Chapter 34
Ifollow Kyor as he sneaks through the eastern arc. With every step I try to ignore the drumming in my chest telling me this is a bad idea.
There are two places he could be going. Either he’s going to leave the High Hold – which is forbidden for Rettlings, but I’m sure an exception would be made for him – or he’s heading to the guards’ temple. But if he’s going to the latter, I don’t see why he’d be acting like a thief in the night.
Grateful for the clouds that cover the moon and the practice I’ve had at going unseen, honed through many nights spent skulking through the slums, I trail him from a distance, watching as he passes the gate that leads out of the eastern arc and keeps walking towards the temple.
Maybe he feels embarrassed about needing to pray? I chew my lip and keep following.
Other than the shadow of darkness, there’s not a lot to keep me hidden, no trees or buildings to duck behind, so I wait, keeping as much distance between us as I can.
At one point, he slows his pace and I hastily turn around, but when I glance back I see him striding once more towards the temple and slipping through the doors. I quicken my pace to follow.
‘What are you doing, Rose?’ I mutter to myself. ‘Do you really need to watch Kyor pray?’
At best, it’s obsessive. At worst … I don’t want to think about it. What I should be doing is heading upstairs, finding Jonas’s new room, and getting thoroughly distracted from any ridiculous thoughts about Kyor Knavin.
I purposely remind myself of his surname, of who his father is, of who he is.
I need to see what he’s doing, whether that’s praying or something else. And I couldn’t care less if he’s using the temple as some sort of hook-up site, though who would be bold enough to fuck in the temple of the Gods, I don’t know.
And now I’m definitely not imagining him pinning me down on the altar …
Gods help me.
As the temple door slams shut, I’m faced with the issue of what to do next. I can’t go in after him without being discovered, that’s for sure. So it’s time for a little climb.
The windows are only one storey up. I’ll take a quick look to satisfy my curiosity, and then I’ll be done. I’ll go back to Jonas, the sensible choice to spend my evening with.
I find a foothold and shift myself up, discovering I couldn’t have picked a better window. It offers a clear view into the centre of the temple with only the far end obscured. Whatever Kyor is doing in here, I should be able to see it.
I crane my neck, finally spotting a figure standing in the shadows. Only it’s not Kyor. It’s Zelle.
‘What are you doing, Commander?’ I murmur.
There’s something about the way Zelle is standing and the way his gaze is constantly flickering around that makes me think he shouldn’t be here. But why? I’ve seen him use this very temple for prayer before. What could the pair be meeting about that they’d be desperate to keep hidden?
A chill runs through me as the answer strikes.
Zelle said he didn’t know what the trials would be.
But what if that wasn’t true? What if he’s meeting Kyor here to tell him what the second trial will entail?
Or when it’s going to take place? What if the entire reason for this rendezvous is for the commander to give the man he thinks of as a son an advantage in the trials?
A mixture of annoyance and something else flares through me. I’d expect this from the prince, but I feel genuinely disappointed in Zelle as I’ve actually got no small amount of affection for the man.
‘Zelle … what is this?’ As he steps out of the shadows, Kyor’s voice cuts through the silence with an edge I don’t recognise. Concern? ‘Where have you been? Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?’
‘I thought you needed a little pick-me-up,’ the old man replies.
‘Me? What do you mean?’
‘I mean, I saw the way you were struggling without her, and I decided to do something about it.’
‘Oh, Zelle …’ Kyor’s voice drops. ‘Tell me you didn’t. The rules …’
‘I know what you’re going to say but hear me out—’
‘There are other knights in the barracks. My knights. This isn’t fair to them.’ The tightness in Kyor’s voice is nothing like I’ve ever heard from him before. Actual anguish? Surely not.
And yet Zelle seems to have relaxed now that they’re together.
He waves a hand dismissively at Kyor’s concerns.
‘This was entirely my choice, and if it comes to it, I’ll own up.
But don’t worry. No one’s seen her. We got her in just fine.
Now, are you going to spend your time chastising me, or is there someone else you’d rather be talking to? ’
A woman. Zelle has snuck in a woman for Kyor?
The image of another woman on the altar with Kyor rips through my imagination and I find myself unaccountably furious at the thought.
He flirts with me at every session – just a little, a touch here or there, but it’s not insignificant – and the whole time he’s had a woman who he cares enough about for Zelle to smuggle her in?
I’m hurt, I realise, and that is more than a little ridiculous. Kyor and I hate each other. We’re enemies. Foes. And the thought of him trailing his hands up another woman’s arm, the way he does mine when he corrects my hold on a sword, is absolutely fine.
I’m so lost in my internal diatribe that it takes me several long moments before I realise it’s not a woman at all.
Zelle has brought Kyor his dire wolf.
And she is magnificent.
She is pressing herself happily against Kyor, leaving another wolf standing alone.
Zelle’s, I realise with shock as the other wolf goes to nuzzle the old man.
To train the Rettlings, Zelle’s also been giving up time with his wolf.
Knowing that, I appreciate his early training sessions with me all the more.
He has been leaving his wolf stationed somewhere else so as not to rub Kyor’s and the other knights’ faces in their loss.
And it is a loss I realise, as I watch Zelle and his wolf together, their eyes alight with joy as they fuss over each other.
I tear my eyes from Zelle to study Kyor and his wolf. Her fur is jet-black across her face and back, fading to deep grey over her hindquarters, and then lighter still down her legs until her paws, which are almost white.
It’s not that I haven’t seen dire wolves before – the knights stationed at the gates here still have theirs; it’s that there’s something different about Kyor’s wolf.
