Chapter 34
Lark
Ienter the house, tears streaming down my face, like they’ve been for the last thirty minutes. Each mile felt like I was leaving part of myself behind, like a trail for Tristan to follow.
But I know he won’t.
He’s convinced himself that he can’t, and I’m smart enough to know when to walk away.
So I did.
And it’s killing me.
My mother is sitting at the table, a cup of tea in front of her. She looks up, her eyes taking in the state of my face, and she rises. “Lark. Oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart? Why are you crying? Where have you been?”
I could lie. I probably should, but I’m too broken to do it. I walk to my mother, letting her pull me into her warm embrace. It’s as though I’m six years old and scraped my knee, needing my mom to make it all better.
The sob that tears from my chest as I hold on to her causes her to gasp. She rubs my back in slow circles as I let it out.
After a few moments she pulls back, taking my face in her hands. “What has you so sad, my darling girl?”
There is no resolve left in me to hold back, and, honestly, I don’t want to. I love that stupid man, and lying is getting us nowhere. As much as I want him to love me in the open, I have to be willing to do the same.
I’ve been so worried about my family and what they’ll think that he’s twisted it into a reason we can’t be together. Well, enough of that.
“I’m in love,” I tell her.
“And that has you in tears?” she asks, wiping them away, along with the hair that’s stuck to my face from the tears.
I nod. “He loves me, too, even if he thinks he can’t.”
My mother’s green eyes, which mirror mine, brighten. “Why can’t he love you?”
“Because he’s a Stone.”
The warmth that was there falls away, and it’s replaced with shock. “What?”
“I love Tristan, Momma. I don’t know when or how or why, because he’s really such a man and doesn’t listen to me, but I love him.”
Her hand drops. “Oh, dear.”
In terms of reactions, I guess this isn’t all that bad. I take her hand in mine. “I know that I shouldn’t. I know you and Daddy won’t understand, but he makes me so happy. While he’s a little dense when it comes to some things, he’s really great about others.”
“Lark, he’s been terrorizing this farm. You can’t love him,” she says quickly.
“He’s not.”
“We saw him on video.”
“That wasn’t him doing anything wrong. He knew I was upset about something, and he didn’t want me to ride my horse home alone. So he came here with me, helped me put Olympia away, and then he went home. He didn’t do any of those things.”
She shakes her head in denial. “He went to jail for it, Lark. Men don’t just do that.”
“He did it for me.”
Her inhale sounds like a gunshot in the silent room. “What? How does that make sense?”
I sigh, pulling out my phone. I logged in to the cloud, got the video, saved it to my phone, and deleted it from the drive. That way my brothers could never tamper with it or watch it.
Yeah, this is the part I was saying about being misguided and stupid. “He knew what the video could show if they went further. He knew they’d see us together, and it would cause issues for me…”
“I don’t believe that.”
I knew she wouldn’t. No one would. I cue up the video and press play.
I leave first, as though nothing out of the ordinary is happening. I’m sure they just assumed I went out to check on the horses, since we entered on the other end of the barn, so you don’t see us together.
Then, a few minutes later, you see Tristan leaving the barn, closing it up.
“That’s him leaving,” I explain.
“And that is proof he didn’t do it?” she asks with a laugh, clearly unimpressed.
“Keep watching.”
The video keeps playing, and Tristan can be seen leaving on his horse. Then, about ten minutes later, the door slides open and out comes someone else, hunched over and shielding their face from the camera.
Momma gasps. “Oh my God. Someone else was in the barn.”
I nod. “Yes, but I can’t see who or…anything really. Tristan…didn’t know what was on the recording. He assumed there might have been something with the two of us.”
Momma catches on, finishing for me. “So he took the fall to protect you.”
It’s my turn to nod. “I tried to make it right, to tell the truth, but he wouldn’t let me.”
She clasps her hands in front of her. “This is…a mess. Your daddy is never going to be okay with it. I can’t even think about either of your brothers’ reactions.”
It really doesn’t matter in some ways. It’s over between us. He’s decided that loving me is not worth the risk. He does this with anything that scares him.
“I don’t even know if telling them is worth it, since he’s decided he can’t be with me.”
My mother bristles. “And why can’t he?”
“Because he’s afraid.”
A look of almost understanding flashes across her face. “He doesn’t want to go through what he did with Emmy Jo.”
“So he’s decided to close himself off,” I say, hating the words.
My mother pats my hand. “Maybe this is for the best, Lark. Being with Tristan Stone is a complication that would hurt many people.”
“He’d be worth it.”
Her lips purse. “Then make him prove it. He’s going to need to do it to have a chance at winning the Gatlins over.”
I wish I knew how to do that.
“Lark! You’re here!” Sadie calls. She’s standing over by my barn with her horse on a lead. What in the heck is she doing?
“I am, but what are you doing over here? Does your daddy know?” Just the thought of Tristan causes a spasm of pain in my chest.
It’s been two days of no contact.
Two days of feeling empty and sad.
Forty-eight stupid hours where I’ve missed him, hated him, loved him, thought about him, and tried to forget.
Clearly, I’m winning at life.
But here his daughter is, and I’m pretty sure he has no clue.
“He does. I told him that you were willing to work with Cloud, and he said to come talk to you.”
He did, did he? Oh, so his daughter can talk to me, but he can’t. Asshole.
While I’d love to give him a piece of my mind, I’m not going to do it through his daughter. Sadie has done nothing wrong. She’s cute and sweet, and I did promise I’d help her.
