Sixteen
SIXTEEN
Graham
This was terrifying.
I felt like a young child incapable of regulating his emotions.
This whole day had been a wild ride, especially after all that I’d been feeling over the last two weeks. It had all started when I’d been lucky enough to meet up with Andy last night to talk with him and get some clarity on the situation with Kat. If he hadn’t taken the time to talk to me, to get me to realize how big of a mistake I was making and how easy it was to fix, there was no question I’d still be sitting at home, feeling miserable and sulking. And if Andy hadn’t invited me to join him in playing some basketball this morning, I wouldn’t have seen her.
She played tennis.
I might have been more surprised by the coincidence of us both being at the park at the same time, but I was too mesmerized by her. Just like that, I’d learned something about her, and I liked it more than I thought I would.
And though I’d spent the night last night and the early part of my morning this morning thinking about how I was going to approach Kat to try to rectify things, which caused me to feel a gamut of emotions, it didn’t compare to what I experienced when I saw her on that tennis court.
The sight of her playing had left me captivated at first, and my awe quickly shifted to longing. I knew I’d missed being around her recently, but until I saw her, I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten for me.
As quickly as I felt those feeling of desire for her, it seemed they shifted to something else. Because when the match was over, everything changed. The guy who had been Kat’s opponent during the match walked over to talk to her, and I felt nothing but bitterness and jealousy as I watched him make her laugh. And when he put his hand on her shoulder, I wanted to break every one of his fingers.
That was the point I realized just how much trouble I was in. It was already this bad, and I hadn’t even taken any of the steps I needed to get us to a much better place.
Although I’d gotten far more worked up than was necessary given the situation, it didn’t take long for some relief to settle in for me. Once Kat made eye contact with me and walked in my direction, some of the tension eased. Of course, I felt some nerves, considering I didn’t know how she’d respond, but after far too long without the chance to talk to her or hear her voice, I looked forward to whatever I could get.
Unsurprisingly, the cool composure was quickly lost and replaced by fear when Kat made it clear she had no use for me and started to walk away before I could attempt to fix things. Fortunately, I’d shared just enough to get her to stop, listen, and agree to have dinner with me tonight.
Now we were here, and I didn’t quite know what to do with all that I was feeling other than to move through it all as it came, just like I had this morning.
Coming into this dinner with her tonight, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I’d come into this tonight knowing I fully intended to give her the truth. Even if she walked away from me afterward, even if she wasn’t willing to give us another chance, I needed her to understand why I’d reacted to her and treated her the way I had.
Kat had quickly proven I had not a single reason to be concerned about being vulnerable with her. She’d been horrified to learn the truth about what I’d been through. And she showed such compassion for me in the face of that pain, recalling and reliving that horror.
I’d already been feeling grateful that she’d given me the opportunity to set the record straight with her, but I’d have been lying if I said I expected the level of empathy she’d given me. Even if she hadn’t communicated her sorrow verbally, the devastation was written all over her face.
And while I was relieved to have it all out in the open, I was now sitting here with bated breath, praying that story wasn’t the last I’d ever be able to tell her and hoping she’d want to share things with me in return.
It wasn’t necessarily about me needing her to return the favor of sharing her trauma. It was about me realizing just how badly I’d screwed up and wanting to rectify it. It was me being wildly curious about this woman, about everything that made her who she was.
The possibility she might get up and walk away now that I’d gone ahead and shared far more than she’d been prepared for was what had me feeling so terrified now. I’d laid my heart bare, and she had the power to stomp all over it.
Judging by the look of trepidation on her face, that outcome was entirely possible. Kat looked about as unsure about trusting me as her few questions had indicated.
I hated to even have the thought in my head, but if she declined to give us a shot, I knew I’d regret having done what I did to her for the rest of my life.
No part of me wanted to take back a single word I’d said, but had I just shared more than she was prepared to hear? Had I lost my chance for something more meaningful with her.
She seemed stunned, confused, and hesitant.
Now that I’d opened up, I hoped she trusted me enough to give me the same in return, that she’d want to give us both a shot.
I felt like I was barely breathing as I waited and stared at that beautiful face. I offered her a reassuring smile, and that’s when it happened.
