21. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
Jackson
When I opened Robert’s front door, after a cursory knock, I found him bundled up on his sofa, a perplexed look on his pale face.
“Are you okay?” He looked stunned, or shocked, or both. I wasn’t sure what had happened to cause that look on his face, but my first concern was making sure he was alright.
Blinking at me, he nodded slowly, his pale pink lips turning up into a ghost of a smile. Sitting the bag from the diner containing the hot soup on the counter, I moved closer to him.
“I’m fine,” he whispered, though the hesitancy with which he said those two words made me think he was anything but. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Robert, but I would figure it out. First though, I needed to take care of my omega.
He hadn’t been wrong in his assessment of himself. He did look a bit battered around the edges. His hair was a mess, his skin too pale and colorless. The dark circles rimming his dull eyes made him look like he’d been in a fight.
Rubbing my hands together, I asked, “Soup first, or shower?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “Shower. Please. I’m so gross.”
“You’ve been sick,” I soothed him, holding my hands out for him to grasp so I could help him to his feet. He came up easily, but stopped suddenly, his fingers curling into my forearms tightly.
“Just a little dizzy,” he moaned, closing his eyes and biting his lip.
“Take your time, we’re not in a hurry.” Taking a deep breath, I meant to have him mimic my breathing, thinking it would somehow help steady him. Instead, I was met with his scent and my eyes widened at the smell.
He opened his eyes just as I realized what I was smelling, and he frowned at me, yanking his hands from me and breaking our contact.
“I told you I stink,” he said grumpily, moving around me and trying to make his way to his bedroom. He had one palm planted firmly on the wall, as he shuffled along .
Quickly catching up to him, I wrapped an arm around his waist and brought him against my side. His honey eyes flared anger at me, but I just grinned at him. I couldn’t help it! Happiness was rushing through me like some kind of crazy drug.
“I’m taking a shower,” he pouted adorably, and I grinned until my cheeks hurt. “I need a shower. Clearly.”
“Robert, stop a second,” I urged, fighting the need to just pick him up in my arms and twirl around in sheer excitement.
“I know I smell bad, okay?” he grumped, and it was so unlike him it made me laugh. Which, judging by the annoyed look on his face, wasn’t the response I should have had. “I told you that. But oh no, you insisted on coming over, and being all sweet and nice, and taking care of me. I told you I can take care of myself.”
He pushed off the wall and stomped down the hallway before I caught his hand and spun him into my arms. Probably not the best thing to do to a man who had spent the last two days becoming one with the porcelain God, but I was so fucking happy right now, I couldn’t help myself.
“Ugh!” Robert groaned, swatting at me. “Stop spinning me. What is wrong with you? Do you want to get puked on? Because that’s how you get puked on.”
Finally giving in to my need to have him as close to me as possible, I swung him up in my arms in a bridal carry. Ignoring his gasps and shrieks, I carried him into his bedroom and sat down on the edge of the unmade bed. He needed fresh sheets, and I would get that taken care of after his shower for him.
“Sweetheart,” I brushed a limp lock of his hair off his dry forehead. “Are you sure you have the flu?”
He stared at me, frowning. “What? Of course it’s the flu? I mean, I guess it could be a really bad case of food poisoning, but I don’t see how.”
In the midst of my excitement, it had dawned on me that Robert really didn’t have a clue what I was pretty sure of. Especially with him this close to me, a lovely heap on my lap. Running my nose behind his ear and down his neck, I ignored him as he wiggled and squirmed away from me, holding him tightly.
“Jackson, what are you doing?” he huffed. “I’m all gross. Stop it! You said you were going to help me get cleaned up.”
“I am.” The smile still hadn’t left my face, and I imagined I looked like a deranged, smiling lunatic. “Sweetheart, I smelled something on you.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Yes, that is called sweat and puke.”
Snorting a laugh, because well, yes, I did smell all of that too, but that wasn’t what I was smelling. Maybe another tactic was needed. “Your scent has changed. ”
His chest heaved with the breath he sucked in. “Jackson–”
Stopping his protest before he could get wound up, which was the last thing he needed in his well…condition, I kissed the tip of his nose. “Robert, I’m pretty sure you’re pregnant.”
