Chapter One #4
Her jaw tightened. “You have no idea how much the king has raised prices. We need oil, Jem. To light our lamps and make our perfumes and lotions and all sorts of conveniences you’ve never thought twice about.
Do you know how much Neuvella depends on our perfume industry?
Ebrenn has only produced pale imitations that gather dust on shelves.
While we grow every other ingredient and hold the artisanal knowledge, the oil only comes from those damn mountains. ”
He couldn’t deny that he had never given any of it a moment’s consideration.
“All right, so admit it! You hate the king. If not for the clerics forever making peace, we’d have been at war years ago.
Didn’t you just threaten to cut off Ebrenn’s supply of grain from the East because they’re encroaching on the border?
And didn’t they promise revenge for… I don’t even know what, but the king was snarling at you. ”
His parents couldn’t deny it, looking decidedly uncomfortable. Santo stayed silent. Mother said stiffly, “It’s true we’ve had our differences, especially with Ebrenn. Trade must be fair, and we must defend our border. But no one wants war.”
Jem sighed. “Why can’t you just live alongside each other in actual harmony?
You’ll defend what you say is the border—although the West disagrees.
Then they’ll act out this revenge, and you’ll retaliate, and the clerics will warn us about angering the gods, promising drought or floods or hurricanes, or being banished altogether like Ergh.
And you’ll ease back for a time, until new tensions bubble up over who knows what.
And you only cooperate so well with Gwels because that’s Father’s homeland and you must.”
Mother shrugged. “Yes. That’s precisely why the clerics arranged the marriage between me and a prince of Gwels.” She gave Jem’s father a tender look that he returned. “Though we were most displeased about it at the time, what a gift they bestowed on us.”
Father took her hand, pressing their branded palms together. “The gods blessed us truly. Not only do we keep the peace between our lands, but our hearts are so full and—”
“Yes, yes, that’s wonderful for you!” Jem snapped. “Can we get back to me marrying that beast who looks as though he’d just as soon murder me in cold blood than cherish me in the bosom of his heart?”
Mother arched a thin brow. “Weren’t you just saying we should live alongside each other in harmony?”
“Well…yes.” He cringed, waiting.
“What better way to find harmony with Ergh than by blending our families? If this reunification is to be a success, we must open our minds about the Erghians. They are not beasts. They are children of the gods as we are, and we must help them find favor again. Lift them up to—”
Jem groaned. “Enough, please.” He didn’t think Mother truly believed in the gods, but she could certainly spout the rhetoric when it suited her.
She gave him a genuine smile. “My darling. It’s frightening, I know. But you may be pleasantly surprised. I know the Erghians seem…” Her delicate brows met as she apparently searched for words.
“Beastly?” Jem suggested. “Ferocious? Unkempt at best?”
Mother settled on, “Foreign. But we must open our hearts. As I said, we are all children of the gods. Children of Onan. The clerics assure me the Erghians are not so different from us. Cruder, perhaps. Wilder. But they are good, hardworking people, which I have seen myself since they have returned to the fold. Their ways might be…simpler, but there is value in that. And we can help them, Jem. We can enrich their lives and share our more modern methods. After all, it is Ergh that has sought to reconnect with us after all this time. We can help them build a better future.”
“I suppose so,” Jem muttered. Yet when he thought of marrying this wild stranger he wanted to run, as pointless as that was. Where would he even go? He’d only ever left home in a carriage and hadn’t paid attention to directions because he’d had his nose in his books.
“Oh, darling.” She stood and drew Jem to his feet. Even his mother was a few inches taller than him. Brushing back his short, wavy hair, she said, “I know this is sudden. I should have given you warning, but I worried you would run home.”
“Could you blame me?”
She smiled. “No, my precious.” Her smile faded.
“But I have coddled you too long. Santo and your brothers have taken on much more responsibility while I’ve let you do as you please with your head in the clouds.
Or more aptly your nose in books. All those adventures you have in your head—it’s time to take a real one. ”
“But…” Jem knew any denial would be little more than a whine, so he kept quiet.
“When one of your hatchlings is ready to fly but afraid to leave the nest, what do you do?”
Jem didn’t want to say it aloud. Still sitting on the bed, Santo oh so helpfully said, “I do believe you give them a nudge.”
“I’d hardly call this a ‘nudge’!” Jem retorted.
Mother took hold of his shoulders. “It’s a shove.
You’re right. I should have eased you into your duties.
But you insisted yourself today that you’re a man.
Time to act like one. You are a prince of Neuvella, and you must do your duty.
” She attempted a light tone as she stroked Jem’s hair once more.
“Cador seems just as blindsided as you, if it helps. His father swears he is not a cruel man, despite appearances. That he will make a fine husband. Perhaps this will bond the two of you.”
He remembered the curl of Cador’s lip and how he’d accused Jem of being merely a boy.
No, Cador’s disgust with him did not help matters whatsoever.
Surely they wouldn’t be expected to share Jem’s chamber when they returned to Neuvella?
He wanted to ask, but it would make it all too real.
No, the castle had many wings, and certainly Cador could have a chamber to himself.
