Chapter 12
YVAINE
The only card I had left to play was ignorance.
I also tried to ignore the butterflies rousing in my belly.
“Oh, is that you, Rudolph?” I asked, as if I had forgotten his existence. “I see that, as usual, you forgot how to say hello. Still allergic to manners?”
Rudolph ignored my sarcasm, while I ignored my giddiness.
“Do you have something you want to tell me, Yvaine?” The danger lacing his voice was meant to intimidate. I could barely contain my smirk.
“Hmm…” I tapped my chin. “Actually, yes. Recent studies suggest a daily dose of ashwagandha reduces cortisol levels. Shall I send you a sample? You could use some, considering how stressed you sound!”
His menacing growl suggested he definitely needed a whole pound of that particular medicinal herb.
“Ashwa-what? Do you mean hashish?” Confusion replaced irritation. “Are you pushing drugs now?”
“What? No, you asinine man! Ashwagandha is a rejuvenating herb that helps you cope with physical and emotional stress—”
“I don’t need to cope with stress! You’re the one stressing me out. You!” he thundered. “And all that medical bullshit you’ve been babbling about. Put that costol in your—”
“Cortisol!” I corrected, staring at my trimmed nails.
Since we were on the subject, I decided I might as well spread some knowledge to the gorilla on the other end of the line.
“Cortisol is a stress hormone. Its levels can shoot up when a person is under stress. This causes other hormones and neurotransmitters to become unbalanced, leading to mood swings, anger, poor sleep… A regular intake of ashwagandha can help make an individual feel mentally calm.” I paused when no animal sound burst through.
“Are you still there? Or just googling ashwagandha?”
My question summoned him back. Whenever I talked for a while, Rudolph went quiet. Probably taking a power nap or texting his other babies.
“Don’t make me forget why I called you!” And there he was again, ranting. “Why did you do it? Have you lost your mind, Yvaine?”
I clamped a hand over my mouth as I giggled.
“No, I haven’t, but it looks like you’ve lost yours. Maybe you forgot it under one of your booty call’s beds.”
Another snarl. I swear the phone vibrated with it.
“Oh, you’re right!” I cooed. “It must be awfully exhausting to have to find your head again when you’ve got so many beds to check under! No wonder you’re so crabby—”
“I’m not crabby!” he exploded.
I bit my lip to trap another giggle.
“And I don’t need any of your stupid drugs!”
“We’ve already established that you’re rude as it is, Rudolph, so try to stick to one negative emotion at a time. Don’t be so grumpy.” Before he could huff and puff again, I sweetened my tone. “But enlighten me. Something happened, Rudy? Cheer up, the sun is shining!”
“It’s cloudy.”
“When your pre-frontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with dopamine. But that’s not a solution. See? Now you’re stressed either way.”
“Stop distracting me! Something happened, you asked? Nothing happened, other than me being bombarded with thousands of messages from doms asking for the diameter of my ring and whether I’m ready to be collared!” he barked, louder than ever.
I heard laughter in the background, and Rudolph let out a string of curse words before a door slammed shut.
I tried to hide my own laughter, gluing the heel of my hand to my face while my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.
How I wanted to record this conversation and forward it to Tiziano!
The success of our plan was proportional to Rudolph’s irritation.
The boy was livid.
“You think this is funny? I’ve had over ten messages from people asking if I like leather harnesses or if I’m more of a wax-play guy!”
“Aw, you do give off leash energy.”
“And that’s not even the worst part! I got dick pics. And fucking nipples with hair! Nipple chains. Breasts, sure, but I think belonged to a middle-aged sumo wrestler. Oh, and masks and chains, too! As they were being used!”
I was wheezing. Holding my stomach like I’d done crunches. “Are you crying? Please tell me you’re crying.”
“No, I’m not crying!” he snapped. “Damn it! At least sign me up for the female version next time, so I can have some actual fun.”
Of course the pervert had to make such a comment. I rolled my eyes.
“And Yvaine…”
The sensation of my name being uttered in that intimate way was enough to send flocks of butterflies into my stomach.
I killed them all promptly, using a pesticide called maturity.
