Chapter 22
Alina
“I’ll have to go to the village and get someone to fix the window,” Voss said, sitting opposite me at the kitchen table. I just finished my breakfast, and it was the first time he spoke to me that day.
My heart hammered. The village? Would he go alone, leaving me here to face the monsters lurking in the jungle? Or would he take me with him? And if he did… what then?
If I wanted to leave, this was my chance.
I hated that I even thought about it. But Voss seemed to have wondered the same things, because he asked, “Will you go with me? I can’t leave you here alone. It’s not safe.”
I pressed my lips together, resisting the urge to scratch my collar. “Yes, of course. I’ll go with you.”
He nodded and just looked at me, his eyes dark, expression thoughtful. Finally, speaking slowly as if he chose each word with careful consideration, he asked, “And once we get to the village, will you ask me to come back home without you?”
A heavy, painful silence fell. I looked away, stroking the skin below my neck as I thought how to answer.
Did I want to leave? Hell, no. I came to love this quaint, half-collapsed manor in the middle of the jungle. I enjoyed my life here, and more importantly, I was Voss’s wife. I belonged with him.
Besides, what waited for me out there? Betrayal, anxiety, uncertain fate, and working to benefit somebody else, like I did on the farm. Here, all the work I did went into bettering my and Voss’s lives. I preferred it.
And was I truly afraid of Voss? In my mind, logically, I knew he was the best husband I could ever get. I knew I could rely on him. It was just—just all the broken parts of me that still expected hurt and betrayal to come when I finally trusted him completely.
And yet… And yet I hoped maybe, someday, I could be cured. I opened my mouth to speak, and Voss’s expression crumpled.
“Please, don’t leave me, Alina,” he said, his voice breaking in a desperate plea. “Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll give you all the diamonds! Anything you want, just please, I beg you… Stay.”
My chest swelled with gratitude and pain. “I was going to say I won’t ever leave you,” I said, looking into his eyes. “So keep your diamonds. But you have to know there are some things wrong with me. And I don’t know… if I can be fixed.”
“There is nothing to fix,” he replied immediately, and when I shook my head, he rose and walked around the table, falling to his knees at my feet.
“Voss!” I was appalled he kneeled in front of me—again. “What are you doing?”
He took my hands and looked up into my face, though even as he knelt and I sat, his face wasn’t much below mine.
“You are perfect,” he said, his voice quiet and determined. “Those things you say are wrong with you are not flaws. There is nothing to fix, Alina—there are only wounds to heal. And they will. You just need time and support, and I’ll give you plenty. But please, never say you need fixing, because you don’t. You are perfect. I love you.”
The feelings in my chest swelled into something unbearably hot, raw, and messy. I fell into his arms without a thought, too overwhelmed to think what I was doing. I only knew he would catch me if I fell, so I let him.
Voss pressed me close with a comforting murmur, and I realized I was crying. Big tears streamed down my face, my chest hurt from my wracking sobs, and yet, I couldn’t stop.
I hadn’t cried in so long. I didn’t even shed a tear for David after his death, too terrified of what Liam would do if he saw me grieving.
But now, the dam broke and everything poured out. It was ugly—my tears were hot and stung my eyes, my body hurt from the awful, heaving sobs, and I couldn’t stop. It just flowed and flowed, and Voss held me through it, his big arms sheltering me, his hands stroking my hair and back as he murmured comforting words in that low, thrumming voice of his.
I didn’t know how much time passed, only that when I finally stopped, I was completely wiped out. My body grew heavy and numb, and, where before there was a whirlpool of emotions, now was only peace.
“It’s okay, my love. Everything will be okay. I’m here.”
Voss spoke in a murmur, his words on a loop in a steady rhythm, as if he repeated them for some time. He held me in his lap and stroked my hair, his hands gentle. When I rubbed the tears from my eyes and sniffed, he handed me a handkerchief.
“What do you need now?” he asked after I blew my nose. “Water? Food? A nap? To cuddle?”
I sighed out a weak laugh at his practical approach to my breakdown. “Um, water. And then a nap. Um. With you?”
I knew how I treated him the night before, locking myself in my room as if he was a threat and not the person who protected me from danger. That was why I felt undeserving when I asked for him, but Voss only nodded.
“Of course. Let’s get you up.”
He rose with me still in his arms and sat me gently on my chair as if I was a child. A moment later, he handed me a glass of water, and when I was done drinking, he tried to pick me up again.
“Stop,” I said with a shaky laugh. “You don’t have to. I’m fine. Just…” I wanted to say “broken” but bit my tongue. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was still whole, only scarred. “Just tired.”
“Which is why I’m going to carry you,” he said, putting his arm under my knees. “Hold on.”
He carried me up the stairs, right into his bed that was made with fresh sheets. He laid me down gently and came to rest by my side, his arms around me, his face in my hair. I drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and cherished, and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
When I woke up, I was alone. Sunlight slanted across the floor, letting me know it was late afternoon. I stretched and yawned, feeling lighter and better rested than I had in ages.
