11. Jeanie
11 /
jeanie
I Love My Beef Wet
“Everyone’s looking at us,” Nathan whispers as we make our way through the party crowd.
“Roman won all the relationship friends. I’m sure they’re surprised to see me.”
I fake a smile to the people who abandoned me when I needed them most, the couples from our neighborhood, our country club, and even vendors for the shop, many of whom I thought were friends. Through it all, Mom and Dex have been my only support.
“There they are.” I inhale sharply, already on the verge of a panic attack, and swivel to face Nathan’s chest. It’s large enough to hide behind.
He places his hands on my shoulders and squares himself with me. “Remember, no matter what happens, play it cool. Act like you don’t care about Roman or any of this. You only have eyes for me. Capiche ?”
I roll my lips inward and nod. I only have eyes for Nathan , I repeat in my head. The mantra is strangely calming .
“Jeanie!” Sophia’s scream rivals the band’s music. She weaves around the crowd. With open arms, she hugs me like she hasn’t seen me in a decade, and then she bear-hugs Nathan.
“You’re both here! I can’t believe I’m getting married!” She spins in her white cocktail dress. A miniature bridal veil sprouts from the top of her head.
At the sight, I can’t form a coherent response. Until now, this wedding only lived in my mind. Seeing her like this makes everything real. My chest tightens.
“Congratulations, and thanks for inviting us,” Nathan says, filling the silence. He squeezes my hand, sending me a message.
Be chill.
I discreetly crack my neck and force a smile.
Drink in hand, Roman joins her side. Appearing cautious, he studies me, taking in my dress, my hips, my chest, and then my face.
“You actually look good when you’re not in yoga pants,” he says, a backhanded compliment at best.
“She looks amazing, with or without clothes.” Nathan grins.
Roman’s eyes widen.
Mine do too, but now I’m focused on Nathan’s hand. It seductively slides around my back, easing us closer until his nose presses near my neck. It takes all my willpower not to squirm from the explosion of tingles racing across my skin.
“Giggle like I just licked every drop of your mango milkshake,” Nathan whispers so only I can hear.
I bark out a laugh so loud that people nearby turn and look. I cover my mouth with my hand but I’m too late. Even with my nervous overaction, the response hits its target. Roman stiffens like lightning pierced his spine.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Roman studies Nathan’s face like he’s in a police lineup.
“I do some modeling,” Nathans says like it’s no big deal.
I don’t even know if he’s telling the truth. I don’t know anything about him. This fact should alarm me more than it does.
“I’ll bet you do.” Sophia playfully pushes Nathan’s bicep.
It will only be a matter of time before Roman remembers Nathan.
Sophia pulls out her phone. “Aren’t these two perfect together?”
As she snaps a photo of us, Nathan presses a kiss on my cheek, sending a shock across my shoulders, down my spine, and straight into my belly. He’s doing the possessive thing again. A funny little flutter pools there when the phone’s camera flashes.
When Roman scowls, I attempt to relax in Nathan’s arms because it’s clear something is happening. Roman is uncomfortable.
Sophia gives me a big smile. “I admit, Jeanie, I was worried. Roman warned me you were here to create a scene. I said, ‘No; you’ve got it all wrong.’” She slices a decisive hand through the air. “I said, ‘Jeanie’s here because family comes first.’ And here we are, one big happy family.” She bounces a little with happiness .
“Yes, here we are.” Roman scans the party, appearing bored.
I glare at Sophia’s oblivious and sunshiny disposition. She was the same way when she was little. It’s so annoying.
Thankfully, Dex and Freddie join us.
“Great dress, Mrs. Benton.” Freddie winks, and I give him a scolding look.
“You really do have a date.” Dex looks Nathan over as if confirming he’s not a hologram.
“You must be Dex. Nice to meet you.” Nathan grips hands with Dex, and then they bump shoulders like a young-person secret handshake. “I like your tie, man. Is that designer?”
“Made it myself.” Dex puffs out his chest and smooths his hand down the red satin with strange embellishments.
“Yeah, if you squint, it looks like a cooked lobster.” Roman laughs and bumps Dex’s shoulder like it’s a reasonable joke.
Dex’s proud expression falls, and I give his father a scorching look.
“Roman!”
“Jeanie, you need to stop coddling him or he’ll grow up to be one of those weirdo kids.” Roman’s voice lowers to a whiny pitch. “Oh, I’m so special and perfect, why won’t anyone date me?”
“So what if Tex is weird,” Sophia says. “He’s not a loser. He’s sweet.”
“ D-D-Dex .” Freddie fakes a cough into his cupped hands.
“He’ll have lots of dates when he’s ready. We need to encourage him.” I stroke Dex’s arm, but he pulls away, annoyed.
“Encourage, yes. But when he sews or cooks something that sucks, tell him it sucks.” He eyes Dex’s creation.
Dex unknots the tie right before he and Freddie charge off. Frustrated, Dex tosses it in the pool. Before it even hits the surface, Nathan is on his way to save it. He scoops it up, soaking wet, then rolls and presses out the water before handing it to me.
“Roman, you’re too hard on him. He’s a kid.” I drop the ruined tie into my purse.
“Not now, Jeanie,” Roman says, his voice clipped. He takes a sip of his drink, ending the conversation.
At my side, Nathan shoots Roman a murderous glare. He only relaxes when I entwine my fingers with his. Now, I’m telepathing him a message : Keep your cool .
Sophia clears her throat, appearing conflicted. “We’re going to have so much fun this week. There’s the bachelorette party tonight, the dress fitting, the Miami boat tour, the spa day, and the rehearsal dinner on the beach.” She counts several events off on her fingers. “You two are going to love it.”
Did I commit to other wedding events? No.
