Chapter 16
Alina
The time for reprieve was over. I had a terrible, sinking feeling that the choice I made was much too significant and irreversible. I just wanted to choose ease and pleasure for once, and to help Voss, because he suffered.
But he made it clear this meant so much more to him. His behavior changed. He touched me freely now, all his previous distance and restraint gone. He acted like he had a right to me. Like he could do whatever he wanted.
I admitted he hadn’t done anything I didn’t like. It was amazing—all of it. And yet, the fear was back, nagging and biting.
Because what if he started doing things I didn’t like? What if he felt he had a right to do them because we were mated, truly and completely? I was terrified of that.
And what about my two-month deal? Was I still going to leave? Did I want to? I had no idea. It was all one giant mess, and I resented myself for making the choice I made. It just complicated everything.
Voss watched me with glittering eyes, no longer smiling. Behind his back, his tail twitched out a nervous rhythm. My insides tightened even more. I was naked and more vulnerable than ever, and I just made him unhappy by asking him to leave.
What would he do?
“Is this about the anal sex?” he asked quietly. “I’m sorry I touched you there. I got… carried away. I’ll be more careful from now on, I promise. Do you really want me to leave or would you like to talk? I’ll do whatever you want.”
I released a heavy breath, some of the fear dissipating. He was still the same cautious, respectful person. But my unease didn’t go away fully.
“I don’t know,” I said, rubbing my collarbone self-consciously. His eyes tracked the movement but he didn’t stop me this time. “I think it’s all of it. I didn’t think it through.”
He drew back, his pupils expanding until the irises were just golden rings around them. Movement between his legs caught my eye. His cocks shrank and drew back, hiding inside his body. Now, just a wet, slightly parted slit marked the place among his bronze scales.
He swallowed thickly, blinking at me a few times, until he finally spoke.
“Do you regret it?”
I cringed at the sadness in his voice. He was clearly miserable, and so I shook my head, frustrated.
“You were amazing. Everything was great. I just need time to… I need time.”
And a bath, a change of sheets, and food, and to be alone. The feelings inside me churned unpleasantly, and I just wanted all the noise to go away. I wanted everything to be quiet and clean so I could think.
Voss stood up, gathering his clothes. His scales glimmered mutely in the dappled light, his frame burly, his stomach, lighter in color and covered with softer scales, muscular and strong. His tail swung with his movements, the base flanked by shapely cheeks.
I watched him in all his naked glory, my heart twitching painfully. Gods, why did I have to be so difficult? He was so good to me. Couldn’t I just let go and enjoy it?
He stopped by the door, his hand on the knob, and turned to me with a faint smile.
“Thank you, ssalamiya. You soothed my rage. I have much more control now and will do everything to keep you safe and happy. Take all the time you need.”
I growled in frustration when the door clicked shut behind him. Now I just felt like a jerk for pushing him away, because he was so understanding and kind. I sensed it wasn’t his intention to make me feel bad, though. He truly wanted to reassure me, but gods, how I wanted him to justify at least some of my fearful expectations.
Because I spent so much time being afraid of him and expecting him to hurt me. And an obstinate, angry part of me wanted to be right. If I wasn’t, and he truly was so kind, trustworthy, and loving, that meant I’d wasted all this time expecting the worst.
It meant I was wrong. Or even broken.
An itch burned in the back of my skull, an urge to provoke him. Because surely, he couldn’t be perfect. There had to be something he was hiding from me, and maybe I could lure it out.
Gods, I was a mess.
Yes, you are.Liam’s voice laughed derisively in my memory, repeating the words he said a few days after he killed David. I broke you. You’re damaged goods now. I’m the only one who will have you.
Maybe he was right. Or maybe I just needed a bath and a box of cookies to make everything good and right again. I muttered curses under my breath, putting on a robe to head to the bathroom and doing my best to exorcise Liam from my head.
Voss didn’t follow me that day, but he didn’t avoid me, either. We passed each other a few times as he took care of his fermenting cacao and checked on the coffee. When I finished the basilisk book in the afternoon and went to put it away in the dining room, I found him there. He’d just finished dusting the bookshelves. The dining set was uncovered and clean, a few candles burning on the table.
