21 - Surrendered
MF / BDSM / Bondage / Dom/sub / Humiliation / Flogging
I felt the lash sting against my ass. The pain was sweet but all too brief. His free hand ran through my hair, and I wished he would grab a fistful of it, but it remained loose. I gasped in anguish.
“Again,” I cried, my voice heavy with a deep desire.
The whip came down again, biting my skin like a scorpion’s tail. A smile broke out upon my face, and my eyes filled with delirious tears. I moaned, “Yes …” as my body trembled.
Heat and tingles broke out over me, as though wildfire was spreading over my flesh. I wanted it again. I needed it.
The whip came down. My head bowed. The bed creaked underneath me. My hands groped the sheets and formed tight fists. I begged for it again, finally letting out the slut that had always been inside me. My skin was marked. I could feel it, and it was the happiest that I had ever been.
I could feel him pressing against me, as well.
The desire, the lust, all waiting to fuck me.
The heat between my legs was damp. I could feel myself dripping, my flesh slick with desire.
He spun me around, and I fell onto my back, my arms and legs splaying across the mattress, waiting for him to take me, to make me his little plaything.
My hair fell across my face and was only blown away by frantic breaths.
“Choke me,” I gasped.
Uncertainty swam through his eyes. “Choke you? Millie, I don’t …”
“Please,” I begged, my entire body aching for it. I grabbed his hand and placed it upon my neck. I felt his fingers curl around me, and I held it there, wishing he would squeeze.
As he did, he thrust forward, plunging himself inside me. My body arched as he fucked me, slow and deep, just as he always did. All I wanted, though, was to feel the tight squeeze of him choking the breath out of me.
“Harder,” I gasped again and again.
He increased the speed and power of his thrusts until his body was just a blur.
Still, it wasn’t enough. I tried to get him to hold me harder, to really drill me into the bed until it felt as though I was going to disappear entirely within the sheets.
I begged him to slap me, to pull my hair, to clamp a hand over my mouth and make me feel as though I was being taken without consent.
I just wanted to give myself to him, to surrender completely, to feel as though I had absolutely no choice in the matter at all.
But he couldn’t.
His hand fell away as he came, and he rolled back. My skin was flecked with sweat. My hair was a mess. I pushed it all away, gathering myself. I panted, my chest heaving with heavy breaths, but the ecstasy wasn’t what I had thought it was going to be.
He sat away from me, turning his back. My heart thundered. I moved toward him and placed my hand on his shoulder, but he flinched.
“That was good, Will. It was almost perfect. It’ll get better with practice,” I said, trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I reminded myself that this was a journey. It wasn’t going to be right the first time, and I still had plenty of time to be able to wait for it to succeed.
He didn’t turn to face me as he spoke. His voice was quiet and low. “I didn’t know it would be like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like … that. I didn’t know you’d want me to hurt you like that, Millie. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to choke you and … things.”
“But it’s okay. I want it. It makes me feel good.”
“But it doesn’t make me feel good to do it.
Do you understand?” This time, he finally did look at me.
I saw the regret in his eyes. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
We were both supposed to enjoy it. “Look, if this is what you want, then I’m not sure this is going to work out.
I get that this is just a part of you and you need this to be happy, but I’m not sure that I can be that guy.
I wasn’t sure from the beginning, but I thought I’d try it out to see.
And after this, I just … I don’t feel good about it, Millie.
I don’t want this.” He couldn’t have been plainer with me.
My heart sank. Somehow, I knew this was going to be the case.
Perhaps it had been my fault, pushing him into it because I knew he was crazy about me and would have done anything for me if I had asked him.
Didn’t I have a right to be selfish, though?
He was the first guy I thought I could trust with all this.
“Maybe you should just give it a night. It doesn’t have to always be like this. We could just have it as every other time or something,” I said, but he shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Millie, but I think I’m going to go. I hope that you can find someone who can give you what you need.” With that, he gathered up his clothes and left the room.
