CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Distantly, I’m aware that I’m screaming, writhing on the ground desperate for relief.
I must be dead. This must be the underworld. Oh gods, it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts—
A cool hand covers my mouth and a strong arm wraps around my waist, hauling me backward.
My body goes limp. Darkness crawls over my vision.
And then the pain is gone.
As if it was never there.
My throat is raw from screaming. Tears roll down my face.
Tiernon’s face comes into view. He’s leaning over me, his lips moving. His face is pale, eyes blazing with what looks like … fear.
“What the fuck.” He grabs my jaw, moving my head to the side. When he brushes his finger over the place where Bran bit me, I let out a hiss.
His touch gentles, turning apologetic. “Are you hurt?”
“It hurts,” I admit. “But I’m fine.”
“It seems you can’t leave the city walls,” he mutters.
I feel my lower lip tremble and close my eyes, hating that he’s seeing me so vulnerable.
Tiernon lifts me into his arms, carrying me as gently as if I were a newborn. He walks with vampire grace, his steps so smooth I’m barely jostled as he slowly sneaks back through the city.
My eyelids are so heavy they feel weighed down. Each blink seems to last an hour, until Tiernon lets out a soft sigh.
“Rest. I’ll take care of you.” He continues to move, his steps lulling me to sleep.
I fight it, but I’m so, so tired.
Drinking Tiernon’s blood … changed something between us.
For over a year, I’ve pretended not to notice the way his shirt clings to his muscular shoulders when we spar. I’ve battled the reckless thud of my heart each time he flashes that proud grin after I beat him at cards. I’ve tried to ignore the way his eyes darken each time they linger on my mouth.
And I’ve suppressed every instinct urging me to sink my hands into his hair and press my lips to his.
Sometimes, I catch Tiernon watching me with a strange, wistful look. As if I’m something precious but forever out of reach.
Other times, when he’s supposed to meet me, he stays away.
I never respond well to his absence. I rage and pace, hating him for making me need him so much. Each time he leaves, it’s proof that I’m right: if I was foolish enough to love him the way I want to, I could lose him at any time.
I don’t think I’d survive it.
That doesn’t stop me from screaming at him the next time I see him, my breath hitching, eyes hot. “Are you trying to punish me?”
His jaw clenches, his mouth twisting as he glances away. “Of course not.”
“Then why do this to me, Tiernon? If you don’t want to be my friend, just tell me. Don’t make me hate you.”
His glare slams into me like a blow. “I don’t want to be your friend.”
The tears I’ve been suppressing slip free. Tiernon takes a single step closer, but his hands fist at his sides, and he goes still.
“You don’t understand what it’s like,” he snarls. “To see you get more beautiful each day. To know that while you’re walking in the sun, other men who can do the same are watching you. Wanting you.”
The air lodges in my throat, and all I can do is stare at him.
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to be your friend, Velle.
I want to be your everything. I’ve wanted that since the day we met, when I was too young to understand why I would become so jealous of anyone else who got to spend time with you while I was gone. ”
“Tiernon …”
“If you don’t want that, I understand.” A hollow laugh. “That’s a lie. I don’t understand. Because we belong together. But if you don’t want me, then you don’t get to be angry when I stay away for my own sanity. Because sometimes looking at you … it just hurts too much.”
A weight lifts from my shoulders, the sick knot in my stomach unraveling. “I do want you. Gods, how could you not know that? Everyone knows how much I want you. But I’m scared, Ti. I’m scared that if this doesn’t work out, I’ll lose you forever.”
His eyes light with triumph, and he cups my face. “You’ll never lose me. I promise.”
When his lips meet mine, his kiss is everything I imagined … and more.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. Arvelle? Open your eyes.”
I crack my eyes open, groaning as the room spins around me. I don’t know how much time has passed, but I’m lying on one of the sofas in the imperius’s common room, my head cushioned by a cool silk pillow. Tiernon sits in an armchair in front of me, his expression brooding.
He promised I would never lose him. My breath hitches, and Neris’s face fills my vision as she frowns down at me. “What have you done now?”
“Fuck off.” The words are out before I’m aware I’ve spoken, and I expect instant retaliation. What I don’t expect is her laugh.
She turns to Tiernon. “Fine. You tell me. What happened?”
Leaning forward, he pushes my hair back, revealing my neck. “You can’t see it, but this is a vampire mark. It means she is bonded.”
Neris lets out a low whistle. “I didn’t see that coming.”
“I took her out of the city walls, and it almost killed her.”
“So you have something to do while you’re here.” Neris peers at my neck. “And my guess is you can’t tell us what it is, even if you wanted to.”
I shrug, and that simple movement makes my entire body ache. Suddenly, I feel very, very sorry for myself.
“She could be here for anything,” Neris continues. “She could even be here to kill you.”
Neris is closer than she realizes. My gaze jumps to Tiernon’s. But his lips curve as he leans back in his chair. “If that was the case, I’d already be dead, and Arvelle would be hiding in another kingdom.”
Lies. He would have caught me in my attempt. Just like he’ll catch me when I attempt to kill the emperor if I’m not careful.
“Well, this has been great.” Suppressing another groan, I swing my legs over the side of the sofa.
“What do you need to do in order to be able to leave?” Tiernon asks.
