Chapter 12 #2
Oh. So there were two of them, around five and ten years younger. From what little Leo had let slip before, Joshua hadn’t been able to tell much, but now that Leo’s walls had crumbled to dust and ashes… Well, there was plenty of time to learn. Joshua wanted to learn everything.
Tugging Leo closer, Joshua draped his legs over his lap and kept all urging out of his voice. “How come you haven’t contacted them before? You never thought about it?”
Leo turned into the contact and didn’t answer immediately, swallowing a few times in rapid succession.
“Of course I thought about it. Often, at least in the beginning, but eventually, it just… faded.” He wrapped an arm around Joshua’s waist and hid his face against his neck, words fanning out in a warm rush.
“At first, I just wanted to get away, leave everything behind. Fresh start. And I suffered from the delusion that I’d show them all, that I’d make it big on a little starting cash and some song writing and piano skills.
So when that didn’t work out, you know… I felt like a failure.
Not the big brother the girls would look up to. ” Leo gave a thin laugh.
Hugging him close, Joshua’s ribcage might have been the only thing holding him together.
He wanted to punch anyone who’d ever contributed to the self-deprecating humour in Leo’s tone, a hot flare in his stomach that took him by surprise.
He inhaled through it, forced it back down and settled for holding on tightly.
Once he felt Leo relax, he eased his hold and said softly, “You’re not a failure.”
Leo stirred, then raised his head. His eyes were unnaturally bright.
“No, I guess things worked out for me in the end. I mean, hey, I’ve got a job I love, and I get to help people and be useful.
Even make enough money to pay off a small flat and put a little aside to help out some kids in trouble.
Oh, and last but not least…” His expression softened, and Joshua’s stomach gave a gentle tug in response.
“I fell in love with a beautiful prince. Which is about to flip my life upside down, but hey. Worth it.”
“You’re a bit of a sap,” Joshua told him. It came out like an endearment.
“How very dare you,” Leo said, tipping up his chin and narrowing his eyes. A grin lurked around their corners. “I am tough and hardened by my years on the street, by hunting for a warm meal and a safe place to sleep. Brave men cower at the whisper of my name.”
Snorting, Joshua traced the curve of Leo’s cheekbone, moving down, then letting his fingertips rest against his jaw. “You’re a marshmallow on the inside. Those songs you wrote, I bet they were cheesy ballads about finding true love and making it through the hardest times.”
“Lies,” Leo declared, grin coming fully alive. “Lies and guesswork. You cannot prove a single thing. Also,”—the curve of his mouth tilted into something a little thoughtful—“I haven’t written anything in years. Maybe I’ll give it another try at some point.”
“I could buy you a piano,” Joshua offered without thought, and Leo stiffened. Sudden sharpness defined his tone.
“No, you won’t. You will not buy me anything.”
Joshua dropped his hand, flinching back as though he’d been slapped. His instinctive response was to curl away and question everything—why had Leo reacted like that, quick as a whip? Why didn’t Leo want him involved?
Joshua opened his mouth to ask, Leo watching him with a steely expression. Then Joshua remembered something Mo had said not that long ago, something that—oh. Shit. I didn’t ever want you to feel like you were paying for my company.
Joshua snapped his mouth shut and grappled for a way to respond. After a long moment of silence, Leo’s features relaxed, suddenly contrite. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so… harsh. But you really can’t.”
“It would be my pleasure,” Joshua said carefully. “Not anything I feel I’d have to do, just something I’d like to do. And if you think it would make me question your intentions, you’re wrong. I wouldn’t, and I also won’t hold your past against you like that.”
Leo looked away, presenting Joshua with the clear line of his profile.
His answer was barely audible. “Not now you wouldn’t.
But maybe in a fight. Maybe you would one day, if we don’t handle the public stuff right and it all blows up and you hear all those insinuations about me, about how I’m using you… ”
“I wouldn’t believe some nasty strangers over what I see with my own eyes,” Joshua told him, already reaching out again. “Ever.”
Leo sagged like a balloon that had been pierced.
All the fight went out of him and he fisted his hands into the sheets, bunching them up.
He didn’t shy away from the hand Joshua wrapped around his elbow, instead lifted his head to meet Joshua’s gaze, his tone serious and heavy.
“Still. You can’t buy me expensive gifts. It wouldn’t be right.”
