Chapter 5
5
All that practice growing up didn’t leave much time for dating…or anything else. -Leah
Leah
I run my hand along Stormy’s glossy brown coat as I chatter my innermost thoughts to my horse. She’s a great listener and not nearly as opinionated as having a real friend. Though I probably look like a crazy person talking to her like this.
“I’ve never thought about sex a lot, Stormy, but there’s something about this guy. Of course, I’m worried about you, well you and me, since we can’t seem to get it together, but this cowboy is something else.” I bite my lower lip and Stormy’s ears perk up as if she’s listening for more gossip. “I’ve never had a boyfriend, girl. Did you know that? Not a single one. Not even a single kiss unless you count the one that Brayden McFay stole in daycare when we were six, and I don’t. But this guy…” Some things should probably not be said out loud, especially where an innocent animal can hear. The fantasies I’ve been having about Matt have not been G-rated at all. More like NC-17.
“I shouldn’t think of him as much as I do, Stormy. I should only be worried about one thing and that’s you and me getting back to the Olympics. We’ve still got it in us, girl, I know that. We just need to get past whatever this hang up is.”
Stormy snorts and nods her head in agreement. I swear she understands every word I say.
“Talking to her like a person, huh?” Matt’s deep voice comes from out of nowhere and I jump. My cheeks burn fire engine red. I hope to God he didn’t hear any of the silly stuff I said.
“Yep,” I say succinctly.
He pats her muzzle and murmurs, “I do that, too. All the time. And horses understand. Sometimes I think they understand moods and feelings more than humans do.”
I nod. “I’ve always thought that too. Especially Stormy. She’s in tune with all my thoughts.”
“And your fears?” Matt asks as his strong hand strokes along Stormy’s coat.
I take a deep breath and look up into Matt’s emerald eyes. A stir of longing furls within me, even as I try to make sense of what he just said.
I cock my head to the side. “What do you mean by that? My fears?” I ask cautiously.
He gives me a look of sympathy that I can’t mistake for anything else. “I mean she feels what you feel, including when you’re afraid of something. She can feel your anxiety and it makes her anxious.”
I pull my hand away from Stormy. “So, you’re blaming me for this? For Stormy’s anxiety and inability to accept a rider? You think this is all my fault!”
He sighs and runs a hand over his face. “That’s not what I’m trying to say. I don’t blame anyone. But I do know that we’ve focused on healing her, but not you. Have you talked to anyone about what happened?”
I blink back tears. This taciturn trainer wants to talk about counseling? Who does he think he is?
“I saw someone,” I bark back. “I saw a lot of someones. I think my dad sent me to every therapist in three counties.” My lip curls up. “They all wanted me to talk forever about the accident, about my feelings and blah, blah, blah. It was one accident. I’ve been training most of my life. Do you know how many times I’ve been hurt? Do you know how many times I’ve ridden even though I was in agony? I’m fine. I’ve always been fine!” I’m breathing hard by the time my diatribe is over and the concerned look on Matt’s face is almost my undoing.
“Don’t analyze me, cowboy. I don’t need it,” I spit out.
He walks towards me softly, as if approaching a spooked horse. I suppose in a way he is. I reach out a hand to stop him, but instead curl my fingers when they touch the soft fabric of his plaid shirt.
“Come here,” he says gently.
I don’t think. I fold like a child into the comfort of his chest, heaving a sob. His arms wrap around me, and I weep. I weep for the first time in years. Probably more than a decade. The last time I remember crying like this is the last time my mother…well, I’d rather not think about that day.
I come to my senses slowly. I don’t know how long I cry. It could be an hour or two minutes, I’m not sure. Matt holds me close the whole time and caresses my hair with his large, tanned hand.
“You don’t always have to be fine. It’s okay to not be okay, pretty girl. You can let go. You can just be you,” he murmurs, and I wonder how long he’s been talking to me through all my tears.
I sniff and realize my nose is on the verge of running. Shit, nothing more attractive than a girl with a splotchy face and snot coming from her nose.
I step back and look up at Matt. His dark eyelashes are so long up close. Such a dumb thought to have right now, but it’s all I can think of.
The look in his eyes is pure sympathy until I lick my lips. He follows the movement of my tongue with sudden heat in his concentrated gaze.
His hand curls around my neck and he pulls me closer, looking down at me with both adoration and want.
I want what comes next. For once, I want to take a leap and give into this attraction between us. I want this cowboy to kiss me and make it count.
When his lips meet mine, I hear a husky moan. It takes me a second to realize that the sound is coming from me. I open my lips on a gasp and his tongue slips between my lips. I emit another moan and move closer to Matt. I want to remember this always, my first kiss and the first time I’ve ever let someone else this close.
His tongue twines with mine and he pulls my hips in close to his. I can feel his hard length against me and my core heats in response. I want this kiss, but I want more. I want everything.
Tongues dance, hands roam, and his pained groan shoots bolts of lust straight to my pussy. I can’t get close enough to him.
Suddenly, I feel a not-so-gentle nudge between us, pushing us apart. We both give groans of disappointment as Stormy butts her muzzle in between us.
I can’t stop my sudden giggle. “Stormy, are you jealous?” I ask when I’ve finally recovered my faculties.
I nuzzle my nose into her coat and feel my cheeks redden. I’m afraid to look up and see Matt’s face again. He acted like he enjoyed the kiss, but what if he didn’t? God, what if I’m a horrible kisser?
I feel a callused finger touching my chin and I finally lift my head.
“I like that,” Matt says with a grin, “I like hearing you giggle and seeing you smile. And I like kissing you even more than that.”
“Y…you do?” I ask nervously.
He nods and gives me a sweet kiss on my cheek. “I do. And I plan on us doing a lot more of it. But perhaps we should get to our lesson first before Stormy gets too jealous and knocks me on my ass.”
I giggle again and Matt’s whole face lights up.
“God, I love that smile,” he says, and I feel my cheeks heat again.
I smile through the entire lesson that day.