And not just because she’s huge. She’s not here patrolling, ready to attack anyone who breaks the king’s rule.
She’s here for him. For Kyor. Who no longer looks like the prince I know.
It takes me a heartbeat to understand what’s different.
He’s smiling.
It’s not a smirk or a sneer. No, this smile is broad, and it brightens his entire face. Even his icy eyes are transformed into something warm. Something full of love. He kneels beside the phenomenal beast, rubbing her fur like she’s nothing more than a lapdog.
‘Gods, I have missed you, El. How’s it been, my beautiful Elska?’
She responds with a bound, placing her feet on his shoulders as she nuzzles him. Jaws like hers could crunch his skull in a heartbeat, and yet there’s zero fear in his face. Instead, he wraps his arms around her like the two of them are about to dance.
With his hands still deep in the animal’s fur, he looks at Zelle, a weak attempt at a scowl gracing his face.
‘I’m still fucking furious,’ he growls. ‘You know I hate breaking the rules.’
Zelle grins back. ‘You needed a reminder of what you’re fighting for.’
Kyor scoffs as he turns back to Elska, who continues to lick his cheek.
‘As if I could forget,’ he says, his voice so soft and full of love that it punches into my gut.
I’m intruding on an intensely personal moment I have no business watching, yet I can’t quite tear my eyes away.
Seeing Kyor look so full of love makes my guts writhe with a feeling I refuse to name.
As I watch, momentarily forgetting that I’m nine feet up, my foot slides against the stones and my pulse rushes. I catch myself almost instantly, but Elska’s face swings towards me and my blood runs cold.
‘What is it, girl?’ Kyor’s voice is sharp and loud enough to hear even as I scramble down the side of the temple.
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
My heart has lodged itself in my throat.
If the dire wolf decides to come after me, I’m screwed, I think as I break into a sprint.
She won’t risk being seen though, right?
Kyor will stop her from tracking me down and following my scent, right?
Probably? Ugh. I stop my mind from whirring and run.
Dire wolves can mind-speak with their bonded, but can she send him images?
Show him she saw me? If she even did see me. Maybe she didn’t.
Please, Etta, keep me safe from that wolf!
I don’t break my stride all the way back to the barracks, and when I arrive in the dining hall, my lungs throb from exertion and my pulse batters my rib cage. It’s only when I’m halfway up the staircase that my breathing gets almost back to normal.
I don’t know why, but I’ve already decided not to tell anyone what I saw.
Not because I give a shit about Kyor potentially getting in trouble, but because of Zelle.
I like him. And dammit, he’s been training me every day.
If I tell anyone, Zelle might get moved somewhere else.
I’m not keeping Kyor’s secret for them, but for me.
That’s all. Just some good old human self-interest. Nothing else to it.
I’m a few feet away from my dorm room when I hear raised voices, and the Kyor incident is washed from my mind in favour of listening to Benny’s rage-filled shouts.
‘You are putting us all at risk. Don’t you see that?’ His words are harsh and clipped.
Llinos’s voice is just as sharp as she replies, ‘Oh, you mean like you’ve put Caroline at risk for the four years she’s been placed here?’
‘I didn’t make that decision!’ he snaps.
‘I don’t know how many times I have to say it for you to believe me.
I had nothing to do with it.’ There’s a moment of tense silence and then Benny’s sigh is so loud that it reverberates through the door.
‘Please, see my way of thinking. Our plan has gone to shit. We have to rethink our strategy.’
‘No. No, I don’t agree with that. I agreed to the original plan.’
‘But that won’t work anymore! Losing Suan screwed us. You know that. And I promise I’ve been trying to figure out a way we can do this without her. It’s all I’ve been trying to do. But with Jai and Coulter gone too, it’s impossible. You’re just not thinking straight because of Caz.’
‘So you’d rather I didn’t know she was here? Tell me, Benny, if you’d been the one to find her, not Rose, would you have even told me?’
‘Yes! Yes, of course I would have! Llin, I’m not a fucking monster.’
‘You’re sure as hell sounding like one,’ Llin snarls back.
‘I don’t need you to agree,’ Benny says coldly. ‘You seem to have forgotten who you’re talking to.’
My skin prickles while my chest tightens like my ribs are being bound.
‘Well, if you’re pulling rank, then why don’t I just get on my knees to you now?’ Llinos’s voice is full of sarcasm, and the tension radiating from the room is suffocating. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get caught here, but I don’t want to stand outside all night either.
Before I can decide whether to leave, Loch’s voice cuts through the silence. ‘Our flower is here,’ he says dreamily. ‘Rose is outside.’
My heart thuds. I either need to move now, making it look like I’ve just approached, or risk them finding me outside eavesdropping.
With a casual stride, I continue my walk and push open the door.
The three Rettlings are seated on their own beds, and Llinos and Benny smile at me in such synchronicity that it’s unnerving.
‘Hey, where have you been?’ Llinos asks. ‘Hardly seen you today. We were getting worried.’
Her voice is too high-pitched to be natural, and I wonder if she can hear it too.
‘Oh, just went for a wander,’ I say breezily. ‘How’s everything going here? Did you and Caroline have a good night?’
‘Yes, yes, all good. She just had a lot of work to catch up on, so she headed back early.’
She shoots Benny a look as if daring him to disagree with her, but his smile has dropped and he’s not saying anything at all.
It’s burning in me now, the need to know what the hell is up with my friends, the urge to dig into it.
But they’re my friends, and as I owe them my life, the least I can give them in return is their privacy.
I don’t want to rock the boat. I just have to pray that one of them doesn’t sink the whole damn thing.