The fog that had settled over her seemed to have lifted in an instant. “His name was Charlie.”
I never thought I’d want to hear the sordid details about her former relationship. I especially didn’t think I’d want to know the guy’s name. But the moment I had it, a sense of peace washed over me.
Kat choosing to share this with me was obviously no guarantee that she’d want anything more. She might have just been willing to give me an explanation for why she’d entered our no-strings-attached affair to begin with, and there was still a chance she’d been too hurt by how I treated her to be willing to accept anything more between us again.
But I didn’t want to dwell on the potential downside. I wanted to focus on the positive—that we were having a conversation and that I was learning something new about her. It was a step in the right direction. After she shared what she felt compelled to share, we could discuss where to go moving forward.
“Our entire relationship spanned about three and a half years, and it was roughly six months before the end when he proposed,” Kat revealed.
“You were only engaged for six months of that entire time?”
“Yes.”
I cocked a brow, thinking it was strange that it was only a short time after he’d proposed to her that they officially split. “Did the wedding planning reveal different wants or something crazy?”
Kat huffed. “I wish it had been that simple. Sadly, that wasn’t the case at all.”
“What happened?”
She parted her lips to respond, but stopped herself before any words came out. Her nose scrunched up, like she was considering whether to even respond at all. “I’m sorry. It’s just that after you shared all that you did, I feel silly for even mentioning this. I should be counting my blessings.”
I reached out for her hand again, something I’d done after telling her my story and wanting her to know how sorry I was for hurting her. It helped me to have that physical contact with her, no matter how insignificant it might have seemed, and I thought it could help her now.
“I want to know, Kat. Whatever happened to you, I want to know. And it doesn’t matter if you think it’s not as bad as what I endured. It happened, and it had a profound effect on you. We’re not competing here. I can promise you that.”
Kat offered a nod of appreciation and a small smile in return. “We’d been together for so long that after he proposed, I was ready to get the rest of our lives started. Charlie was not as eager. From the beginning, I just wanted us to be married, so I wasn’t interested in all the frills. To his credit, Charlie knew how to make me swoon. He insisted I deserved to have the very best of everything, and he wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams.”
This all sounded great.
Of course, I could understand her motivation behind wanting to get married as quickly as possible after the engagement, but I could also understand her groom wanting to give her the best. “Were you against having a big, lavish wedding?”
She shrugged. “Not necessarily. And maybe, if he’d proposed two years sooner, I might have opted to go that route. But in the end, that really wasn’t even the problem. Charlie wasn’t the least bit interested in setting a date at all. Not within a month or two, and not within a year. He just kept saying we didn’t need to rush it.”
Suddenly, this was all beginning to make some sense. “So, would I be correct to assume you got fed up with waiting and decided to call off the engagement?”
Soft laughter filled the air around us, but it was tinged with sadness. “If only I’d done that. No. Unfortunately, I stuck around, trying to convince him I didn’t want the big wedding, insisting I was ready to be married, and offering to just head to the courthouse to make it happen. I might have had a ring on my finger, but he was simply not willing or ready to commit.”
Surely, I’d considered all the possibilities. What else would explain why she ended her engagement? Too curious, I asked, “So, what happened?”
Kat licked her lips, her eyes roaming over my face. “Do you promise not to laugh at me?”
I couldn’t imagine there was anything she could tell me that would make me laugh, not if whatever it was led to her breaking off her engagement. “I promise I will not laugh at you, Kat.”
She sighed. “I couldn’t take it any longer. I hated that he refused to set a date and didn’t really have any good explanations as to why. So, I followed him. I hate to admit that I stooped to that level, but I thought I was losing my mind. We’d scheduled a half day at work, so I made sure to go to where Charlie worked about fifteen minutes before he was set to leave. And that day, I followed him home. But it wasn’t to the home I’d ever been to. Charlie had a fully furnished apartment that I’d been to on many occasions over the years. But that day, he didn’t go to his apartment. He drove to a house in a suburb, opened the garage door, and pulled his car right inside. And that’s when I knew that I didn’t know a thing about the man I’d been with for three and a half years.”
“Are you joking?”
