Chapter 52
Ionly realise I’m heading up to the smoke-stained shell of my previous room when the charred stairs creak beneath my feet.
I assume Caroline will be with Llin, and I don’t need them to question where I’ve been for the last half an hour.
Or what happened when I went to speak to Jonas.
In truth, there’s a lot of the day I want to push from my mind and pretend never happened, but the best I can hope for now is a decent night’s sleep.
As I open the door and the smell of ash fills my nostrils, I freeze. There, on the windowsill, are three ravens. Three.
The sight should see me running for literally anywhere else, but I don’t have the energy. Instead, I curl up on my bed and close my eyes.
When I go down to breakfast the next morning, Llinos and Benny are waiting for me, and they’re not alone.
Jonas is at the table and eating. It’s a definite improvement over yesterday.
He flashes me a smile, though I struggle to meet his gaze as I think about the way his hand reached for my cheek.
The way he wanted to kiss me. And the way I immediately ran to Kyor, only to be rejected in the most humiliating way possible.
Suffice to say, I didn’t get up for our early training session this morning.
‘Is it just me, or does everyone else not feel like having a celebratory ball tonight?’ Llinos picks at the pastry in front of her as her gaze flitters down to the end of the dining table where Seiren is sitting alone.
I’m sure they asked her to join us, but like most of the remaining Rettlings, she doesn’t look like she’s in the mood for company.
‘The fewer and fewer there are of us, the harder it is not to think about how it could be your last.’ Llinos looks glum.
This whole thing is really taking its toll on her. On all of us.
‘Hey!’ I nudge her. ‘It’s absolutely not going to be your last one.’
She sighs. ‘I know I’m hardcore, but I’m just saying. It feels wrong, you know? To be swanning around in luxury when so many people haven’t made it.’
I don’t reply. There’re always people dying, I think, as my mind flickers from the slums to Kyor’s etches on the battle yard wall.
‘Balls are a distraction,’ Jonas says tightly. ‘We need to think about the next trial.’
There’s an efficiency in his voice. An urgency.
Like it’s not the ball he doesn’t want to think about, but Kestria.
Not that I can blame him. We all have different ways of coping with things.
Normally I’d use brewing to distract myself from everything that’s going on.
Maybe I should try that again. Still, if Jonas wants to take the lead on whatever’s coming next, I’m hardly going to hold that against him.
‘It has to be pairs, and it has to be water,’ Benny replies.
‘We’ve already done water, remember?’ I point out.
He snorts. ‘That was ice. It doesn’t count. There’s always one in the actual water, whether it is swimming or rowing somewhere dangerous with boats. And the Ofur is always a solo task, but I can’t imagine that it will be water-based.’
If it is, I’m screwed, I think to myself.
It’s not just about how weak a swimmer I am.
If any of that spectre’s magic is still flowing through me, a massive body of water would be the worst place for it to show up.
I’m pretty sure that freezing so much as a puddle would be enough to get Kay and me killed.
‘I agree.’ Jonas nods. ‘Water and pairs. Which means you’re going to need help, Rose. We need to sort this now. Benny and Llinos will be together. And you and I will pair up. And this time, you stay out of the way until I’m sure you’re safe.’
Irritation at his condescension slams through me, but I try not to let it show.
I get that he needs to take charge, and Llinos and I had the conversation about pairings a couple of weeks before anyway.
I saw how utterly broken he was last night and understand that this facade of his is exactly that.
But highlighting my weakness, as if I’m incapable of adding anything to the trial at all, isn’t going to change what happened out there on the ice.
There’s also the fact that he would have died in the trial had it not been for the rest of us.
‘I’m fine with those pairings,’ I say steadily, ‘but I suggest we wait and see what the trial is before we rule me out.’ My response is measured and reasonable, and I assume there’s no way he can argue with it. Turns out I’m wrong.
‘No, it’ll be easier if I don’t have to worry about you.’
‘I don’t need you to worry about me. The fact that I’m still here should tell you that.’ I hear my voice rise in volume as I struggle not to grind my teeth. But when he lets out a sigh, I feel my last tether start to fray.
‘Please, Rose, at some point, your luck is going to change. Water or not, you have to see how unlikely it is that you’ll make it through the last two trials without our help. You need to be prepared.’
Static brushes my shoulders a second before a new voice growls, ‘It’s not luck she’s still here, and saying that it is, is a fucking big insult to someone chosen by Etta.’
