2. Camilla
CHAPTER TWO
CAMILLA
I thought I knew pain.
I thought it hurt when my mother died, but if I’m honest, I was too young to understand that she was gone forever, and by the time I realized I’d never see her again, the pain had dulled.
I thought it hurt when I found out my father promised me to a man twice my age who would use me as nothing more than a trophy wife, but that pales in comparison to the agony ravishing my body.
I even thought it hurt when I found out the men I loved had betrayed me.
But I realize now that I’ve never known true pain, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive more of this.
He’s gone.
Kovu’s gone.
Every time I think those words, the ache in my chest intensifies, and I cling to Kaos tighter.
This is the cost of falling in love. It’s why I always promised myself I’d keep whoever I ended up with at arm’s length to protect myself.
But nothing ever could have prepared me for the men of the Legion, and I was fucked from the moment I woke up in their care, I just didn’t know it yet.
Tears roll down my cheeks and soak into Kaos’s shirt, but he doesn’t seem to mind as his hold on me tightens. I wonder if he realizes he’s the only thing stopping me from falling apart.
The drive back to the compound is completely silent aside from my sobs, but I can’t help it. I can’t hold myself together when my entire body is in agony from the crushing emotions battering down on me.
“We’re home, Princess,” Kaos murmurs as the car comes to a stop.
I don’t bother lifting my head, knowing I must look like a wreck. The carefully crafted makeup I did before we left just a few hours is likely smeared down my face and his shirt, but I can’t bring myself to care.
I’m lifted from his arms by one of the others, and it only takes me a second to realize it’s Bishop, his distinct scent washing over me as he wraps me up in his arms as if he can shield me from the world. But that’s simply not possible when you live the kinds of lives we do.
For the first time in my life, I wish I was born somewhere else. Somewhere far away from Mafia life. Somewhere a world away from the pain that it’s caused me, from the loss I’ve endured, from the enemies that are set on our downfall.
I’m barely conscious of the steps Bishop takes, assuming he’ll take me to my bedroom. But it’s not until the elevator dings that I realize we’re heading up to their rooms.
Bishop carries me down the hallway and stops in front of one of the doors, but it’s not until I lift my head that I realize it’s Kovu’s.
“I thought being around his stuff might help, but if you think it’ll make it worse, we can go into my room.”
I open my mouth to say something, but quickly snap it shut when I realize I don’t have anything to say. How does he know exactly what I need without me ever having to ask for it?
I nod, and some of the tension falls away from his shoulders as he shoves the door open without jostling me against his chest.
The moment the door opens and we step inside, I’m assaulted by Kovu. His scent, the memory of his presence, his mess.
Bishop sets me on the edge of the bed before stepping away from me.
I fall to my side, the familiar sheets engulfing me as I reach for Kovu’s pillow and drag it against my chest. I need to be close to him.
And then it hits me all over again.
This is as close as I’m ever going to be to him.
This is as good as it gets.
I hear Crew and Kaos come in, but I can’t force my eyes open to look at them. If I open my eyes, it makes all of this real, and I’m not ready to accept that.
I just need a little longer believing he’s going to walk through the door and say some batshit crazy thing that I’ll find wildly attractive, even if logically I know that’s never going to happen again.
Someone brushes their finger down my arm, but they make no attempt to pry the pillow from my arms, as if they know how badly I need to feel close to Kovu right now.
There’s a part of me that feels guilty that I’m not comforting them. Crew just lost a son. Kaos and Bishop just lost a brother. I can’t imagine the pain they’re in, but surely it has to be worse than my own. And yet they’re here, looking after me like they always do.
“Love?” Bishop murmurs from beside me. “How about we get you out of that dress and into one of Kovu’s shirts?”
I force my sore eyes open and meet his worried green ones. I’ve never seen him look quite as dejected as he does now, and I long to make it better. I long to take all of our pain away.
I nod, holding the pillow tighter as I allow him to help me to sit back up.
Crew appears beside him, his mismatched eyes soft as he stares down at me with a Bon Jovi shirt in his hand.
The bed dips behind me, and Kaos’s fingers brush down the length of my spine as his too-big hands fumble with the tiny zipper I struggled with earlier.
It feels like such a long time ago, but it was just a few hours.
They work as one to undress me, never forcing me to drop the pillow clutched to my chest, even though it makes it harder for them to do what they need to do.
Once I’m dressed in nothing but Kovu’s shirt, Crew draws back the covers and helps me get settled while the other two undress to just their boxer briefs.
“Are you going to do some work now?” I croak as Crew swipes at my damp cheeks.
He shakes his head. “No. My family needs me more than the business does right now.”
Something deep inside me settles knowing that, at least for a little while, I’ll know the three of them are safe, and I have a feeling that’s the only way I’ll ever be able to rest from now on.
Because now I know how easily I can lose them, I’m fucking terrified to ever feel like this again.