Kat shook her head. “No. Sadly, I was stupid enough to think that perhaps there was an explanation. I noted the address, left, and went home. After doing some research, I learned that the house was owned by Charlie and a woman named Megan. Charlie had told me that he wasn’t on speaking terms with his family, so I never thought twice about it when I hadn’t met his parents or siblings. But this woman had his last name, so either he had lied about his family and was caring for an ailing parent, or something else was going on.”
Without her confirmation of it, I just knew this wasn’t a situation of this guy caring for a sick parent. There was something far more sinister going on, and I had the sneaking suspicion I knew what she was going to say.
“I did a bit more research. And imagine my surprise when I learned that Charlie hadn’t had a falling out with his family at all.”
My brows knit together. “So, he was caring for a sick parent?”
“Unfortunately, that was not the case. I never met Charlie’s family, because if he had introduced me to them, it was almost a sure thing that would have ended his marriage.”
I was convinced my eyes were going to fall out of my head. “He was already married?”
“With two kids.”
My lip curled with disgust at the same time the disbelief moved through me. Needing to be sure I hadn’t heard her incorrectly, I asked, “You were engaged to a man who already had a wife and two children?”
Kat’s shoulders rolled forward, her chest caving in slightly. “I’m not exactly proud of myself,” she murmured, her eyes dropping to her lap.
Sitting on the opposite side of the table from her, I could only touch her if her hands were resting on top of it. Since she’d settled them in her lap, the most I could do to get her to look at me was reach across the table and tap my hand on it. I only spoke after her eyes met mine again. “It’s not your fault, Kat. You were deceived. I don’t doubt for one second that you wouldn’t have ever gotten involved with him if you had known from the start about his family.”
She nodded. “I ended it as soon as I learned the truth.”
I sent a sympathetic look her way. “I’m so sorry you went through all that. How long ago did it end?”
Kat licked her lips and sat up a little taller. “It had been about ten months when I met you. And I use the term end very loosely.”
My body froze. Was she saying she still got together with this guy? “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that I ended things and made it clear I want nothing to do with him ever again, but Charlie hasn’t quite gotten the message.”
In an instant, waves of anger rolled over me. “He hasn’t gotten the message?”
Kat shook her head. “No. I don’t know if he thinks it’s because I was so into him when we were together that I’d just overlook it now, but he continues to call me.”
“And you answer?”
“I try to avoid taking his calls, but then things happen like this morning.”
This morning.
She’d had something happen as recently as this morning with her ex?
I’d made it clear to Chelsea from the moment I walked away from her that we were done and that I never wanted anything to do with her. Chelsea had tried to reach out only once after I officially left, but that was it. Of course, I wound up having others reach out on her behalf, but within a month, it had all stopped.
“He called you this morning?”
Kat winced. “I was heading out the door to go to the park, and my arms were full. Plus, whether I want to admit it or not, the last two weeks haven’t been very easy for me. Anyway, my phone rang, and I didn’t even look at the display. I answered and heard him on the other end of the line.”
“And what did he want?”
A frustrated sigh escaped as Kat finally picked up her fork. “To tell me that he still wants to be with me, that he still plans to leave his wife. I did what I always do and told him that I’m done with him and to never call me again.”
“I’d block his number if I were you,” I suggested.
She blinked at me, her stare lingering for a few beats. “Why haven’t I ever thought of doing that?”
One half of my mouth quirked. “I don’t know, but it’d be an easy fix.”
“Would you mind if I did that right now?”
I shook my head, a full grin now on my face. “Be my guest.”
Kat pulled out her phone, tapped on the screen a few times, and tossed it back into her purse. She brought her attention back to me and smiled, the sight of it making my heart flutter. “I feel like I’ve just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. Thanks, Graham.”
“You’re welcome.” The both of us finally dove into our salads, and after getting a few bites in, I said, “I really am sorry to learn about what you went through, Kat. We’ve both been through some awful stuff.”
“I appreciate that, and you’re right. I know we aren’t supposed to be comparing, but we both experienced some significant lies and dishonesty in our romantic relationships. I was able to walk away from mine much easier than you. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been to go through a divorce after such betrayal.”
I puffed up my chest a bit, held my chin high, and sent a knowing grin her way. “We aren’t going to compare, Kat. It was bad on both sides of this. What we can do is be grateful for making it to the other side of all that deception and pain.”
