Chapter 13
Voss
“Why not?” she asked at once, sounding impatient. “Come on, it cost me so much to ask.”
My lips quirked up into a smile, but I was wary. It felt like we’d made incredible progress, with her allowing me into her room and telling me her story. I worried my answer might damage her budding trust, and I hated to lose this sliver of hope, no matter how meager.
“Because the answer will sound like I’m convincing you to do something you don’t want to do,” I said finally. “And I don’t want you to think I’m manipulating you.”
She mulled it over, sitting up in bed. I watched her eagerly, unable to resist. Her nipples were hard, peeking through the nightshirt, and suddenly, I had trouble breathing.
Again, the same hungry lust rose within me, hopeless and uncomfortable, because it couldn’t be satisfied. Not without her participation.
“Will you tell me?” she asked, turning to me. Her face was hidden in shadow. “Please.”
I almost laughed at that. I could pretend I had a choice in the matter, but truth was, she ruled me. One word from her, and I’d do anything.
“Very well. The phenomenon you described is something that used to happen very, very rarely. I don’t even have a specific language to talk about it. For example, I call you my mate, because you are that, and yet, you’re not truly my mate.”
“Why not?”
I thought for a moment, trying to form an explanation that wouldn’t sound to her like a demand. But it was hard to think with my erections pulsing eagerly, desire coursing through my blood.
“We have no words to distinguish the person our mating instincts awaken for and the person we’ve mated fully. That’s because it usually happens all at once. So, if there was a basilisk female who was my match, my body would react to her, hers would react to mine, and we would have sex at once. Then, we’d be mated.”
I stopped, trying to gauge her reaction. My pocket pounded with heat, and I shifted in my seat, trying to alleviate the discomfort. The armchair creaked, and I clenched my jaw, wondering if maybe I could just whip them out and get myself off. It was dark. And also, she’d already seen me do it once.
Fuck, I was a beast.
“So, what happens if the bond is incomplete?” she asked softly, the sheets rustling. Her scent drifted to me, sweet and beckoning, like a bright streak flashing through the combination of old wood and tropical night air.
“What you read in the book,” I said, shifting again, which only made my pocket throb harder. “The male would go insane. The female might, too, though they used to be more resilient.”
“No, I got that,” she said, swallowing audibly. “What I meant was, what’s happening to you?”
“Ah.”
Here came the part of the conversation I wanted to avoid. Because if I told her the truth, it would sound like I was begging her to sleep with me. I’d rather do anything but that, yet since she asked, I had to tell her the truth. I didn’t want to lie by minimizing my suffering.
“You don’t want to tell me,” she said after I was quiet for a long time, wondering how best to answer.
“I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to influence you,” I said through gritted teeth, because the pain already started. My entire pocket burned with it, my balls pounding like they were about to burst.
Throwing away propriety, I pressed my hand to my pocket through my loose pajama pants, but it only helped a little. Alina crawled closer on the bed, her scent wafting to me in powerful waves.
“Please, just tell me. I want to know.”
My hips bucked into my hand, and I hissed out in pain. My patience ended, and the same kind of reckless challenge I felt earlier today, when she watched me stroke myself, came over me again.
I stared at her outline in the dark, slowly humping my open palm.
“You want to know? Fine. I’m in pain every single day. My body burns with desire, and it’s miserable and humiliating, because I keep wanting you and can do nothing about it. Nothing helps. I make myself come ten times a day, and the pain is still there, urging me to claim you. Once the mating instinct turns on, it won’t go away until it’s satisfied, and the longer it takes, the more powerful it grows.”
She gasped softly, but I wasn’t done. “I follow you everywhere because the only thing that helps me stay sane and in control is your scent. I sleep by your door like a fucking dog, because I’m terrified what might happen if I fall asleep and your scent isn’t there to keep me lucid.
“Asleep, I have the least control. And if my instincts take over, I might hunt you down and mate you without even waking up, without your consent, and I promised you I’d never do that.”
Her breaths came fast and frantic, and I stilled in the armchair, grinding the heel of my palm into my aching pocket and hating myself. This wasn’t how I wanted to speak to her, but the pain, the impatience, the very urges imprinted in my species overrode the equilibrium I had built so painstakingly.
