Chapter 39
Idon’t like being left behind.
Deep down, I know Caspian and Hunter didn’t leave me here because I was a disappointment or wouldn’t acquiesce to their demands. Their goal is my safety. I know that. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting though.
It drags up old hurts, ones that were already close to the surface after we encountered Pack Prescott.
I was always either too much or not enough for them.
I wanted too much and wouldn’t become the quaint little house-omega they wanted.
Instead of respecting me as a partner and a scholar, they tried to control me by sabotaging my birth control so I’d be forced to comply.
Before that, my parents were the culprits. Raised in a household that values appearance over feelings, I wasn’t given the time of day unless I was doing everything my parents demanded of me. And who was I to complain, really? Poor little rich girl doesn’t get enough attention from Mommy and Daddy.
That isn’t really what bothers me, though.
What eats at me is the fact that if I’m not reaching their arbitrary standards, I don’t have value.
As if earning my master’s summa cum laude wasn’t an achievement, but a burden.
A distraction from my true purpose in life.
It’s no wonder I let Pack Prescott walk all over me for so long.
Fishybillionaire47 did more for me than give me the confidence to leave Branson, Carter, and Rodrick.
He listened to me. He made me feel heard and seen for who I already was.
He loved my theories on Ocearus, and we’d video chat for hours sharing resources and anecdotes.
I’d confided to him that I felt closer to my Aunt April than I ever did my parents, and he never once made me feel bad for that.
When she died in that underwater cave-in, I lost a part of myself.
Fishybillionaire47 helped me gain it back.
His support made me realize I should be proud of who I am, of my achievements and intelligence.
That I shouldn’t let anyone put me down or hold me back.
Then again, he eventually left me behind, too.
What does that say about me? Not anything good, I guess.
“So… scent matches, huh?” Phoenix asks, breaking the silence and yanking me out of my thoughts. When I look at him, he has the most adorably awkward look on his face, which seems out of character for him.
“That’s what you’re going with?” I raise an eyebrow. “You aren’t gonna make this weird, are you? Please don’t make it weird.”
Phoenix barks out a laugh, and his shoulders relax a little. “Not exactly sure how to start that conversation after I’ve had you dripping slick down my thighs while your mate fucks you senseless. So, yeah, that’s what I’m going with.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh, though it’s paired with a red hot blush on my cheeks. The way he talks is so straightforward, yet playful at the same time.
“It’s crazy, right?” I ponder aloud. “I thought I was scent compatible with my ex-pack, but now that I know what a true scent match feels like, it doesn’t even compare. It’s like Branson’s pack may as well not even exist.”
I should do some research on scent compatibility.
I wonder if everyone feels this kind of uncontrollable draw to a scent match.
I’ve never felt so turned on as when I’m with Phoenix, Hunter, and Caspian.
But it’s more than that. I feel comfortable with them in a way I don’t with anyone else.
Like I’ve known them my whole life, even though we only just met. Is that normal?
I move a little closer to Phoenix, and decide I’m just gonna go with it.
“Yeah,” Phoenix agrees, though his thoughts seem far away. “Hunter’s scent has always appealed to me, and God knows Sebastian’s makes my mouth water, but yours—”
“Sebastian?” I cut him off, heart in my throat. Does he already have a mate? Did he help me through my heat spike despite not being single? I feel sick even thinking about it.
Phoenix rubs a hand on the back of his neck.
“Uh, yeah. Sebastian is my… partner. My beta partner.” Sensing my freak out, he continues before I can panic.
“But we aren’t exclusive! He knows I want a pack and an omega.
He just has some hang-ups around that stuff.
I love him with my whole heart, though.”
That eases my mind a little, the clench in my stomach loosening some.
But I’m still wary. What does he mean by hang-ups?
What if this Sebastian guy doesn’t want to be with us, with me?
I could never make Phoenix choose one or the other, but how can I live without my scent match?