After I made the bed and brushed my teeth, I went looking for Voss. First, I checked the second floor, but he was nowhere to be seen, the house eerily quiet. That was when the first pang of unease crawled into my chest.
I remembered the previous evening, the horrible, violent look in Voss’s eyes, the terror that made me huddle on the floor, his hissing, terrible voice. My gut tightened with unease, and I turned back to the bedroom. I wanted to crawl back under the sheets and hide, but I knew that wouldn’t make me any less afraid.
“Voss?” I called, not too loud. A sort of apprehension made me want to hide and be silent, but the urge to find him was stronger.
An insect beat against the window pane at the end of the corridor, its buzzing making me antsy. I walked over and looked out, wondering if I would see him there. But no. There was nothing between the wall of the house and the dark green edge of the jungle etched with the rays of the setting sun.
Taking a big breath, I walked down the stairs, my hand lightly caressing the unstable banister. My heart beat unpleasantly fast, and I wondered for a moment if Voss could have left me alone. Did he go to the village without me?
No. I shook my head. It was unreasonable to think that. He had to be nearby.
Ever since our life together started, he was always close. He followed me everywhere I went, showed me around, walked with me and worked by my side. The only places I was alone were my bedroom and the bathroom.
A sudden thought hit me when I reached the bottom of the stairs and I stopped, pressing my hand to my chest. Could something have happened to him? He seemed so powerful, so robust and strong, that it didn’t even cross my mind before. Voss was the predator.
Never the prey.
But what if the harrsh’ak decided to avenge their dead friend? I looked around with alarm, searching for any signs of a struggle. But the house was quiet and tidy, the front door closed, the floor and walls clean of blood.
I scratched the skin below my collarbones as I set out for the kitchen. It was empty and clean and so was the dining room and the exercise hall. It was just a spacious room with no furniture and a row of three windows looking out into the backyard. They let in the golden rays of the dying sun. I crept closer and looked out, thinking Voss might be tending to his cacao or coffee, but he wasn’t there, either.
My fear and tension grew. When I passed the open door to the dining room, the shattered window made me flinch, and so I closed the door quietly, thinking hard.
Where was he? I knew if only I had him by my side, I would feel completely safe.
It struck me, then. How much I already trusted him. How safe I felt at his side. I spent all this time fearing him, and then loathing myself for it, but I never took a moment to appreciate how much trust was already between us.
And how much he meant to me. More than anyone before him. I pressed my hand to my chest, suddenly elated and terrified when I realized how immense that feeling was. And what it meant.
Maybe he was right. Maybe all I needed was time. Because I was already almost there.
“Voss!” I shouted, calling him with the desperation of my need and love. “Where are you?”
I listened intently, but there was no sound. Trying not to panic, I considered where else he could be, my eyes finally falling on the door to the basement. I shivered, remembering how creepy it felt down there. But I felt even more spooked now, and the only reason was, Voss wasn’t by my side. As soon as I found him, all would be well.
I opened the door and peered into the darkness. “Voss? Voss!”
My voice echoed in the staircase and then, silence.
I closed the basement door and leaned against it, breathing hard. Something was wrong. It had to be.
My eyes fell on the main door. Unease crawled down my nape at the thought of going outside without Voss, but the urgency to find him was stronger than terror. I’ll just look out, I spoke to my fear, doing my best to soothe it. I won’t even call for him. Just see if he’s out there.
My heart hammering with anxiety, I opened the door and peered out onto the green pond, now overgrown with gorgeous, purple and blue water flowers that drifted on the surface. I looked watchfully at the jungle bracketing the pond and house from all sides. I was just outside, on the top of the stairs.
“Voss, where are you?” I muttered under my breath, scared and angry now.
When I saw no movement in the surrounding trees, I slowly walked down the stairs to peer around the house. I wasn’t about to wander into the jungle alone, but I had to find Voss now. As long as I stayed close to the house, it seemed safe.
First, I walked around the good wing and took a long, scrutinizing look at the grounds. No sign of Voss. My hands balled into fists at my sides. I quickly crossed to the other side, aiming to look around the ruined wing.
When I almost rounded the corner, three things happened at once. There was a muffled sound from inside the house, like a voice that was too distant to let me understand the words. The water in the pond splashed violently, and something rustled in in the house—in the ruined wing.
Panic choked me. I turned to run back inside, screaming when I saw why the water in the pond splashed. Three harrsh’ak came out of it and raced toward me, dizzyingly fast on all fours, their tails swishing.
I ran, but before I took three steps, something seized me from behind. I fought, digging my nails into scaly arms. My elbow connected with a soft stomach. There was a screech of pain in my ear, and then more scaly beasts were on me, covering my mouth with slimy paws, restraining my arms.
“Soon we kill Death Eyes,” a voice hissed in my ear, rotting breath pushing up my nostrils. “Death Eyes think he bring bride, make babies instead of die like he should. We say no. We eat bride, eat babies if must. This land belongs to harrsh’ak!”
I struggled, but strong, scaly paws overpowered me. My last thought before they carried me away was that I didn’t have any time left, after all.
And I only regretted one thing: that I didn’t tell Voss I loved him.