“I can forward some of those dicks to you, if you’d like.”
“I’ll just delete your messages before opening them,” I retorted. “Besides, why do you think it was me?” I added brazenly, trying to sound confident. “I’m sure one of your babies resented you for abandoning her, or for cheating on her with her cousin…or sister.”
He went completely silent for a beat.
Then, with the promise of revenge dripping from his words, “You really think you’re clever, huh? You see, you’re the only one who calls me Rudolph.”
Oh, crap. Did I tell Tiziano that nickname? I don’t think so.
“That’s what I thought.” He sounded like a gremlin that had just gotten his way. “So, why did you do it? Lack of attention from the male population?” he asked with mock interest. “Or maybe…female?”
“I wish I was into girls, considering the kind of brutes out there.” And you’re their king.
“Don’t get so defensive about it,” Rudolph drawled.
“So? I’m waiting. Why did you sign me up for that website?
” Before I could formulate an adequate answer, the brute continued.
“If you wanted me to fuck you, you just had to ask. My schedule is busy, sure, but not inaccessible! I’m generous.
Of course, after this cheap trick, I’m not so sure I’ll be accepting your application.
You’ll need to beg a little. Send a video of your skills. ”
I gasped at his incivility. “You would be the very last werewolf in the…the…”
“In the…?” he mocked.
“In the ever-expanding universe I’d be with!” I exploded.
Again, the image of my howling tea kettle flashed through my head. Did I just compare myself to a kettle once more?
“I could do with some milky tea,” added my wolf, who had been licking her butt for half the day.
“Lying to yourself, now?” I wanted to slap the phone, and subsequently, him. “Not even your own ears believe you. So, why the prank?” His insistent tone, impatient and sarcastic, triggered me.
“Because you’re arrogant, the very definition of grossness, and you needed to be taken down a peg! You act like every girl you meet is disposable. Including Ludmilla—who, surprise, surprise, you blocked, you emotionally constipated reindeer!”
“Who?”
“Unbelievable,” I muttered under my breath. I could almost feel his struggle to suppress a laugh coming from the other end.
He tsked. “Now I see what this is about.”
I reared back. “Huh?”
“You’re jealous.” He blew out an exaggerated breath. “And I had such high hopes for you.”
I gawked at my phone in disgust, my jaw dropping. “Excuse me? I am not jealous!”
“You are,” he said with a lazy grin that I could hear. “It’s okay, I’d be jealous of me, too. Don’t worry, bunny, your number is in my top ten list of girls to call.”
“I can’t believe that you, out of the hundreds of millions of sperm, made it to the fallopian tube!” I spat.
“So much pent-up jealousy. As much as I like listening to your lies, I’ve got a life to enjoy. Ladies to satisfy. Friends to see. You know what those are, right?” He said it in a monotone voice, but somehow, it stung. “And thanks for confirming that it was you who signed me up.”
“I didn’t!” I denied uselessly.
“Sure.” A scoff. Flat-out disbelief. “I must say, for a twenty-one-year-old, you’re suspiciously well-versed in the subject of submission.
” I didn’t like where this was heading. Not at all.
“I read my profile’s description and…wow!
You damn sure know what you’re talking about.
Maybe you secretly need a dom. Yeah. Someone to rip off that uptight attitude.
Maybe a gag to tame that sharp tongue. Am I right or am I right, bunny? ”
His words burned as my face turned a scorching red.
“You’re disgusting,” I hissed. “And stop calling me that!”
“C’mon, don’t lie,” he purred. “You’re so wound up, you squeak when you walk.”
“Well, I’m sure you can do all that perverted stuff, since you’re such an experienced fuckboy,” I counterattacked, but the ape laughed, not at all intimidated.
“Oh, Yvaine. You know what fuckboys do best?” His tone dropped, and I swallowed at the huskiness. I knew he was dragging me to unknown lands, lands I had barely even set foot in, while he…well, he was a pro explorer, probably. A native.
“Be emotionally unavailable and ruin lives?”
“We fuck.”
I nearly dropped my phone.
