Chapter Twelve #2
“You won’t hurt her, I promise.” Austol watched from where he swept out a stall.
Breathing the musty air deeply, Jem removed his cloak, sweat gathering at the nape of his neck. His new leather trousers were still tight, and he wondered if he’d have better luck in his soft breeches. No matter—he would keep trying.
Before he did, he gulped from a flask of water that Austol had kindly offered.
At home, Jem brought a flask crafted of thick green glass to his aviary, but on Ergh they were made of boar tusks, which he supposed was far more practical.
The stopper was rough iron instead of fine metal topped with a jewel.
“Why are you helping me?” he asked bluntly before he could think better of it.
Austol shrugged. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Bryok would surely say because I’m mainland scum and not worth your effort.”
Austol curled his lip. “Bryok can go jump from the Cliffs of Glaw.” As soon as the words were out in the dank air, he looked to the door as though ensuring they remained alone. “What I mean is… Bryok doesn’t speak for all of Ergh. Has he threatened you?”
“Oh, uh…” Jem knew he should be cautious. Bryok was Cador’s brother and the chieftain’s eldest child who would rule one day. “He hasn’t been particularly welcoming.”
Austol smirked. “Indeed. I can imagine what he’s said to you.”
“Is he always so angry?”
“Yes.” Austol sighed, lowering his gaze and busying himself with a pail of feed. “He’s not without reason for his anger. He’s suffered. But he’s not alone in that, as much as he acts it.”
Jem thought of the terrible screaming he’d heard from the nearby cottage on his previous visit. What was wrong with Austol’s sister? He attempted to compose a probing question that wouldn’t be unforgivably rude or upsetting, but quickly abandoned the idea. If Austol wished to share more, he would.
Instead, Jem asked, “Why are you being kind to me?”
“Why shouldn’t I?” Austol replied with an awkward laugh.
“It’s just that no one else seems eager to speak with me. They stare quite a bit, though.”
Austol grimaced. “Sorry about that. You’re the first mainlander we’ve seen aside from the clerics, and there’s not much interesting about them.
They only want to talk about the gods and repentance and Ergh regaining favor.
But you’re a prince—and you’re Cador’s new husband. A good deal more intriguing.”
Jem laughed. “I hate to disappoint, but I’m of no interest whatsoever. My siblings would have far more tales to tell. Unless you want me to recount fictional stories from my favorite books.”
Austol chuckled. “Did you bring any with you? I’ve read the same books aloud too many times to count.”
For his sister? Jem still didn’t ask, although the idea of books nearby had excitement bubbling. “Sadly I couldn’t bring any. Are there many books here? Cador has none in his cottage.”
“Mostly tales brought by the clerics, so cautionary tales about angering the gods. With Ergh of course as the example of the horrible fate awaiting.”
“You know, I never really believed Ergh actually existed. Yet here I am.”
Austol gave him a sad little smile. “Apparently we all should have learned our lesson about the danger of falling out of favor with the gods. I can’t imagine what you did to deserve being banished here.”
Jem laughed hesitantly. “I’m sure there are many wonderful things about Ergh.”
“Once. But now…” Austol shook his head and put on a too-bright smile. “All right, enough delaying. Try again.”
Although Jem’s curiosity only grew, he was grateful for the change in subject before he asked something impertinent and alienated his only new friend.
Leaning back, he launched into the hop-skip, gripping Nessa’s mane and tightening his stomach, willing himself up and over her back.
He almost crashed back down, but this time, clenching and grunting, he swung over her.
“There you are!” Austol applauded.
Jem could only laugh in delight and rub Nessa’s neck. “I did it. I actually did it!”
Austol neared with a grin. “I told you. Now you can take her into the fields.”
“Can’t I enjoy this first?”
Laughing, Austol patted Jem’s knee, but before he could answer, Cador blasted into the barn with— ugh! —Jory on his heels like a loyal dog.
“There, you see?” Jory said.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Cador demanded. He halted in a skid of hay under his boots, glowering up at Jem as though he’d yank him off Nessa’s back and throw him over his shoulder.
Ignoring the highly inappropriate pulse of excitement that tightened his bollocks, Jem clenched his jaw. “Clearly I’ve been here. Learning to ride.”
Cador narrowed his fury on Austol, who stroked Nessa’s side, tilted his head, and asked calmly, “Is there a problem?”
Jory laughed. “He was w—”
“Fucking tell me before you wander away,” Cador bellowed, cutting off Jory. “You can’t go wherever you please, little prince.”
