16. Raya
RAYA
“How hard would it be to let go?”
- RAYA
“You need to grow up.” Khol stood over me, the sun attempting to peek around him. My body ached from hours of sleeping on the cold, damp balcony, my eyes burned, and my throat was dry.
“Are you quite finished being a child?” Khol spoke again, his concern for me clearly turned to irritation. “The quicker you gain control, the quicker you can leave and go back to the people who will most likely murder you.” He spat out the words as though they were poison, as though going back to my home with my family was the strangest idea ever to exist.
I rolled my eyes at the lovely wakeup call. Khol strode back into my room, pacing the small space.
“Well?” He stopped moving and starred at me.
“A bath has been prepared.” His gaze lingered on me as a maid in loose blue clothes walked gracefully from the bathing chamber, an empty jug in her hands. The heat from the water called to me and I almost stripped right there, aching to feel something other than numbness.
Standing from the balcony, I shuffled to the bathing chamber, glaring at Khol as I moved. Shutting the door with more strength than necessary, I stripped off, leaving my pile of grimy clothing on the tiled floor.
“I’ll be out here when you’re done,” Khol called, the sound of his heavy footsteps telling me that he had continued pacing.
My blue fingers burned as I slipped into the warm bath, my scars stinging as the water lapped over them. I looked down at my body, running my fingers over the scars, old and new. I had never really taken any time at all to look at myself since everything went to hell a few days ago. Although bruised and cut, my skin glowed faintly looking almost smug and satisfied. I traced the scars softly, grimacing at the ones on my ankles, I knew these scars. They had been my enemies for the last twelve years.
I sunk deep into the water, the waves lapping over my head until I was submerged. I relished in the quiet, white noise of being completely still. The water was an old friend, welcoming me home. I starred at the ceiling, mesmerized by the milky scaled texture the water gave everything around me. My lungs ached a little, but I did not mind, I enjoyed the stillness. When my lungs began to burn, I stayed in the stillness, taking a deep breath.
Black spots dotted against my vision and I let my body go limp.
And the world began to fade…
Water rushed over my head as Khol’s giant body heaved me up out of the tub. Water spurted from my mouth and my chest shook. Khol turned from me, looking everywhere apart from at my exposed body. He grabbed a towel, passing it to me as he stared as his boots.
“Are you trying to get kill yourself, Raya?” he hissed, my name like an insult on the tip of his tongue. I heaved in a deep breath after deep breath, my lungs screaming at me. My hair tangled across my face and blood spread like spilled ink in the water.
“One of your stitches on your abdomen ripped when I pulled you out,” Khol said once I’d wrapped myself in the towel, his tone accusatory, as though it was my fault.
Perhaps it was.
He strode out the bathing room toward the gilded wardrobe, tossing out black leather trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned toward the wall.
“Get dressed.” His tone was final. “Then I’ll take you to Elijah and he’ll fix your stitches.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, my throat horse. I stood still at the entry way of the bathing chamber, my towel held in place by my white-knuckle grip.
“What are you waiting for? Trust me, I’m not looking,” Khol said smugly.
“Then how do you know I’m not getting dressed,” I countered.
“Because I’m not deaf.” His voice was unkind. “Your feet haven’t moved.”
“You’re standing in front of my draws.” I nodded to the brown chest of draws Khol was leaning on. I moved towards the draws quickly, careful not to get too close to Khol.
“I already got you clothes, Raya.” He sighed as if I were the dimmest girl in the entire continent.
“Undergarments, Khol. I need undergarments.” My tone was flat and unbothered, and he staggered back.
“They’re not going to bite you,” I said, rolling my eyes and grabbing the closest set I could find before changing quickly and combing my wet hair.
Once I was ready, I reached for the door.
“Wait,” Khol’s hand pushed the door shut, his body preventing me from re opening it.
“What?” I said, surprised it took him this long to mention what just happened.
“Are you going to tell me what that was, in the water?” His tone was surprisingly light for such a morbid topic.
“I fell asleep.” The lie rolled off my tongue smoother than I expected it.
“With your eyes open?”
I heaved a sigh, remembering myself staring at the ceiling through the water’s gaze.
“Can we just leave, unless you want me to bleed to death from my open stitches?” I reached for the door again. Khol slammed it shut.
“Were you trying… what would you have done if I wasn’t there?”
“You were there, Khol, so why waste time wondering about things that haven’t happened?” Blood began to rush to my cheeks.
“But what if I wasn’t?” he persisted.
“But you were!”
“But what if I wasn’t?”
“Then I probably would have drowned.” My voice came out as a shout, and I wished to cram the words back into my mouth as soon as I had said them. The silence left in the wake of my words was painful, its blunt edges pushing against my skin. Khol starred deeply into my eyes, although it felt like he was a hundred miles away. He opened the door, pausing before continuing down the corridor.
“When will you realize that we are not your enemies?”
And without giving me chance to respond he strode down the corridor, leaving me to scurry after him.
“What happened?” Elijah”s tone was concerned as he scowled at Khol.