I force a smile, trying not to look at how her nose is just like her daddy’s or the shape of her eyes. I try. I fail. I decide I need to get to work so I can stop myself.
Focusing on the horse is the cure to this.
“Well, you caught me at the right time. I just finished doing what I had to for the day and have about two hours. Does that work for you?”
Her head bobs up and down furiously. “Absolutely. Two hours is great.”
I smile. “Perfect. How long has it been since anyone has ridden Cloud?”
Sadie pulls her lip between her teeth. “A while.”
“What’s a while?” I ask again, needing this information. “I only ask so I can do the right thing for Cloud.”
She sighs heavily. “It’s been years. After I fell, no one’s been allowed to ride him.”
Cloud shifts and then settles when she pats his neck. “I see. Okay, well, I’d like to work with him for a few times before we think about anyone else mounting him. Why don’t you come to the tack room with me and we can see how he does in the arena?”
Sadie looks as though she might scream in delight as she follows me back. Together, we pick out the saddle, blanket, bit, and lead. She tells me about her camp, how much she missed the chickens, how one hen is broody and she thinks they might get new chicks, and I avoid anything about her dad.
“I’m so ready to go back to school. I can’t wait to see my best friend,” Sadie says as she climbs up on the fence, swinging her legs over the side to watch me with Cloud in the ring.
“I used to feel the same way. Aunt Mary Lou and I would practically run to each other at the beginning of every school year.”
Sadie smiles. “Did you know my mom?”
Holding on to Cloud’s bridle, I turn to look at her. “I did.”
“Did you like her?”
“I did, very much. She was always around your aunt and me, making sure we didn’t do stupid things, which we did but pretended we didn’t.”
Sadie laughs, and then her face turns somber. “I don’t remember her.”
“You were really young when she passed away.”
And that’s the saddest part. She should’ve known her mom, gotten to feel her love for more than just three years. I don’t know what my life would look like without mine. She taught me so much about life, friendship, forgiveness, and patience. So much patience.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I see a lot of photos, and Dad is always willing to tell me about her,” Sadie says, playing with her thumbnail. “Everyone says I look like her.”
“You do,” I tell her. “You also look like your dad, though. You’re kind of the perfect mix, and it changes day to day.”
That seems to make her happy as her grin grows wide. “You think?”
“You’re very pretty,” I tell her.
She really is. Even though she’s in that age group where I feel like no kid looks good. It’s that stage of braces and acne, when you’re starting to grow up but still not fully there. However, with Sadie, she’s just adorable.
“I think I look more like my dad.”
“You do?” I ask, surprised since she mentioned her mom.
She nods. “All my friends think he’s hot, which is so gross.”
Well, they’re not wrong. The avoidance I was doing so well is fading. “My friends all talked about my brothers—I get it.” I need to regain control, and the horse is the perfect way.
“Do you think my dad is hot?”
My throat practically closes as I choke on air. After a second I’m able to think clearly, and I turn to her. “What?”
“My dad, do you think he’s good-looking? You know, from a woman’s perspective. He’s single. Are you dating anyone?”
Oh my God, she’s trying to set me up with her dad. Little does she know I’m desperately in love with him, and he doesn’t want to be with me.
Like this week could get any worse.
I clear my throat. “I’m…umm…I don’t think I’m the best person to answer that.”
Maybe that’ll deter her.
“I think you are.”
Clearly, I misjudged my line of thinking.
I glance down at my watch. “As much as I’d love to talk about this—”
“You don’t. I can tell,” Sadie finishes, and I laugh.
“You’re right, I don’t. What I do want to do is work with Cloud.”
She shifts on the fence and nods once. “Got it. Work with Cloud. I’ll be quiet as can be.”
I really hope that’s true, because if she starts asking me about Tristan, I might break down and cry.
Which I’ve done so damn much of.
I spend the next twenty minutes doing easy drills on the ground. Cloud is very responsive for a horse that hasn’t been handled much. He moves when I instruct him to and has passed pretty much every possible skill I can throw at him.
“Sadie, what happened with Cloud? Why did you fall off him that day?” I ask after he completes the last test. It’s the test that usually will upset a horse, though he remained perfectly calm.
“He spooked when I was riding, reared up, tossed me, and I shattered my leg. After that, Dad didn’t want anyone on him.”
“Why did he spook?”
“A snake. He really hates them.”
“As do I. I’m going to get on him now, if you want to get down and away from the side,” I suggest.
I walk back to Cloud slowly, rubbing his neck and talking to him softly. “Hey, boy. I’m going to climb up into the saddle now. I know it’s been a while, but I think you’re ready. I know Sadie misses you, so how about we just trust each other a little?”
He stays nice and still, allowing me to put my foot in the stirrup and get into the saddle.
I stay seated, keeping a loose grip on the reins, just allowing him to adjust to my weight. He’s honestly perfect.
I do a few more drills, using my body to see how he responds, and he obeys every command.
For a horse that hasn’t been ridden in years, I’m shocked at how great this is going.
“Is he doing good?” Sadie asks, climbing up a little to see into the corral.
“He really is. I have about thirty minutes before I need to go do something. I’m going to take him outside and see how he does in the pastures. You wait here, and if anyone comes in, just tell them I’m working on your horse, okay?”
She nods enthusiastically. “No problem. I’ll stay right here.”
“Okay, can you open that gate for me?”
Sadie jumps down and rushes over, unlocking it easily. I wink as I stroll out of the barn, glancing back to make sure she’s inside.
“All right, Cloud, let’s give you some freedom,” I whisper close to his neck.