Chapter Twenty-Two #2
Cador stumbled after him, glancing back over and over as if he expected his brother to rise from the sea and take his vengeance. Jem looked back too. Better safe than sorry.
In fact, he yanked one of the torches from the earth and returned to the edge, peering over the edge of the drop, making sure the dred nest was still empty and there were no others that Bryok might have landed in by some twist of incredible luck.
He exhaled. Nothing but the empty nest, sheer rock face, and the fatal drop, though the spear wound would have surely killed him before he even hit the black, churning water. Resolutely, he walked back from the edge, shaking off Cador’s reaching hand.
The others had fled except for Delen, Jory, and Austol, who approached with tears in his eyes, saying, “Jem, thank the gods you’re all right.”
Cador bared his teeth at Austol. “Be gone,” he gritted out. “Or I’ll toss you over with no regrets.”
To Jem, Austol pleaded, “I’m sorry. Please believe me. Bryok was so sure this was the way. I—I—my sister—” He shook his head. “It’s no excuse.”
To say the very least. Jem had thought he’d made a true friend. How could he ever trust a word Austol uttered? Or Cador? In the face of Jem’s silence, Austol retreated, mounting his horse in a graceful motion Jem still envied.
He shook his head. What a strange thing to think about.
His mind felt oddly distant and hazy. He gazed at the abandoned circle of sevel branches, the torches that had been shoved into the ground still casting an eerie glow on the gnarled wood.
He had the urge to throw the branches into the sea’s abyss, yet he wasn’t sure he had the vigor to even stay on his feet.
Cador was now with Delen out of earshot, standing close and speaking quietly, their expressions grim. Jem watched them blankly.
“Are you well?”
Jem blinked at Jory. He stood a few feet away, peering at him with concern. “No,” Jem muttered, his own voice sounding distant. “I’m not.”
“Forgive me. It was a foolish question.” Jory scoffed. “I can’t imagine anyone would be well after this.” He ran a hand over his wild ginger hair, which had dried in a riot of waves.
Forgive . Such an innocent word. Before, Jem would have likely nodded and agreed. Now…
Jory glanced at Cador, who was back alone at the cliff’s very edge, staring down into the darkness where Bryok had disappeared. Jory said, “If I’d known about any of this sooner, I would have told him to be honest with you. I swear it.” He gave Jem a sad smile and retreated.
Honest.
“I swear it.”
The words all seemed meaningless. Why should he believe anything Jory said either?
He thought of Jory and Cador always with their heads together on the journey north from Onan, talking and laughing.
He’d been jealous, but who was to say he’d been wrong ?
Even if they weren’t lovers, why should Jem believe Jory innocent in this plot?
He watched Jory and Delen mount their horses. Delen nodded to him before they rode away, but Jem didn’t respond. He supposed he should be more grateful she’d killed Bryok and saved his life. Yet he thought of his hand being severed and found the terror left no room for gratitude.
“I think he loves you truly, Prince Jowan.”
This from the woman who had been perfectly willing earlier that very day to see him kidnapped and maimed. A million thoughts tumbled through Jem’s mind. Though he couldn’t deny he’d fallen in love with Cador, it didn’t mean Cador felt the same for him.
He’d probably only fucked Jem because it was convenient. Because it was a way to convince Jem to trust him until the time came. Because Jem was a willing body. A pathetic fool so eager to surrender.
The last thing he wanted to do was face this, but there was no choice. He neared Cador cautiously. “Come away from there.”
Cador nodded, though he didn’t move, his gaze fixed on the void. Far below, waves crashed around the rocky base of the cliff. The wind gusted. One of the torches guttered and was extinguished.
“My brother would have killed you,” he said dully. “And me.”
“Yes. Please, come here.” Despite it all, seeing Cador so close to danger made his heart gallop.
Cador obediently walked back safely from the edge, his gaze raking over Jem. Suddenly brimming with energy, he tugged him into the torchlight and gripped his right hand. He opened Jem’s fingers, displaying the brand on his palm.
“Forgive me for my treachery. I beg you.” He pressed dry lips to the tusks.
Oh, how Jem wanted in that moment to give in. He wavered on his feet. He was so tired. He didn’t want to fight. It would be easy to surrender once more and tell Cador he was forgiven.
Taking a fortifying breath, Jem tugged his hand free.
“Please,” Cador begged. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have told you the truth long ago.”
“Yes.” He crossed his arms to keep from taking Cador’s outstretched hand.
His whole body ached, but it was his heart that was broken.
