22. Raya
RAYA
“We cannot trust her if we do not learn to understand her.”
- KHOL
Ahummingbird perched on a tree outside the training barracks as I began our daily training. I stared at it through the window, its heart pattering so quickly. I wondered what it would be like just to live from moment to moment. To not have this new life spread in front of me.
Every day we woke at first light and ran around The Temple twice. We ate massive bowls of porridge and began working on my ‘poor combat skills’. This would be my first task, my first task that would take place in one week. Already dreading our run, I stared at the rack of weapons in front of me. Picking up the bow and arrow, feeling its weight in my hand, I let out a sigh. I’d always had a soft spot for this weapon.
“Know how to use it?” I started at the sound of Khol’s voice as he entered the barracks, and I dropped the weapon. It clattered loudly.
“I’m not completely useless,” I stated bluntly, retrieving the bow from the floor, its weight familiar and comforting.
Could I show him a slice of my abilities, blame my skill on luck? As I pulled the string taut, Khol came up behind me, wrapping a hand around my waist, his warm palm landing on my stomach.
“What are you doing?” I breathed, looking at him over my shoulder. Our gazes collided, every thought falling from my head.
“Tense your muscles.” His grip tightened on my abs, his eyes never leaving mine.
The warmth from his palm spread from his body to my own. My grip on the bow weakened ever so slightly as Khol rested his other hand on my lower spine, his pinky finger sliding beneath the waistband of my trousers, sending a shiver of pleasure through my body. My toes curled against the soft mat beneath our feet. I sighed softly, as I watched Khol’s pupils grow larger and larger until they almost eclipsed his entire eyes.
My arms began to shake, my muscles begging me to release the bow string as it strained against the arrow.
But I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to break the spell that had somehow been cast over us. Even though I should’ve walked away, I found myself leaning toward his touch. My back brushing against his chest. Our faces moved closer together, only a breath separating us.
“Raya,” Khol breathed. And the snap of a bow string woke me from my trance. My gaze flying to the target.
“Impressive,” Khol’s voice was thick and deep as he stared at the arrow embedded in smallest red circle. I stifled a laugh. Bullseye.
“You hit the bullseye without looking,” he mused.
We stood for a moment, both of us unsure on what might have happened if I hadn’t let the arrow fly. Although the bow was now by my side, rather than held in my arms. Khol’s hands remained on my skin, burning me softly. His pinky finger brushed the top of my underwear and my pulse spiked. The steady pounding of Khol’s heartbeat against my back sped up, both of our chests rising and falling raggedly.
“You’re going to be the death of me.” Khol whispered, his voice brushing against my ear. And my blood turned to ice in my veins. He was right, wasn’t he? He didn’t truly believe I would be the death of him, but if I carried on with this mission from Captain Jala and they found The Temple, Khol would be hunted. I was going to be the death of him. I stepped away from him, out of the warmth of his arms and turned to face him. A flicker of hurt washed over his face.
Swallowing the thickness in my throat, I did the only thing I could think of. I swallowed my feelings and pretended they didn’t exist.
“We should probably get started.” I cringed at the high-pitched sound of my voice. Khol nodded, clearing his throat for what felt like the hundredth time. Awkwardness surrounded us, wrapping us in its cold embrace.
“It’s dawn,” he pointed outside. “Time to run.” I couldn’t help the groan that fell from my lips. Running? Again?
“Are you trying to kill me?” I winced at my words. Why did my brain stop working when I was around him? “Perhaps you could show me more of The Temple?” I asked, trying to ease the tension around us.
“What happens if you’re being chased in the test?” he asked smugly and I returned the facial expression, thankful that the unease between was vanishing
“By one person?” I laced hurt through my voice and the earth cracked slightly next to us, Khol rolled his eyes before knitting the earth back together with a wave of his hand.
I smiled sweetly and curtsied. It was in moments like this that I truly forgot why I was in The Temple. I wasn’t just Jala the little spy, I was a Sorcerer, the most powerful one alive today.
“What if you were being chased by 40 people?” He stepped closer, I rolled my eyes.
A pause.
“Okay, what about 400?” he lessened the gap between us yet again, and the all the tension that had been between us only a moment ago reignited.
“You underestimate me, Khol,” I sighed. “I know how to run.”
I somehow became a different person when I was around him.
“Look who suddenly became so confident,” he mocked, slowly circling me like a lion about to descend on its prey. “You’re getting complacent.” He looked me up and down with something like disgust and lust.
“I am getting stronger,” I countered.
“But not strong enough,” he shook his head at me.
“If I were chasing you,” Khol motioned to the training field around us, “I’d catch you and you know it. I’d kill you before you had the chance to blink.” His words cut deep as he stepped into my personal space. I was stronger, faster, and more deadly. But he could never know it. He could never know the truth about my time at The Temple, and my life before it.
I lifted my arms to push him away, but he caught my wrists, pulling me to him forcefully.
Our bodies pressed together; my heart slamming against my ribs aggressively.
“Never allow your opponent to catch you like this,” he motioned to his hands with his chin, I nodded, swallowing a scoff. Matron Clara had taught us this when we were children, maybe I would show him that I wasn’t completely useless.
Reaching up on my tip toes so that we stood at eye level, I looked his face up and down. I didn’t pull away, I didn’t fight. His brow creased in confusion and for a split second his grip on my wrists slackened slightly. Hooking my leg around his, I sent him crashing to the floor before he could think to stop me. Smiling smugly, I rested a knee on his chest and pinned his wrists to the cool mat beneath us.