“Why not?” Jem shouted back. “Am I to be prisoner here on Ergh after all? Will you bind me to the bed and keep me captive?” And curse it, his own words had lust racing, heat flushing his face and blood thundering south.
“No,” Cador gritted out. “Of course you’re free to do whatever you choose.” He glared at Austol.
“You just said—” Jem shook his head. “Never mind.” The euphoria he’d felt in accomplishing his goal soured. As much as he hated it, he wanted Cador proud to see him seated on Nessa’s back. He wanted dimples in Cador’s stubbled cheeks. He wanted to be told he wasn’t delicate or useless.
“You left Derwa,” Cador accused.
“She’s fine now to be alone for an afternoon.” He wasn’t sure if he was more outraged or hurt that Cador would think him neglectful.
Without another word, Cador stormed out, Jory quick on his heels. Jem burned with resentment, acid bubbling in his stomach. He had half a mind to spur Nessa after them, though he’d likely tumble off in a most humiliating fashion. No, Cador was free to go sulk. Jory was probably eager to soothe him.
And now all sorts of images flooded Jem’s mind, and he bit back a shout of frustration. He could imagine Jory eagerly dropping to his knees. Releasing Cador’s swelling cock, nuzzling his bollocks, sucking him right down as far as he could…
“Damn it all,” he muttered.
“Cador’s being a prick,” Austol said. “Ignore him. You’ve done very well.”
Jem was ashamed at how eager he was for the praise. “Thank you.” Why couldn’t Cador have at least said that much? He’d only just met Austol, but he’d been patient and understanding. Too bad Jem hadn’t been forced to wed him instead of Cador.
The thought struck like a lightning bolt. Hadn’t Cador said they were both free to take lovers? If Cador was going to be off gallivanting with Jory or anyone who struck his fancy, why shouldn’t Jem?
There was no reason. Their marriage was in name only, foisted upon them. Cador had declared that he’d never want to touch him in a million years, so why should Jem be lonely and pining?
His heart thumped. He was going to take charge. Austol seemed to like him. There was no reason they couldn’t be friends who pleasured each other. This was what many people did, wasn’t it?
Filled with purpose, he asked, “Will you help me down?”
Austol smiled. “Sure you don’t want to try a ride first?”
“I’m sure.” He was going to do this. For years, he’d hesitated and hid away, letting one soldier’s rejection defeat him.
Perhaps he’d secretly hoped Cador would see him in a new light, but he was kidding himself.
He could likely get down from Nessa’s back without assistance, but he waited for Austol to reach up his hand.
Standing again on the hay-strewn floor, Jem clutched at Austol’s tunic and leaned in, determined to finally—finally!—have his first kiss. To the depths of the Askorn Sea with Cador.
Yet Austol took Jem’s shoulders firmly, keeping him at arm’s length. “Whoa, whoa.”
He should have known better. Humiliation crashed down over him. Of course Austol would reject him. Jem simply wasn’t desirable. He was laughable, though Austol at least wasn’t mocking him. Instead he was gazing down with obvious pity, which was perhaps even worse.
“Jem, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Let me make tea and we can—”
“I don’t need tea! I need to finally kiss someone! I need to not be a pathetic virgin anymore!” His voice threatened to crack, shame growing with each word that tumbled out helplessly.
Austol’s thin brows shot high. “You and Cador haven’t lain together?”
He could have bitten off his tongue. Stupid! “Well, you see, it’s that—” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s all right.” Austol glanced about, keeping his voice low. “It’ll be our secret.” He guided Jem to sit on a bale of hay, perching on another close by, but not close enough to touch.
Jem stared at his dirt-caked boots, wishing he could disappear. Gods, why had he done that? Why? Hadn’t he learned with the soldier? He was a glutton for punishment.
Austol said, “I’m happy to be your friend, but I can’t be more than that. I don’t favor men. I’m planning on marrying Hedra, one of our healers, if—if I can.”
“Oh. Yes, I understand. Of course.” Unable to meet Austol’s gaze, Jem nodded miserably.
After his brief burst of bravery, he felt utterly deflated.
Was he truly so off-putting? He acknowledged that he’d only made advances to two men in his life, but to be rejected again hurt .
Gods, he’d burst into tears if he wasn’t careful.
No. He had to retain some dignity this time, or at least composure. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve been timid for too long, and now…” He glanced at the door where Cador and Jory had walked out together. “I’m so frustrated. Confused.”
“And you’re a virgin ?” Austol whispered in the same tone he might have asked if Jem was a merman.
He nodded miserably. “It’s apparently unheard of here.”