I take one step, ready to run, but Nathan grips the waistline of my dress, and I snap back to his side. Firmly in place, he nudges me to respond.
“Sounds like fun. Can’t wait,” I say, my response stiff .
“Amelia!” Sophia’s arms shoot skyward as her attention is pulled in another direction, and she totters away.
“I don’t care what Sophia says. I’m watching you.” Roman points two fingers at his own eyes and then at us before stalking away.
Finally alone with Nathan, I release a heavy breath.
“The asshat is already jealous. Roman couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Nathan plucks two champagne glasses from a waiter’s tray and hands me one.
“I think you’re right. This insane plan might work.”
I tap my glass’s rim to his with a clink. We sip while sharing covert grins.
I’m about to ask Nathan about the modeling comment when there’s a high-pitched screech that causes everyone in the crowd to cover their ears. The band’s music stops, and partygoers turn their attention to the stage.
Roman, at the center, taps the microphone. “Hello, and welcome! Sophia and I want to thank everyone who flew in to celebrate the occasion.” He sweeps a palm to indicate the crowd.
Everyone claps. Near the front of the stage, Sophia whoops, one arm raised.
“And I want to thank me, from Roman’s Italian Beef, for sponsoring this lovely pre-wedding party. My large business tax write-off thanks you.”
The crowd erupts into laughter.
Typical. I cringe a little.
“Tonight, I want to share something special my lovely fiancée and I have been working on. It’s a new commercial for Roman’s Italian Beef. We want you to preview it first.”
My heart stops. They worked on a commercial together? Like Roman and I used to ? Instantly, I’m numb, my feet pinned in place.
Roman sweeps a hand toward a movie screen behind him. When he steps aside, the guests quiet to a low murmur. The lights on the pool deck switch off.
The Roman’s Italian Beef logo appears on the projection dubbed with the now Midwest-famous jingle. A male’s Chicago-accented voice sings:
There’s no Italian beef
Like Roman’s Italian Beef.
It’s the best hot giardiniera and sweet peppers around.
If you like it wet, dipped, or dry,
You’ll have to come and scarf one down.
Onscreen, a cable-quality commercial begins. Sophia soaks seemingly naked in a clawfoot bathtub filled with steaming au jus broth. She dips a beef sandwich into her brown bath between the little islands of her kneecaps. She lifts the sandwich dripping wet and then, like a food-starved porn star, she shoves it down her throat, all while having a When Harry Met Sally -worthy fake orgasm.
My jaw drops.
With her mouth impossibly full, Sophia exclaims in her saccharine-sweet voice, “I wuv my beef wet!”
In his favorite suit, Roman steps onscreen and says, “Me too, Sophia. Me too.” Then he winks, signaling that yes , that was a sexual innuendo.
Bile rises in my throat as onscreen Sophia rises from the bath. There are several close-up shots where oily au jus drips in slow motion down her beautiful curvy body. The camera pans away. On her glistening skin, pieces of sweet peppers and onions strategically cover her lady bits in the shape of a skimpy, overcooked vegetable bikini.
A heaviness the size of an ocean whirlpool forms in my chest, and my entire soul is sucked into the deadly center as the commercial continues.
“Come on down to Roman’s Italian Beef, and eat it da way Chicago eats beef,” says onscreen Roman.
After he delivers the famous tagline, Roman, my Roman , my bunny , bends over and takes a chomp out of a large green pepper covering Sophia’s plump boob. She’s literally juicy. Meanwhile, my vagina has shriveled up like a dried prune.
When the commercial ends, I fumble backward, bump into Nathan, and drop my champagne glass. It shatters on the concrete at the same time the crowd erupts with applause.
I’m already imagining the nightmare ahead. When this commercial hits local TV stations, it will become the newest sexual kink to travel the nation—Italian beef sandwich porn. The national late-night comedy shows already love making fun of our commercials. This one is sure to be their favorite.
At Roman’s insistence, they replay the commercial. When it begins again, my throat closes in on itself and my breathing turns labored. I frantically search for an exit through the wall of transfixed guests. When I find a sliver of light, I dodge through the opening and sprint.
I think I’ve made a clean getaway, but Nathan catches up to me inside the lobby.
When he registers the pain on my face, he quickly pulls me into an embrace. It’s so enveloping, so melty and comfortable there, I can’t help but release my tears.
“It’s a ridiculous commercial,” he says as he rocks me.
“How can I compete with that?” I’m a blubbering mess. The makeup I carefully applied earlier runs in waterfalls down my cheeks.
“First, there’s no comparison. Sophia is probably an asshole and has been that way for twenty-five years.” He brushes away the wetness on my cheek with his thumbs.
“She was a toddler twenty-five years ago.” I sniffle.
“Toddlers are the worst kind of assholes, and I’ll bet Roman was a bastard when you met him.”
“So, my life has been doomed since Y2K?” I say with a hiccup.
“I know what it’s like to be left behind by someone. I’ve been there. The people we love don’t always stay, even when we continue to love them. The part you must remember is sometimes, a lot of the time, they don’t deserve us. Understand?”
Nathan hands me a tissue. I take it and carefully wipe under my eyelashes, hoping to catch the mascara drips.
He sighs. “Are you sure you want to do this? ”
“It’s going to be harder than I thought. Roman wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t nasty like this with Dex. He wasn’t rude like this with me. If we could only be who we were before—” My voice cracks. “As a family, I mean. I’m not sure it’s possible, but I need to try. If I don’t, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
Nathan nods and turns serious. Like a Mafia boss, he rubs the scruff on his chin as if he’s in thought.
“In that case, you’re going to march back in there and act like this doesn’t faze you. In fact, you fucking love that commercial.” He points at me, sounding stern. “And tonight, you’re going to that bachelorette party to dance your fucking heart out, all while pretending to be Sophia’s best friend. Got it?”