If I lose him now, it’ll always feel like a part of our pack is missing.
And I didn’t miss his comment about Hunter.
“You love Hunter, too, don’t you?” My tone comes out a little more accusatory than I intended, and I wince.
“I mean… that’s not, like, a bad thing. I’m just trying to figure out where I fit into all this.
Well, where Caspian and I fit since we’re a package deal now. ”
He laughs mirthlessly. “Yeah. I love Hunter, too. Which he knows now, by the way, thanks to our little heat spike adventure.” The look he gives me is full of something akin to gratitude, but when I smile back at him, his expression turns darker, hungrier.
I think of the way he held me, sucked on my neck, squeezing my breasts as he came.
The energy in the room shifts. The scent of my arousal spikes the air, and he groans.
“You’re trying to kill me, omega.”
Trying to change the subject to less lustful territory, I decide to ask more about his beta. “So, tell me about Sebastian. What’s he do? What’s he like?” I pause before I tack on, “What are his hang-ups?”
Phoenix sighs and walks to the stone bench that’s carved into the wall, patting the area next to him as he sits. I oblige and join him, tucking one leg under my butt so I can face him.
“His hang-ups are not my story to tell,” he says. “I know once he meets all of you he’ll get over them, though.”
“All of us? He’s met Hunt, I assume. Right?” It would be weird if he hadn’t, considering how close Hunter and Phoenix are and how long they’ve known each other.
“Actually, no,” Phoenix confesses. “Hunter, uh, doesn’t think he’s real.” That last bit comes out all as one word, like he’s embarrassed to admit it.
I open my mouth to ask him to explain, but he beats me to it.
“Like I said, Seb’s hang-ups aren’t really something I feel comfortable telling you without him here or without his permission. But I can tell you more about him.”
“Okay.” I nod, settling back against the wall to listen.
“First of all, he’s hot.” Phoenix smirks, and I roll my eyes. “He is! I’m just sayin’. He’s also rich.”
The look I give him this time is one of exasperation laced with disappointment. I hope that isn’t why he’s with the poor guy.
“Okay, okay. He is those things, but he’s so much more.
” Phoenix’s tone takes on a warm quality.
“He’s a little bit of a recluse, prefers quality over quantity when it comes to his friends.
It’s hard when you’re a billionaire to determine who wants to be near you because of you, versus because of your money.
I met him before he sold his first tech company, and I’ve seen how his success has changed the people around him.
Even his parents. It’s probably why he puts so much money into ocean conservation efforts and research expeditions. "
I furrow my brows in thought. “How did he go from tech entrepreneur to ocean conservationist?”
“Oh, he’s still in tech. For as quiet as he is in his personal life, he can take charge of even the alphaiest alphas in the boardroom.
” Phoenix chuckles. “The ocean stuff is my fault. I’m a marine biologist, and I’ve always had an interest in the unknown thanks to Hunt.
It rubbed off on Sebby, and now I think he may be more obsessed with it than I am.
You should see him in his online forums, he’s so into it all. ”
That sounds an awful lot like my Fishybillionaire47, and it makes my heart hurt a little. It might be nice to meet Sebastian. Not that he could ever replace my online friend, but hearing Phoenix talk about his passion makes me think we’d get along just fine.
Looking to the canal, I realize it’s been quite a while since Caspian and Hunter have been gone. “Do you think they’re okay? I didn’t think they’d be gone this long. This waterway has got to open up to the air again at some point, right?”
“What, am I boring you?” Phoenix teases, bumping his shoulder against mine.
I huff, recognizing his distraction tactic. “No, I just hate this waiting game. Makes my anxiety ratchet up.”
“Well, we can explore this room some more, see if there’s anything else interesting.” The way his voice lifts at the end of his statement makes me think he has something else on his mind. “Or, I can think of some other, less clothed ways to pass the time.”
Well then.
I laugh, then backhand his chest. “Save it, Casanova. We’ve got a library to find.”