Chapter 46
‘Idon’t know what’s wrong with me,’ I tell Llinos as we walk into the dining room later that evening. ‘It’s some screwed-up physical attraction thing. You know, it’s just a case of “can’t have, therefore want.” It’s a weird physical crush, that’s all.’
Llinos grins back at me. ‘Rosey, honey, you’ve said that phrase about a hundred times today. Who are you trying to kid? I mean, I don’t mean to be funny or anything, but why the hell not go there? That fight was beautiful. Imagine what it’s gonna be like when you’re fucking.’
She says the word ‘imagine’ like I haven’t done that way too often for my own good. I groan. ‘I can’t get distracted. Two trials left and then the Ofur. Besides, he’s the heir to the throne, and I’m a slum rat.’
‘You’re not!’ she says sharply.
One of us.
‘I am,’ I say firmly, ‘and I’m not ashamed of it.
The people there are good people who’ve fallen on hard times.
’ I think of the gifts they laid at my door.
It’s a reminder that I need to ask Leilah about the food I hoped to get out to the slums. ‘Kind, generous people. But all of that doesn’t change who he is. ’
‘And where you live doesn’t change who you are. You are, and always will be, Lady Kultavaris.’
‘Leave it, Llin, please,’ I beg. ‘Now, can we go and get some food? I’m starving.’
Jonas is already at our table, but there’s no food in front of him.
Instead, he’s staring at a piece of paper.
A pang of annoyance hits. Artur is still sneaking in correspondence to Jonas but hasn’t thought that perhaps it would be nice if he could do the same for Kay and me.
Then again, Artur’s already doing more than he needs to, to help us, so I can hardly begrudge him the oversight.
‘Everything all right?’ I ask.
He crumples the paper and shoves it into his pocket. ‘Yeah, just correspondence from my father.’
It’s only been four days since the ball, but Gods, I miss Kay already. Though I’m not exactly sure how she’d take my situation with Kyor, particularly given the warning I gave her about Hew. Talk about hypocrisy.
‘Did he say anything about Kay? How she’s getting on?’
Jonas frowns. ‘No, why?’
‘No reason. I just thought he might say something.’
‘No, no.’ He shakes his head, but the thin vein in his forehead is pulsing slightly, a surefire sign he’s concerned about something.
Before I can question him further, Benny sweeps in and sits next to me.
‘Hear I missed an interesting fight earlier.’ He grins at me before flashing Llinos a loaded look.
Jonas looks up. ‘What happened?’
‘Oh, it was just Zara and Oke,’ I say quickly, shooting the others a look. Somehow, I don’t think Jonas needs to hear this.
‘Yeah? Who came out on top?’
Llinos snickers. ‘I’m not sure, actually,’ Llinos says. ‘We all got a bit … distracted. Distracted. That’s the right word, wouldn’t you say, Rosey?’
I hate her. She’s my best friend and I hate her.
‘From what I hear, they just wore each other out,’ Benny joins in. ‘Or they’re definitely going to in the future.’
Llinos and Benny both stifle laughs. I want to glare at them, but honestly, I’m just pleased to see them getting on, even if I need to be the butt of the joke for that to happen.
‘Are you sure everything’s okay?’ I ask Jonas again, because he’s looking nervous and weird.
He blinks a couple of times. ‘Yes, yes, it’s all fine. Just maybe you and I could …’ Whatever it is he wants us to do, I don’t find out, as his voice trails off, and his eyes fix on something past my shoulder. ‘What is he doing here?’ Jonas frowns. ‘And why is he walking this way?’
Benny turns to look, but I don’t need to. There’s a trickle of static along my collarbone that tells me exactly who is approaching.
‘Mind if I join you?’ Kyor asks, the query barely a question.
Gods, why is his voice so attractive? Maybe if I could just imagine it in a different way – high-pitched or too nasal or something – it wouldn’t make my muscles clench at the sound of it.
The thought of him whispering in my ear again—no, I will not think like that.
Even if it was all I was thinking about when I fell asleep last night, not to mention several times since our battle earlier.
‘Not sure we can say no to the prince, can we?’ Jonas mutters from his seat.
‘Rose can,’ Llinos quips.
Benny snickers, and I elbow him in the side.
‘What are you doing here, Kyor?’ I say.
‘You always seem to have so much fun. Thought I could join you. Not distracting you, am I?’
I swallow. ‘Of course not,’ I say defiantly.
Not needing any more of an invitation, he slides in next to me, only for the conversation to stall entirely. Though if Kyor notices, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he picks up his fork and begins to eat, shifting slightly so that his thigh presses close to mine.
The effect is instant. The heat. The dampness.
Trying to keep my expression as neutral as possible, I move away by a fraction, only for him to immediately spread his legs so that he is still touching me.
My breathing tightens. I don’t want to scooch along the whole bench, so I grit my teeth and try not to think about just how good that pressure feels against me.
And how much better it would feel in other places.
‘Well,’ Benny says flatly a couple of minutes later, after Kyor’s still not said another word. ‘That was a great dinner, but I think I’m done.’ As he stands to leave, Llinos quickly copies him.