I heard the front door slam shut a few moments later. I then fell back on the bed. My body still thrummed with the pain from the whip and the hints of domination he had shown me.
I went to the shower and had a quick wash before applying lotion to my skin to soothe the aches, like I had read about online.
I felt the emotion rushing through me, though, and I wish that he had stayed to at least help me through this, to hold me and care for me, to help rub these things into my skin, as well.
I looked down at the marks he had left. Because of his reaction, I was filled with a sense of shame at the sight of them, when I knew I should have been feeling pride. All I had ever wanted was to be marked by a Dom, but I had yet to find the right one.
I pulled on a nightgown, opened a window to let the cool night air push away the thick heat of our arousal, and then slipped into the sheets.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep after a night like this.
I was sad that Will had left, but deep down, I knew that it was for the best. If he couldn’t be the Dom I needed, then what was the use?
I didn’t want to throw away months of my life on another relationship where I wasn’t going to be fulfilled, but it did make me wonder if I was ever going to find anyone to fulfill this role for me.
There were casual things, of course, but I didn’t want that.
I wanted a man I could trust with every single part of me, but perhaps that was too much to ask.
I ended up going on my phone, the glow of the screen illuminating my face in a halo while the rest of me was surrounded by darkness.
I went on a website that I hadn’t been on for a while, not since Will and I had started seeing each other, as I didn’t think it was right.
It wasn’t a dating site exactly, but I knew people used it to meet up with each other.
It was like a social media site, but for people with kinky desires.
There were groups and different forums, and I had learned a lot by browsing on it.
I hadn’t really posted much, but something caught my eye.
There was a post written by a woman who was in a similar situation as me. One of the replies, written by a man called only “MasterB,” was very thoughtful and well written, and quite encouraging. It was almost as though it had been written for me.
I looked on his profile, where it listed what types of kinky things he enjoyed, as well as his picture and other personal information.
He was forty, and in his profile picture, he wore a suit.
It was well fitted to his body, and he looked to be in the prime of his life.
He had thick, dark hair that was streaked with just enough grey to make it sexy.
His jaw was square and strong, his eyes intense and brooding.
Just the sight of him was enough to make something twitch inside me.
I went back to the forum post and typed out a quick reply, explaining that I was in the same situation and that what he had written had helped me frame it in a different way. A few moments later, my phone pinged, for he had replied.
He said that it was no worries for him, and that he was glad to help. We then had a string of comments, one right after the other. I felt a little bad for hijacking the original poster’s thread, but I longed to keep talking to this man. There was something about him that intrigued me.
Then I noticed that my inbox had a message. My hands trembled as I clicked on it. It was him.
I thought it would be better to talk in private, he wrote.
That’s a good idea. I’m really enjoying our back and forth, I replied.
I’m glad. I take it you’re having trouble sleeping, too?
Yeah, kinda. Does it happen to you a lot?
Sometimes. Sometimes I just get distracted. I find it hard to switch my mind off at night, he answered.
Yeah, well, I just had what I wrote about happen tonight, so I’m trying to figure stuff out, as well. Nobody ever told me life was going to be this complicated when I was growing up.
There’s a lot of things we were never taught when we were growing up. So, that happened tonight, huh? I guess you must be pretty upset about it?
I am a little bit. I thought we were going to have a good future together. I thought if he just tried this kinky stuff, then he would see why I liked it so much and would like it, too.
If only it were that simple. I’ve found that either people are into it or they aren’t. If they’re not sure, then they’re not really ever going to be into it. I’ve learned it’s best to let those people enjoy their vanilla lives.
Yeah, once he said he didn’t enjoy it, I just … well … it took the wind out of my sails a bit. I don’t know how I’m going to find someone to enjoy it.
None of your other partners have been into it?
I haven’t had many, but no, none of them. Well, at least I don’t think so.
You didn’t check?
I paused my typing for a moment, trying to collect myself. It seemed so easy to share this personal information with a stranger. I had to ask myself if it was truly sensible to do so, but there was something comforting about him. I so rarely got to talk about this with anyone.