“My darling boy, you didn’t ask for this adventure, but I know you’ll find your way on this new path. You’ll make me proud.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead.
Throat thick, Jem wanted to clutch her close and forget the world, safe in her arms. Instead, he nodded and watched his parents retreat, his mother sweeping from the room and his father sparing him an encouraging smile.
He dropped down beside Santo on the side of the bed, suddenly exhausted like he’d been swimming for hours on a hot summer’s morning.
Santo gave his shoulder a playful punch. “Think of the bright side. The barbarian is certainly a fine piece of flesh. Those muscles!” They grinned. “I’d be jealous if I didn’t have a perfect husband already.” Their fingers traced the fine gold chain that nestled in the hollow of their throat.
Along with their marriage brands, Santo had received a plain twisted necklace, their doting husband insisting anything else would detract from their natural beauty.
At fourteen, Jem had thought it the most romantic thing he’d ever heard, and Santo and their love were still just as smitten with each other now.
“I don’t want his muscles. I don’t want anything to do with him.” Jem crossed his arms tightly.
Santo scoffed. “As if you weren’t ogling him all day. No one else might have noticed, but you can’t fool me, brother. You’ve always given burly men the eye.”
“That was only looking! A harmless imagining! Nothing more. I’ve never—” He broke off, humiliation rushing through him like a flame to tinder. At his age, most had dallied for several years before committing to a spouse.
Santo’s eyebrows shot up. “You can’t be serious. You’ve never… You’re a…”
Squirming, Jem jumped up and began pacing. He muttered, “A virgin.”
“But, but— how ?”
Jem scowled. “Surely I don’t need to explain to you the lack of certain activity.”
“Sorry. No. I just thought… I know you were a little heartbroken by that soldier after that prank from Pasco and Locryn. But that was ages ago.”
“I made a complete fool of myself, and I haven’t been keen to repeat the experience.”
“He was the fool for passing you up! I understand being hesitant to find a proper suitor, but there are so many options for dallying. No coopers or farmers? Groomsmen or stonemasons or—”
“None of them! No one.” Jem was ready to climb out of his skin. Talking about it made it even worse.
“Huh.” Santo shook their head. “You always watched the big men, so I assumed you’d seek them out to play once you were of age.”
He scoffed. “No one wants me.”
Santo pressed their lips together. “That’s not true. But since that awful prank, when has anyone had a chance? You’ve kept yourself hidden away. You know, if you don’t have the longing for a bedmate, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I know!” He exhaled noisily. “Must we speak of this?” When Santo only waited with an arched brow, Jem sighed. “It’s not a lack of wanting. There’s so much longing in my mind, in my… In me.”
“And do you satisfy yourself?” Santo motioned crudely with their hand.
“Yes!” Jem wasn’t about to go into detail. “But making it real with another person… Flesh and blood and not merely fantasy—it’s too daunting.” Too utterly terrifying.
“I understand.”
Jem rolled his eyes. “You bedded half the kingdom before you fell for Arthek.”
Santo grinned briefly. “True. But sincerely, I understand. It comes more easily to some, but when you meet the right person—”
“That beast is not the right person!”
“Well…” They grimaced. “I grant you it’s not ideal. But I can give you some tips. First off, think of your mouth as—”
“Stop talking! Think of your mouth as something to shut immediately!” Jem was about to stick his fingers in his ears.
Santo held up their hands. “All right, all right. But if you change your mind, I’m here for you.
” They smiled sadly. “It’ll be over soon.
You’ll wed him, we’ll have the celebration, and in a day or two, we can go home.
It’s a political match—you’ll be free to take as many lovers as you like.
Or as few as you like. You’ll have done your duty to the family.
And I’m sure this Cador will find no shortage of enthusiastic lovers in Neuvella. ”
Perversely, a twist of jealousy tugged at Jem. Utter madness! He steadfastly ignored it.
Santo added, “Soon, you’ll be home by your lake, re-reading The High Tide of Morvoren for the hundredth time.”
Jem sighed warmly. Morvoren was a Southern girl born of land and took a muscled merman lover from the sea, escaping with him to far-off worlds of sea creatures.
It had been his favorite book since he’d sneaked it from the library’s adult section, and he looked to his dog-eared copy on the table beneath the stack of newer books he’d brought.
He always kept Morvoren close at hand even though he could likely recite her adventures by heart.
“So you’ve really never…” Santo motioned vaguely with their hand. “Not even some light play?”
“Not so much as a kiss,” Jem admitted, his cheeks flaring hot. “As I said, it’s not lack of want. Merely lack of courage.” He shook his head. “I think I shall like to be alone.”
After a firm-yet-gentle hug, Santo left him in peace. A servant brought him a dinner tray later, but Jem couldn’t touch a bite. He forced himself to swallow the sweet wine, curled under the blankets, and opened Morvoren’s book to his favorite part.
He read of Morvoren’s daring escape from pirates to her reunion with her lover on an empty isle where she rode his giant cock on the wet sand with the sea washing around their striving bodies.
As the night wore on, he read it again.
And again.
And, well, why not? Again.