Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Over at the funeral parlour the following day, Gabe shook the hand of Gladys Macintyre’s son-in-law and gently handed her daughter a third tissue. Much as he was accustomed to dealing with bereaved relatives, he never grew immune to their grief and suffering. ‘Don’t worry about a thing,’ he assured them. ‘I’ll take care of absolutely everything for you on the day, and I’ll care for your mother as if she were my own while she’s here with me.’
Gladys’ daughter sniffed loudly and pulled him into a hug. ‘You’ve been so lovely, Mr Ryan,’ she squeaked, and her husband patted her back and took her arm as she stepped away.
‘Call me if there’s anything at all. Day or night. You have my numbers,’ Gabe said, opening the door for them to shuffle out onto the pavement. He raised a hand to them as they drove slowly away, and then turned to Melanie at reception.
‘Are you sure you’re alright?’
He cast a doubtful look at the neck brace Melanie had worn on and off since the accident had happened several weeks ago.
‘It’s fine Gabe, honestly. It looks worse than it is.’
It was a small miracle that she hadn’t been badly injured, or worse. A big dog and a small car was a bad combination. He’d been concerned enough to call at her home the day afterwards to check on her, and although he was sure that he’d seen the net curtains twitch, no one had answered the door. Odd really, but just as he’d been on the verge of starting to wonder if she was inside and too ill to make it to the door, a text had blipped in from the lady herself.
Hi Gabe,
Thxs 4 ur help yday. Am fine, just at A if he’d gotten himself involved with someone else’s woman, he hadn’t done it lightly.
‘Is she happy being with her other half?’ Gabe asked.
‘I think she is, yeah.’
‘Sounds complicated.’ Gabe laid his hand on Dan’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, man.’
‘It’s complicated alright,’ Dan muttered. ‘A right royal fucking mess, to be honest.’
‘Can you untangle yourself? Sounds like you need to.’ Gabe didn’t ask who the woman in question was. Partly because he didn’t need to know, but mostly because he knew Dan wouldn’t tell him anyway.
‘I need to. I just don’t know if I want to, or even if I should.’
He dropped the second cigarette onto the gravel and ground it under his foot. ‘It’s cool, Gabe, honestly.’ He reached into his pocket for his mobile. ‘I’ll be in in five. I just need to make a call.’
As much as Emily knew that avoiding Dan wasn’t going to magic the problem away, she was still desperate not to have the conversation in the next few minutes. The park basked in the late afternoon sun, all dappled and lush. Glossy trees hid her from prying eyes. She’d suggested meeting here because it wasn’t her natural habitat and she hoped they wouldn’t run into anyone who knew them. Yet, give her a few months and no doubt it would become one of her regular stomping grounds.
She was just glad that she’d been alone when she’d answered the office telephone earlier. How the hell would she have explained her reaction to Marla or Jonny, or even worse, to Dora? She’d grown accustomed to carrying this secret around inside her, and every day it seemed to grow along with the baby. There was no denying her pregnancy now. She was, if the smug TV guru was to be listened to, ‘in her bloom’. Although, to be honest, she’d lost faith in the TV pregnancy guru some time back, right about the time that she’d started to bang on about the importance of involving ‘Daddy’ in the pregnancy.
Oh God. What was she going to say? What was Dan going to think? He had every right to demand she at least talk to him. Should she lie? Maybe he’d secretly want her to say the baby was nothing to do with him so that he could wriggle off the hook. But then, any fool can add up, and though she didn’t know him well, he didn’t seem like a village idiot. Christ, it was hot. She stripped her flimsy cardigan off from over her sundress and closed her eyes as she leaned back and fanned herself with her hand.
It was only when she realised that her inefficient cooling system had dramatically improved that she opened her eyes to find Dan wafting her with a rolled-up copy of The Sun .
‘Lookin’ swell, darlin’.’
He sat down next to her and looked at her little bump, his blue eyes far more serious than his words.
Emily scooted herself upright and automatically draped a protective arm over her middle. At least he didn’t seem angry – that had to be a start, right?
‘Why did you call, Dan?’
He shrugged and looked away for a few silent seconds, his eyes on an after-school kick-about in the distance.
‘I don’t know. I heard about the baby today from the queen of the undead.’
Emily looked at him quizzically.
‘Melanie,’ he muttered, with something that might have been a shiver.
She nodded with a heavy sigh. It had been inevitable that she’d find herself here, and she’d agonised over how she should play it. Now the moment had arrived she knew that the only option open to her was the absolute truth, but actually saying the words turned out to be really, really hard.
‘Is it mine?’
Wow. He wasn’t pulling any punches. Straight in with the million-dollar question; the question that kept her awake into the small hours and haunted her restless dreams when she finally fell asleep. She’d answered it a hundred different ways in her head and none of them had felt right.
‘I don’t know. Probably.’ She knotted her shaky fingers in her lap. ‘Yes, I think it is.’
‘Fuck.’ Dan watched the footballers again and rubbed his stubble with one hand.
‘Look, Dan …’ She wasn’t sure how to say that there was no need for him to feel obliged to play any part in his child’s life.
‘Does your husband know?’
‘No. I’ve tried to tell him, but the words won’t come out.’
‘I see.’ Dan nodded, and turned to search her eyes with his own. ‘So … what am I supposed to say now, Emily?’
This was her one chance to make the best of this for all of them. She couldn’t blow it. ‘I think you’re supposed to say that it’s best Tom never knows.’
‘Right … right.’ He stared at the ground. ‘And what if I don’t say that?’
Terror held Emily’s breath captive in her chest.
‘What if I said that I need to know for certain if it’s my baby?’
‘I’d say that you were within your rights. It’ll probably destroy my marriage and make me a single mother, but you’re within your rights.’
‘And what about the baby’s rights, Emily? To know its real dad?’
And there it was. The other question that worried her daily.
‘I don’t have all the answers, Dan.’ Her shoulders slumped in desolation. ‘Do you want to be a father right now?’
He put his head in his hands and groaned. He didn’t. Much as he liked to paint himself as the local lothario, he wanted the same thing as everyone else really. To fall in love, settle down, and then maybe think about babies. Knocking up someone else’s wife had never figured in his plans.
‘Because Tom does. Desperately. And I know he’ll be brilliant at it.’
‘So you’re saying, what? I should just walk away?’
‘Can you?’
‘I don’t know, Emily. I honestly don’t know.’
‘Of course you don’t.’ She bit her lip. ‘Sorry.’
They stared in silence at the footballers playing five-a-side across the park.
‘I don’t want to smash your marriage up.’
‘No. Thank you. Me neither.’
‘I need to get out of here.’ He pushed his hands through his hair and stood up. ‘I’ll call you sometime. Maybe we can talk again, when I’ve got my head around it.’
Emily nodded, and the sincerity in his blue eyes reminded her why he’d been the one she’d turned to when the chips were down. His gaze dropped to her bump.
‘It suits you.’ A tiny, sad smile glanced across his mouth. ‘This pregnancy thing. It really suits you.’
Emily watched him walk away. His usual swagger was nowhere to be seen. In fact, he looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.