Chapter 20
Chapter
Twenty
The door clunked, wrenching me out of a dark, windy nightmare. I blinked, and the stark white cell came into focus around me. I was still in jail.
Or was I? Was this a fresh new nightmare?
The door swung open. The female officer was back. She looked at me, uncaring eyes assessing me quickly to make sure I was alive and not up to any mischief. “The psych assessor is here to see you now.” She dangled cuffs from her fingers. “Come here, and turn around.”
This felt real. Since Martina’s visit yesterday, I’d begun to take note of my episodes, trying to piece together exactly what it was that plunged me into madness—that state where I couldn’t tell what was real, and what was a nightmare.
It was fear that did it. There was a fear trigger that sent me spiraling every time.
This female officer didn’t frighten me. This was the same one who’d let Martina in to see me, in direct defiance of Striker’s orders.
I was confident that this was real. I sat up on my hard bed, feeling every single part of my body groan in protest, and I grabbed hold of that physical discomfort with both hands. It helped me focus.
“What time is it?” I asked her, getting slowly to my feet.
“Just after eight in the morning. I’ll get you some breakfast after you’ve seen the psych.”
I turned around so she could fasten the cuffs and gritted my teeth, keeping my eyes open and focused on the thin mattress.
Handcuffs were a trigger. They were a representation of my worst fear—being locked up forever, helpless, with no autonomy, no freedom. But she fastened them gently, leaving them a little loose, and I managed to hold on to my senses and keep the darkness of my nightmares at bay.
“Come on,” she said, giving my jumpsuit a gentle tug.
She led me out into a cold corridor, lined on both sides by cells, and down towards the interrogation room I’d found myself in yesterday. She knocked and opened the door. “I’ve got Susan Moore for you, doctor.”
“Bring her in.”
She stepped aside, and I walked in. The officer shut the door firmly behind me.
My heart stopped.
He smiled at me. The baggy white shirt did nothing to disguise his wide, powerful shoulders.
The stubble on his cheeks didn’t hide that glorious hard, square masculine jaw.
His raven-black hair gathered in a loose knot at the nape of his neck.
Deep emerald eyes glittered in the harsh fluorescent overhead lights.
“Hello, my love,” he said softly.
Stiffly, I walked closer.
“I hate to see you like this, and I deeply regret not being able to come sooner.” He gazed up at me soulfully. “I’m here for you now. I’m here to take you out of here, my love.”
I licked my lips. “You’re going to get me out of here?”
“Of course. It’s why I’m here. But I cannot do it alone,” he said sadly, shaking his head. “I will talk you through what you must do to secure your freedom.”
I stared down into his astonishingly handsome face. I didn’t want to sit down. “What do I need to do?”
“I have tried everything, but they will not release you on bail. Our situation has grown too urgent, and I do not want you to remain here for one more second. My love,” he whispered, his emerald eyes boring into mine.
“You will need to break out of here. Fight the officers who try to restrain you. Break down the doors.”
I nodded dumbly. “I need to fight them.”
“Yes.” He gave me a gentle smile and stood. God, he was tall, towering above me. “It is time to fight, my love,” he said quietly. “You knew this time would come.”
“I did. But I’m so scared. I can’t feel the magic inside me.
I feel so powerless,” I whispered. It was true; I did feel powerless.
When the nightmares swallowed me, pushing me into the horrors of the past, I couldn’t remember what it felt like.
The spark of magic that warmed my belly had disappeared completely.
“I am here to help you. But first, there is a ritual we can do to solidify our bond.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dull, iron-gray knife. “It will give you strength.”
“It will?”
“Yes.” He locked eyes with me. “It will tie you to me. Our souls will be connected forever.”
I tilted my head. “Connected? Like a bond?”
“Yes. It’s time, my love. It is time to complete our bond.”
I reached for the ember of heat in my belly. It was still there somewhere, I was sure. My fears had pushed that tiny spark of magic so far down that I could barely remember what it felt like.
But it was still there. I just needed some fuel, something to prod it back into life, and I had exactly what I needed right in front of me.
“We can do it now,” he whispered, gazing soulfully into my eyes.