“I need to win my last challenge.” The bond allows me to say that much.
His gaze searches my face. He knows that’s not all I need to do. But he gives a sharp nod.
“In that case, you’ll continue to train with us every day until the ultimus conquestus.”
This time, my groan is audible. “Can’t you just stay away from me? Please.”
“No. I want you gone. This is the best way to make sure that happens.”
I sneer at him. “Your concern is unnecessary.”
The door opens, and Nyrant walks in, his armor covered in blood. He nods at Tiernon, who nods back. No one speaks until he has stalked through the room and into the corridor behind us.
A weight presses on my chest. I can only imagine the things the emperor makes the imperius do on his behalf.
“I’ll walk you to your barracks,” Tiernon says.
“No. I’m fine.”
Tiernon looks like he wants to argue, but Neris steps aside, her dark eyes thoughtful as she watches me.
Disappointment sinks into me as I walk down the corridor toward the gladian barracks.
Hope is dangerous. I know that more than anyone.
And yet I allowed myself to dip my toe into its warmth as I walked through the city with Tiernon.
For just a few moments, I’d thought I could escape.
Could leave the blood and death and godsdamned sand behind.
But I can’t. So I better train like hell for the next two weeks and make sure I stay alive.
ON THE DAY of the ultimus conquestus, I wake to a note beneath my pillow.
The emperor changed his plans. I hope you know how to swim.
I have no idea how Bran managed to sneak it to me—or how someone managed to slip it beneath my pillow without waking me, and the thought puts me in a dark mood.
I have just enough time to speak to my brothers before I’ll walk into the arena for the last time. The moment they appear in the mirror, I soak in the sight of their faces, desperate to hug them just once.
Soon. I’ll see them soon. Just as soon as I find a way to kill the emperor.
Evren’s eyes immediately narrow. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
He stares at me unblinking. I stare right back until his lips tremble into a smile.
“You look tired.”
“I’ve been training a lot.”
Next to him, Gerith frowns at something I can’t see. “I’ll be right back.”
“What’s going on?” I ask Evren.
“Our tutor just arrived with Elva.” He sneers when he says her name and my muscles tense. Of the two, Evren is the one most likely to get along with almost anyone. He sees the good in people.
“What did she do, Ev?”
He drops his gaze, and I wait him out.
“She said she would have thought I would have woken by now since Ger and I are twins. She wonders if I’ll be a voidborn too.”
I fist my hands, although I attempt to keep the rage from my face. I mustn’t succeed, because Ev sighs. “It’s fine, Velle.”
“It’s not fine. First, you can’t be a voidborn if you have a sigil. It’s impossible. Even I’ve been able to do small things with my power for years. Not to mention, you’re only fourteen. Some people don’t awaken until they’re sixteen or seventeen.”
“And some don’t wake at all.”
My nails dig deeper into my palms. That bitch got into his head, and now he’s worried he’ll be deficient. Like me.
Well, I can help him there.
“I’m twenty-four, and I’m only just truly waking now.”
“You are?” Evren leans forward.
I move my face closer to the mirror and allow him to study the tiny change to my sigil.
“What can you do?”
“We’ll talk about that another time.” I pull back, waiting until he meets my eyes once more. “Am I a better person now that I’m awakening?”
He frowns. “You’re already a good person.”
My chest warms, although some part of me wonders if he’d still say that if he knew everything I’ve done to survive in this place.
“Am I smarter?” I press.
“That depends; have you hired your own tutor yet?”
With a laugh, I tilt my head, batting my lashes at him. “Am I prettier?”
His lips curve. “No. If anything, you’re looking haggard.”
“Thanks, Ev.” Time to drive my point home. “Am I worthier than I was just a few days ago? Has my awakening made this world better?”
“No …” The word is hesitant, but I give him a sharp nod, needing him to understand.
“I’m happy Gerith woke because he’s happy.
But it doesn’t make me love him any more.
I already love you both as much as anyone can love.
Power is a tool. You can use it to protect, to defend, to increase your wealth …
and those without power have tools of their own. ”
He slowly nods. “I hear what you’re saying, but I still want to wake.”
“You will.” Some of the gladians begin to walk past the common room. “Listen, I need to go.”
Evren’s eyes sharpen. “You’re walking back into the arena.” It’s almost an accusation and I sigh.
“You know this is part of it, Ev. But this is the last challenge.”
Panic flickers across his face and I lean even closer to the mirror. “You know me. You know I’ll do whatever it takes to survive.”
Evren swallows, sucks in a breath, nods. When his eyes meet mine again, most of the panic has been replaced by grim resolve.
“Can I talk to Gerith?” I ask.
Another sneer. “Elva took him away for training.”
Cold rage bursts through me. I know why Elva is working with Gerith. Leon was wrong. She won’t kill him if I die. She’ll keep him. Any vampire would love to have a well-trained gold sigilmarked on an invisible leash.
I unclench my jaw, forcing a bright smile. “Tell him I love him.”
“I will. We love you, too, Velle.”
This time my smile is real, at least until Evren disappears, and only my own reflection stares back at me.
I need to find my lightest armor and make my way to the meeting point in the ludus for the ultimus conquestus. And I need to win.
That vampire bitch won’t make my brother into her tool.