Chapter 8
8
Charly
Fall at Eldora feels different from spring at Eldora.
For one thing, I’m more confident in my skills and I know I’ve improved since I first raced here in May.
But some things are also the same.
When I came here in the spring, I didn’t have Robbie in my life and now I don’t again.
Loneliness and guilt war in my heart. If I was stronger, braver, I’d have gone to him right away after I found out about the rumors and told him we’ll figure it out.
Actually, I never would have left. The gossip about me is inevitable, but I let my fear control my decisions and I’d caved to the pressure.
It’s taken me too long to figure that out. Now I don’t know how to apologize, or if he’d even want to hear it. We’ve been avoiding each other and keeping things strictly professional.
A hauler pulls in next to us and I look up to see the big Faraday Racing logo sliding by. The world tilts a little and déjà vu washes over me. It’s just like this spring and I fight down the sudden urge to waltz over and pretend to introduce myself again.
No, you need to focus. If you win tonight, you’ll retake the championship lead.
I can hear my dad’s voice in my head, steering me back on track. Back to focusing on the race and the mechanics of what’s going on.
Nothing else.
If dad would have been with me this season, he’d have told me every secret he knew to help me improve my performance on track and my focus off track.
He would have wanted me to focus entirely on my career goals, to the exclusion of everything else. He’d be celebrating right alongside me now that I have a signed contract to race entry level Indy cars next year with a path to the big cars the year after that.
He would have told me I never should have started a relationship with Robbie.
It might be the first thing I’m sure he was wrong about.
Now the only person I want to tell about the deal isn’t talking to me.
Only my agent, the factory, my sponsor, and my potential future team knew what was in the works. I didn’t tell my crew yet because I didn’t want them to worry over next season.
What I can do is keep my head down and focus on winning them a championship this season.
And that means not talking to Robbie.
Even if that makes my heart break even more.
The déjà vu continues the next weekend at Lawrenceburg. It’s as if our racing schedule is conspiring to remind me of how good Robbie and I were together. How much happier I was when I was with him. Even if it was just texting back and forth.
Night one goes well, but not as well as Eddie. He wins and edges back ahead of me by a few points.
It’s night two where I run into trouble.
After I change into my race suit, I walk down the hauler ramp and glance over. Robbie’d parked next to us again, and I’m curious to see how they’re doing.
Except the first thing I notice is Robbie staring.
At me.
My heart stutters and then beats against my chest. Time slows down and all the noises fade away.
Now. Go talk to him now. Get it over with. You’ll both be happier.
Giving into the pull I still feel toward him every day, I veer off toward his trailer, but someone comes over to talk to him before I make it. My feet glue to the ground and I stop short. Adrenaline making my hands shake.
I need to talk to him. Patting my pockets, looking for my phone, I remember I left it in the hauler when I changed. I dart back up the steps, waving to my guys when they give me a questioning look.
Charly: Can we talk later?
Robbie: (Read)
There’s no reply the next five times I check my phone. I throw it on the bench and grab my helmet. For now, I need to focus on qualifying.
My first lap is unfocused, but I pull it together in the second to get a decent time.
I rush back to the hauler after I’m done and lunge for my phone.
Robbie: Is it about the guys hanging out together again? I can ask them to stop. Or at least be less public.
Charly: No, that’s fine. What hotel are you staying at?
Robbie: (Read)
No reply again. Growling in frustration, I pull up some telemetry and review my qualifying laps, trying to focus on areas where I know I’ll be able to get an advantage during the race.
My phone buzzes and I snatch it up.
Robbie: We’re heading out for Oklahoma right away. Eddie has a couple of local races during the week.
Dammit. I’d have to catch him while we were both still at the track.
Charly: No worries. Talk to you before you leave?
Robbie: (Unread.)
Ten minutes later, it’s still unread.
It’s still the same five minutes after that.
Focus on your job. I scold myself.
The race goes well enough until it doesn’t. Eddie and I get tangled together fighting for second place, and both of us get a tow ride back to our pits. When I see him wander over, I prep myself to speak the apology that’s been rolling around in my head.
“Good racing tonight, kid.” He holds his hand out and I stare at it in shock.
“I’ve been trying to figure out a way to apologize.” I tentatively reach out and take his hand.
He smiles. “Don’t apologize. Racing happens.” I let go of his hand and he keeps watching me, like he’s trying to puzzle out some mystery.
“We good?” I ask, feeling nervous and blurting out words without thinking.
“Yeah. Can I give you a bit of advice?” I nod and he continues. “This is a dream job, but it’s hard weeks on the road and lonely nights. You don’t always know who’s going to be on your side.”
I bob my head.
“Robbie will always be on your side.”
I swallow down the sudden lump in my throat. “Do you think I’ve ruined things between us?”
“No.” He shakes his head decisively. “That man is head over heels for you, but both of you need to fight for it.”