Chapter 29
I love how quiet the lodge is at night, when everyone has wound down for the day, some of us sleeping, some of us chilling – all of us quiet.
Living at the flat, with Andy (before Cordelia was on the scene), was generally quiet, but I always slept better knowing he was across the hall.
When I was there alone it was like I could never quite relax.
I always kept my wits about me, like someone needed to listen out for the flat and I was the only one there.
But when I lived at home, with my family, I loved that feeling of the house always feeling alive, knowing it was full of people, or things happening in rooms that I wasn’t in.
It’s what makes a house a home, and I feel that here, even now, still, with the awkwardness.
‘I think I’ll go check on the horses before bed,’ Jake says.
It’s just me, him and JJ still up, watching TV. Andy is in bed and Cordelia is in the bridal suite, ahead of her big day tomorrow.
‘I could help,’ I reply.
‘Actually, Whit, can you hang back? I need to talk to you. Just book stuff,’ JJ says.
‘Erm, yeah, okay,’ I say. ‘I’ll catch you up, Jake.’
‘What’s up?’ I ask JJ when we’re alone. ‘Book stuff?’
‘Nope, it’s about Cordelia,’ she says eagerly, but in hushed tones.
‘What about her?’ I ask, leaning closer.
‘I pulled favours,’ she says. ‘I made calls. I asked people who owe me things. Plus I listened to her on the phone earlier. And I solved the case.’
‘I didn’t realise it was a case,’ I tease.
‘I know everything,’ she says, ignoring me. ‘Or enough of it.’
‘And?’
‘She’s still married,’ JJ blurts.
It feels like the world stops turning for a few seconds.
‘What?’
‘Cordelia,’ she clarifies. ‘She is still legally married. Or her divorce isn’t final. Or it’s caught up in paperwork she hasn’t cleared. That’s what she’s making calls about. The point is: she shouldn’t be marrying Andy. I don’t even think she’s told him – he can’t know, can he?’
‘That’s… that’s a huge thing,’ I manage to reply. ‘It’s illegal, for one.’
‘I know,’ she replies. ‘But that’s not all.
She’s in debt, Whit. A lot of it. Legal fees, loans – the works.
I think she can’t afford to finish the divorce, which is why she’s been obsessing over timelines and trying to get it sorted.
That’s why she’s whispering on the phone.
That’s why she’s freaking out – and she knows we’re on to her; that’s why she’s being a cow. Plus, she’s been married before…’
‘You said “you think”…’ I point out. ‘Are you certain?’
‘I’ve put all of the pieces of the puzzle together,’ she says with a confidence I’m not sure she should have.
‘I think you’re running with the bits and bobs you’ve picked up and you’re painting your own picture,’ I tell her.
‘Oh, am I?’ she replies. ‘Come on, Whit, it all makes perfect sense now.’
I mean, I guess it does, but we don’t have solid facts or concrete proof. It would just be our word against hers. It’s not like it’s something that can be proved either way, not before the wedding, not unless Cordelia wants to hand herself in.
‘Whatever the truth is, she hasn’t been honest,’ JJ says, her voice quieter now but sharper for it. ‘And Andy deserves to know that before he legally ties himself to someone who hasn’t told him the truth. And this could be your chance, Whit, to get him.’
Her words echo in my head.
‘JJ, no,’ I insist. ‘I don’t want to “get him” – and I definitely don’t want to win him by playing dirty.’
‘Well, if I didn’t tell you now, you’d find out later and blame yourself for not seeing it sooner,’ she points out. ‘And whether you want Andy or not, you don’t want to see him get hurt, do you?’
‘We can’t get involved,’ I insist.
‘Why not?’ she replies.
‘Because it’s not our secret,’ I remind her. ‘And because Andy has to be allowed to choose freely.’
JJ laughs.
‘Freely? Whit, he’s about to marry someone who hasn’t told him the truth,’ she says.
‘And if we tell him,’ I shoot back, ‘we’re manipulating the outcome just as much. We’d be interfering.’
‘This isn’t interfering,’ JJ snaps. ‘This is about preventing a disaster.’
‘Or creating one,’ I say. ‘We don’t know the full story.’
She stares at me.
‘You’re really willing to let him walk into this without all of the facts?’
‘I’m willing to let him make his own choices; he’s a grown man,’ I reply.
JJ shakes her head, frustrated.
‘You’re always like this.’
‘Like what?’ I ask.
‘Stepping aside,’ she says sharply. ‘Choosing the moral high ground instead of what you actually want.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Isn’t it?’ she replies. ‘You love Andy. Or you did. And this is your chance to stop him making a huge mistake.’
‘I don’t love him like that any more,’ I say, and as the words leave my lips I’m certain they’re true. ‘I don’t think I did. I think I was just panicking.’
‘Or you’re kidding yourself, because you think you can’t have him, but you can,’ she replies. ‘Is this about Jake?’ she checks. ‘Because you know that’s not real, don’t you? You know I basically made up his feelings for you, and yours for him – don’t tell me you’re living in the dream world?’
‘It’s not about Jake. With or without Jake, Andy and I are just friends,’ I say plainly. It’s not worth getting into the Jake thing now, not when JJ is like a dog with a bone over this Cordelia stuff.
‘That’s exactly why you should tell Andy,’ she presses. ‘Especially if you’re just friends.’
‘No,’ I say immediately. ‘Absolutely not. Cordelia should tell him. Why don’t you take it up with her?’
‘Why don’t you?’ she replies. ‘Or are you so desperate to martyr yourself?’
‘I’m going to see Jake,’ I tell her, unwilling to continue this conversation. ‘Promise me you won’t get involved?’
‘So, what,’ she says slowly, ‘you’re just going to let this happen?’
‘I’m going to let them handle it,’ I reply. ‘Whatever happens has to happen without our meddling.’
She looks at me like she doesn’t even know me.
‘And if he marries her and it all goes to hell?’
‘Then that’s his life,’ I say. ‘And his lesson.’
‘You’re being passive.’
‘No, I’m being mature,’ I tell her. ‘See you later.’
‘You’re making a big mistake,’ she calls after me, but I don’t think I am.
What Andy does is nothing to do with me, is it? Okay, I don’t want him to get hurt, but it’s not my place to throw a grenade into his wedding.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s Cordelia, asking if I’ll take her some toothpaste. Oh, great, so it’s back to bridesmaid duties.
I hope JJ listens to me. She can be a wild card. I know she means well but… shit. I just need her to trust me on this one. Problem is, the only person JJ trusts is herself.