Chapter 21
21
A week passed during which Tom tried, and failed, not to think about Carole.
He caught occasional glimpses of her coming and going from her house next door, rushing off to work early in the morning or coming home late at night. More than once he thought about opening his front door as she rushed by and saying hello and asking how she was.
Each time, he killed those impulses stone dead.
Carole had made it clear on Saturday night that she regretted the kiss they’d shared. After they’d climbed back into the taxi, they’d hardly said a word to each other during the rest of the short drive home. Once they’d arrived on Foxglove Street, Carole had waved an overly cheerful goodbye and all but ran inside her house.
They’d exchanged a few text messages, polite words about enjoying the wedding day and hopefully catching up again soon. Carole had alluded to busy days ahead at work and Tom had done the same.
He’d understood what they were doing—laying the groundwork for why they wouldn’t be in touch much over the coming days, which would make it easier to simply fall out of contact altogether.
And easier for them to go back to being no more than next-door neighbours who said hello every now and again.
Next-door neighbours who’d silently agreed to ignore the searing kiss they’d shared beneath the summer starlight.
During the long week that had followed once Tom returned to work, he thought often about what Carole had said after she’d brought their kiss to a shuddering halt. She’d said it was a mistake to get involved because they were next-door neighbours, and he understood what she meant.
While it lasted, they might have had fun. They would have had fun; Tom was as sure of that as he was of anything.
But when it ended, they’d still have to live next to one another, which would almost certainly be awkward, strained, embarrassing, and much more besides.
Better to avoid that outcome by not getting involved in the first place.
That logic clearly made sense to Carole, and Tom understood it, too. There were plenty of other people out there to have a fun and distracting affair with. You didn’t have to do it with your neighbour.
And he reminded himself that Carole had just come out of a long relationship. She was resetting her life and starting over, and it made zero sense for her to upend that bright new start by jumping into bed with the next-door neighbour she’d only known for a few weeks.
And jumping into bed was, Tom knew, exactly where things would’ve ended on Saturday night if they’d let them.
Except Tom knew that’s not where things would’ve ended. It wouldn’t just have been some semi-drunken sex to round off the fun day they’d spent together. If they’d slept together, it would’ve meant far more to Tom than that.
And he would’ve wanted more than just a casual hook-up with Carole. He would’ve wanted to cook her breakfast the next morning and spend the entire day with her and get to know her better and…
… find out if she might feel for him the way he felt for her.
Because he did feel something—something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
But Carole had made it clear on that dark country road that she either didn’t feel the same way as he did, or she didn’t want to risk taking things further even if she did.
Tom wished things were different, and wished he’d had the courage to say something that night, instead of just letting her push him away.
For a long time, Tom had been content with his life. Or so he’d thought. The last few weeks had cast a different shade on his assumptions.
He loved his job and wouldn’t change it for anything, but over these past few years it had come to dominate his world and his time—not because he wanted it that way, but because… he had nothing else.
When he’d been at Lucy and Martin’s wedding, the reality of how stuck he was had dawned on him. He’d watched his ex-girlfriend marry someone she adored, and although he felt nothing but happiness for them both, and harboured no lingering romantic feelings for Lucy whatsoever, seeing her make that huge commitment reminded him that he’d never come close to finding someone he could ever imagine making that same commitment to.
There had been women in his life since he and Lucy separated, and there had even been a few relationships that had lasted a while. But he’d never met someone who made his heart race or made him light up inside or made him wonder what it would be like to spend forever with them.
Until now.
Carole made him feel those things and imagine a future that seemed as crazy as it was completely irresistible.
The wedding had given him another insight, too, one that he’d struggled to process.
Watching Evie run around in her pretty bridesmaid dress and having the time of her life with her mother and stepdad on their wedding day had made him realise that no matter how much he loved Evie, she wasn’t his daughter.
Yes, they were lucky to share a special relationship, and Tom treasured the part he played in her life and treasured his role as a member of Evie’s extended family. He was grateful to Lucy for allowing that to continue after their relationship ended.
But now that Lucy and Martin were beginning their married life together, the dynamics of their family would change. Perhaps they’d have children of their own one day, brothers or sisters for Evie to dote on.
And as Evie got older, Tom would remain her friend, he hoped… but her world would expand and Tom’s part in it would shrink, and that was just the natural order of things.
He loved Evie and hoped he’d always be part of her life. But wasn’t it true that he’d imagined having his own kids by this point?
He was almost thirty-seven years-old, and the closest he’d come to building a family of his own was the brief time he’d spent with Lucy, when things had still been sweet between them and their relationship was new.
When that relationship ended, he’d just assumed the kids he wanted would… what? Materialise out of thin air? None of the women he’d dated or been involved with since Lucy made him think about kids or families or the future he’d dreamt of.
Which was why it was impossible for him to ignore the fact that he’d thought of exactly those things while caught in the middle of that world-shattering kiss with Carole.
In the space of just a few seconds, she’d turned him inside out with that kiss, set every nerve ending on fire, and at the same time conjured images inside his head of the amazing future they could share, the amazing future they could build—together.
Although she’d been the one to end the kiss and insist she regretted it, Tom couldn’t stop thinking about that future he’d imagined and how much he wanted to make it a reality.
Part of him tried to reason that it was insane to imagine that just one kiss could’ve made him think of all those things, and made him imagine a future with a woman he barely knew.
Another part of him countered that maybe that was exactly why he ought to get to know her, instead of just letting the spark between them falter and die.
All week, his mind had gone back and forth, reliving the kiss he’d shared with Carole even as he told himself that it was pointless to fantasise about it ever happening again. Now, it was Saturday afternoon, an entire week since he’d seen Carole, and he couldn’t help glancing out of his living room window, hoping to catch sight of her.
Did that make him sad and pathetic? Quite possibly.
Tom turned from the window and looked instead at his laptop, which was open on the coffee table. As ever, there was plenty of work waiting for him there—draft sales proposals, client research files, new products and services coming online to get familiar with. It might not be a bad idea to spend the afternoon getting on top of things.
It wasn’t like he had much else to do.
With a final glance out the window, he sighed and was about to cross the room and grab his laptop and dive in. But just before he did so, he saw a flash of movement in the garden next door as Carole barrelled out of her front door.
Just seeing her made his breath catch. She was carrying gardening tools, clearly set on getting some jobs done out there.
Maybe this was the perfect time to go out there himself? Hadn’t he left his gym kit in the back of the car last night? Yes, he had, and it would smell if he didn’t fetch it, now that he’d remembered it was there. A quick dash out to the car would mean he’d get the chance to say hello to Carole and break the ice after last weekend.
Maybe she’d want to chat for a minute or two over the fence. And if not, well, he’d only be running a quick errand out to the car anyway and could make his escape back inside the house if she wasn’t interested in talking.
Why exactly was he overthinking all of this? It was ludicrous.
Still, he’d wait a bit before dashing outside. He didn’t want it to look like he was running out there the minute Carole appeared. That might make her think he was a creep. Or desperate.
Or a desperate creep.
For God’s sake, man, get a grip.
He watched Carole set about an overgrown shrub at the front of the garden with a pair of hedge clippers. He’d give her a minute to make some progress and then he’d go out there.
It wasn’t much of a plan. But it would have to do.