“We need to cut the bonds that tie us to others, and then connect together as one, and I will be able to give you the strength you need to beat these demons back. The demons that plague you. I know that is what is happening to you, my love, and I promise you I can stop them. I can hold them at bay.”
“They’re not demons,” I muttered. “They’re nightmares. My worst fears. They’re the things I’m most scared of.”
“They are haunting you.” He stared at me, his gaze filled with sorrow. “I know. I can stop it.”
I swallowed. “You can? Are you sure?” I stared into his eyes, and the tiny spark of magic within me flared.
“Of course. We just need to complete our bond.” For a second, he shut his eyes, long lashes fluttering on his cheeks. “I confess this will be painful. I am so sorry, my love. It is something you must endure if we are to secure your freedom.”
“I don’t understand.” I held the spark of magic within me, while it smoldered, and coaxed it, feeding it my attention, willing it to roar into life. “Why will it be painful?”
He lifted his arm and reached out to stroke my cheek.
My will broke. He wasn’t allowed to touch me.
“Stop.”
Connor froze. In a split-second, I poured all my rage, my disgust, my fury into my muscles and snapped the handcuffs like they were made of putty. My hand shot out, grabbing him by the throat. I moved, shoving him up against the wall, and held him up like he weighed nothing.
I squeezed. “If you move, I will pop your head off your shoulders like a pimple,” I snarled.
Connor choked, turning white. The siren command wore off quickly; he was already squirming, but I used my other hand to pin his arms above his head and flexed my fingers on his throat—a warning. “Try me.”
He grew still.
“Bonding doesn’t hurt.” I moved him down a fraction, so I could stare right into his eyes. “It’s the opposite. It’s beautiful and perfect, as easy as falling in love, because that’s what it is.”
“My love,” he choked out. “It’s me…”
The fire in my belly raged. I leaned closer. “You really thought you could fool me, didn't you? You thought you could trick me into breaking my bond with Donovan, so you could bond with me instead?”
His eyes flashed with malice, and I squeezed his throat, another warning. My biceps were bigger than my head; my skin, wet with sweat, glowed bright purple. Berserker strength raged through me. If he moved, I’d snap his head off.
“Did you think you could confuse me, Connor? Did you think you could plunge me into another nightmare? Did you think I would be here, fighting off imaginary demons?” I laughed bitterly.
“Fear is a trigger for this curse, I know that now; fear is what keeps me spiraling into the nightmares that are still attached to the Under. Something triggers my deepest fears, and the nightmares swallow me. But you should know that I’ve never ever been scared I’d mistake you for Donovan. You are nothing alike.”
He clenched his jaw. “I am a king,” he choked out.
“You’re nothing next to him. And that, Connor, is your biggest fear.” A smile pulled at my lips. “He is everything. You’re just his bratty little brother. You’re nothing. Insignificant.”
He trembled with rage under my fingers. “I will kill–”
“You won’t.” I laughed in his face. “You’re too lazy, Connor.
That’s where you’re different from him, again.
You don’t like getting your hands dirty.
Donovan could have sent his generals to find you and bring you home, but he came himself, because he’s responsible for you.
And furthermore, you don’t do your own dirty work.
You let your banwyn swarm ahead, taking out your enemies; you send your assassins to fight your battles while you slink around minor realms, eating whatever spark stones you can get your hands on.
You conned Juliette into planting my nightmares on me, then you slithered in here like a snake, trying to trick me into breaking my bond with Donovan and bonding with you, and you did it all because you’re still a slave to a stupid prophecy.
You still think if you bond with me, the throne will be handed to you on a silver platter.
You always take the easy route, don’t you? ”
His eyes bulged, teeth clenched. “The throne is mine.”
“Of course you think that. You think you deserve it. Why? What have you done to make yourself worthy of ruling anything, let alone all the Worlds?” I laughed, no humor in my tone.
“The audacity will never cease to amaze me. You, some worthless, low-life scum. The only good thing you’ve ever done in your life is share a womb with Donovan. ”
“The nursemaids lied.” Connor hissed between his teeth. “I am first-born. I am the true heir!”