Chapter 24
I’m starting to wonder exactly who Cordelia is, and what she’s done with my cool friend Andy, because the Andy I know and love is the guy who screams the absolute top-shelf expletives while blowing zombie brains out of their skull while he’s playing video games.
He’s absolutely not this guy, the man who has bought us all pre-wedding dance lessons, so that we can all dance together.
Of course, there are five of us, but JJ is busy with work, so she’s sitting on the sidelines, on her laptop, judging us. The instructor did say she could dance with her but she whispered to me that she can’t think of a bigger ick, so she’s watching.
Which means it’s just Cordelia and Andy, and me and Jake, having couples’ dance lessons in one of the barns. My comfort zone has imploded.
Honestly, Andy and I used to laugh at people who did shit like this.
We would go to friends’ weddings together and just sit at the back, making fun of their dorky first dances, and yet here I am, not only watching Andy turn into everything we used to hate, but being part of the choreography myself.
Oh, and with my cowboy ‘fiancé’ – don’t forget that detail.
And then there is our dance instructor, a woman in the tightest leggings I’ve ever seen, with a frankly exhausting level of enthusiasm. It’s too early for this (and it’s after lunch).
‘Right!’ Fizz, our dance instructor, says – yep, even her name sounds full of energy. ‘Love this vibe. So excited to work with you all.’
Andy is just here. Cordelia, on the other hand, is glowing. She’s wearing a white wrap top and leggings – things she happened to have with her, which makes me wonder whether she was expecting this, or if she asked for it. I can’t imagine Andy pulling this out of nowhere.
JJ is perched on a bench, sipping coffee out of a takeaway cup, and if she’s trying to hide that she’s judging us then she’s doing a terrible job.
‘Hello,’ Fizz says, approaching Jake.
‘Ma’am,’ he replies.
From the look on her face, Jake saying ‘ma’am’ hits everyone like a lightning bolt to the knickers.
‘Wow,’ she blurts. ‘Have you danced before?’
‘Well, I love to try my best at a party but, proper dancing, not since cotillion,’ he replies. ‘I—’
‘What’s that?’ Cordelia interrupts him.
‘Just something we did when we were kids,’ he replies. ‘Teaches you manners. Ya’ll don’t have that here?’
Cordelia frowns but I don’t think he was making a dig at her.
‘I look forward to seeing what your body can do,’ Fizz tells him.
I look over at JJ who somehow manages to say ‘don’t we all’ with her eyes. I know her that well.
‘Okay! So. Today’s lesson is about connection. Not perfection,’ Fizz tells us. ‘We want you to feel comfortable together on the dance floor. It’s about movement, trust, and most importantly… chemistry.’
Cordelia squeezes Andy’s hands.
‘Oh my God. Love this for us,’ she says.
Andy smiles, but I don’t know, it can’t be genuine. He hates this corny stuff.
Jake’s arm brushes mine as he shifts his weight. I look at him and he smiles. He doesn’t look fazed or uncomfortable; he’s just here for the ride.
The instructor points at Andy and Cordelia.
‘Bride and groom first!’
The music starts – something slow and vaguely dramatic that I’ve never heard before.
Cordelia steps forward confidently. Andy does his best.
‘Lovely!’ the instructor coos. ‘Now, Andy, your right hand goes on her back. Left hand holds her hand.’
Andy does it carefully but not at all confidently. If this were a video game, he would be doing five things at once – driving a tank while shooting down a helicopter while planting a grenade while screaming things down the headset like ‘your mum’ at a fourteen-year-old.
Cordelia rests her hand on his shoulder and smiles. I try not to pull a face because I’m a cynical old-ish bag now.
‘Now,’ the instructor says, ‘simply sway. Side to side. Feel each other. Really feeeeel each other.’
They sway – and presumably feel each other – really feeeel each other. This is so cringe.
Andy, God love him, looks more like he needs the toilet than he’s feeling the love. I bite my lip to stop myself laughing.
Andy catches my eye mid-sway and gives me a look that says: Help me.
I give him a look that says: I can’t.
The instructor walks around them, nodding.
‘Good. Good! Now, let’s try a simple turn.’
Fizz demonstrates. Cordelia nods like she’s already mastered it in her head. But when Andy does try to turn her, Cordelia spins too fast, her ponytail whipping across his face like a weapon.
Andy splutters and wipes his eyes.
‘Okay! You know what? Great start. Why don’t you take five,’ Fizz suggests. ‘And we can see what Whitney and Jake have to offer.’
Oh, God, I really don’t want to do this. My entire body freezes in protest. This used to happen in PE when I had to do the high jump, or long jump – any kind of jumping really. I would clam up.
‘Come on, darlin’,’ Jake says, offering me his hand. ‘Let’s show ’em how it’s done.’
‘Unless “it’s” failing, I’m not sure I’m much use to you,’ I reply quietly.
As his hand takes mine, I notice that Jake’s palm is warm and soft, not what I was expecting from a man who chops wood and tends horses.
‘Great!’ the instructor says, pointing at us. ‘Perfect. You’re engaged, right? You can tell! Love it.’
I smile with all my teeth and none of my sincerity.