“Deep. Hard.” His voice was velvet poison. “We rock your world until all you can remember is our name. And how we can pleasure you. Ruin you for everyone else.”
“Well, thank Stephen I don’t need any of that.”
My answer only amused him.
“You’re just saying that because nobody’s ever made you really come, have they?” How dare he put his muzzle in my business!
“My orgasms are perfectly healthy and medically safe, thanks for your interest! My mate will take care of my needs,” I said, massaging my chest.
“Poor guy,” he breathed out with a laugh.
I gasped, outraged. Calm down, Ivy. Your mate will be much better than this primate.
“The only person to pity here is your mate. If I were her, I’d have you bathe in acid first, then throw in a whole volley of vaccines, even the experimental ones.
Maybe a penis replacement as well. Who’d want to deal with a penis that’s basically a rental? ”
“Wow, you talk about my penis a lot. I’m starting to think you want to see it. Unfortunately, I can’t send a pic.”
“Too small to make out?”
“Doesn’t fit the screen. If you insist, I might ask Lily to take one.”
Who is Lily? my thoughts roared. I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me, so I barreled on with, “Tell Lily to contact me if she needs an STD panel done, stat.”
“I will,” he chirped, a snort lingering at the end of his words.
“If I ever slept with you, I’d lobotomize myself first to make it bearable.”
“You say that now,” he murmured, voice dropping into that sinful growl again, “but if I told you to come over, you’d be here in under fifteen.”
I laughed. Hard. “If you told me to come over, I’d block your number.”
“You already did. It’s getting kinda romantic.”
“You don’t understand romance. All you do is slut around.”
“And what’s wrong with that? It’s all fun and consensual. It’s honest. No strings, no tears. They come, I go. Everyone’s happy.”
There was silence.
Then, his voice dipped into something primal.
“Challenge accepted.”
“I never challenged—”
“I could make you come right now. Over the phone. Say the word.”
“I’m hanging up!”
“Aw, don’t be that girl, Ivy. We both know you wish I was your mate.”
Unfortunately, my unreasonable body agreed with him. If I hadn’t been a doctor, I would have blamed the hormones, like everyone else always did in these situations.
“Except, you’re not,” he continued, with nonchalance.
Did he just kick me across the phone line? Because I felt it. In my stomach. Hard and clear.
“I should build an altar to the Moon Goddess to thank her for that.”
“But if you need some company, I’m just a phone call away. I can carve out an hour for you. I like them as stiff as a broom, like you. They’re always the filthiest behind closed doors—and considering how well informed you are about doms and subs—”
“Tiziano helped me,” I bit out. “He wrote your profile. Not me. So drop the ‘Ivy’s a secret sub’ crap.”
“Tiziano, huh?” The growl was back. “Is he in your pack?”
Oh, no. Did I just sell out Tiziano to the bad wolf?
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
“Don’t mess with him. He’s the king of pranks.”
He gave a humorless laugh. “And you have no idea who I am.”
“I don’t know because you’re too much of a coward to tell me!”
Rudolph the Rudest ignored that. “Let me give you some advice, bunny. Never play games with someone like me, because I don’t lose. And people like you? You always do.”
Silence descended as his words slammed into me. My heart was beating so hard, I swore he could hear it from there, wherever he was.
“And be ready,” he added. “You and your friend? You’ll regret crossing me. Might need to switch packs after I’m done.”
I should’ve been scared. But I wasn’t.
“Well, guess what, Rude-olph?” I hissed. “I’m ready.”
I hung up. Slammed the power button.
“Tiziano, I think we just started a war,” I sent through the mind-link as I peeled off my clothes and folded them neatly.
“Nice!” came the instant reply. “I need a break from the Ultras. They’re such a bore now. Why shouldn’t we have smashed up the Golden Furs’ minivan? Of course we had to!”
I stepped outside, closing my eyes and filling my lungs with the scent of home. Earth. Bark. Wind through pine. My blood pumped hotter under the command of my heart. I felt content, somehow reinvigorated.
I was about to shift. About to run with my dad. That was why I felt this alive. No other reasons.
None at all.