My chest skitters as memories of last night come searing back to me. His lips on mine, his tongue on my body, and the way he left because I couldn’t say I trusted him.
‘You’re not needed in this conversation.’ My voice is clipped and icy.
‘I disagree.’
‘Kyor …’ There’s a tremble to my tone. He’s the one who told me to keep the incident with the ice magic secret, so why do I feel like he’s about to expose me? Maybe I was right not to say those words.
‘This is a private conversation,’ I say evenly.
I’ve never seen Jonas show anything but deference to the prince, but the press of his lips now is just more evidence as to how close he is to breaking point. And to snap here, with Kyor, is something he doesn’t want to do.
‘Then perhaps you should have been a little quieter.’ Kyor’s eyes flick to me, and all I can think about is his request for me not to be quiet and how desperate I was to ask the same of him.
To hear him lose himself within me. My gaze is drawn to his fingertips, to the static spark that flickers visibly between them.
I swallow, apprehension rising. He’s not going to attack Jonas, is he? He can’t. There’s no way. He values Etta’s grace way too much. But Jonas? I don’t think he gives a shit at this point.
‘Rose saved you all against the jotunn,’ Kyor growls.
‘Everyone saw it. You would be dead if she hadn’t done what she did.
And when it came to the forest, she held off a fully grown dire wolf on her own.
She didn’t just blind them, which is what you did, right?
Just blinded the threat and walked straight past?
Really freaking brave strolling past something that can’t see you.
’ That vein on Jonas’s forehead is pulsing again, anger seething from his very being.
‘And from what I’ve heard, you even messed up with that power, too. ’
‘Kyor, enough!’ I snap.
His lips purse like he knows he said too much, but I can tell he’s not going to stop. He’s got more to say.
‘You know she actually tried to save Oke?’ he tells Jonas.
‘She tried to save someone who had tried to kill her. And she nearly died doing it. But she didn’t.
She’s still here. And now you’re going to sit there and tell her she needs to stay back because she’s weak?
You have no idea how strong this woman is.
No fucking idea. Oh, and just so you know, if there’s any pairing in the trials, she’s with me.
You can take that as an order from your prince. ’
With that, he turns around and marches away.
My gaze follows Kyor until he disappears, and when I look back, everyone is gawking at me. Jonas knows what happened with Oke because I already told him. But the others stare at me in disbelief.
Finally, Llinos clears her throat. ‘Talk about sexual tension. If you don’t fuck that prince soon, then I might genuinely consider it,’ she says. ‘And Caroline is going to be less than happy about that.’
Next to her, Benny snorts, but Jonas abruptly pushes back his chair and stands.
‘Turns out it wasn’t just a case of wrong time, was it, Rose?’ he mutters, shaking his head. ‘Of all the fucking men.’ He turns on his heels and marches off.
‘Well fuck.’ I drop my head into my hands.
‘I don’t know why they say women are the emotional ones.’ Llinos shakes her head in mock-disbelief at Jonas’s back before she smirks.
‘Hey, don’t put me in with those guys,’ Benny protests. ‘I don’t have an emotional bone in my body.’
‘Yeah, right.’ My head is throbbing from whatever the hell just happened, but I’m grateful for the pair of them trying to make light of it.
‘And talking of emotional men who get unreasonably erratic around you,’ Benny continues. ‘I guess it’s time we head to the battle yard and face Holden.’
I grimace. If I’m not training with Kyor, then he’s probably right. I need to spend the day training. Besides, Holden must recognise that I’m not a runt by now, right?
‘Is it me, or is Holden staring at us way more than normal?’ Benny asks.
Llin and I are meant to be fighting him together, but she’s distracted – most likely wishing she could be spending time with Caroline before the next trial.
But with the scribe working, it’s either sulk in the dorm or practise with us.
Although what she’s really doing is a piss-poor attempt at both.
‘Not us,’ I respond to Benny’s comment. ‘Me. I swear, after every trial, he’s more and more angry that I’m still alive. I’m pretty sure if I make it to the Ofur he’s going to kill me himself.’
Llinos laughs as she slices her sword towards Benny only to have him block it with ease. ‘I’d like to see him try now that you have your own prince protector.’
I let out a low groan. ‘He is not my protector.’
‘No? Then where did you sleep last night?’
‘Truthfully?’ I say. ‘In my old room.’