Chapter 54
It doesn’t matter that Kyor’s still in the same ballroom as me; I feel his absence like a cold draught. How is it possible that I have such a need for this man?
I’m also painfully aware of Holden lingering beside me like an insidious black rot.
‘Well, Miss Kultavaris,’ he drawls, ‘you’ve managed to prove a few of us wrong in doubting your abilities.’
‘Really?’ I arch a brow. ‘There were doubters? I must’ve missed the part where their opinions mattered.’
Holden is the epitome of everything I hate about courtly life, with his feints and stabs dressed up as conversation.
His lips curl, not into a smile, but a sneer sharpened by old jealousy.
‘The trials only get harder, you know. Just because you’ve made it this far, it doesn’t mean you’ll make it to the end. And even if you do, Etta only chooses one for the gifting.’
‘Oh, thank you for the lecture,’ I purr. ‘I never would’ve guessed the trials were meant to be difficult. Next you’ll be telling me fire is hot.’
Am I being reckless? Possibly. But I don’t care. Not even Holden would be stupid enough to try something at a ball. His gaze shifts across the room as he stands uncomfortably close, and I know exactly who he’s looking at before he even starts to speak.
‘You should know that the prince will tire of you soon enough. It is what he does. You are a new challenge. A big one, admittedly, with all that unfortunate shared history.’ He twists back to me, his sneer back in place.
‘It must run in your family – coveting things you shouldn’t.
Though I can assure you that while your father may have undeservedly gained his title, you will not get the prince.
No, in the end he will marry for strategy.
For power. For allegiances. He will never marry, or even love, someone as powerless as you.
You are a notch in his bedpost, nothing more.
Enjoy it while you can, because when he discards you – as he inevitably will – you will resume your place in the slums with nothing more than your memories to keep you warm. ’
I don’t want his words to cut. I don’t want to feel the sting of them beneath my ribs.
But I do. Because they are true. It’s not love, whatever this is between Kyor and me.
I’m not stupid enough to contemplate that word.
But it is something. Something undefinable and raw and everything I need right now.
‘So lovely to hear you think I’ll survive the Ofur.’ I smile before letting the expression drop, one of utter boredom sweeping over my face. ‘What is it you want, Holden? Or are you just here to tell me things I already know?’
His smile flashes broad and almost casual.
‘Oh, no. I’ve said all I wanted to say. Except, perhaps, congratulations on your continued survival, against all odds.
’ He nods to a waiter carrying a tray of wine glasses and the servant immediately scuttles over.
Holden takes two glasses and hands one to me.
‘To the fourth trial.’ He clinks his glass against mine.
‘May you forever hold Etta’s favour, or may you meet Mortidem in eternal darkness, reuniting with all those who await you there. ’
‘How touching,’ I say, swirling the wine. ‘A toast that manages to be both a blessing and a death threat. You must be the life and soul of every party.’
Llinos and Caroline approach, hand in hand.
‘Rose, there you are,’ Llinos greets me loudly. ‘We were looking for you.’ A flood of relief rushes through me, as – utterly ignoring Holden – the two women sweep me away in a babble of words. ‘Where’s Kay? I was going to introduce Caroline to her. And Kyor, too. We need to thank him.’
I refuse to look back but can feel Holden’s gaze boring into my back.
Once we’re far enough away, Llin lowers her voice and leans in close. ‘What was that about?’
‘The usual,’ I reply, then murmur, ‘He’s realised that there’s something between Kyor and me, and he’s not too happy about it.’
As if his name alone is a magnet, my eyes are drawn to the prince. Goddess help me.
‘Well, we don’t have to think about Holden now.’ Llin shifts my attention back to her. ‘Kyor, on the other hand … have you already spoken to him tonight? You have to tell me everything. Although, wait, I need a drink first. Like you said, I have to make up for last time.’
‘You don’t have to make up that much,’ Caroline warns. ‘I don’t want to carry you to bed.’ She looks around the ball, a small smile pulling at her lips. ‘Then again, there are a couple of men and women whose help with the task I’d be perfectly willing to accept.’
‘Hey!’ Llin pouts playfully. ‘You’re meant to have eyes only for me, right?’
Caroline’s grin wavers. ‘My lips and my body are definitely all yours … but my eyes are allowed a little wander now and then, aren’t they?’