The room looked positively elegant now that it was free of dust and lit with warm candle light.
“It looks nice,” I said, putting the book away.
Voss nodded. “Thank you. When I was little, we used to eat dinner here with my parents, and after dinner, we played board games. I have fond memories of this room, and I thought… It might see good days yet.”
He looked at me intently, as if trying to communicate something important. I felt calmer after my bath, good food, and a few hours spent reading, so I sat at the table and beckoned him to join.
“What were your parents like?” I asked when he settled opposite me.
His smile was melancholy. “Old,” he said after a moment. “They had me late. I was the last born of my race, and I was completely unexpected. But they welcomed me with love and did their best to raise me right. My father liked reading and learning about other cultures. I got that from him. My mother, though…”
He broke off and I looked away, suddenly wondering if my question was too intrusive. After all, his parents were dead. He was all alone in the world.
Like me.
“My mom was fierce,” Voss said with a quiet laugh, watching me with his large, matte eyes. “She couldn’t get over the fact I would be the last basilisk, and I think she felt guilty for giving me this life. But as I grew up, she decided I would be happy no matter what.”
He shook his head with a wry smile. “She kept saying there were so many treasures in the world, and even though I wouldn’t have any relatives one day, I would find happiness. She’d snarl at me whenever I acted despondent or gave up on something. And she always told me to keep hoping.”
I swallowed thickly, my throat feeling scratchy. Of course, I knew he was the last basilisk, but I had no idea he grew up with the burden of that awareness.
“So… When you were born, everyone knew you’d be the last?”
Voss shrugged. “There was some hope that I could find a mate and produce another generation. There were two females, both older than me, and we were good friends and… other things, but our mating instincts didn’t awaken for each other.”
I nodded slowly. I knew from the book only mated couples could have children. The basilisk race started dwindling a few centuries after the Shift, because the pool that was brought to Alia Terra during the cataclysm was relatively small, and quite a few basilisks couldn’t find mates.
“I’m sorry. It had to be tough, living with the knowledge everyone else would be gone before you.”
Voss sighed and shifted in his chair, looking out at the jungle slowly drowning in dusk. I shivered, the cold of the room penetrating my thin cardigan.
“It was devastating,” he said with a faint smile, his eyes mild. “But I was grateful I was there to bury them with respect, like they deserved. And I wasn’t allowed to lose hope. My mother forbid it on her deathbed.”
He fully faced me, more gold stealing into his eyes. “And she was right. I have you now.”
I shivered harder, and this time, it wasn’t the cold. The burden of his hope settled on my shoulders, but instead of bringing me down, the weight felt comforting. It grounded the chaos inside me, the voice of fate silencing all my frantic thoughts about having to choose one thing or another.
I exhaled, straightening as it suddenly became painfully clear there was no choice. I was married to Voss fully now, because we consummated.
And I couldn’t leave. I was his hope, and he was the last of his kind, and what sort of monster would I be if I abandoned him? Staying here, being his wife, was my only choice.
Relief poured out, potent and sweet, as I finally realized it was okay to trust him. Wasn’t he my destiny all along? Wasn’t there some kind of magic to the blood testing the temples did?
And if he was my destiny, it meant he had to be the right person for me. I had to hope.
Voss must have noticed the change in me, because he frowned, pulling back, the legs of his chair screeching against the floor. “Alina? Is something the matter?”
I shook from the joy that poured out in waves, so powerful, I couldn’t hold it back. I laughed from happiness, and he came over cautiously, watching me with a frown. I kept laughing and thanking the fates, because I finally felt safe. I was in the right place. Had been all along.
“Alina?”
I stood up and looked into his eyes, beaming my joy at him. “Can we go to bed? I want you.”
His spikes ruffled, eyes swallowed by gold in a rush. He nodded sharply, speechless, and I threw my hands around his neck, mindful of the spikes.
“I’m sorry. I just realized something and I’m so happy.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you’re happy.”
His awe-struck expression morphed into mischief, and next thing I knew, I was in his arms as he carried me out of the dining room to the stairs.
“What did you realize?” Voss asked, his eyes gorgeously light as he gazed at my face.
“That my place is with you.” My voice shook from joy and relief. “That I can stay.”