Robert’s mouth opened wide in shock, before it snapped closed with an audible sound. He blinked once, twice, then just shook his head, pushing away from me so quickly I wasn’t able to catch him as he slid off my lap. Right onto the floor. Where he stared up at me with wide, shocked eyes.
Reaching for him, he shook me off. “Jackson, I…no…I can’t. Just…it’s not possible. Why would you even say that?” His voice rose with the last sentence, sounding just this shy of stepping right on the line of hysterics, but there was a tinge of hurt there also.
Holding my hands out in a soothing manner, I just let him sit. “Your scent has changed. Even from last weekend.”
We’d spent the weekend together, with Aiden, just doing errands together, then making a meal and watching movies. It had been fun, natural, and easy. He’d also spent the weekend in my arms. I already knew his scent like the back of my hand. Would be able to pick it out in a crowd of strangers. It was still embedded in the pillowcase he had used, that I had held in my arms as I slept, every night since .
“I…what?” He looked completely shell shocked at my announcement and I couldn’t blame the man.
“It’s richer. It’s a mixture of both of us.” I quietly explained to him. “And I know what a pregnant omega smells like. Especially what my pregnant omega smells like.”
He was still shaking his head slowly, back and forth. “There has to be some other explanation. Jackson, I’m going through the omega change, I told you this. I’m sure that’s what you are smelling. Besides, I’m too old! I know you don’t care about our age difference, but my body is changing. That’s probably why my scent is different.”
Tired of seeing him sitting on the floor, I carefully scooped him up into my arms a second time. I loved having a lapful of my omega. This time he didn’t fuss at me, just let me pick him up and snuggle him. He was quiet, and I could feel his unease through what I suspected was the bond between us that was already forming. But I knew I was right about what I scented on him, omega change or not.
“Then prove me wrong,” I said against his neck. “Let’s take a test.”
He flopped a hand in the air. “As if I have pregnancy tests just lying around. I am forty-nine, Jackson. Forty. Nine. Years. Old. I am too old to be pregnant. ”
“Fine. Then the test will say that, and you just have the flu, and you can hold this over my head forever. You were right and I was wrong.”
“Fine,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
“But what if I’m not wrong?” I challenged.
“You’re certainly not right!” he grumbled, chewing on the tender skin of his thumbnail. Gently pulling the digit from his teeth before he could do more harm to his poor skin, I kissed his cheek.
“Don’t you think we should find out?” I pushed quietly.
His eyes flashed angrily at me. “You are the most stubborn, pig-headed…” The sound of his stomach rumbling interrupted his tirade.
“Yep, I’m all those things.” Agreeing, I stood with him in my arms and marched out of the bedroom, not stopping until I had deposited him on one of the barstools at the long counter. Popping the top off the still warm soup, I stuck a spoon in it, then slid it in front of him.
“Eat,” I ordered, pulling my phone out and quickly making an Insta-cart delivery order. Paying for the quickest service possible, I stuffed my phone back in my pocket, happy to see he was slowly eating spoonfuls of the wonderful smelling broth. “I ordered a test. It should be here by the time you eat and shower.”
“Mmmm,” he mumbled, finishing the last spoonful. “That was good, thank you. ”
Smiling at him, I rinsed his container before tossing it in the trash. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry I got angry,” he told me. “It’s just…I always wanted another baby after Wyatt. It just didn’t happen and I learned to accept it and be okay with it. And I was fine when the doctor told me I was starting the change. I was. I am. I just…for a second the thought that I was pregnant was like a long-lost dream come true. Even if we barely know each other and we haven’t been together for more than a minute, the thought of a baby made me so happy. But then I remembered it’s not possible, and I got so sad. And then mad you had even entertained the idea. Because I thought we were on the same page about my inability to give you another child.”
Rounding the bar, I loosely encircled his waist with my hands, soothing soft circles into his skin. “Hey, we are on the same page. I meant it when I said I could give two figs if we are able to have a child together. And I’m sorry you are feeling all those things. I promise if I’m wrong, I will make it up to you every single day of our lives.”
