Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
MALLORY
S ome might find it lonely or depressing to eat alone every night. To me, it’s the perfect time to get my head straight and remind myself that the sacrifices I’m making are for the greater good of the mission. Get the ship up and then ship it all out. The artifacts already have a home, so I just need to get them there. The welders are better at their job than I could have ever hoped, especially since the ship is still halfway sunk off the coast, but they’re now ahead of schedule. I know that’s largely because of Mic and the respect he has from his crew. They all love and respect him. It’s clear to any outsider, and I’ve noticed.
Maybe it’s because I watch them more than the rest of the teams, but it is the one thing I’ve wanted more than the treasure we’re after. Respect seems to be freely given to a man in leadership, but for a woman, at least in my experience, it is much harder to earn. I can save them money or even a life or two, but I'm always questioned if I issue a command. Someone always has an opinion, and just by asking takes away my authority. Makes the other men question why they should listen to me at all.
As I sink into my spiraling frustration, I hear footsteps entering the small kitchen. It’s late, so I don’t expect Mic when he comes into view and walks straight up to the island I’m eating at. He stands with authority that radiates from him. For his crew, it’s assuring to be led by such a strong man, but for me, it makes me want to melt. To fall into his arms and let him be strong for me. A part of me I never knew existed wants to be soft. To let this man be the strong one while I relax.
Mic is the only man to make my brain turn off, and as he stares down at me and my sad sandwich, I am reminded that that’s not his role. We’re strangers, and I’m not free to relax even for one night. Today proved that the whole team needs me, even him. His attitude toward being saved by a woman sours my stomach, but I can’t help but remember how good it felt when he took over that night we spent in New Orleans.
“About today,” he says, resting his hands on the table and leaning toward it. “What you heard wasn’t what you think.”
“Save it. I don’t care what you think about me. Whether you like it or not, I’m in charge of this mission, and I don’t take my responsibility lightly. No one is going to get hurt on my watch.”
“That’s the thing you’re not getting, Mallory.”
The use of my first name, so soft on his lips, makes me feel warmer than I should. No, I need my walls up and sky-high. This man won’t get to me. I won’t let him.
“What I said was out of fear. I couldn’t reach Cassandra, and then you jumped in, risking your own life. If anything happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with it. I spoke out of anger. I didn’t mean any disrespect, and I’m sorry you heard me at all. Cooper seems to think we’ve got something going on and he has this way of pushing me. Anyway, I’m sorry for what I said. I want to make it clear I respect you very much, and I’m so thankful for your help today. You did more than I could, and as hard as that is to swallow, I’m so damn glad you did. If you want to pretend you don’t know me, that’s fine, I’ll stop pushing, but I just need you to know one thing.”
His words are more than I expected, and that familiar, safe feeling fills me. Those big, strong arms look so very inviting, but I bite my lip to stop myself from saying something I will regret. Like, take me back to that night. Make me forget my burdens and make me feel wanted again.
“What’s that?” Is all I manage to squeak out.
“I will never forget that night or you. I’ll never forget how good you felt under me as long as I live. Damn, Mallory, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. When I woke up without you, I almost thought it was a dream. My perfect woman, so strong, being so soft for me-”
I watch with rapt attention as he struggles to stop admitting to me all the same things I’m feeling.
“Listen, I know when you left, that should have been my sign to forget about any kind of future that had you in it, but I never imagined I’d see you again, and now, with you so close, I’m struggling. Nothing prepared me for working with you while you pretend we don’t know each other. It hurts. It hurts like hell to think of something happening to you today. I’m just being honest here, but I swear after tonight, I’ll be on my best behavior. It’s clear how much this job means to you, and I see the flack you get from the crew, so I’ll make it as easy as possible for you from here on out. Just know I wish things were different.”
With that, he nods. I’m stunned silent even though I love every word. Each one taking down the wall around my heart that I erected to protect me from doing something reckless. He takes my silence with ease and turns to leave.
I don’t know what to say. Please don’t go. I want so much more.
But I don’t say any of those things. I just watch him leave, regret and longing filling me with every step he takes away from me.
Who am I to be so consumed with a man’s feelings? Where did all this pain come from? This was supposed to be easy, and now he’s making everything more complicated. I’m still his boss and the leader on this ship. I need to stay focused, and not be distracted by something that could never work out anyway.
Although I know all these things, my heart pulls at the reality. I want Mic, and I don’t want to pretend like we don’t know each other. To have another night with him would be a dream come true, but it still wouldn’t be enough. This giant has come into my life and flipped it upside down. Making me think about things I’ve never wanted for myself. Like a real relationship. Someone to call my person and confide in. Someone to be vulnerable with because I know without a shadow of a doubt, Mic would take good care of my heart.
But how do I let him in?