She wore a proud look, a slight gleam in her eyes. “I guess you’re right. We both have every reason to feel confident moving forward. Even if there’s some uncertainty about where we could wind up, we can at least have some faith in our ability to weather just about any storm.”
That was one hell of a way to look at it, and I wished I’d considered that notion sooner. “I agree.”
After setting her fork down and dabbing at the corners of her mouth with her napkin, Kat said, “Though, I will say that I wouldn’t have gotten through everything if it hadn’t been for my family. Everyone had been devastated to learn the truth, but my parents and my sisters all stepped up in a huge way for me.”
Sorrow consumed me. “I’m glad you had that.”
“What about you? I bet your family was distraught to learn about the baby.”
My shoulders fell. “Not exactly.”
Kat’s brows shot up. “What? What do you mean?”
I’d gone from feeling good to feeling so low. The last thing I wanted to do was relive this part of the story and bring down the mood, but I’d promised myself I was going to do everything I could to make things work with Kat. And if we stood a chance at having a future, she was going to learn the truth, anyway.
“Initially, I guess they were upset,” I shared. “But when I made the decision to separate and divorce, they told me I was taking it too far. They claimed to understand why I needed some time to come to grips with everything, but they all believed I needed to try to stay and work things out with Chelsea.”
Kat’s jaw fell open. “Are you being serious?”
“I am.”
“I… I… You… Your whole family? Your parents? They wanted you to stay with her after she lied to you about something so important?”
Nodding, I clarified, “I do have an older brother who doesn’t necessarily agree with any of it, but he doesn’t live here. He’s married, has his own family now, and lives in Arizona, so we don’t see each other. But yes, the rest of the family thinks I made a terrible mistake. My parents and my sister called me for weeks after I’d told Chelsea I was filing for divorce. They did everything they could think of to convince me to change my mind. I had to cut them off, because it just wasn’t healthy.”
Kat’s fingertips were pressed lightly against her lips, her eyes frantically roaming over my face. “Oh, Graham, I feel awful. You lost your wife and your family. I want to come over there and hug you.”
As easily as my mood had plummeted with the initial thoughts of my family, Kat quickly turned it around. I smiled at her. “I won’t turn you down if you do. In fact, I would welcome it.”
I hadn’t believed that Kat was serious about doing that. I thought she was merely trying to express how upset she was about learning how my family had handled the news of my separation and divorce. But she left me feeling utterly surprised—and delighted—when she pushed her chair back, stood, and walked over to my side of the table. I barely had enough time to push my chair back before she fell into my lap and wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m so sorry, Graham.”
I was stuck, caught between wanting to accept and focus on her compassionate response and wanting to feel relieved and excited about having her in my arms again. “I appreciate that.”
Her arms tightened around me, and all I could do was hold on to her just a little tighter, too.
When she loosened her hold and pulled back, her eyes roamed over my face. “I don’t know how you’re still standing. I’d be lost.”
God, I loved the feel of her sitting in my lap, looking at me like she was. “I have great friends.”
Kat’s fingers gently scratched the back of my scalp as she kept her gaze focused on me. We sat in a tense silence, sparks flying between us. “You want to do this?”
My thumb brushed along the material covering her hip. “I do. I really want the chance to get to know you better.”
“You do know that you and I have not shown very good judgment when choosing partners. Do you think we could be making a mistake if we went down this road with one another?”
It was taking every ounce of restraint I could muster up not to allow my fingers to bite into the skin at her hip and thigh. “We could be. But I think it’d be a bigger mistake to walk away and pretend like you haven’t turned my world upside down in the best way possible.”
Her eyes were shining as a slow smile spread across her face. “Do you promise to always be honest with me, no matter what?”
“Honesty is something I value most these days, so yes, without a doubt, I will always be honest with you.”
Kat licked her lips. “I promise to give you the same in return, Graham. So, if this is what you want, I think it’s worth taking the risk on each other.”
Relief swept through me, and my restraint flew out the window. I wrapped my arms around her again and pulled her in for another hug. Kat happily went, and it was only when our waitress returned with our meals a few moments later that we separated from one another.