‘This is why I need a drink.’ Llinos laughs, planting a kiss on Caroline’s lips.
I look around, but the waiter who served Holden and me only moments ago has disappeared.
‘Here, take mine,’ I say, handing Llinos my glass. ‘I’m not that thirsty.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ll find another in a minute,’ I say, my chest tightening. It’s so damned hot in here, so hard to breathe. ‘I need some air.’
‘Really?’
I ignore Llin’s question. ‘I’ll just be a minute.’
I don’t know where I’m going, only that I need to get away from all the noise and the false smiles of nobles that would happily shove a dagger into my back rather than have a slum rat win this thing.
I push my way out of the cloying ballroom, and the moment I’m on my own, I can feel him watching me.
There are several hallways that lead off the ballroom.
When I glance down the first one, it’s occupied, so I move to the next.
There are doors on either side, though what type of rooms they lead to is anyone’s guess.
I move to press my ear against one to hear if it’s empty, but before my hand has even touched the door handle, another hand has pushed it open and shoved me through it.
‘You shouldn’t wander off at these events,’ he growls. ‘There are people who would happily do unspeakable things to you.’
My pulse rockets and yearning spreads through my body at the sound of Kyor’s voice, though my attention remains on the room as I realise we’re in what seems to be a library of some sort. There are books, armchairs, and not another soul in sight.
‘There could have been someone in here,’ I say as I turn around to face him.
‘Then I would have ordered them to leave.’ He says the words so matter-of-factly, as if his pulse isn’t racing too. But I can see it in his eyes, the way his pupils have grown so wide that only a sliver of that icy blue remains.
He places his hands on my hips, their simple presence enough to make my body shudder. He doesn’t move them. Nor does he send those delicious sparks cascading across my skin, providing the rush I so desperately desire.
And he won’t. I know he won’t. Not until I’ve said those words.
My throat is dry, desperate for the taste of him again.
Desperate for his mouth against mine. I know what I have to do, to say, but my breath is coming so fast I struggle to think straight.
He’s looking at me as though he would devour me, ruin me, if I gave him even half a chance.
And he will. Because I’m done fighting it.
‘I trust you,’ I whisper, wishing I could control the breathiness in my voice.
And it’s true. How can I not? He saved my life, and he’s kept my secret.
A secret that would see me dead without question.
This man before me isn’t the same boy whose lies destroyed my family.
He’s a man who has had to live with the guilt of those actions.
Who bears the weight of every death he sees. A man who wishes to atone.
I do trust him and it shocks the very foundation of my worldview. I lick my lips and look at him, begging him to believe me. ‘I do trust you, Kyor.’
‘About damn time,’ he rasps. Then his mouth is on mine and his hand is moving from the safety of my hips up towards my chest. ‘I was going insane watching you in that dress, Thorn. Not being able to get my hands on you.’ He growls the words into my neck, the heat of his breath causing my own temperature to skyrocket.
As his teeth graze along the tender skin of my shoulder blade, he simultaneously slides one of his hands in through the side of my dress to graze against the hard peaks of my nipples, while the other slips into the slit, eliciting a deep moan from somewhere at the very depth of my being.
‘That’s it, Thorn. That’s what I need to hear.’
For a moment he stays as he is, one hand toying with my nipples, the other moving towards my inner thighs, but then, without warning, he replaces his hand on my breast with his static hum.
As I gasp at the sensation, his free hand claws into my hair and he pulls my mouth back against his.
The taste of wine is faint in comparison to the tang of vanilla on his lips, and I want it all.
And from the way his tongue plunders my mouth, the feeling is mutual.
My back arches off the wall, pressing me against him. He’s rock hard. I can feel it. And the thinness of my dress makes it feel so close that it’s agonising.
‘Gods, you will never stop distracting me,’ he groans. ‘Never stop distracting me.’ Is he begging or ordering? I don’t know, but at this point I’ll accept either.
The need to feel him in me is even more intense than it was in his room, and I move to unbutton his trousers.
As much as I want to make this last, I also have no desire to get caught screwing the prince.
Anyone could walk in on us, and the danger of it all adds an extra frisson to my already wild excitement.
I shouldn’t be doing this, not with him. Especially not when we’re so close to the end of the Retterheld. This is the point I should be breaking away from people, not making closer ties. But I can’t stop myself.