Chapter 17
After the excitement of our swim and Caspian’s reveal, we spent the whole next day lounging around with my roommate. It’s a movie marathon kind of day.
I still don’t know what to make about Caspian not being human.
I should be more freaked out by that than I am, but surprisingly, it doesn’t really matter to me.
He’s still just Caspian. My mate. I have so many questions, of course, and I even spent half the night researching everything I could find on merfolk sightings, but right now, I’d rather forget all of that and just enjoy being with my mate.
At Evies’s suggestion, we start with Knotting Hill then move on to Knot Your Princess and Betawatch.
Caspian stares at the TV, trying to dissect each film. “Why are they running so slowly? If it is so slow to run on the sand they should just swim. And why are they so shiny?”
Evie chokes on her popcorn, and I pat her back instinctively.
“Do you enjoy this?” He tilts his head, studying me.
“What’s not to enjoy?” Evie takes a sip of water then waves at the muscular man on the screen.
“Fair point,” Caspian concedes with a smile.
“Well, I’m off to bed.” Evie stands, stretching as she yawns.
“I’ve got Advanced Principles of Alpha Repro at seven tomorrow.
It’s gonna be torture.” She takes a step toward her room, then stops.
“Oh, I completely forgot. Dr. Anderson stopped by yesterday. He wants you to schedule an appointment during office hours.”
Huh, wonder what that’s about. Before I can ask more, she disappears into her bedroom.
“They will not really torture her, will they?” Caspian whispers.
“No, she’s safe.” But her comment reminds me that tomorrow will be a big day for me, too. Dinner with my parents is yet another thing I don’t want to think about right now.
“Would you like to watch another?” Caspian asks, nodding toward the television.
“No, we should probably go to bed.”
Neither of us makes a move to get off the couch.
I’m sprawled on top of Caspian, and it feels right.
Warm and familiar and safe. He purrs softly.
I’ve never met an alpha who purrs so readily and often.
At first, he was a little shaky, like he hadn’t done it before, but now he sounds as smooth as a rolling stream.
His fingers trace along my spine. “What are you nervous about, mate?”
“Lots of things,” I whisper.
He stops rubbing my back. “Did I scare you? I mean… about…” His hand waves over where our legs are tangled together. This isn’t the first time he’s asked how I feel about him being a merman, but I can tell he still needs reassurance.
“No. No.” I push up so I can see him better, shaking my head adamantly.
Three little words pop into my head along with the urge to soothe him with them, but I don’t.
It’s too early. “I don’t care that you’re a…
merman,” I whisper, “but I am worried about you. I don’t know how things in your world work, but here, if someone found out about you, you’d be considered some kind of scientific marvel.
They’d probably turn you over to the… the…
whoever does that kind of research and run experiments on you.
They’d split us apart… and… and…” All the thoughts I’ve been trying to suppress with entertainment come roaring to the forefront of my mind at once.
“Shh, do not worry, starfish.” Caspian’s palm smooths over my head, calming and sturdy. “No one will find out. I understand. It would be dangerous for a human in my world, too.”
“We can’t go swimming like that in the cove again. You know that, right? If someone saw you…”
“We won’t.” His purr gains strength, and my shoulders relax. Caspian returns to stroking up and down my back. For several minutes, other than my mate’s continuous purr, there’s only silence.
“What’s it like in your world?” My voice is soft, but of course he hears me anyway.
“A bit like our swim, but far more beautiful. In the deep, the water is clearer, and there is wildlife beyond comprehension. Fish that glow bright in the night, rainbows of coral you can stare at for hours. When the sun rises, the rays pierce the water slowly, waking up the ocean floor one caress at a time.” He seems lost in thought as he remembers his home. Does he miss it?
“It sounds lovely. And what about your family?”
He lets out a sound that’s a cross between a sigh and a growl. “They are… demanding.”
That’s something I understand. “Do you come from a pack?”
“We do not form packs in the sea often. Is a pack something you want?” he asks cautiously.
“I don’t know.” I turn my face away, cheek resting on his chest. “My attention has been so fixed on finding Ocearus, proving myself, I haven’t really been focused on bonding.”
There was a time I thought I might bond with Branson’s pack, but that was back when I believed they were interested in the same things I am, before they showed their true colors and almost forced me into something I didn’t want.
I shift positions so I can see Caspian better.
“How about you? Did you want to pack up? To bond?”
“The choice was never mine to make.”
When he told me he was expected to marry for political reasons, I thought he was half joking, but the bitterness in Caspian’s tone now makes me realize he was serious. His bonding wasn’t going to be his choice.
Caspian must sense the spike of anger that tunnels through me because he runs his fingers through my hair in a soothing motion. I close my eyes, leaning into his touch and trying to rein in my emotions.
“Who?” I ask in a small voice. It doesn’t really matter. I won’t know the person—or merperson, I guess. But I ask anyway. I keep my eyes closed as I wait for him to answer. At least I hope he will. If he isn’t ready to bare those particular traumas to me yet, I won’t force him.
“I was set to be married to the princess of Sirena. Her name is Farrasea.”
A princess. Of course. My eyes fly open. Jealousy, hot and fierce, floods my body. Why did I ask? I don’t even know her, but already I hate her. She could have taken my mate from me. And he’s mine.
Caspian chuckles. “Calm, starfish. I’m all yours. I never wanted the betrothal.”
That pacifies my omega slightly, though I’m still on edge. “But would you have gone through with it, if we’d never…”
“I am not sure.” He looks past me, like he’s remembering something.
“I told myself I would just satisfy my curiosity by finding out about Ocearus, then I would return and perform my duty.” He sighs deeply, his whole chest lifting and falling.
“But I think, deep down, I knew that was a lie. I ignored my duty and fled.”
Now it’s my turn to soothe him. I reach up and thread my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp.
“I was a coward,” he whispers.
“No. You were brave to go off on your own and leave everything you’ve ever known. It’s courageous to set boundaries, to take control of your own life, and live it the way you want rather than the way someone else dictates.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” He shifts to rest his palm on my cheek.
I lean into his touch and hum, acknowledging his comment without expanding on it.
“Come on,” I stand up and hold my hand out for Caspian, “let’s go to bed.”
We spend the rest of the night tangled in each other, a new sense of gratitude flowing through the bond. There are so many reasons we might not have found each other. But we did.
He’s mine now, and I’m his. And no matter where we came from, or what happens in the future, I’m never letting him go.