‘Times are tough, huh?’
‘Yeah,’ he says shortly. ‘And for that reason, I’m going to continue stealing your cigarettes.’
I roll my eyes but pass him the pack – I keep my cards in the wallet Audrey gave me now.
‘Aw, shucks.’ Mac smiles, slipping it into his pocket. ‘And it’s not even my birthday.’
‘It’d be a pretty sad excuse for a gift if it were. Besides, I thought you were a singer.’
‘Occasionally. Why – are you worried about me damaging my instrument?’
“Aren’t you? What about that school you always talk about – is that still happening?’
‘Yeah,’ he says after a beat. ‘I’m just waiting to hear back, is all.’
‘But you can act and sing or whatever outside of it, right? Like – if you wanted to audition for something—’
‘And admit that I’m a failure?’
‘A failure?’ I laugh. ‘You’re nineteen.’
‘ Exactly. Dominic got into Juilliard on his first audition and we’re literally the same age.’
Dominic, Mac’s maybe-date from the other night.
‘Right. How that’s going?’
‘It isn’t,’ Mac says matter-of-factly. ‘He’s into monogamy and I’m not. Not right now, anyway, so – go on. Judge away.’
‘What makes you think I’d judge you for that?’ I frown.
‘Because you probably have an adorably conventional line-up of conventionally adorable ex-girlfriends, which – that’s fine! Totally fine. But it’s not for me.’
‘One ex-girlfriend,’ I correct him. ‘And she wasn’t conventional.’
Mac raises an eyebrow. ‘I see. The one that got away?’
‘No, uh – she comes and goes as she pleases, I guess.’
‘You still see her?’
‘Just the other night. She’s in the city, so …’
‘She better not be reason that you’re dragging your feet with Audrey.’
‘I’m even not going to dignify that with a response,’ I tell him, ignoring a prickle of unease. This is getting a little too similar to the conversation that I had with Caroline, who’s been AWOL since her blowout with Maggie. She’s been doing it for years, now – just taking off whenever she feels like it, never offering explanation or notice. I guess the important thing is that Romy doesn’t seem to mind, which is probably part of why things are working out between them. Caroline has always chafed under anything resembling dependency.
I worry that I have the opposite problem, sometimes. That I need too much to be needed.
‘Well, I’m team Audrey if you do fuck her over,’ Mac says airily. ‘Celebrity hanger-on is my back-up career, and she and Marika are my best bets right now.’
‘Does the whole acting thing really begin and end with one school, though?’ I press. ‘Like – have you ever thought about getting an agent and just seeing what happens?’
‘Sure,’ Mac says after a pause. ‘But I don’t think I’d ever stop feeling like I missed out, you know? Juilliard – it’s not just about getting to act. I want to study my craft. And I don’t want the defining role of my career be a toothpaste commercial.’
‘In fairness, you have very nice teeth.’
‘Ha ha. Want to get a hot dog?’
‘Interesting pivot.’
‘Talking about this bums me out and I’d rather eat my feelings.’ He sighs, absently ruffling his hair as we get to our feet and start to walk. ‘There’s a vendor up the street that’s yet to fuck me up.’ ‘How come?’
‘Just lucky, I guess. Plus the dude wears gloves.’
‘I was talking about the “bummer” thing,’ I say, nudging him. ‘I can see it all happening for you – the dream-tier stuff. You’re just that kind of person, you know? You’ll make it happen.’
‘Thanks,’ Mac says, glancing at me sideways. ‘I think I really needed to hear that, actually.’
And I smile, not wanting to ruin the moment by telling him that I forgot my wallet.