Chapter 30 Jericho
JERICHO
“Hey, tiny dancer. If you can hear me, I really need you to wake up.” I’m not above begging at this point. His parents just left for the day, the same distraught feelings that have burrowed themselves inside of me and created a home carved into the lines of their faces.
It’s been almost one month, with no updates. Thanksgiving is next week, and I’ve never felt less thankful in my whole life. The doctor keeps reassuring us that every patient is different, and Raiden will wake up. He just can’t be sure when.
My parents are having their usual get together, sans me, Ema, and Rodney. The three of us agreed that we wanted to spend the holiday with Raiden.
I can’t leave him alone in here. Especially on a holiday. That’s cruel. Even if he’s not conscious to know it.
The days and nights are dragging, the sun disappearing sooner and the moon staying longer. It’s blanketing our city in a cocoon of darkness and despair.
“My mom said she would make udon for you, with the special toppings you like. Only if you wake up though.” I attempt to lighten the mood with the joke, but it falls flat when my voice cracks and a tear makes an appearance.
That’s nothing new though, I’ve gotten more used to how many tears my body can create.
And there’s no point in wiping them off as they come because new ones will come in their wake.
The monitors keep their steady rhythm as the hospital hustles and bustles around us, the noise from nurses and other patients filtering their way in through the cracks. The nurse just made his round, dropping off dinner for me and letting me know to alert them when I’m ready to give him his bath.
I hated the first time I had to watch it happen, seeing Raiden unresponsive under their hands as they cleaned every intimate part of him.
He would hate it. From that day forth, I’ve taken over his hygiene routine.
It’s not exactly the same as theirs but it's what Raiden would prefer if he were able to voice his opinions.
The silence is beginning to make me go stir crazy. I keep waiting for him to wake up, to look at me with those brown eyes I adore and say my name.
It hasn’t happened yet, and everyday without him is another day that my mind creates the endless possibilities of a life without him.
It can’t happen. I won’t let it happen.
I sit on the bed beside Raiden, holding his hand in one of mine while I eat the hospital food they dropped off. The cheap plastic plate has sections dividing the barely edible food. It’s fine, I’ve eaten worse.
“Jer! Don’t eat that!” Raiden yells as I fill my spoon up with the soup he put in the bowl for me. I hadn’t been feeling well, so I stayed home from school today. My phone had been blowing up and when I finally got enough energy to check it, all of the messages were from Raiden.
I lift my eyes from the chicken soup to meet Raiden’s gaze. When he came home from school, he ran right over here and started pampering me. I reveled in the attention in between the coughing fits I was having.
His face is lined with worry as he walks over to the bed where I’m propped up against the pillows and takes the bowl from me. He grabs the gatorade bottle from my nightstand and offers me a sip of it.
I do, begrudgingly. Staring at the soup that was stolen from my hand as my stomach grumbles its displeasure.
“You can’t eat it, my mom is making miso soup later and I’ll run over and get some for you.”
“Why can’t I eat that, Raiden?” I try to peek into the bowl he has, catching a quick glimpse of noodles and small bright green celery pieces.
“I don’t think I made it right,” he shyly admits. His head drops to his chest as he stares at the bowl in his hands. The bowl is lopsided, a handmade gift from one of my mom’s friends and is hand painted. It looks so bulky compared to his delicate fingers wrapped around the ceramic.
“I’m sure it’s not bad.” Whatever else I was going to say is interrupted by a coughing fit, the pressure against my lungs almost unbearable as I lean away from him and attempt to cover my mouth. I don’t want to get him sick as well.
The coughing finally dies down, and all that’s left is the residual pain in my chest and throat.
Raiden is miraculously right there at the ready with the bottle of gatorade for me to take a swig out of.
My forehead breaks out in a sweat from the effort, but my chilly hands make contact with his and he flinches away from the coldness.
“Sorry,” I apologize and tuck my hands under the blanket to warm them up.
Raiden shakes his head and reaches under the blankets to hold my hands in his. His hands are warm against mine, and when I inhale a rough breath, his floral scent grounds me.
“Can you feed me just a little bit? I’m starving and I don’t know if I can wait until your mom is done cooking.” Just to further prove my point, my belly announces its displeasure at having to wait.
He still looks hesitant, but finally agrees. He lets go of my hand, and I miss the warmth of it already.
“One bite, and if it’s awful, I don’t want to hear you complain,” he warns, scooping some broth and noodles onto the spoon and extending it to me.
I open my mouth, already feeling the warmth from it as he lets it get close to my lips. Not too hot that it’s going to burn me though.
I close my mouth around the spoon, taking all of the soup off and nearly spitting it right back out. I somehow manage to swallow the bite, and when Raiden extends another one towards me I accept it gratefully.