After a quiet moment, Joshua nodded. “Okay.” He paused to gather his thoughts, continuing slowly, like taking steps on thin ice.
“But there will be expenses that you’ll have because of me, expenses you wouldn’t have otherwise.
Like, when you accompany me to an event, for example, and you’d be expected to wear expensive bespoke clothing.
Or travelling on official Crown business.
I don’t do that often because it’s mostly Ems, but still, it will happen.
And it would be unfair if you had to cover things like that. ”
“Oh, I thought I’d just show up in a ratty old T-shirt and a cap,” Leo put in lightly.
Joshua shot him a tiny smile and stayed silent, waiting.
He kept his fingers loosely clasped around Leo’s elbow, and after a long, lurching beat, Leo sighed.
His eyes narrowed in consideration, and when he spoke again, all humour had drained from his voice.
“I see your point. And I guess I could—things like that. I could accept them from you. But you will not just go out and buy me stuff, got it? You will run everything past me first, and then we’ll decide together. ”
“Together,” Joshua echoed. Weirdly, it felt as though he had just swum ten miles, his muscles a little shaky.
He hesitated before he squeezed Leo’s elbow, leaning in a little.
“Hey. Do I please, please get permission to spoil you once in a while?” He continued quickly to head off Leo’s protest. “No expensive gifts, I promise. Just things like cooking you dinner, or a trip to one of our country homes, which doesn’t cost me anything but fuel.
A generous stock of your favourite cereal and tea at my flat. Scented toilet paper.”
When Leo gave a soft snort, Joshua knew it was half the victory already. They’d be all right; they’d figure this out.
Still Leo took his time examining the idea from several angles before he gave a slow nod.
“That works for me. But as for other things, such as… luxury resorts in exotic locations, that sort of thing. I’m not poor, for the record.
James pays me well enough. Just maybe not quite enough to afford your jet-set lifestyle. ”
Joshua bit back his first, thoughtless impulse to extend his offer to paying for whatever holiday they spent together. “Then I’ll adapt,” he said instead. “Within the constraints of security requirements, that is.”
“Fair enough.” A smile flitted over Leo’s face. “Seriously, you’d be willing to go camping? Not saying I’d even want that, but if I asked, you’d go, right? Christ, you really are completely gone for me.”
“Save the smug,” Joshua told him, smiling back.
It quickly grew into a smirk. “Hey. This reminds me that I’ve always wanted to own an island.
Maybe something in the Caribbean Sea? I should talk to my mum about investment in property.
And, I mean, camping on a deserted island sounds plenty romantic to me. ”
Leo’s expression was a cross between disbelief and amused indulgence. The latter won out after only a second. “Romantic? Yeah, I’ll remind you when you’re whining about insects in the tent and your back not being used to sleeping on a camping mat.”
For a moment, Joshua considered pursuing that further—Leo must have slept outside on a camping mat numerous times, sheltered only by a bridge or some doorway.
Joshua wanted to whisk Leo’s younger version away to a safe place that provided him with a hot meal and a soft bed whenever he needed it, a place that would ask for nothing in return.
Joshua’s questions could wait, though. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to preserve the gentle glow of happiness in Leo’s eyes.
He poked Leo in the chest and raised a challenging brow. “Guess you’ll just have to make it worth my while, then.”
“I shall consider it my duty to the country,” Leo said primly. He broke character when he laughed once, loudly, and tackled Joshua into the sheets.
In theory, they should get ready. In reality, the others could wait a bit longer.
Joshua figured they’d earned every minute they could steal for themselves.
He shoved away all thoughts of this being the calm before the impending storm, caught Leo’s mouth in a deep kiss and yielded when Leo pressed him into the mattress.
* * *
Right as they left the hotel, Leo was hit with a bout of unease at the realisation that whatever Joshua had suspected about Leo’s past, he’d certainly shared it with Tristan and Mo.
Trying to hide his uncertainty, he remarked on how the P?o de Acúcar indeed looked like a sugarloaf, how it reminded him of winter in a Swiss ski cottage with his family, of soaking a sugarloaf in rum and setting it on fire so that it dripped into mulled wine.
Tristan jumped on that and demanded details, then set about planning a Feuerzangenbowle theme night in November.
The way he casually included Leo in his scheming—into an event that would take place months from now—eased the tight clench of Leo’s stomach.