Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Weston
" Y ou look awfully happy," Jasper says as I get out of my truck and head toward the job site.
I feel like a new man, like I have a new lease on life now that Melanie and I seem to have worked a few things out. I don't tell him all that, though. Instead, I just smile and shrug my shoulders.
"What can I say? The sun is shining, it's getting warmer, the snow is melted."
He looks at me as if he doesn't believe me. "Alright, man, whatever. How are things going with you and Mel?"
He looks at me as if he doesn't believe me. "Alright, man, whatever. How are things going with you and Mel?"
This is what I was afraid he would ask me. I don't want to jinx it, but I also need somebody to talk to.
"She told me why she left," I admit.
He whistles through his teeth. "Are you fucking kidding me? She told you why she left. This is what you wanted the entire time. How do you feel about it?"
I've been trying to gauge that myself since last night. I guess relieved, but at the same time I hate that she left. The reasons to me are crazy, but I can see where her being a teenager at the time and us newly married made her leave, but I'm still angry about it. Dare I say it.
"You know it's okay to be angry." Jasper puts on his gloves as we walk toward the traffic barrels that need to be moved today. "She hurt you. She was gone for a long time. You can't turn that off. As much as you want to, you can't turn it off. There's some pain and trauma there, dude. The best thing you can do is try and meet her halfway. Eventually, the two of you will decide if you want to stay married or not."
Jasper’s words echo in my mind as we start rearranging the barrels. The clanging noise they make against each other isn't enough to drown out the tumult in my head. "You can't turn that off," he said, and he’s right. But what I also can't turn off is the way my heart leaps whenever I think of her. It's a confusing mess.
"Have you talked to her about it?" Jasper asks, breaking the silence. He’s sidling up next to me, positioning a barrel with effortless precision.
I shake my head. "Not really. I mean, we touched on it last night, but there's only so much you can say in one sitting without everything exploding. I didn’t want to scare her away."
His eyebrows go up. "You think she'd run again?"
"I don't know," I admit. "I don't think she'd actually leave, but sometimes it feels like we're walking on eggshells around each other. Like one wrong move and everything shatters, you know?"
Jasper nods, thoughtful. "It’s a balance, isn't it? Between keeping things steady and being honest about everything you feel."
He tosses a barrel to the side and it lands perfectly in line, symbolic of the kind of order I crave in my own life right now. I can't help but wonder how long it took him to figure out things with his own life. At times it's been messier than what I'm dealing with now.
We move another barrel, and Jasper continues. "Listen, man, you gotta let yourself feel everything. It’s okay to both love Melanie and be hesitant. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust her or want to make things work. It’s just human."
On an intellectual level, I know he's right, but my heart and mind are in a constant battle. Every time she looks at me with those eyes, I catch a glimpse of future possibilities. Our marriage, re-imagined and rebuilt, grows as a quiet hope within me.
"You know," I say, needing to voice the fear gnawing at me. "I love her, Jasper. I really do. But what if we can’t fix things? What if she decides it’s too much and leaves again?"
Jasper pauses, his eyes narrowing as if weighing his words. "Weston, the only person you can be responsible for is you. You give it your best shot,encompass everything that you are willing to give,and if that happens, well…" He struggles with the next part, like he’s drawing from the well of hard-earned wisdom. "You’ll at least know you did what you could, without holding anything back."
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make the prospect any less terrifying. We finish moving the barrels and stand back to survey our work. The way he sees it, the immediacy of hands-on tasks provides a sort of relief, mental space to untangle more complex knots. "Look," Jasper says, punctuating the moment with a shrug, "love is messy but man, I'm here to tell you, if you can make it? It's the best thing you can do for yourself. You’ll find your way."
Laughing, I shake off some of my worry, even if only momentarily. "You sound like a self-help book," I jab lightheartedly, trying to pull us from the heaviness that our conversation indulges in.
"Hey, don’t knock it. That stuff's grounded me more times than I can count." He claps a hand on my shoulder with genuine affection. "Just keep doing what you’re doing, and remember, you've got people in your corner."
Warmth pools in my chest. Knowing Jasper's got my back feels like I'm not so alone. "Thanks, man," I say earnestly.
We continue through our workday rhythm without further conversation, shouting commands over the roar of traffic passing us by. And though the distractions occupy my hands, my mind is elsewhere, picturing moments with Melanie from the past, and ones I want to make in the future.
During our lunch break, I pull out my phone and stare at her name. Melanie. Should I call her? I'd love to hear her voice, but, maybe I should give it time. I don't want her to feel as if I'm pressuring for things she isn't ready to give.
When Jasper returns from his truck with a grin on his face, waving a thermos in his hand, he catches sight of me staring at the phone and waggles his brows suggestively. "Thinking of calling her?"
I chuckle, pocketing the device. "Debating it," I confess, trying not to sound too pussy-whipped.
"Don't overthink it. Just go with your gut," Jasper advises. He heads back to the worksite, leaving me with his words turning over and over in my head.
Maybe I will call her later, I think. Or maybe not a call. A text feels less intense, less like I’m pulling her into a long discussion neither of us might be ready to have.
W: Hey, just thinking about you. Hope you’re having a good day.
I hit send before I can second-guess my decision. Almost immediately, a nervous excitement weaves through me like crackling electricity. The wait for her reply drags on, each passing minute a reminder of how much I've invested in this rekindling romance.
When my phone pings, a mix of relief and exhilaration courses through me. Melanie's response is like a drop of honey in a bitter cup of worry.
M: Thinking about you too. Can’t wait to talk later.
Just like that, some internal knot loosens inexplicably, allowing hope to creep back in. Jasper catches my eye from across the site and gives me a knowing nod, as if silently laying a seal of approval on whatever Melanie and I have managed to give each other.