He bit his lower lip, looking younger than he was and unsure. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed when the test is negative. I…I don’t think I can take you looking at me with disappointment in your eyes. I’ve had enough of that in my life. I know I’m not anything special, but I just don’t think I can take seeing that look from you. ”
My brows knitted together in concern. Robert had said a hell of a lot in those few short sentences. I knew his ex had made him feel weak and lacking in some way, and I really, really hoped I never met the woman in person. Because I wasn’t sure I would be able to even be civil to her, and I just might let my croc out to take a bite of her.
Shaking my head, I tried to remember that despite everything, she –because I refused to even call her by her given name–was still Wyatt’s mother and Julianna’s grandmother. She was going to be in our lives in some capacity. And yes, I said our lives, because no matter what the test showed, I was determined that Robert and I were going to have a future together. And that meant blending our families, which, sadly also meant that she, his ex, would occasionally be around for things.
But right now, none of that was what my omega needed to hear. He didn’t need me voicing my opinion about his shitty ex-wife.
“Hey,” tilting his chin up with a finger so that he was meeting my eyes, I somehow kept my voice calm and steady, soothing. Not letting any of my anger come through my voice, and trying to calm the hum of it through my veins. The last thing I wanted was for Robert to feel it through our bond and think it was directed at him. “I would never look at you like that. Especially over the ability, or lack of, to give me a child. Let’s go sit. ”
Not giving him a choice, I tugged his hand until he slid from the bar stool, then held his arms tightly while I waited to see if his earlier dizziness was still there. Once I felt like he was steady enough, I steered us towards the comfort of his sofa.
Pulling him into my side, I settled his pink fuzzy blanket around his shoulders and back. Wrapping him in my arms, I wanted him to feel me all around him, snuggling him. I wanted to be Robert’s safe place to land, always.
He gave a tired little sigh, his muscles relaxing into me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.
“There is absolutely nothing you could ever do that would disappoint me.” Kissing the top of his head, I breathed the words against his hair. “I’m so sorry that someone that was supposed to love you ever treated you that way. I wish I could somehow make all of that vanish for you. I wish you could see yourself like I see you. How perfect you are. How capable, and smart. Funny and sexy. But most of all the thing I love about you the most–’ I stopped when I felt him tense again, realizing what I had said. The l word.
I had just said I loved Robert, in a roundabout way, but I had used the word. My own body tensed, and I sat for a few seconds, letting the word hang between us, not sure how he would react.
Swallowing thickly around the emotion clogging my throat, my chest, my heart. Because when I had realized I was in love with someone that wasn’t Levi, the world hadn’t stopped. Disaster hadn’t hit. Nothing terrible, or wrong, had happened. That, in fact, I felt good about it, felt at peace with the realization. And I hoped Robert felt the same way that I did. Then, because I knew that I did actually mean the word, and hadn't just used it in an off-handed way that so many people did, I continued on.
“The thing I love most about you is your kindness. You’re a kind person, Robert, in a world that is often not kind. And that is truly something to not overlook in someone. It’s not a weakness, but probably one of the greatest strengths a person could possess. You’re kind and wonderful, and yes, I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you. And I know it’s probably way too soon to say that to you, but I don’t believe in not telling the people you love that you love them. Life is too short and you never know what could happen. You never know how much time you have.”
Or don’t have, went unsaid, but I knew that better than most people. Still, I didn’t know how Robert was going to respond to my spontaneous declaration. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic way I could have gone about it. He was ill, needed a shower, and might possibly be pregnant, and I decided that was the best time to start throwing out the love word like it was candy.
He didn’t look at me, didn’t tilt his head up so he could see my face. But he didn’t move away either, so I was going to count that as a small win.
The tenseness in the air was broken by a brisk knock on the door. Somehow we had both missed the sound of tires on the gravel drive, of the delivery person. Planting another kiss on the top of his head, I gently moved him away from me. “I’ll get it.”
Retrieving the bag from the porch, I quickly returned to the sofa. Robert was hunched over, his blanket covering his shoulders, his top teeth caught on his bottom lip. Sitting the bag on the table, we both stared at it like it was going to bite us.
