Chapter 5
5
Kaden
“Are you paying attention?”
The soft purr of a woman’s voice brought me out of my reverie. We lay together on top of her bed. Still fully clothed.
Practically a first.
I wracked my brain. “Apologies, Lynn.” Please let that be her name .
She stroked a finger down my cheek. “You’re not feeling it tonight, are you?”
I winced. “I know we agreed?—”
She waved me off. “Kaden, I never hold people to their agreements. You’re here and that’s enough. It’s not like I’m paying you…or that you’re paying me. We just agreed to a night of companionship.” She pointed to a picture by her bed. “He’s been gone almost two years.”
Her husband. She’d mentioned him. Several times. He’d contracted some weird disease whose name I didn’t remember and had been dead less than twelve hours later. She hadn’t been prepared. At least he’d left her life insurance so she could go along. Still, widow at thirty-nine with three kids must’ve been tough. The kids were at their grandparents’ house tonight. Which meant she only had tonight.
“Let me make you feel good.” I reached for the button on her lovely bronze-silk blouse.
She stilled my hand. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? When we last met, you were loving your job.”
“I still do.”
“That’s great. How’s…” She frowned.
“Yaz. Yasmine.” I winced inwardly.
“Right. Lovely young woman. You two are amazing together.”
I’d found Lynn on an app and invited her to a show. So she’d get to see me at my finest, of course, but also so she’d see my dedication. And understand I was just passing through town. That we’d only have a night or two together.
We’d enjoyed three. She was good company. And dynamite in bed.
Which was why my current malaise didn’t make sense to me. My cock wasn’t the least bit interested. I considered asking her if I could go down on her—because that always got me in the mood. Even that today didn’t feel right.
“Are you thinking about Yasmine?” Lynn’s voice was very much of a soothing tone. Like my mother used to use when I injured myself.
Okay, and why was I thinking about my mother? I enjoyed the company of all women and men—younger, older, in between. Lynn was closer in age to me than my mother, so I should be focused on her. Not how she was lulling me into confessing everything. I sighed. “I am thinking about Yaz. We’re not exclusive…but we are a couple. And I’ve never felt like I’m cheating on her, you know? She knows where I am. She’s free to date other people.”
“Does she?”
My gaze snapped to Lynn’s.
“Date other people,” she clarified. “Or are you the only one who takes advantage of the open relationship?”
I frowned. “I…don’t know. I mean, I tell her if I’m going out and I assume she would do the same. She studies a lot, you know? And she says it’s easier to do it when I’m not around.”
“So she’s encouraging you to get out and meet other people? To enjoy yourself?” She drew her index finger along my jaw. “Because we do enjoy ourselves when we’re together.”
She tipped my chin, so I met—and held—her gaze.
“But you’ve never been conflicted.”
“Well…” I bit my lower lip. “There’s a man. Who’s interested in her. And I feel like she’s oblivious, but that he’s waiting to pounce.”
“And you’re worried he would be bad for her? Or that he’d be competition? That she might leave you for him?”
I wasn’t until you brought it up. Jesus…is that why my stomach’s in knots? “I hadn’t really thought of that. She’s…” I sought the right word. “She’s strong, you know? But she’s also a bit na?ve. What we have is special. I can’t see anyone coming between us.”
“But you’re not certain.”
My stomach sank. “No, I’m not certain.”
She tweaked my nose. “Then I think you might want to go.” She grinned. “I’d ask for a quick fuck for old time’s sake, but your heart isn’t in it, and my self-respect means I don’t have sex with someone who isn’t fully present. I’m not that hard up.”
Her smile warmed something inside me. She understood. Perhaps even more than I did.
I leaned over for a kiss.
She reciprocated.
Leading to…a quick but satisfying interlude before I climbed into a cab to head back downtown.
After I paid the cab driver, though, I stood in front of the hotel.
I’d told Yaz I’d be gone for the entire night. I wasn’t exactly being fair by just randomly showing up. I never did this. The couple of times when I’d ended evenings early—very rarely, but things did happen—I’d go to an all-night café and play games on my phone. Or compose silly poems I didn’t share with anyone.
Tonight was different. Tonight I needed to talk to her. Tonight I needed to know how she felt about him .
Nick. Nick Taveras.
I’d researched him thoroughly after the debacle on that first day.
Jacques’s wife delivered a beautiful baby girl. But premature. So our head rigger would be off for a while. That kind of loyalty and family obligation, I understood.
What was going to happen when Yaz decided she wanted a family. If she wants a family. Would she choose me to father any children? Would she give up the trap forever? I couldn’t fathom doing that, but traveling about the world with young children didn’t work either. So…would I give up the trap for children? Another question I didn’t have the answer to. Being twenty-four, I had the world at my feet. Too much hubris…and yet I didn’t care. I’d deal with the real world when the time was right. Until then, I intended to have the maximum amount of fun with the minimum amount of fuss.
Yasmine.
Fun, fuss, both, or neither?
I just didn’t know.
With resolution in my heart, I entered the hotel, stalked over to the elevators, and headed up to confront my past, my present, and my future.