His smile is worth the grossness of the soup. I’m not sure if he tried to make it homemade or if he mixed ingredients into an already canned soup but either way it’s barely edible. The sour tang is bitter against my tongue and I have to swallow extra to push down the bile threatening to come up.
When the bowl is finally finished, I lay back against the pillows and slowly close my eyes. Raiden crawls into bed beside me, keeping his head far enough away from mine that he won’t be sick.
I start to drift off at the same time he clicks on my tv show and turns the volume down, making a space for himself against me.
That was one of the first times I ate something he made, but after that he tried harder and harder to learn his mom’s family recipes.
Every failed attempt left me to eat the discards and I never once complained.
He was always so smiley while he was moving around the kitchen, and I couldn’t crush the happiness he was building.
I would eat inedible food everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I got to live the rest of it with Raiden by my side.
I finish the food, and sit the tray off to the side for the nurses to pick up on their next round.
In the meantime, I make myself comfortable in the chair beside Raiden’s bed, dragging it over so I can hold his hand in one of mine and prop my foot on the edge of his bed. I tug on my prosthetic, pulling it off and massaging the sore end. I’ve been pushing myself hard, and my leg is paying for it.
Once my pain dulls in my leg, I let it go and reach for the remote to scroll through the available TV channels.
When I finally decide on an old sitcom my eyes are starting to close on their own accord. The slight sound of voices coming through the door as everyone gets ready to turn in for the night.
Knock, knock.
A light rapping noise, knuckles hitting against the door.
“Come in,” I call out. Not loud enough to disturb Raiden but enough so they can hear me allowing them entrance. It’s the same nurse from earlier, and she has everything I need to give Raiden a bath.
“I’ll leave this right here, and if you need anything just buzz us.”
“Thank you,” I reply, standing up to get the stuff from here and bring it closer to the bed so I can take care of him. His soap is in the closet, stowed out of the way until I need it.
“You’re welcome.” She turns her back to walk out of the door until she stops. I wait to see what she needs when she finally faces me again. “It means a lot to him that you’re here.”
What? I think she can see the confusion on my face because her face flushes ruddy red.
“Here, with him.” She gestures towards Raiden and then turns back to me.
“I can’t speak for him, of course. But I’ve been where you are.
My husband was in a coma, and everyday I stayed by his side worried endlessly about him.
When he came home, it was like a huge burden had been lifted off me.
But he told me he could hear me talking, and that’s what led him back to me. Just… Don’t give up on him.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Knowing that her husband went through the same thing Raiden did and was able to come back has my hope growing ten fold.
“I’m not going to leave him.” I vow, to her and to Raiden.
She nods her head. Pleased with my answer.
This time when she goes, I let her get all the way to the door before the question that’s burning my mind bursts free from my mouth.
“How long was your husband in a coma for?”
She looks down, examining her wedding ring through the thin nitrile of the blue gloves she has on. I can’t see the ring, but I watch as she fiddles with it. “Two weeks, and they were the longest days of my life.”
My heart drops and the hope I was clinging too falls into the abyss. Two weeks. Raiden has already been in a coma longer than that, and I’m at my wits end. Feeling useless day in and day out, not being able to do anything for him, no matter how hard I try.
“But don’t get discouraged. He’ll be okay. But you need to take care of yourself during this time as well, he’ll wake up and be disappointed if he sees you like this.”
I could only imagine how she sees me. I haven’t looked in a mirror since Raiden has been admitted.
The only times I have left was to run home and get clothes and food runs.
Everything else has taken a back burner to making sure I’m with Raiden as much as I can be.
What if something goes wrong and I can’t get back quick enough? I can’t risk it.
“I’m not telling you to take a two week exotic vacation. I’m just saying… Do something for yourself. It could even be something you can do right here while you spend time with him. Just don’t isolate yourself.”
What can I do? I chance a glance at Raiden and he’s the same as he was two seconds ago when I checked on him.
“Think about it, you don’t have to do anything drastic.” She offers, and smiles sadly at me, shutting the door on her way out.
While I carefully wash Raiden, I let the nurse's words run over my mind. Something I can do for myself… Like a hobby?
What I really should be considering is how I’m going to go back to work after Raiden wakes up. I’ve left Hollis without an employee and the rest of the guys without a teammate so they’ve been having to work extra to pick up my slack.
After I have Raiden squeaky clean and smelling fresh, I walk over to the closet to place his things back. On the bottom shelf is my laptop, the thing should have a layer of dust from sitting in here, unused for the past month. But it doesn’t. It’s still as pristine as the day Hollis gave it to me.
I sit back in my chair and open it up, thumbing across the keyboards until genius strikes for what I can do for myself until Raiden wakes up.