My heart pounded in my chest, waiting for him to say something to my declaration, terrified when he kept saying nothing . The entire time I had been wooing Robert, there was always a voice in the back of my mind telling me he was holding himself back. That he wasn’t fully invested in having a relationship with me. Oh, he enjoyed our dates, enjoyed spending time together, enjoyed the sex, but there was a feeling that he was keeping a part of him hidden away from me.
Finally, he turned to look at me, his light brown eyes shimmering. They were red from being sick, tired, but still beautiful. Licking his bottom lip, he whispered, “You…love me?”
The way his voice was filled with so much doubt nearly broke my heart. Like he couldn’t fathom that I actually loved him .
“I do.” There was no going back now that I’d jumped in headfirst, and I wouldn’t have pulled the words back if I could, anyway.
He fiddled with the ends of his fuzzy blanket. “Is this because of the fated mates thing?”
“I don’t think so, no,” I told him. “Sure, that plays into my attraction for you, I’m sure. The way your scent makes me wild for you, but if you were a shitty person, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d be like nope, I’m out. Not happening. I definitely wouldn’t let you around my son. This is all to do with you, and nothing else.”
He chewed on his lip some more, and I fought the very real urge to reach over and make him stop, but I let him be. He hadn’t said he loved me back, and I knew he was grappling with a ton of emotions right now. Even though I wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and deposit him back on my lap, and make him say the words to me, I just let him be.
Grabbing the plastic bag with the rectangular box in it, he pulled it to his chest, standing. “I guess I’d better go pee on this stick and prove you wrong.”
Bending down, he landed a quick, hard kiss to my cheek. “I love you too, Jackson.”
Just as quickly as he said the words, he disappeared into the full bath between the two bedrooms off the living room and shut the door .
Warmth spread through my chest at his quick declaration. Robert loved me. He really loved me. Okay, I sounded way too sappy, but happiness engulfed my entire being to the point I felt like I was shooting sunshine from my pores.
Ten minutes later I was pacing outside the bathroom door, rattling the knob when I found the door locked. It shouldn’t take this long for the test to work. I’d made sure to get the three minute one. Which meant Robert should have the results by now.
The second time I rattled the knob, he had yelled, “Hold your horses!” rather grumpily. Still I was impatient and anxious. And I hated to admit, there was a tiny part of me that was starting to doubt myself and what I had smelled.
Please , my croc snorted. We can smell prey a mile away. Our mate is definitely preggers.
Ignoring him, I nodded. Paced in front of the closed door. Ran my hands through my hair, then down my jeans, jumping when the door finally opened.
Robert stood there, looking shell-shocked and paler than when he had gone in. He waved not one, but two tests, in the air between us.
“Sorry. I decided to take the other test and I really didn’t have to pee again. And I’m dehydrated from all the puking,” he shook his head, “it was a whole thing. ”
“Well?” My voice was anxious, waiting for him to confirm what I already knew.
He shook his head again, holding on to the door frame. “They’re both positive. I don’t know how. I still think they’re wrong, false positives or something, so don’t get too excited–Jackson!”
Sweeping him off his feet, I spun us in a dizzying circle, laughing like a loon. “I told you! We’re having a baby!”
Robert smacked my back, moaning. “Stop spinning me. I’m going to puke again.”
Settling him in my lap on the couch, I couldn’t help the grin that was making my cheeks hurt.
“Don’t look at me like that!” he ordered, still clutching the test sticks in his fist tightly. “I’m calling the doctor in the morning. We need confirmation. I need confirmation. These things are notorious for being wrong.”
“Mmmm,” was all I said, as I nuzzled his neck. “Fine. We’ll go to the doctor. Now, how about that shower I promised you?”
“Please,” he sighed, finally letting go of the sticks that I saw said very clearly that he was pregnant, in black capital letters. “But Jackson, no telling anyone until we know for sure. I just don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”
I agreed, carrying him into the bathroom in his room and starting the shower. I could feel his emotions through our bond. Could see them on his face.
Robert didn’t want to get his hopes up.