Chapter 5 #4
“Of course it would be easier.” Leo nudged the volume of the radio down.
His gaze seemed to linger on Joshua’s left shoulder, where Emma’s initial was inked into his skin.
“But then we’d have to find somewhere that’s not illegal, probably pay rent.
We’d have to fill out the necessary paperwork.
” The mere thought seemed to disgust him.
“We just want to help, quick and efficient, not waste money on things we don’t need.
Or waste energy on filling out three copies of forms.”
That… was such a logical response that Joshua wondered how he hadn’t thought of it. Probably went to show his naivety with real-life matters.
“Fair enough,” he murmured. They were both silent for a short while after that, long enough for the song to fade into another one, and Joshua thought about asking Leo what kind of music he listened to, about favourite songs and bands. Would that be too personal?
In the end, Joshua settled for, “So what’s the plan now?”
“The plan is to get rid of the trash and return the van. Then meet Nate for some pints later, if that’s all right with you.”
Joshua rested both hands in his lap. “You don’t mind me intruding?”
“Wouldn’t have offered otherwise.” Leo shot Joshua a smile, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and teased with the faintest notion of a dimple.
Joshua wanted to kiss him.
He bit down on the inside of his cheek and hoped his expression didn’t give him away. “That sounds really good, then. And thank you for today. And also in general. You’ve just been really great about this.”
Leo was quiet for a beat. When he replied, his voice was soft. “You’re welcome, Princeling. For the record, it’s an honour.”
Princeling. It was strange how quickly it had come to sound like an endearment. Joshua wanted to hear it murmured into his ear, wanted to hear Leo rasp it out with his hand on Joshua’s dick.
Rein it in.
Clearing his throat, Joshua dragged his gaze away from the other man.
Christ, this wasn’t a good idea. Leo had given him no clear indications that he was interested, and Joshua needed to drag his mind out of the gutter.
It was just… a bit raw, all of it—the bleak morning and Leo’s unexpected sweetness, and then seeing him with those street kids, the way he was able to provide them with a temporary focal point.
If Joshua were smart, he’d call it a day.
“Mo’s getting back from Paris in an hour. I could call him.” He shot Leo a sidelong look. “Ask him to join, if that’s fine?”
“Moonlighting as a matchmaker?”
“Just a night between friends.” Joshua smiled and crossed his legs at the ankle.
Without even trying, his voice dipped just slightly, bringing in a note of suggestion that he hadn’t quite intended.
Or maybe he had. “If you and I happen to become third wheels, I am certain we can find a way to entertain ourselves.”
“I’m sure we can think of something.” Leo sounded neutral. His thumb twitched to the beat of the music, eyes fixed on the road. “That aside, your place is pretty much on the way. How about I drop you off? Then we can meet up later at the pub.”
“You trying to get rid of me?” Joshua followed it up with a grin. He might as well have saved himself the effort; Leo wasn’t looking.
“I need to pop to the shops and do some laundry. Boring things.” Leo’s forehead wrinkled. “Not everyone has servants at their beck and call.”
Joshua stiffened. “I do my own laundry and shopping.” Most days, anyway. “It’s not like—do we really have to do this again?”
It took several seconds before Leo ducked his head.
“Sorry,” he said, so quiet it was almost a whisper.
“That was thoroughly uncalled for. Feeling a bit irritated, took it out on you though it’s none of your fault.
” He continued before Joshua could interfere with a question.
“Thank you for today. You really pulled your weight, and I’m grateful for the help.
And”—the shortest of delays—“the company too. It was a real pleasure having you along.”
If not me, what’s got you irritated? No questions, though.
Joshua had promised, but it seemed to get harder with each moment they spent together, with each tiny, fractured puzzle piece Leo nudged his way.
Uncrossing his legs, Joshua hesitated with his gaze on Leo’s profile.
“You were glad to have me around?” he asked eventually.
Leo glanced over, so briefly that Joshua almost missed it. “Yes. You’re decent company, little prince. Considering.”
From Leo, that must be close to a declaration of friendship. Joshua would take it. “You’re decent company as well,” he told Leo.
“Glad to hear it. Feeling a bit better, then?” This time, Leo didn’t look away immediately, a smile lingering in his eyes. Joshua’s breath stuttered in his throat, heat wiggling in his stomach.
When Leo’s smile dropped, Joshua realised he’d been silent for too long, simply staring.