“So this is how it feels,” I ended lamely, my voice growing subdued after the angry outburst. “I’m sorry. I will leave. Lock up after me.”
I was almost to the door, resigned to spend the night on the floor outside like always, when her quiet voice stopped me.
“Stay. Please.”
I gripped the door knob and shook my head. “Didn’t you hear me? Everything I said is true. I am a threat. You’re better off with a locked door between us.”
The sheets rustled and then came her quiet footsteps, bare feet padding over the wooden floor. She stopped behind me, her breath a faint flutter in the air. I almost felt the heat of her body and it undid me, unleashing the deep, bottomless yearning.
I was whipped, exhausted, in pain. All I wanted was to hold her and breathe her in so the mating frenzy would be soothed, even for just a little while.
If I couldn’t be inside her, the next best thing would be to have her in my arms. Where she belonged.
I shivered violently when she laid her palm between my shoulder blades. My tail lashed in response, hitting her hip, and she made a surprised noise.
“I’m sorry,” I gritted out, hoping she wasn’t in pain.
“It’s fine.” There was tension in her voice and a faint tremor, and I closed my eyes in self-loathing. So I hurt her, after all. Of course.
This was all a mistake, from the very moment when I decided to try the temple. I should have never considered mating with a human. Instead, I should have gone with pride, like the last female of my race a few years ago.
Instead, I hoped like a fool for a happy life, and it was my doom.
“Voss?” Alina asked softly, her fingers spasming on my back. “Will you… Might it help if… If we slept in one bed? Just… slept?”
I stilled completely, even my breathing stopped. Yes. Please. My entire body pulsed with the longing for what she offered, too willing, too delirious to refuse.
“Just sleep.” I nodded, my spikes ruffling with excitement at the promise of relief. “But I will get hard lying next to you. I am… sort of hard already.”
I needed her to know this so she didn’t get scared. It would probably be uncomfortable for us both, but gods, if I could only hold her, it would all be worth it.
Her breath hitched, her fingers twitching before she let her hand fall. For a moment, I thought with sinking despair that I must have scared her away and she was about to rescind her invitation. But then, her warm hand was in mine, and she tugged me gently away from the door.
I turned, grasping her hand, and followed. She glanced at me nervously once we reached the bed and let go, climbing on top. I followed, my heart beating fast with hope and relief. This was heaven. A night of ease and softness, with my mate at my side. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
But I still hesitated. “Can I hold you?”
The bed was certainly big enough to let me keep my distance, but what would be the point of that? So when Alina nodded, her eyes flashing in the dark, I lay down behind her immediately, tugging her sharply into the cradle of my body. She gasped in surprise, rigid in my hold, and I cursed myself.
“Too much?”
“No, it’s… Fine. I’m fine,” she said quickly, although she still didn’t relax. “I just need a minute. Oh. Wow. You weren’t kidding.”
With her so close, her scent so powerful when I buried my face in her hair, I could no longer keep my cocks trapped in their pocket. They slid out, pressing into her ass through our clothes, and I grunted in pleasure, doing my best not to hump her.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured after taking another deep, soothing breath. My muscles unclenched, my head cleared, and I sighed with relief, sinking into the mattress. “This feels divine.”
She stirred, accidentally pressing into my bulge. “It does? How so?”
I hissed in pleasure, tightening my arm around her as sweet tranquility poured into my mind, down my frayed nerve endings, and into my heart. I could breathe fully for the first time in days, and all the air I took in was scented with her. It was bliss.
“You… You soothe me,” I said, sinking deeper into the restful state. “Gods, I had no idea I was this tense… And now it’ssss gone. Thissss isssss sssserene.”
She gasped out a quiet laugh, and I smiled, pressing my face into her. She relaxed just a tad and I hissed again. Everything inside me unspooled and unraveled.
I’d slept fitfully for months before she came and then even worse since she was here. And now, as I relaxed so completely, peaceful sleepiness overwhelmed me. My eyes fluttered closed and I hummed into her hair, wrapping my tail around her hip to keep her even closer.
Now that I had her, I wouldn’t let go.
“Good night, ssalamiya.”
She said something, but her voice drifted in from afar, impossible to understand. I sank into sleep.