“Never allow your opponent to distract you,” I whispered as he looked at his pinned hands in almost disbelief, I bit my bottom lip to stop the laughter than erupted inside of me.
“I thought you said you were not taught to fight in the Sage Guard,” he asked looking up.
“We were trained with some weapons,” I tucked a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. “And in some combat.” The lie rolled off my tongue. His eyebrows rose, awaiting a real answer. I sighed loudly. “As I said, I am not completely useless, I know a few self-defense moves.” I released the pressure from his chest and allowed him to sit across from me.
“That was a move?”
“Well not a much a move, just putting my womanly wiles to use,” I said batting my eyelashes. He chuckled softly.
We sat in soft silence for a moment, our knees brushing against each other.
“I notice you’ve got a handle on the Earthshaking,” Khol’s voice sounded, filled with promise and hope. I nodded.
“This is good, Raya.” The sound of my name in his mouth sent shivers up my spine. “It means our training is working.”
“We’ve been training for weeks,” I said softly, staring at my boots. “And the only thing I have a handle on is cracking the earth.” I stood heavily, pacing the room. “My lightning is out of control, I set two fires last week and don’t get my started on the three-day storm I created.” I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing.
“What am I doing?” I whispered to myself. Khol sat in front of me, watching me, his face tight.
What if she fails?
“What?” I turned, facing Khol sternly.
“What?” he repeated back.
“Did you just say something?” I rested my hands on my chin as he shook his head.
I don’t think I could go through with it.
I don’t think I could watch it.
Should I tell her?
Would she want to know?
I felt cold air brush against me. Was I listening to Khol’s thoughts?
“What happens if I fail the tests, Khol?” I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyebrows raised. Khol opened and closed his mouth, and then opened and closed it again. Dragging his hands through his hair, he blew out a deep breath.
“You have to understand, you will pose a threat against all of us.” His voice came out hushed and quickly, as though his mouth could not keep up with his mind.
“What happens if I fail the tests, Khol?” I repeated, my words stern and cold.
“You will pass them, I know it.” He blocked the question yet again.
“Khol.” My chest heaved in and out.
“Tell me,” I touched my hand to his forearm. “Please.”
His eyes focused on my hand on his skin, his gaze flicking from it to my face.
“If you don’t not pass the test, you will not be able to become a threat to our kind.”
My breathing shallowed, fear skating along my spine.
“What do you mean?”
“They will,” he swallowed. “They will put you down.”
I nodded, attempting to keep my fear in check.
“And everyone has to take the test?” My voice wobbled slightly. He nodded.
“Does everyone pass?”
He shook his head.
“The Temple allows this? Allows the murder of their own kind?” I stood, pushing past him, resting my hands on the wall, sucking in a deep breath. Jala would get me out if I failed the tests, wouldn’t she? If I died, so did her information.
“They must, to ensure our survival,” Khol spoke again.
“Survival? That’s rich.” I spun to face him, my anger boiling my blood.
“You wouldn’t understand, we have lost so much already.” His voice remained level and hallow, as though someone had sucked all of the life from inside of him.
“And you will lose more.” I pushed his chest with my hands, catching him off guard, he stumbled. “I understand loss, Prince, I have known loss, I have known what it is like to belong to a family, belong to a home and have that all go up in flames.” I pushed him again but this time he was prepared, his body remained still.
“And you think I have not?” He stepped toward me, closer and closer until I stepped back, hitting the cool wall behind me.
“Do you think I wish for this to be my life?” He leaned forward, his hands against the wall, encircling me.
“You think I wish to see you hurt? Especially… when I…” he mumbled off. Although I thought it impossible, he leaned closer to me. Both of us heaving heavy breaths, our eyes burning into one another. Khol pushed off the wall, turning to stare at the large wall that encased The Temple, his hands resting on the back of his neck.
“My brother did not pass the tests.” He spoke quietly, his voice shaking. My face crumbled in confusion.
“What do you mean?” I whispered.
“We took our tests together, he was one year older, so he waited for me.” Khol sat on the mat where we had fought only moments ago. “They did not tell us what would happen if we failed the test.” He turned to look at me as I sat down next to him. “But I think Rafael knew.” silver lined his delicate eyes.
“Your parents, they are the leaders of The Temple, surely they could’ve saved him?” I asked, as if it was possible to go back and stop it from happening.
“They could not treat us any differently, here at The Temple we are one, none of us different or special.” Khol smiled to himself.
“Rafael was special,” he looked up at me again. “I couldn’t watch them… I couldn’t watch him die,” he heaved a shuddering breath. “I should’ve been there for him, I should’ve made sure he did not die alone.” Regret swam between us, we both had things we regretted, he was human just as I was.
“He did not even get a chance to live.” I saw the torment swirl behind his eyes, I knew he blamed himself. “I think you would’ve like him,” He almost whispered and I couldn’t help the tear that slipped from my eye.
“I think I would’ve too.” I smiled.
Our eyes met and, in that moment, I saw him differently.
In that moment, I finally understood him.
With my mind swirling, I didn’t notice Khol getting closer until he kissed me. His touch was soft and fleeting.
As soon as our lips met, he dragged them away again. My eyes widened.
“I apologize.” He stumbled to his feet and headed for the door, not turning to look back.
The breath left my lungs.
Khol felt something for me, and I was going to betray him.