“I slipped in the bath.” Elijah remained uncertain and I reached for his hand. “I am well, Elijah, I promise.”
I risked a look at Khol, silently begging that he would not contradict my story. He gave a subtle nod to Elijah who sighed softly, scrubbing his hand over his weathered face before looking up at Khol.
“Fetch your sister will you, Khol?” he said and my face crumpled with confusion. Why would Elijah need Khol’s sister? Khol’s face seemed to mirror mine.
“I had hoped to avoid using her but since Raya is determined to be my patient forever.” He looked at me and smiled. “I think we need some quicker healing, wouldn’t you agree?” He looked up at Khol again with his brows raised.
Khol slumped off slowly, and it only occurred to me then that Khol seemed visibly younger when he was around Elijah, Khol had to be a few years older than me, but Elijah made him seem like a boy. I relaxed as Elijah removed the bloody bandage around my open wounds.
“What really happened, Raya?” Elijah did not look up from where he worked.
“I told you, I slipped.” My voice remained steady.
“You are a terrible liar,” he laughed. “But I am surprised that you managed to get Khol to go along with it.” I grimaced at the wave of guilt that washed over me. Khol did not deserve my guilt. He claimed not to be my enemy, but I know people like him.
I knew them too well.
An old, dull pain sunk into my ankles, my scars ached, and my vision danced.
“He probably did not have the energy to argue again. That’s all he seems capable of.” I rolled my eyes.
“I wouldn’t form your opinion on Khol just yet.” Elijah didn’t look up from dressing my stitches. “He may surprise you.”
And as though his name summoned him, Khol strode through the small wooden door, ducking beneath the frame into Elijah’s small apothecary. A young girl, no older than eight, trailed behind him, her face bored and soft. She wore a periwinkle dress, loose and flowing from her shoulders to her toes. She glanced at me as though I was just another piece of furniture.
“Elijah!” She squealed before wrapping her arms around his middle.
“Ottie my love, have you grown again?”
“I hope so!’ She stood on her tiptoes “I want to be as tall as Khol one day!” Her bored face split into a grin.
“And you shall, my love.” Elijah”s old face turned young for a moment, his smile earnest and bright. I sat awkwardly in a hard arm chair, my long legs bent attempting to make space in the tiny room.
I felt Khol’s gaze hot on my cheek.
Glancing up, my eyes connected with his. His eyes seemed to search mine, as though he was looking for me.
Even though he knew I’d been here all along.
A blush crept up his neck and warmth pooled in my stomach.
I made him nervous.
I couldn’t help the small smile appearing in the corner of my mouth.
Oddly, he returned the gesture.
And suddenly the very small room seemed even smaller, the back of my neck became clammy,
And yet Khol did not break our eye contact.
If Elijah was talking, I couldn’t hear him.
“Raya!” Elijah snapped and my head shot his way, breaking the connection between Khol and I. Coldness seeped into my bones.
“Where is your head, girl?” Elijah’s voice was soft again, he always sounded as though he was on the verge of laughing.
Where was my head? What was I doing?
I shrugged my shoulders.
“…are you sure the message reads that?” Faint shouts sounded through the thick door.
“I am sure of it… looking… The girl! … safe…” The voices became more inaudible the harder I tried to listen. Khol’s ears were still pricked up and his eyes glassy, as though he could hear the voices loud and clear. Ottie and Elijah had the same placid looks painted on their faces.
“Are they talking abou—” Ottie’s voice sounded.
“Enough, Ottie.” Khol’s voice rang loudly. “We are here to heal her stitches and leave, we’ve already been here for too long.” His voice was bare and rough.
I flinched.
Her.
I leaned back against the uncomfortable chair, resting my head and closing my eyes.
I was truly sick of feeling like burden. I had vowed to myself that I would never be trapped again.
Never feel lonely again.
I ached for the rain on my cheeks. I missed my family and the orphanage.
But mostly I miss Alias. I hated not knowing how he felt about my mission or my newfound magic. I refused to believe he would have left me voluntarily. How had everything I had come to know disappeared in a matter of days?
I swiped a tear from my cheek before anyone saw it fall. A small hand touched my arm gently as Ottie softly peeled my blood-soaked shirt from my skin, her cold hands making me flinch.
“Remember what we said?” Elijah’s voice was small, almost a whisper.
“I am the master,” Ottie whispered back, her gazed fixed on my wound. Khol’s lips tilted upward as his eyes filled with nostalgia. Nervous energy filtered through my veins. A small hand covered the cut, her pressure stung, and the pain flared to life. I squeezed my eyes shut as my hands balled into fists.
The pain was hot and sharp and then nonexistent. My gaze fluttered to the now almost-fully healed scar on my side. I stared at Ottie in amazement, now jumping on her toes in excitement.
“Be careful, Khol,” Elijah mocked. “She’s almost better than you,” he said with a wink and Ottie giggled.
My body felt unearthly and light. My brain was foggy and cloudy, I felt drunk.
Everything seemed too real now.
The phrase I am the master lingered in my head like a bad dream. If they were the masters, what did that make me?