‘You know what? Me too. Jonas, you coming?’
‘Me?’ Jonas looks at her, a confused frown on his face.
‘Yes. I wanted to talk to you about that thing.’
‘That thing.’
‘Yes, that thing.’ Without waiting for him to respond, she grabs Jonas by the arm and hauls him away. Once again, Kyor and I are alone, and even though there’s more than enough room on the bench, neither of us moves.
Only when Kyor’s plate is empty does he turn and look at me.
‘Tomorrow morning. I expect to see you there.’
‘To train?’ I ask, wishing my voice wasn’t so breathy.
‘To train,’ he confirms.
‘I can’t,’ I blurt.
‘And why is that, Thorn?’ he purrs.
Irritation sparks at his obvious delight. ‘What do you want, Kyor? Do you want to hear that you’re a distraction to me? You are, okay? Do you want to hear that there’s something physical between us? Because we both know there is. And I just, I can’t do that. With you.’
His humour fades from his face until he looks all too serious.
‘Very well,’ he says finally. ‘Nothing else will happen between us, Kultavaris, not until you ask for it.’
I hate that I instantly miss him calling me Thorn.
‘In the meantime,’ he continues, ‘I expect to see you every day for our early morning training sessions. No funny business, not a single touch I wouldn’t give anyone else. Deal?’
I swallow. He’s the best fighter there is in the competition, and training with him is an opportunity only an idiot would pass up. I nod. ‘Deal.’
True to his word, Kyor is there for every morning session for the following week and a half.
He trains me like any other soldier, driving me through relentless, close-quarters fighting, honing my blocks and strikes until they’re sharp and economical.
And through it all, he remains completely and infuriatingly business-like.
As such, I’m in a decidedly foul mood as I make my way to breakfast and find Llin there picking at her food.
‘It’s been too long since the last trial,’ she grumbles as I sit down. ‘Does it feel like it’s been too long? When the hell is it going to be?’
‘It changes every Retterheld,’ Jonas starts, and the rest of us exchange a look, knowing a history lesson is coming.
‘One year, they were only three days apart, and the entire thing was over and done with within fifteen days. They’ve never been more than a moon apart though, meaning we could have another thirteen days to wait. ’
‘I’ll go mad,’ Llinos huffs. ‘I hate the waiting.’
If I was her, I’d be counting any extra days spent training as a blessing. The wound to her arm was significant, and though it’s healed well, she’s still far from her usual strength.
‘There’s definitely going to be water at some point,’ Jonas continues his pontification. ‘I’m sure of it. You need to be ready for that one, Rose. As I recall, you never used to like the water?’
‘That was a long time ago,’ I reply. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.’ As casual as I sound, it’s a lie. Jonas is right. I hated open water and I still do. And though I’ve been hoping since I arrived to at least have an opportunity to train down in the sea, that hasn’t happened.
‘I think we should all stay on alert,’ Llinos adds. ‘You never know when it might happen.’
‘When exactly aren’t we on alert around here?’ I reply. ‘I know I am. All the fucking time.’
My eyes shift around the depressing dining room. So few trials down and already more than half of us are gone. I know from Benny and Jonas’s history lessons that it’s not been the deadliest Retterheld, but it’s up there.
With so few competitors, it’s easy to see that Kyor isn’t here.
I can stop him from touching me, but it seems I can’t stop thinking about him.
Wondering where he is and who he’s with.
Were the stunts he pulled on me something he’s tried on every Rettling?
Not to mention every eligible woman at court?
You don’t come in with confidence like that unless you’re sure of your ability.
And if the sparks that flew between us through the fight are anything to go by, just his fingers on me are going to be enough to send me over the edge.
I am not thinking about his fingers on me.
‘Do you think Zelle’s death slowed things down?’ Llin asks, still mulling over why we haven’t yet had our third trial. ‘Not Zelle himself, I mean, but the rebels’ attack. Maybe they’re upping the security.’
‘Ah yes, because it’s so essential to make sure we’re secure when we’re heading towards probable death,’ Benny replies grimly as he joins us at the table.
I’m only half listening because Kyor has appeared at the top of the kitchen stairs. And annoyingly, he sees me looking. He looks … eager, excited.
Knife, he mouths at me. I’m still frowning when I notice two interlopers walking into the room: a man and a woman, both with grey hair twisted and piled high on top of their heads.
‘Guys,’ I say, interrupting the bickering that’s still going on between Benny and Llinos. ‘Guys, have you ever seen those two people before?’
Both of the islanders glance down to the end of the dining hall, although the man has now moved and is heading towards us.
‘No.’ Llinos shakes her head.
‘Never,’ Benny adds.
‘Does anyone else feel that?’ Jonas asks, frowning.
The moment he speaks, I feel it too. Something is swirling right in the pit of my stomach.
‘Is this—’ Before I get the words out, the clanging starts – the chime announcing the start of the trial.
I reach for my knife – Godsdamn it, that’s what Kyor meant – but just as my fingers begin to curl around the hilt, the dining hall disappears, my knife with it.
The third trial’s begun, and I’m defenceless.