38. Jeanie
38 /
jeanie
Complicated Shiznit
I stand in shock as I stare at Roman. I can’t even form the words to answer before Sophia and Nathan return from their spin around the ballroom.
“How did it go?” Nathan asks as he joins us.
Sophia reaches for Roman. “We’re so ready for this, bunny.”
I cringe as she says the nickname. That’s my nickname for Roman. Did he fight her over the shared nickname too? I stare at him, wondering if he holds the details of our marriage in any regard.
Roman shrugs like he’s signaling he’s sorry, but I’ve already parsed what happened. He accidentally called her that and it stuck, and now they both call each other bunny. Or he did it on purpose because he’s not creative enough to think of anything new. My lips twist.
“You can’t go wrong if you have fun with it.” Nathan claps his hands, wrapping up the lesson.
“Thank you so much, Nathan. You’re amazing.” Sophia beams.
Her body leans into Roman’s. She kisses him on the cheek, but I detect a small wince in his expression. She wraps her arms around him, and he does it again.
What. Was. That?
Sophia and Roman need to prepare for this evening’s rehearsal dinner party, and I’m happy to part ways with them. Things are becoming awkward.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Nathan asks when we reach my room.
He’s referring to the fact that Sophia and Roman stole my wedding song. He doesn’t know I’m way past that and on to something more serious.
“I think I need a nap.” And therapy.
Though I am tired, this is not a completely truthful answer. Internally, I’m in a panic mode. If my intuition is correct, all my evil scheming has finally shaken up Roman.
First, he was jealous of Nathan, and now he wants to talk in private. That doesn’t even include the wince . Twice. Maybe it’s all nothing. Maybe I’m overacting, but now I can’t think of anything else.
Would I even want Roman back? Could I break up this wedding and hurt Sophia? Could I give up Nathan?
My brain stalls on these questions because I never thought to consider them from my new point of view. I stand at the foot of the mattress, staring at the wall, replaying all outcomes and scenarios.
Shiznit just got complicated.
Before I formulate any firm answers to these questions, Nathan slips his arm around my waist and kisses my neck in the spot I like. I don’t mean to, but I tense, only because I have too much on my mind to be physical. The small movement is enough for him to notice.
“Are we back to pretending?” His voice flattens.
It’s heart-wrenching to hear him this way. Despite myself, I try to relax in his arms, but all of a sudden, they’re too heavy.
“It’s not that,” I say with a sigh. “What we did today was hard for me, I guess.”
What I’m saying without saying it is that I’m teetering on the peak of a mountain, looking from one side to the other, trying to decide where I belong. The worst part? Roman tosses me the tiniest crumb of hope, and it makes me unsteady.
I don’t like the feeling, but I can’t help what my heart remembers. There’s a longing for what we had. Yet returning to that special place would be impossible with what’s transpired.
No matter what direction I choose, everything from this moment on will be different. My entire life is about to change forever, and it scares me.
Nathan’s phone buzzes. He sighs and removes it from his pocket. “I’m sorry. I have to take this.” His embrace slips away and he steps onto the terrace.
Though I wanted to be free to delve deeper into my thoughts, I’m sad he’s gone. This side of the mountain feels wrong without him.
I belly-flop onto the freshly made but still broken bed. With my head smooshed into a pillow, I stare at Mini-Wolf. The maids have been dressing him up each day with items they find around the room. Today he’s wearing the unicorn head and black bowtie .
When Nathan’s voice rises, I find myself overhearing bits of his conversation. It’s hard not to when he’s being so loud.
“We’ve already talked about this ... it’s not a good time ... you can’t just ...” He paces the terrace, his voice tuning in and out.
Is this his agent again? Is she pushing him about his tour dates?
My insides hurt. I remind myself this was never meant to last. This was only a business relationship gone reckless. We both have lives outside of this bubble we’ve built, and it’s grown so big, it’s about to burst.
Nathan steps inside, appearing as unsettled as I did a few moments ago.
“Girl troubles?” I joke.
His shoulders loosen. “You’re the only girl I want trouble with.”
He kicks off his flip-flops and climbs into bed. I can’t help but relax when he rests his head on my chest, like he’s listening to my heartbeat.
For a while, we lie in companionable silence. The weight of the air is heavy with all that seems to be on our minds.
When he falls asleep, I allow myself to drift. I’m exhausted emotionally from fighting with Roman, and physically from all our wedding events and late nights.
Someone pounds on the door. My eyes pop open to a darkened room, which means I’ve been asleep for hours.
I reach to my side and drag a palm across the mattress, searching for Nathan, but he isn’t there. When he doesn’t answer the door, I roll out of bed and stumble for it.
On the other side, I find Ruby. She’s dressed in a tropical-patterned shift dress with two bright orange leis around her neck. She leans on the door frame, breathing hard like she ran miles to get here.
“You’re late for the luau.” She barges in, turns on the light, and searches for something.
“What time is it?” I rub my tired eyes and yawn.
“Sophia’s freaking out,” Ruby explains from the closet. She unhooks a dress from a hanger and tosses it in my direction.
I catch it, but I’m still checking the terrace and bathroom for Nathan. He’s nowhere to be found. We never chatted earlier, and we need to. I want to talk about Roman, now that I’ve had time to digest the information.
“Have you seen Nathan?”
“We don’t have time to search for him.” Ruby digs through my closet, stopping to grimace at a long lacy white dress before moving on to the next item. She finds a dress that matches hers and a pair of lime-green pumps with palm trees propping up the heel. “These will work.”
With her rushing me along, I peel off my clothing and shimmy into the dress. I brush out my hair and twist it into a knot. Ruby produces a flower and pins it into my hair. Then she removes one of her leis and places it around my neck. Now we match .
“What’s wrong with Sophia?” I ask as I hop on one foot, sliding on the second heel.
“No one knows. She’s on the verge of tears. She said she needed to talk to you, ASAP.” Ruby holds open the door, waiting for me.
I freeze for a second, scared of what’s about to happen.