He jerked his gaze away. “Not necessarily better,” he replied.
“But I guess more… grounded. There was this girl who, like, offered herself to me? And that kind of—that must be a rough life. Having to do that. Definitely worse than getting some internet hate. I wish I could do something to help.”
“Don’t make this into a saviour thing.” All of a sudden, Leo’s tone was carefully clipped.
“Shayna—that’s who you talked to, right?
—she’s not a victim, Joshua. She’s not an illegal immigrant enslaved by some pimp or anything like that.
I’m not saying those things don’t exist, but her situation is nothing like that.
” His intake of air was audible. “She’s not a damsel in distress waiting for someone to save her. ”
Joshua sat up, all warmth flushed away. He was getting really tired of playing emotional pinball. “I just wanted to help,” he asked sharply. “Like you do. Or am I not allowed to feel empathy?”
Leo opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again.
The silence that wrapped around them was heavy like a steel jacket, and Joshua refused to break first. This wasn’t on him.
Sure, he’d been a bit of a mess this morning, but Leo was the one who went from hot to cold in seconds, turned defensive as though he’d been personally insulted.
Why? What was it to him?
He had fitted in well with those kids. They’d treated him like one of their own.
When Leo finally spoke, his eyes were fixed on a red light, the hum of the idling engine almost swallowing his voice.
“No. No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t pity her.
She wouldn’t want your pity, not when it’s choices she’s made for herself.
I’m not saying they’re good choices, but they’re hers. ”
Exhaling in a rush, Joshua worked through Leo’s words before he replied. “Well, okay. I get that. You’re still trying to save them.”
“I’m not.” Leo put the car back into gear, and when Joshua glanced ahead, he glimpsed the tower of the Greek church, just a couple of minutes from his flat.
He focused back on Leo in time to see him reach up a hand to push back his hair.
“It’s not about saving them. I want to give them a chance to fill their stomachs at least once a week, without having to lie, steal or sell anything for it.
And if someone asks me, I give advice. I help them see the alternatives.
They’re the ones making the choices, but it should be informed choices. Very often, they’re not.”
“So you help them save themselves.”
“I try.” Leo turned left onto Pratt Street. “If that’s what they want.”
“That’s very…” Leaning back, Joshua shook his head. The only term he could come up with was, “Good. That’s so good of you.”
“Good,” Leo repeated flatly. His eyes brightened by a fraction, though.
“Good. Yes.” Joshua nodded to himself, then reached across the gap between their seats to touch Leo’s shoulder. “Thank you, again, for taking me along.” He didn’t move his hand. After a moment, Leo leaned into the touch, the corners of his mouth tugging up.
“Yeah, well. It wasn’t a hardship. You can be a bit of a charming bastard.”
Joshua gasped dramatically. “Beg your pardon, I am one hundred percent legitimate. I could have you hanged for that.”
“You really couldn’t,” Leo told him dryly.
Joshua hummed, considering. “Tower of London?”
“Still a no.”
“This gig sucks,” Joshua said. “Curse these modern times. Can’t even have people drawn and quartered anymore.”
“It is a tough life.” Leo’s tone was all fake sympathy, and Joshua gave him a tiny shove and withdrew just as they crossed Regent’s Canal.
Leo pulled the van to a halt. His smile had widened into a small grin and Joshua grinned back, a little lightheaded with exhaustion.
Too little sleep, too many things on his mind—and then there was Leo.
Three hours apart would give Joshua a chance to clear his head.
“Are you sure you don’t mind getting rid of the rubbish by yourself?” he asked anyway.
“Princeling.” While mostly exasperated, the word held a hint of fondness. “I’ve done this many times before Your Royal Helpfulness came along. I’m sure I’ll manage.”
“Fine. Just want it to be known that I am willing to get my hands dirty.”
For an instant, Leo’s grin grew into a smirk, then dimmed again. “Noted,” he said simply.
Joshua cleared his throat and swallowed, the air tasting thick on his tongue, the vibrations of the idling van buzzing in his stomach. He grasped the door handle while Leo continued watching him with that odd half-smile. “So I’ll see you at the pub? You and Nate?”
“And Mo, if he’s up for it.” Leo looked away, but his smile persisted. “I’ll text you when I know the details.”
“Sounds good. Yes.” Joshua grabbed the T-shirt Leo had lent him and held it up. “I’ll wash this and return it to you after.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll just throw it in with the rest.”