27 - Prescribing Submission #2
The pleasure dissipated quickly, and she was left feeling hollow, incomplete. She turned off the shower then stepped out, drying herself off quickly as the mist of steam faded.
Grace returned to the bedroom, ready to speak to her husband again, but Richard had already fallen asleep.
She climbed into bed beside him, looking at his naked body, wondering why something so simple had to be so complicated.
Sex should have been the easiest, most natural thing of all, and yet it seemed impossible for them.
It took her a long while to get to sleep because she still didn’t feel satisfied.
***
The following morning, Grace was sitting at the breakfast table when Richard appeared. He had a spring in his step and kissed her on the head. His mood was far too good, and she didn’t think he had earned it, especially considering she was plunged into despair.
“I thought, this weekend, we should do something fun, maybe go to the zoo. We haven’t been there for a while,” Richard said as he poured a bowl of cereal.
Grace just stared at him.
Richard noticed she hadn’t replied, so he turned around.
It was a shame he looked so damn handsome in his tightly fitted shirt, which highlighted his strapping figure.
He had dimples in his cheeks when he smiled, and a thick mane of black hair.
She wondered how many women fantasized about him when they encountered him in the street, how many of them assumed that he was good at fucking because of the masculinity he displayed, and how many of them were jealous of her.
They had no reason to be.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning as though he was genuinely confused.
“Do you not remember anything from last night?” Grace asked.
Richard rolled his eyes. “Everything always has to come down to sex with you. Look, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’m sorry that we don’t have sex as often as you like.
I think that it’s just a natural thing of biology that I don’t want as much sex as I used to.
I guess my drive has just gone down. It was going to happen sooner or later.
I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me; it’s just life. ”
“So what? I just have to deal with it, is that it?”
“I mean … I’m sorry that you’re unhappy, but sex is just one part of our relationship. I still feel close to you in other ways. I still feel intimate with you, and I enjoy the time we spend together.”
Grace processed the words then shook her head slowly. “No. No, you’re not doing this to me,” she said.
“Doing what?” Richard asked, nonplussed.
“You’re not going to try to make it so that this is a problem that’s entirely in my head and assume that I’m being unreasonable.
This is an issue we have, and it’s not something that you can just ignore or assume is going to get better.
It’s only going to get worse, and we need to see someone about it. ”
“Why can’t you just let things be, Grace? It will all work itself out,” he said, ignoring the bowl of cereal he had poured.
“No, it’s not, Richard. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
You might want me to ignore this and treat it as though it’s just something that’s going to pass, but I can’t.
It’s been too long now. This is starting to become our lives, and I don’t want our marriage to be like this.
I don’t want this to be the new status quo.
I’m not even blaming you for this. It’s a problem that concerns both of us.
The only thing I’m annoyed at you about is the fact that you won’t accept there’s a problem and you won’t get help. ”
“Because this problem isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be,” Richard said.
Grace stared at him for a long while. It was the first time when she really felt as though he wasn’t her husband at all, and it was the moment when she snapped.
“Okay, so I’m just supposed to sit here and take it then?
Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” She shook her head vehemently and wore a scowl.
“That’s not going to happen, Richard. I’m not going to ignore my feelings just because you’re too afraid to acknowledge there’s something wrong.
I don’t know if this is some weird thing to do with your pride, or if there’s something else going on, but I’m not going to handle this.
I’ve been thinking a lot, especially after last night, and I just can’t go on like this.
It’s not even really about the sex anymore.
I just can’t be with someone who is convinced that there’s nothing wrong.
If you won’t get help, then I just don’t feel like there’s anything else I can do.
You don’t feel like the man I married. I can’t be with someone who feels more like a stranger to me than a husband.
I think it’s time we start thinking about a divorce.
” The words dropped out of her mouth like a stone.
She hated saying them, but once they were said, there was no taking them back.
The expression on Richard’s face shifted so much that he almost looked like a different person. It was as though he hadn’t actually thought things were this bad. Had he really put himself so far into denial that he hadn’t understood how raw Grace’s pain was?
“I … Is this really what you want?”
“No! It’s not what I want.” Grace flung her hands up and paced around the kitchen.
“But I don’t know what else to do. If you’re going to stand there and tell me that there’s no problem, then what else am I supposed to do?
I can’t just ignore it. I can’t just pretend like there’s nothing wrong,” Grace said.
Richard looked forlorn. He rolled his lower lip under his teeth and chewed on it, a nervous habit that had become more prevalent recently.
“Look, I know things haven’t been perfect.
I really felt like we could work through it ourselves, but I guess maybe I was wrong.
Okay, Grace, okay, we’ll see someone. Please, just don’t leave me.
I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t want our marriage to end.
I just want things to be like they used to be. ”
“And they will be, but we need help to do it,” Grace said, glad that Richard had finally relented, although she was frustrated that it had taken the threat of breaking up their marriage to do so.
***
Richard was nervous as they walked into the office. The office itself was a wide space with open windows, fragrant plants, and a sense of welcoming. Dr. Vince Jackson was a man at the top of his field, a sex therapist with years of experience, and Grace hoped that he would be able to help them.
When they walked in, Vince greeted them then walked them through to the main therapy room.
He was a tall man, thinner than Richard, with a long face and sharp, intense eyes.
He wore jeans and a shirt, with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
He had a kind smile, and there was something about him that set Grace at ease.
Inside the therapy room, there was a jug of water, as well as a couch, and a bed in the corner.
Grace wasn’t sure if she should find that odd or not.
Vince took a seat and gestured for the couple to sit down, as well.
There was a cabinet behind them and a bookshelf to one side.
“I’m glad that you two have joined me today.
I know that this is a big step, and you should be proud of the fact that you are even here.
A lot of couples don’t have the courage to come to a place like this.
I want to make you aware that this is a safe space and nothing that happens in this room will leave here.
It’s entirely confidential, and I want you to be able to feel free with sharing anything you feel like.
There is nothing right and wrong here, only feelings.
Now, Grace, you made the appointment, shall we begin with you?
Why don’t you tell me a little more about the problem that you and Richard are suffering?
” Vince said, crossing his legs and folding one over the other.
Grace shifted her position on the couch.
“Well, it’s quite simple really. We don’t have sex anymore.
When we were younger, we used to have it a lot, and I’m aware that things change with age, but I feel like sex is an important part of a marriage.
I love my husband, and I want to be close with him.
I want to feel us becoming closer, but whenever I try to initiate sex, he pulls away, and I feel as though we’re growing apart.
I feel like we’re missing an essential part of our marriage, and I don’t want to become one of those couples that just doesn’t have sex anymore.
That’s why we’re here. I want to feel like a married couple again. ”
“I see.” Vince nodded, taking some notes. “And how do you feel, Richard?”
“I’ve done a lot of soul searching the past few days.
Grace has been feeling this way for a while now, and I suppose I’ve been too stubborn.
I’ve known that something has been amiss, but I haven’t been able to put my finger on it.
I suppose I thought that it would get better by itself.
I’ve been hoping that, one day, the feeling will just stir within me again and everything will be all right, but it hasn’t.
I just feel like there are so many things in the world to worry about, and I also know that I’m letting Grace down.
I know I’m not the perfect husband, and I can’t even do this basic thing.
I want to show her that I still love her, but every time we have sex, all these doubts are going through my mind, and I can’t seem to stay in the moment.
I just can’t be there with her, and I don’t know how to stop it. ”