Andy is watching. I can feel it. Like a laser on my skin. I mean, obviously they’re all watching – him, Cordelia, JJ and Fizz – but Andy always feels like he’s really watching me when I’m with Jake, like he’s my own personal CCTV camera.
I try not to look at him because, if I do, I will collapse in shame. This is everything we make fun of. I don’t know how we’re going to let the other get away with it.
‘Okay!’ the instructor says, turning to Jake. ‘You lead.’
His mouth twitches, giving away his confidence.
He places his right hand lightly at my waist. So lightly. Enough to show me that he’s there, but not enough to make me feel held in place.
I place my hand on his shoulder – at this point it’s probably best I get it over with.
‘Just sway,’ the instructor calls. ‘Side to side. Feel the connection.’
Jake sways, I sway, and at first I feel like I’m made of wood but, I don’t know, the more we do it, the more I can feel myself loosening up.
The movement becomes easier. Smoother. And then, annoyingly, it becomes natural, as if we do this sort of thing together all the time.
‘Oh, wow, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you can tell which couples have it great in the bedroom when you watch them dance, and you too are on fire,’ Fizz shouts over the music.
I do mind her saying it. I mind so much, for so many reasons.
‘Yes! That! Look at you two!’ Fizz goes on.
And then, unprompted, Jake pulls a trick out of his bag of rizz.
He spins me, effortlessly, leading me exactly where he wants me to go before catching me in his arms again.
I do nothing, it’s all Jake and gravity, but I feel like a fucking ballerina right now.
I wonder if that looks as cool as it feels.
‘Wooo!’ JJ calls out. ‘Go Whit!’
We end up closer than we started, my face pressed against his chest.
I look up to see his eyes meet mine, and for a second it’s easy to forget where I am. To forget Fizz, Andy, Cordelia, even JJ. It’s like it’s just me and Jake and nothing else matters.
It’s only when we hear the commotion outside that we’re torn apart.
We all hurry outside, following a panicked voice coming from the stables next door.
‘Grab that… No… Hold the… He’s loose!’
The sound of screaming and a horse in distress makes my blood curdle.
We watch one of the bigger horses charge off towards the gardens.
Jake stops for a second, his whole body changing as he analyses the situation, then it’s like a switch flicks inside him.
Then he springs to action. He runs over to the paddock, where Biscuits is, and mounts her. I run after him.
‘Can I help?’ I ask.
‘Sure,’ he replies, extending his hand.
I take his hand only for him to lift me up onto the back of the horse too.
‘You’re the only other person she doesn’t try to bite,’ he says with a smile.
And then we’re off, galloping towards the gardens, chasing down the loose horse.
It’s charging through the gardens now, people screaming, jumping out of the way, but Jake is cool and calm.
He gets close, herding the runaway horse towards a tall hedge, forcing it to stop.
He hands me Biscuits’ reins. Then, he approaches the loose horse, talking to it, soothing it, calming it down, and then he gets on its back, stroking its head, telling it that it’s going to be okay.
Suddenly, the horse is fine, nice and chill, and Jake can ride it over to me.
The people around all cheer and applaud – oh, and some people are filming us again, which is just fantastic. Actually, it probably is. JJ will be delighted to see me keeping up with my viral fame.
‘Piece of cake,’ he tells me with a wink. ‘Come on, hold the reins, she’ll follow me.’
Sure enough, Biscuits trots along behind him, until we’re back at the stables.
‘Fuck! Cheers, mate,’ a young lad tells Jake when he returns the unruly horse. ‘Someone spooked him. He got out.’
‘He’s alright, aren’t you, fella?’ Jake says, stroking the horse’s mane. ‘And Biscuits was a big help too, weren’t you, girl? And you…’
Jake hops off the horse, then reaches up and lifts me down from Biscuits’ back.
‘…you are muddy.’
I look down at my legs and, sure enough, they’re splattered with mud. So are his.
‘Fancy a shower?’ he asks cheekily.
‘I thought you’d never ask,’ I reply.
‘Hey, make sure you close the gate,’ Jake tells the young man.
‘Will do, pal,’ he replies.
‘Right, little lady, let’s get you cleaned up,’ he tells me, and then he picks me up, scoops me up like I’m nothing, and carries me back towards the lodge.
I can feel everyone watching. I can feel Andy’s gaze like a laser on my back.
‘Well, that gets us out of dancing,’ he says quietly, so only I can hear.
‘That was really cool,’ I tell him. ‘You knew just what to do.’
‘Happens more often that you’d think,’ he says modestly.
‘No, you’re great in a crisis,’ I reply.
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ he tells me.
‘I meant what I said. Biscuits trusts you. I think Arty said I could ride her while I was here because he knew she was trouble. But we have an understanding, she and I, and I think she recognises that you and I have an understanding too. Horses are way smarter than people think. So are ranchers – we’re a close second. ’
I laugh.
‘I thought, if we go back now, while they’re dancing, one of us can use the lodge bathroom, the other the en suite,’ he says. ‘They’ll probably figure we showered together, helps sell our story.’
‘I like the way you think,’ I reply.
‘I’m actually getting pretty good at this faking-being-engaged business,’ he says proudly. ‘If the real thing is this easy, reckon I’ll be good at that too.’
Do you know what, I think he’s right. I can’t think of a dreamier real-life leading man.