He wanted to shut his eyes and make none of it true.
He wanted to wake safe at home between cool silk sheets and discover his marriage and journey was all a dream. A wonderful, terrible dream.
He kept his head high. “You wed me knowing I’d be kidnapped. Maimed. For a start.”
“I didn’t know you then!”
He laughed hollowly. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you’d subject an innocent stranger to such cruelty? Now that you know me, will someone else be snatched to have their hand chopped off? Their head?”
“No!” Cador pleaded, “You must believe me. I won’t allow it.”
“How do you know these kidnappers wouldn’t have tortured me? Killed me?”
“The plan was only to—” Cador’s throat worked.
“The plan was only to sever your branded hand and use it to ensure your mother’s rage.
If my father told her everything and she declined to help us, we would have no allies on Onan.
Gwels sides with your mother in all things.
Ebrenn would have us at their mercy, and that king is not the merciful kind. ”
“Even if that’s true, you lied and lied and lied.” As Cador opened his mouth, Jem cut off any protest. “Omissions are lies!”
Defensive now, Cador insisted, “I was going to tell you! You agreed to wait.”
A bolt of fury stiffened Jem’s spine. “I didn’t think it would be anything like this ! And what will Ergh do if you win the control you crave so desperately? Will you keep the sevels all to yourself? Inflate the price so we must pay or risk Onan’s children?”
Cador flinched as though Jem had slapped him. “Of course not. All children will have what they need.”
“How are we to believe that? You won’t trust us. Instead of coming to my mother in good faith, you plotted and schemed. Your father is there now in my home ! Welcomed as an honored guest!”
He despised the thought of the chieftain anywhere near his mother and Santo and the rest of his family. That very minute he was ensconced in the castle, safe and warm and lying .
Cador insisted, “But if we trust too easily it is our very future at risk.”
“As is ours! You see the conundrum.”
“Yes, but…” He rubbed his drawn face. “Someone will have to be first to trust. We must—”
“ I trusted you!” The scream tore from him, a wailing sob that left Jem unbearably hollow. He couldn’t stop the hot, shameful tears that spilled down his cheeks. “I trusted you.”
Face creased in sorrow, Cador reached for him, but Jem stumbled back. “My love, please.”
Oh, how Jem’s soul would have soared at those words only that very morning. Not even an hour ago, he’d thrilled to hear Cador’s grief for him when he’d jumped off the cliff. Yet none of it seemed real now—only something he might read in one of his lost books.
Piercing barbs of his own grief hooked into him, razor sharp and inescapable. “ No . I believed you were truthful. I gave myself to you.”
He thought of their coupling and squirmed with embarrassment—with humiliation. He’d imagined himself so brave and free. Gods, the things he’d done! His skin felt too tight, and he wanted to claw at it.
He could barely whisper, “Were you laughing at me the whole time?”
“No! Never!” Cador reached for him again but let his hands drop to his sides when Jem jerked back.
“Please believe me. It is my honor to have lain with you. My privilege. My joy! Before I did, I had come to realize I could never let you be taken and hurt. Could never let you be harmed at all. I would kill for you.” He flung his hand toward the black sea.
“I’d see my brother cut down a thousand times to keep you safe. I’d do it myself.”
Jem dashed the tears from his eyes. “How can I trust you now? You were false from the moment we met.” He stared down at his branded hand. Imagined the agony of it being chopped from his body like it was nothing. Like he was nothing.
“I beg you.” Cador dropped to his knees. “I swear it. I’ll never betray you again. Forgive me, my husband.”
The wind ruffled Jem’s hair, his heart thumping so loudly he feared it truly would shatter.
He stared down at the tusks seared into his skin.
Sounds and sights filled his mind—sweet kisses and laughter, Cador chewing worms for Derwa, giving Jem his furs, waiting for him in the forest to make sure he didn’t get lost, fucking him the way he’d dreamed, holding him so tenderly…
His own memories were the cruelest lies.
Fisting his fingers over the brand, he met Cador’s pleading gaze. “Never.”
Cador’s face creased, his cry hoarse. “But you must. I can’t—please!”
When he was sure his voice wouldn’t break, Jem said, “We’ll sail to the mainland tomorrow.
We’ll meet with our parents and expose Ergh’s lies.
I have faith in my mother to be just and fair.
We’ll deal with the clerics and find a way forward for Ergh’s children.
For all our children. If it must be war with Ebrenn, then we’ll fight it.
But I’m not waiting for the Feast of the Blood Moon. I’m going home.”
Home.